Who would win in a fight?

finchy

proto wrote:

Would Kate Beckinsale be involved at all? Cus if she is then I want to be there when it all kicks off, just to watch, like, not get involved of course.

As herself, or as a vampire?

capt_slog

Reading above I see a lot of clauses coming in that aren't in the original question scenario.

If it's supposed to be just a fight and Drac has 20 vs 18 then it has to be drac. He only has to kill or disable one monkey and then it's gone from the marginal 20 vs 18 to a very easy 20 vs 12, and very shortly after 20 vs 6.

The last monkey sh1ts itself to death, hence game over for the typhoo brothers.

Peddle Up!

Crucial question - are the chimps signatories to any of the nuclear disarmament protocols?

Squarepants

Peddle Up! wrote:

Is this a straight out and out fight, or a multi-generational war stretching over centuries, or longer? Would the chimps have time to evolve?

This is an interesting avenue to pursue..

If the chimps were made of of both genders, lets say 2 male chimps to 1 female they could reproduce and create more 'special ops - trained from birth to be chimp ninja' off spring; like the wolfpack in Blade 3.

Now, imagine if you will the possiblity of the female chimp being bitten by Dracule, whilst pregnant, then we have the recipe for a chimp Blade, could call him.. Gablade, or Bladen.. I like Bladen..

Home advantage to the chimps ergo a trilogy later and a cartoon spin off, chimps win

Myth busted...

Peddle Up!

Drac fights back...

proto

Chimps are thought to be carriers of the Ebola virus, which plays havoc with the blood circulatory system and causes the victim to haemorrhage massively from all sorts of places.

Not sure of this, but think if Dracula got infected, and started drinking his victims blood, he'd end up leaking like a sieve, coming out faster than it goes in, so might decide this a risk too far and keep well away from the chimps.

Ebola, the ultimate deterrent.

mattshrops

I have personally witnessed a chimp stretching his penis (by pulling it) to about 7 times its normal length. Letting it go with a twang it shot back to normal size.ALL this whilst swinging by the other arm back and forth on a branch.

Not sure if this has any relevance to the war with drac tho' ??


Helluva party.

CiB

Also depends on whether the chimps are aggressive as in Planet Of The Apes (the last one, quite good, bit ropey in places, standard sub-plot going on) or passive PG Tips style. Hard to imagine a chimp wearing a bowler hat playing an off-key joanna joining up with dippy son + 3rd party token old lady chimp for a ruck with the undead, whereas three angry chimps locked up in a supposed sanctuary might fancy themselves a bit.

POTA chimps prob a bit wound up by perceived injustices might have a strength > 6 men. That works for me on hills; imagine some scenario, get wound up about it and bingo, hill gonny mucho simples. Three tame anthropomorphised chimps dressed as removal men being Molly-coddled on a film set have more like strength of a standard teenage human male i.e. <1 adult male (me, easy win every time).

Ergo, if fight is being filmed for showing between programmes, Dracula to win by a mile. If being filmed (videoed really these days probably) for cinematic release, chimps to edge it. If planned release is as a WWF filler on Sky Sports 17, feck knows.

finchy

It's nice to see so many people taking this question seriously. I think this needs to be turned into BikeRadar's first ever film.

How about this for an opening:

4 chimpanzees are climbing up a castle wall. The sun is slipping rapidly towards the horizon. They get to a window which would be inaccessible to any human. 3 of them enter, while the 4th sits on the ledge, waiting to spring into action if need be. The 3 chimps find a dusty room full of coffins. They start smashing the coffins to pieces one by one, stopping only occasionally to scratch their arses. Finally there is only one left, but it is made of stone, not wood. They try to pull the lid off, but to no avail. Finally, as the sun sinks, the coffin lid begins to move. The chimps fall back, awestruck. A bat flies out of the coffin, avoiding the chimps' flailing arms. It flies towards the window, and as it leaves, knocks the 4th chimp, sending him plunging to his death in the ravine below. Then there were 3.

Cue music.

TheEnglishman

Would Monkey have Pigsey an Sandy to help him?

dmclite-3.0

Although to ultimately win, the chimps would have to drive a stake into his heart or draw him into sunlight. On this basis only, Chimps would beat Dracula.

Cleat Eastwood

Now you listen to me Martha Longhurst



Dracula only has to come out night when the chimps are asleep. Also how can chimps actually catch a bat. Also how would chimps fashion a stake. Although I voted for chimps I think the count would win.

nevman

It would be a mistake to underestimate the tooling abilities of chimpanzees*,and the Counts feeble attempts to disturb them at night would simply annoy them.They make temporary nests in trees,to get at them he has to shapeshift to a bat,then land-once he converts back to the Count he falls out of the tree and the chimps can resume their repose,ready to seek him out in his daytime lair.He`s still fooked.


(*source 2001 A Space Odyssey)

Squarepants

But Dracula has been around for milennia, In the cold light of day I now find it hard to believe that the immortal blood king of the vampires could be finished off by 3 stupid chimps

this tasks me..

dmclite-3.0

All the chimps have to do is have 2 of them doing a tea party to distract Dracula and the other sneaks up and BOOMSHAKALAKALAK, he gets the stake through his dark heart. Bananas all round and jobs a good'un.

Peddle Up!

Squarepants wrote:

But Dracula has been around for milennia, In the cold light of day I now find it hard to believe that the immortal blood king of the vampires could be finished off by 3 stupid chimps

We were.

finchy

Squarepants wrote:

But Dracula has been around for milennia, In the cold light of day I now find it hard to believe that the immortal blood king of the vampires could be finished off by 3 stupid chimps

this tasks me..

Not wanting to be pedantic, but Dracula has only been around for centuries. He's a mere whippersnapper with a lot still to learn.

Squarepants

peddle up - you've devastated my argument

john - only centuries is it

This isn't over...

Yellow Peril

Chimps deffo. Totally unpredictable and fearless with an ability to throw crap or yank themselves off in public without batting an eyelid. Drac would get mullered.

Nick Cod

Chuck Norris

Yossie

Honey badger. Game over, everyone else go home tend to your injuries.