OT - best man speech

chadders81

I'm best man on Saturday and I'm beginning to have a major crisis of confidence that my speech is utter sh!t.

I've followed all the rules and tried to make it nice and personal. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with it but it just feels really flat and boring.

I've known this guy for 25 years but and I've got enough on him for a few decent stories but nothing blockbusting to finish it with at the end before I do the toast. I've seen pretty much all my mates who will be there bring the house down with their speeches so the pressure is on.

Anybody got any advice or just some words that might make me stop tearing my hair out?

the_fuggler

After giving a best man speech the grandmother of the bride came up to me and said:

'You know, I liked your speech the best'

'Oh really? Why was that?'

'Yours was the only one I could hear.'

Ego went from super inflated to zero in the blink of an eye.

Tips? Don't try to be funny in a gag every 10 seconds kind of way - particularly as there will be lots of family there. Just roll with it. It will come good on the day. Much better to be nice and personal as you've described than anything else. The audience and their reactions will add to the atmosphere and help to raise some laughs. And the nerves will disappear after the first few lines.

Enjoy the day!

cornerblock

Stop comparing it to other speeches that have gone before for a start. Remember that everyone will be willing you to do well, so you have a friendly audience who should be well lubricated, which helps!

A good friend of mine who often 'performs' in front of a lot of people, gave me this advice before my first best man speech. 'Eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth'. I think he meant that it is important to make eye contact with the guests, not looking down all the time, even if you are using cue cards. And remember to smile, show the people that you are happy and enjoying yourself, if you're not then the chances are they won't either.

Aside from worrying about being witty, just remember to finish with something really sincere and genuinely from the heart, it will make up for any funny stuff that falls flat! (which won't happen I'm sure )

Just remember it's a happy day, don't drink too much beforehand but afterwards have a great time.

chadders81

Thanks guys. I've moved my best stuff to the start and the end. I've decided that I want to get up and say something genuinely nice about my mate and if I get a couple of laughs along the way, all the better.

cjcp

Yep, eye contact. And be yourself.

And avoid expletives.

edhornby

I've listened to other peoples and I'm married too - keep it short

ALSO

keep it short

sketchley

The moment when you stand up and think I can't do this, just breath, then pause for a moment look around the room at everyone, smile at the girl at the back who you might get a dance with later, relax a bit, then start.......

clarkey cat

my Best Man's was excellent. Nice and light, not at all offensive, gently took the p1ss a bit and that was it. Job done. Everyone loved it.

edited to say: My Best Man - not me being Best Man. I'd be sh1t.

chadders81

Sketchley wrote:

The moment when you stand up and think I can't do this, just breath, then pause for a moment look around the room at everyone, smile at the girl at the back who you might get a dance with later, relax a bit, then start.......

If I do that, my girlfriend will go mental.

clarkey cat

get her to sit at the back then

Greg T

Short, no more than three or four minutes. Time yourself in front of a mirror - practice it.

Say very nice things about the bride, he's lucky to have her, funny story about them that casts her in a good light. remember dead close relatives. Wrap it up.

If you aren't comic don't try to be.

DO NOT use a joke from a "jokes for best men" book - they suck balls

Dellsinho

Whatever you do, don't don't stand up holding a white envelope, pull a piece of buttered toast from it and throw it at the guests infront of you while saying "lets get the toast over and done with".

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and this genius act was done. I wanted to die for him. I don't think the pretty girl at the front who had a greasy bit of toast thrown at her dress was too happy either.

Leave the toast to the end, and make it champers/prosecco/asti/cava/ESW etc. NOT ACTUAL TOAST.

peat

I have always planned on using the opening line:

"Congratulations <insert couples name>, You are now sitting next to the person who, statistically speaking, is most likely to murder you."

Could you try it out for me?

hmbadger

Peat wrote:

I have always planned on using the opening line:

"Congratulations <insert couples name>, You are now sitting next to the person who, statistically speaking, is most likely to murder you."

Could you try it out for me?

I'd laugh.

I definitely think you should give this a go.

jedster

I've done it twice - one was pretty good, the other was very good. That sounds a bit cocky but I've actually seen them on video and seen the audience reaction so I think its fair. I'm no comedian and I don't have much of a background in public speaking so I think anyone can do it. My tips would be:

a) make it personal. The best stuff comes out of your relationship with the groom, your knowledge of how the bride and groom work together (keep it positive!), incidents in the past that a portion of the audience will enjoy being reminded of (although try not to focus the whole speach on stuff that only a section of the audience know about). If you can pick up on bits of their personality which the audience know to be real then you are on to a winner. Most of this can be funny but make some of it touching, showing how much you value your mate.
b) take the mick out of yourself and the groom, potentially one or two people in the audience but restrict yourself to a little gently affectionate teasing of the bride
c) do try to start with something simple and funny - the audience will be willing you to do well, they will laugh given half a chance and it will calm your nerves no end
d) I'd stick to being a tad risque rather than rude and I wouldn't swear
e) I don't think it needs to be short IF you have good stuff to say. It certainly can be short and I wouldn't pad it out with generic jokes that are not connected to the people.
f) remember to do your duties in complementing the bride, the bridesmaids and I would also make mention of anyone important who is missing from the wedding, particularly if none else has mentioned them - you can check this with the groom before hand ("I was going to say our thoughts are with x who can't be here - is that OK or do you want to do it in your speech?).
g) have a couple of drinks but don't hit it too hard until AFTER the speech

And just to reiterate, everyone will be on your side wanting it to go well. If you lose your thread, get tongue-tied or whatever then try to grin and make a joke of it, you'll get some affectionate laughter and that will really help.

Good luck and I'm sure it will go well.

ketsbaia

You have to begin with the line: "Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking..."

wormo

Been bestman 3 times. (twice for same mate). If you're not naturally a comedian, then don't try to be in your speach. As said earlier everyone there wants you to succeed. Don't read it, try and memorise or just have bullet points.

I know difficult but try and enjoy it. Are the speaches before the meal? Last one I did were and I was not as nervous and enjoyed the meal more.

Wunnunda

ketsbaia wrote:

You have to begin with the line: "Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking..."

The old'uns are the good-uns. However even THAT is better than "BlOOdy hell, I'm bricking it...." which one deer-in-the-headlights best-man blurted out at one wedding I was at. Did NOT go down with the brides strait-laced family. :shock:

jedster

Don't read it, try and memorise or just have bullet points

I agree with this but do whatever you feel comfortable with.

The advantage in just having bullet points on a card is that you've got some prompts in case you lose track but you will tend to use phrases that are natural in the moment (rather than prepared lines) to deliver the messages this will feel warmer and more real.

greg66_tri_v2.0

Greg T wrote:

Short, no more than three or four minutes. Time yourself in front of a mirror - practice it.

You're still talking about a best man's speech, right?

greg66_tri_v2.0

A mate of mine had to give a best man's speech for a groom who was a professional comedian. Most of the assembled guests were also professional comedians. And the groom's mother had died shortly before the wedding, leading to a very emotional speech from him.

He said it was a very difficult job.

I believe him.

Monkeypump

Don't write your speech out, word for word, on paper. You'll end up either looking down at it for the entire speech, or missing something then panicking because you can't find your place. Simple cues in large print should be enough, as long as you...

Practice. Definitely spend some time actually speaking what you plan to say out loud, either infront of a mirror or to someone who can give you feedback.

As others have said, avoid "Best Man Speech" books and websites. They're awful, impersonal and it will be obvious where you got the material. Don't be afraid to be nice, be very careful with any "what goes on tour" stories, and DO NOT forget to thank everyone you should thank and tell the bride she looks stunning.

Anything more than 10mins will likely feel like hours for the audience unless you are a brilliant after-dinner speaker, so keep it relatively brief and finish with a nice toast.

Finally, as others have said, try to enjoy it. Being best man is an honour, so don't beat yourself up over making it perfect. If you fluff it a little, just laugh and carry on - everyone will appreciate it anyway.

jedster

However even THAT is better than "BlOOdy hell, I'm bricking it...."

Just to prove I've got no talent for this, here is a very unimaginative but pretty effective way to start:

You will almost certainly have a few cards with messages from people who wont have been able to come. You can even solicit some in advance if necessary. Start by reading a couple of these but add a funny made-up message at the end. The big adavantage is that it gets you off and running with something very easy.

Despite this easy way in, I was still very nervous when I stood up to do my first one. I just said "well I guess it's that time...", took a swig of water, took a deep breath, gave a nervous grin and started "First of all I have a few messages...".

peat

Another thing NOT to do:

My friend appointed 2 best-men for his wedding. They shared the speech, both are funny guys and had a good opportunity to do something really good by using each other to bounce off etc.

However, they literally took it in turns to impassionately describe 'funny' times where the groom got drunk and either vomited/lost bladder control/damaged or stole property. This went on for 20 minutes. 20!!!!!!! The families were appalled, we were all cringing.

It's not even funny to look back on, it was just........awful.

il_principe

Please practice it, and write it yourself. My best man is a lovely bloke, but he enlisted the help of a funnier mutual friend to help write. As a result he didn't know the content properly, fluffed the jokes and kept looking down, it didn't feel genuine either. I wasn't overly amused! Oh and whatever you SPEAK UP and speak slow.

Koncordski

It's bloody scary, until you start. All of the above advice is valid, stay away from websites that tell you how to write a best man's speech, they are truly awful. I did one for my best mate in July and despite me being so nervous i thought I would throw up it went really well. Don't try and be funny, doing a naff joke about marriage every 2 minutes will not get many laughs and if you're hoping for them then the silence will destroy any confidence you have. I name checked 3 or 4 people from the tables in the room during the speech and that really helped to get everyone going. People want you to do well and after the first minute you'll be on a roll, he's asked you to do it which is a real honour, pay him back by being heartfelt and not embarrassing anyone for cheap laughs, especially the bride! As De Bretts would put it, be witty not smutty!

DO:

Practice, get the running order in your memory.
Have only bullet points if you need a prompt, people want to see you talking to them, not reading a script.
Go off piste if you like, pause, riff off a comment or a look, play up any mistakes for a laugh.
Include the formalities, there are people you are supposed to thank, it's bad form not to.
Try and enjoy it, it will be ok when you get going but it's ok to be nervous before you start, everyone is.

DON'T:

Get drunk first. If the speeches are after dinner, tough. Have a glass to steady your nerves but standing up pissed will lose the crowd pretty fast.
Use bad language, just don't, it's a wedding not a Jim Davidson DVD.
Try and gag every 20 seconds or use clichés, "the bride looks a million dollars, the groom about 20p" will go down like a lead balloon.
Stare at the floor, talk without pausing, fail to say anything nice about the bride.

Ultimately only you can do the speech, you've probably seen good ones and bad ones. Good luck.

bigmat

Use plenty of props, consider a PowerPoint display. Can't be too long. If you get a couple of laughs and are feeling your confidence grow, put your notes down and go "freestyle" a bit. Oh, and jokes about how the groom is probably homosexual - you can't have too many of those, especially at an Islamic wedding.

I've seen some great speeches in my time...

notsoblue

Don't, whatever you do, use any templates or pre made speeches, or jokes. Make it sincere and personal, this is why they chose you. I'd say the nerves are unavoidable on the day, I was so nervous I couldn't eat at all during the reception, I made sure to avoid alcohol. I had the speech prepared about a week in advance, and then in the last couple of days completely rewrote it, staying up most of the night before to get it right. I made sure it was in flowing natural speech prose and that it sounded good when spoken aloud. When it came to the day itself I barely needed the notes.

All the nervous anticipation was unnecessary in the end, and it went really well. I think its hard to really find a more sympathetic crowd to give a public speech to. Everyone wants to to enjoy and be amused by what you have to say as best man. As long as you don't make the speech too long, it'll all go well. Mine was about 10-15mins in the end.

The biggest no-no is to not use any templates or pre made speeches, or jokes. Just be yourself.

London_Falcon

I was best man for my brother. To give it some structure and help me remember what I wanted to say I simply started with:- "When you think about my brother 3 key words come to mind, punctuality, planning and loyalty" The first two are patently untrue, got a laugh and let me extract the wee-wee with some stories, including how wonderful the bride was to put up with it all. The last one was genuine and heartfelt and included how the two of them felt about each other. No prompt cards necessary, laughs and a few tears, all done in less than 10 minutes.

Kieran_Burns

What piece of work is a man, how noble in reason,
how infinite in faculties, in form and moving,
how express and admirable in action, how like an angel in apprehension,
how like a god!


Now there's a damn good Man Speech.

Wimmins, know your place!

mzm70

....I think I got this one from here and it worked very well as an opening line

".....and this isn't the first time today that I've nervously got up off a seat holding a piece of paper..."