Belching & Breaking Wind etiquette for club run pack riding

Raffles
Raffles Posts: 1,137
edited August 2012 in Road general
Simple question, do you do it or are there others around you letting fly ? On a club run about 1 month ago , I was absolutely busting to fart with a female rider literally 2 inches from my back wheel :shock: . I was too much of a gent to subject that girl to a force 8 gale so I just had to grin and suffer it. If you are riding with the boys , is it a case of tough luck for the guy behind you , and if there are girls in the pack ......do you insert a virtual cork and suffer with the bloat ?
2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
«1

Comments

  • me-109
    me-109 Posts: 1,915
    Excuse yourself and swing out to the side, do what you need to and pull back in.
  • dw300
    dw300 Posts: 1,642
    Learn some sphincter control so that you don't have explosive decompression.
    All the above is just advice .. you can do whatever the f*ck you wana do!
    Bike Radar Strava Club
    The Northern Ireland Thread
  • Wirral_paul
    Wirral_paul Posts: 2,476
    And whatever you do...............dont follow through!!
  • xixang
    xixang Posts: 235
    just let rip then apologise- we all do it. nothing to be ashamed of
  • StillGoing
    StillGoing Posts: 5,211
    Far worse for them if you're clearing your nose with all this hay fever about.
    I ride a bike. Doesn't make me green or a tree hugger. I drive a car too.
  • t.m.h.n.e.t
    t.m.h.n.e.t Posts: 2,265
    Theres always the worry of a wee wet one, slip to the back and don't wear white!
  • Raffles
    Raffles Posts: 1,137
    One of my bibshorts has white shorts, guess you are taking a chance if you produce a thunderous parp out on the road whilst wearing kit like that :shock:
    2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
  • TheEnglishman
    TheEnglishman Posts: 587
    Loud and proud. It's the only way!
    Please click here to sponsor me on a 100 mile charity bike ride in aid of the MS Society
  • jezzasnr
    jezzasnr Posts: 225
    It's a poor arse that won't rejoice.
    ....like it's golden
  • Davdandy
    Davdandy Posts: 571
    I love this thread.Best laugh i have had all day. :mrgreen:
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • t.m.h.n.e.t
    t.m.h.n.e.t Posts: 2,265
    I heard that a good fart is worth 80watts on a climb.
  • Davdandy
    Davdandy Posts: 571
    Is it best to do a `silent but deadly` thrump or to let out hurricane?
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • t.m.h.n.e.t
    t.m.h.n.e.t Posts: 2,265
    Davdandy wrote:
    Is it best to do a `silent but deadly` thrump or to let out hurricane?
    If you're carrying bottles for your main man then a silent but deadly trump to boost you back up the peloton works best.

    If you intend to sprint off the bunch for the line then a hurricane is best for rapid acceleration and well,it may also disorientate your opponents who will be coughing and spewing in your intestinal wake.
  • Davdandy
    Davdandy Posts: 571
    T.M.H.N.E.T wrote:
    Davdandy wrote:
    Is it best to do a `silent but deadly` thrump or to let out hurricane?
    If you're carrying bottles for your main man then a silent but deadly trump to boost you back up the peloton works best.

    If you intend to sprint off the bunch for the line then a hurricane is best for rapid acceleration and well,it may also disorientate your opponents who will be coughing and spewing in your intestinal wake.


    Good advice.Also the colour of my thrumps (being a greeny brown in colour) would half blind the person behind,thus another advantage. :mrgreen:
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • Raffles
    Raffles Posts: 1,137
    Heres a good un, the night before, have an indian jalfrezi curry with vegetable pakora ( yum :D ) and ensure the day of the ride that there is a nice moderate tailwind. Make some excuse about why you have to sit at the rear of the pack, and with smile on face, lift bum from saddle and release one of those long, greasy , pungent,silent pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft type farts. That tailwind will catch the stink and ferry it away from you and directly into the path (noses ! :lol: ) of the entire bunch riding in front of you. Watching that lot out front keeling over would be like watching the opening credits of Quincy ........LOL !!

    Mental note to self, must try that one.
    2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
  • Davdandy
    Davdandy Posts: 571
    Sounds good but i`m a madras person,sometimes a vinders,i also have some lime pickle too so that should help ease my sphincter muscles.
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • Raffles
    Raffles Posts: 1,137
    Davdandy wrote:
    Sounds good but i`m a madras person,sometimes a vinders,i also have some lime pickle too so that should help ease my sphincter muscles.


    After consuming a madras, youd need to watch that if you let one parp in front of another rider that you dont set fire to their handlebar tape.
    2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
  • EdgarAllenPoe
    EdgarAllenPoe Posts: 48
    Farting is often the best way to signal a break away.
  • Wirral_paul
    Wirral_paul Posts: 2,476
    Davdandy wrote:
    I love this thread.Best laugh i have had all day. :mrgreen:

    Dont laugh - this is a serious issue!!

    :lol::lol:
  • Raffles
    Raffles Posts: 1,137
    Im waiting for one of the girls to tell us how they let one snort when in a pack.
    2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
  • navrig
    navrig Posts: 1,352
    Let it rip.

    That girl behind you will fart too.
  • s1mon
    s1mon Posts: 618
    Great thread, laughing my ass off :lol:
  • Millerman007
    Millerman007 Posts: 60
    Best thread ive read for ages. Lol... :D
    Trek Madone 5.9 2012
    Cboardman Team 2011
  • t.m.h.n.e.t
    t.m.h.n.e.t Posts: 2,265
    Do it loud - do it proud!

    purplehelmets.jpg
  • dylanfernley
    dylanfernley Posts: 409
    can't beat a well timed fart on a club ride, some are talked about for years.

    On a wild wales a number of years ago we were climbing a 1 in 6 sunken lane, so riders were closely grouped and puffing a bit, there was little talking, it was the perfect spot to drop a deadly stinker, as soon as the coughing started i couldn't stop laughing, a couple stopped riding and soon there was a 'roadblock' with the vapours lingering amongst them, unforgettable
  • EdgarAllenPoe
    EdgarAllenPoe Posts: 48
    Maybe the Tour should institute the Brown Jersey.
  • Raffles
    Raffles Posts: 1,137
    EdgarAllenPoe wrote:
    Maybe the Tour should institute the Brown Jersey.


    For 2013 season, the new TDF classification winners jerseys are to be as follows :

    Overall Tour de France Winner yellow jersey
    King of the Sprints green jersey
    King of the mountains polka dot jersey
    Best young rider white jersey
    King of the skid marks brown jersey
    2012 Cannondale CAAD 8 105
  • dylanfernley
    dylanfernley Posts: 409
    who is going to be the judge-- Bottom Inspectors ?
  • Davdandy
    Davdandy Posts: 571
    You are quite right Paul,it is a serious issue that needs to be taken in an adult manner.

    I often bottom burp after a few pints,would it be bad etiquette to thrump with a John Smith`s aroma or is that acceptable.I dont drink wine you see.?
    Cannondale CAAD 8 105
    Rockrider 8.1
  • snoopsmydogg
    snoopsmydogg Posts: 1,110
    just let go and follow up with an apologetic "must have been a dodgy curry last night"

    free tow home as nobody will want to follow you after :wink:

Categories