Going commando, pads and chamois cream

Kieran_Burns

Are a bloody nightmare.

You can't fart while sat on the saddle.

There's no sneaking one off while cycling along, the bloody combination of a bare arse, slimy cream and pad tight up against your bumhole means no cracking one off on the sly.

Nope, it's stand up and flubber away (and THAT'S another thing! You flubber when farting. None of this silent stuff)

Someone ought to do something about this.

mrbobuk

Probably my first post here (and my last) so, I'll throw in my Half Guinea...

I've quite merrily sh1t myself many a time Kieran whilst cycling out with you - whether it be a leisure ride or a commute into work. You've probably just thought it was a crafty fart but I can assure you sir, it wasn't. There is nothing more satisfying or liberating in this world, than crimping one out whilst in the saddle and all of this against a backdrop of English country lanes and byways. It's a beautiful and noble act and one which no one knows anything about...only yourself.

My advice...Take risks. Leave the creams. 'Touch Chamois'.

Nowt like it our kid!

Toodle pip.

Rob

thistle_

Are you sure it's the pads and cream that causes the problem? Would have thought sweaty butt cheeks give the same problem.

Anyway it's one way to get rid of wheel suckers.

Paul E

Methinks you are putting way too much on and far too far up the back if you are getting that effect!

bails87

Paul E wrote:

far too far up the back if you are getting that effect!

If you need one of those vet's gloves to apply the chamois cream then you're doing it wrong.

rolf_f

Paul E wrote:

Methinks you are putting way too much on and far too far up the back if you are getting that effect!

Yeah - those tubs aren't single use!

daviesee

Paul E wrote:

Methinks you are putting way too much on and far too far up the back if you are getting that effect!

+1.
In fact the instructions say that it should not be directly applied to that specific area.
Apply to the skin, not the pad. We no longer have real chamois that needs softening. I remember the days..... :oops:

rick_chasey

That awkward moment when you realise that embarrasing experience isn't a common experience...

Kieran_Burns

Rick Chasey wrote:

That awkward moment when you realise that embarrasing experience isn't a common experience...

That other awkward moment when you realise you didn't get the joke....

Paul E

Yes, it was a joke

bails87

Kieran_Burns wrote:

That other awkward moment when you realise you didn't get the joke....

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Are a bloody nightmare.

You can't fart while sat on the saddle.

There's no sneaking one off while cycling along, the bloody combination of a bare ars*, slimy cream and pad tight up against your bumhole means no cracking one off on the sly.

Nope, it's stand up and flubber away (and THAT'S another thing! You flubber when farting. None of this silent stuff)

Someone ought to do something about this.

???

tailwindhome

Rick Chasey wrote:

That awkward moment when you realise that embarrasing experience isn't a common experience...

The awkward moment when you realise you've used the 'awkard moment' meme

Kieran_Burns

bails87 wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

That other awkward moment when you realise you didn't get the joke....

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Are a bloody nightmare.

You can't fart while sat on the saddle.

There's no sneaking one off while cycling along, the bloody combination of a bare ars*, slimy cream and pad tight up against your bumhole means no cracking one off on the sly.

Nope, it's stand up and flubber away (and THAT'S another thing! You flubber when farting. None of this silent stuff)

Someone ought to do something about this.

???

note for self: dead-pan humour does not work on the internet....

Paul E

No, it doesn't

Mark Elvin

There's no point if being secrative about it. Just lwt rip & then pardon yourself afterwards, those following you that gag & moan such things as "eergh, I had my mouth open & everything" need to MTFU......

rolf_f

Kieran_Burns wrote:

note for self: dead-pan humour does not work on the internet....

Look on the bright side - at least you now know that everyone on the forum thinks you're daft enough to shove most of a tub of chamois cream up your bum crack.

Kieran_Burns

Rolf F wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

note for self: dead-pan humour does not work on the internet....

Look on the bright side - at least you now know that everyone on the forum thinks you're daft enough to shove most of a tub of chamois cream up your bum crack.

I didn't though :P I just got rather over-enthusiastic with it on the pad :oops:

DonDaddyD

1. I can't fart while in the road bike position. I'm also afraid of following through as being that hunched over kinda opens me up (you know what I mean) and its too easy for a fart to become a sh*t.

2. I don't see the point in Chamois cream.

3. The only cream I need is a thick sudocream like substance that I apply between the thighs (the joint where crotch meets thighs) to stop friction and my legs rubbing raw.

rolf_f

DonDaddyD wrote:

2. I don't see the point in Chamois cream.

3. The only cream I need is a thick sudocream like substance that I apply between the thighs (the joint where crotch meets thighs) to stop friction and my legs rubbing raw.

3 is what/where you use chamois cream for.

Paul E

Some people use it, some people don't, I do as it makes things a lot more comfortable.

DonDaddyD

Rolf F wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

2. I don't see the point in Chamois cream.

3. The only cream I need is a thick sudocream like substance that I apply between the thighs (the joint where crotch meets thighs) to stop friction and my legs rubbing raw.

3 is what/where you use chamois cream for.

If you apply it there, how and why would it affect the way you fart?

rolf_f

DonDaddyD wrote:

Rolf F wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

2. I don't see the point in Chamois cream.

3. The only cream I need is a thick sudocream like substance that I apply between the thighs (the joint where crotch meets thighs) to stop friction and my legs rubbing raw.

3 is what/where you use chamois cream for.

If you apply it there, how and why would it affect the way you fart?

Exactly! It won't. Mind you, the manufacturers are missing a trick here. Same product, different packaging....

Do you suffer from anal exhalations? Then you need new Fart Stop! Apply liberally to Fartal area and say goodbye to farts forever!

Kieran_Burns

Rolf F wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

Rolf F wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

2. I don't see the point in Chamois cream.

3. The only cream I need is a thick sudocream like substance that I apply between the thighs (the joint where crotch meets thighs) to stop friction and my legs rubbing raw.

3 is what/where you use chamois cream for.

If you apply it there, how and why would it affect the way you fart?

Exactly! It won't. Mind you, the manufacturers are missing a trick here. Same product, different packaging....

Do you suffer from anal exhalations? Then you need new Fart Stop! Apply liberally to Fartal area and say goodbye to farts forever!

Actually if you use the Assos (Oh dear) cream it makes your farts smell lovely....

Mark Elvin

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Actually if you use the Assos (Oh dear) cream it makes your farts smell lovely....

Didn't realise you were suppose to eat it....

SteppenHerring

Cream (and then Sudocrem) only for days of more than 8 hours in the saddle.

Almost relevant: I notice that in the Boots across the road, one shelf section marked "coughs and colds" at the top are all the laxatives. Now that's one way to stop you coughing.

SimonAH

A minor, and slightly distasteful, aside - recently I developed a couple of Chalfonts that (despite being scrupulously clean and using Sudocreme when on the bike) took quite a while to go away due, presumably, to quite a lot of miles.

The point of this post is however, when off the bike, I was using that fine product Anusol to assist in the bumgrape shrinking process. Did you know that your starfish can taste mint flavours? Neither did I folks, neither did I.

gtvlusso

SimonAH wrote:

A minor, and slightly distasteful, aside - recently I developed a couple of Chalfonts that (despite being scrupulously clean and using Sudocreme when on the bike) took quite a while to go away due, presumably, to quite a lot of miles.

The point of this post is however, when off the bike, I was using that fine product Anusol to assist in the bumgrape shrinking process. Did you know that your starfish can taste mint flavours? Neither did I folks, neither did I.

Just spat water all over my damn keyboard.......this forum costs my company a fortune in IT equipment!!

clarkey cat

what the fxck is a Chalfont.

gtvlusso

clarkey cat wrote:

what the fxck is a Chalfont.

Chalfont St Giles....rhyming slang old bean....cockerney rhyming slang....

davis

clarkey cat wrote:

what the fxck is a Chalfont.

Chalfont St Giles....

clarkey cat

Ah I see.

Can that be caused by cycling?