Latest lingo

heavymental

Good times/Bad times
Ballache
Reeeally!?

Feel free to add to as new ones crop up.

Monkeypump

Are any of the above new?

How about:
Well jel
Amazeballs
Totes (as in 'totally')

I seriously have to hold myself back from punching people in the throat when I hear 'amazeballs'

rick_chasey

Pfft.

You guys are behind the curve.

I was saying wel jel about 5 years ago.

Try "Ceebs" when you can't be bothered, and "winning" for anything positive. As in: "My burrito was half price today! Winning!"

Brillo pads for something brilliant is a good one too.

Redhog14

Hah my teenage neefews have a whole sign language...

My favourite is: hold two fingers up to your forehead and then flatten your hand like you are shielding one eye from the sun - translates as too far; as in you have taken that too far.

there are others - make an L shape with each forefinger and thumb then press them together making the shape of a fanny...

MattC59

I ignore people when they start spouting sh*te like this to me. If they can't be bothered to talk properly, I can't be bothered to listen.

Smokin Joe

Simples.

t.m.h.n.e.t

REEM

WTH is that?

EKIMIKE

Cracks me up when the 'street' kids answer their phones with "What you sayin', yeh?"

Errrr, nothing yet...

Living with a couple of London born Nigerians this year was an education, honestly.

cornerblock

Rick Chasey wrote:

Pfft. I was saying wel jel about 5 years ago.

Oooh wel jel

timmyturbo

something can be seriously "PENG" which is the opposite of "LAME" apparently

team47b

T.M.H.N.E.T wrote:

REEM

WTH is that?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=reem

pinno

Wots used to winds me up speshially when I woz in Glaaaastershire, was "Ah bless", said anytime something was faintly endearing or cute.

cornerblock

Basically I can't stand the people who begin anything they say with the word 'basically'! :?

mattshrops

aaaaaaaaaggggghhhhh

make it stop

desweller

Cornerblock wrote:

Basically I can't stand the people who begin anything they say with the word 'basically'! :?

There is literally nothing worse than this.

It always impresses me (in a sick, incredulous, 'look at the size of that burning oil well' sort of way) how many people get the word 'literally' exactly wrong.

Ben6899

Anything spoken by a kid, using that god-awful London-street affected accent.

Fuck1ng. Awful.

"No wot a mean bro. Innit."

DavidBelcher

Ben6899 wrote:

Anything spoken by a kid, using that god-awful London-street affected accent.

Fuck1ng. Awful.

"No wot a mean bro. Innit."

And the posher the kid involved, the more you get reminded of the RAF pilots from The Armstrong & Miller Show.

David

y33stu

As much as I hate these new phrases. I generally don't come into daily contact with the kn*bs that use them. I do however come into daily contact with people in the office that want to :

Touch base
Reach out
Finish things by the "end of play"
have "blue sky" thinking

Bigger Kn*bs.

Ben6899

DavidBelcher wrote:

Ben6899 wrote:

Anything spoken by a kid, using that god-awful London-street affected accent.

Fuck1ng. Awful.

"No wot a mean bro. Innit."

And the posher the kid involved, the more you get reminded of the RAF pilots from The Armstrong & Miller Show.

David

I'm generally on the bus when I overhear it. A bus that goes to either Hampstead Heath or Highgate. So, yeh, generally pretty "posh" kids.

Blacktemplar

Endless, like, repetition of like, the word, like in like every, like, teenagers sentences. Like

Oh, and 'chillax'

And saying 'cool' when the smallest of things is, like, acceptable.

DorsetKnob

y33stu wrote:

As much as I hate these new phrases. I generally don't come into daily contact with the kn*bs that use them. I do however come into daily contact with people in the office that want to :

Touch base
Reach out
Finish things by the "end of play"
have "blue sky" thinking

Bigger Kn*bs.

You want to play 'w@nk word bingo'! Write all these stupid americanised management bollox phrases on a bit of paper, photocopy and hand out, and whoever can cross them off quickest by using them during normal office/telephone conversation has to stand up, shout 'House' in an annoying tone, and should be allowed to go home early! Hours of piss-taking fun!!

(I practise 'seagull management' - fly-in, make a lot of noise and sh1t all over everything, and fly out again!)

bompington

DorsetKnob wrote:

You want to play 'w@nk word bingo'! Write all these stupid americanised management bollox phrases on a bit of paper, photocopy and hand out, and whoever can cross them off quickest by using them during normal office/telephone conversation has to stand up, shout 'House' in an annoying tone, and should be allowed to go home early! Hours of piss-taking fun!!

traditionally known as "Bullsh!t bingo", when you get a full row you are actually supposed to stand up and shout "bullsh!t!"

DorsetKnob

I'll take that on board!!

laurentian

bompington wrote:

DorsetKnob wrote:

You want to play 'w@nk word bingo'! Write all these stupid americanised management bollox phrases on a bit of paper, photocopy and hand out, and whoever can cross them off quickest by using them during normal office/telephone conversation has to stand up, shout 'House' in an annoying tone, and should be allowed to go home early! Hours of piss-taking fun!!

traditionally known as "Bullsh!t bingo", when you get a full row you are actually supposed to stand up and shout "bullsh!t!"

Came across these two gems recently:

"The transition away from siloed management toward a more service-centric management culture was never going to be easy, and even as it’s stumbled forward towards real progress, it’s taken many casualties along the way. Everything from one-size-fits-all automation platforms, to all encompassing BSM initiatives, to many CMDB/CMS deployments have suffered from early-phase technology combined with poor IT governance and overinflated vendor hype. The mismatch of expectations to reality has never become more dangerous to IT than it is today with the advent of cloud computing. This is in spite of the many industry opinions to the contrary; cloud only accelerates the requirements for relevant insights into cross-domain configuration and service independencies, both within IT and across the ecosystem of IT, its partners, service providers and suppliers."

AND

". . . So we have the seeds of some specific areas that we could table as candidates for consideration. The review process will likely be iterative here as we drill down to specifics of what would seem to be appropriate to balance other stuff we need to get done. We will need to work out some quantitative understanding of what we might want to do here so we can appreciate the resourcing implications.

You need to think of a catchy title for this area of ownership so we can bring these things under a general area of categorization – almost like a sub-roadmap along the lines of ‘Current Consumption’ or ‘Memory Reduction’. Perhaps just ‘Code Improvement’ would do.

You need to take ownership of this area as a feature lead, facilitate discussion and regular agenda. Obtain stakeholder involvement through objective meeting facilitation and take responsibility for delivery like other feature leads along with all the other seemingly conflicting and impossible things we have to deliver J

Use Phil’s meeting to introduce the topic and get the subject added as candidate but drill down for that meeting. There will need to be some offline scoping with people. I’ve added others to this thread for heads up"

In what kind of parallel universe is it necessary to use such b0llocks?

y33stu

DorsetKnob wrote:

You want to play 'w@nk word bingo'! Write all these stupid americanised management bollox phrases on a bit of paper, photocopy and hand out, and whoever can cross them off quickest by using them during normal office/telephone conversation has to stand up, shout 'House' in an annoying tone, and should be allowed to go home early! Hours of piss-taking fun!!

(I practise 'seagull management' - fly-in, make a lot of noise and sh1t all over everything, and fly out again!)

I once played a version of that game directed at 1 person in my office. He used to spout off the same lines over and over again. I gave everyone one of his "lines" on paper one day and we all had to stand up every time he said one. No word of a lie, I had to stand up 15 times that day. The c*ock that he is. Funnily enough we didn't speak again again after that!

y33stu

laurentian wrote:

Came across these two gems recently:

"The transition away from siloed management toward a more service-centric management culture was never going to be easy, and even as it’s stumbled forward towards real progress, it’s taken many casualties along the way. Everything from one-size-fits-all automation platforms, to all encompassing BSM initiatives, to many CMDB/CMS deployments have suffered from early-phase technology combined with poor IT governance and overinflated vendor hype. The mismatch of expectations to reality has never become more dangerous to IT than it is today with the advent of cloud computing. This is in spite of the many industry opinions to the contrary; cloud only accelerates the requirements for relevant insights into cross-domain configuration and service independencies, both within IT and across the ecosystem of IT, its partners, service providers and suppliers."

AND

". . . So we have the seeds of some specific areas that we could table as candidates for consideration. The review process will likely be iterative here as we drill down to specifics of what would seem to be appropriate to balance other stuff we need to get done. We will need to work out some quantitative understanding of what we might want to do here so we can appreciate the resourcing implications.

You need to think of a catchy title for this area of ownership so we can bring these things under a general area of categorization – almost like a sub-roadmap along the lines of ‘Current Consumption’ or ‘Memory Reduction’. Perhaps just ‘Code Improvement’ would do.

You need to take ownership of this area as a feature lead, facilitate discussion and regular agenda. Obtain stakeholder involvement through objective meeting facilitation and take responsibility for delivery like other feature leads along with all the other seemingly conflicting and impossible things we have to deliver J

Use Phil’s meeting to introduce the topic and get the subject added as candidate but drill down for that meeting. There will need to be some offline scoping with people. I’ve added others to this thread for heads up"

In what kind of parallel universe is it necessary to use such b0llocks?

Wow. I can only assume you work in the public sector? Cos that's exactly the type of sh*te I'd expect them to spout. My personal favourites in there:

facilitate discussion and regular agenda
offline scoping
objective meeting facilitation
table as candidates for consideration
quantitative understanding

Horrible. Just horrible.

DorsetKnob

Had a customer in me office just 2 weeks ago who looked at me and without a smile said
'I have an idea that I would like to kick around the desk to see if it scores'.
I had to resist punching him.

laurentian

y33stu wrote:

laurentian wrote:

Came across these two gems recently:

"The transition away from siloed management toward a more service-centric management culture was never going to be easy, and even as it’s stumbled forward towards real progress, it’s taken many casualties along the way. Everything from one-size-fits-all automation platforms, to all encompassing BSM initiatives, to many CMDB/CMS deployments have suffered from early-phase technology combined with poor IT governance and overinflated vendor hype. The mismatch of expectations to reality has never become more dangerous to IT than it is today with the advent of cloud computing. This is in spite of the many industry opinions to the contrary; cloud only accelerates the requirements for relevant insights into cross-domain configuration and service independencies, both within IT and across the ecosystem of IT, its partners, service providers and suppliers."

AND

". . . So we have the seeds of some specific areas that we could table as candidates for consideration. The review process will likely be iterative here as we drill down to specifics of what would seem to be appropriate to balance other stuff we need to get done. We will need to work out some quantitative understanding of what we might want to do here so we can appreciate the resourcing implications.

You need to think of a catchy title for this area of ownership so we can bring these things under a general area of categorization – almost like a sub-roadmap along the lines of ‘Current Consumption’ or ‘Memory Reduction’. Perhaps just ‘Code Improvement’ would do.

You need to take ownership of this area as a feature lead, facilitate discussion and regular agenda. Obtain stakeholder involvement through objective meeting facilitation and take responsibility for delivery like other feature leads along with all the other seemingly conflicting and impossible things we have to deliver J

Use Phil’s meeting to introduce the topic and get the subject added as candidate but drill down for that meeting. There will need to be some offline scoping with people. I’ve added others to this thread for heads up"

In what kind of parallel universe is it necessary to use such b0llocks?

Wow. I can only assume you work in the public sector? Cos that's exactly the type of sh*te I'd expect them to spout. My personal favourites in there:

facilitate discussion and regular agenda
offline scoping
objective meeting facilitation
table as candidates for consideration
quantitative understanding

Horrible. Just horrible.

No, I'm not in the public sector, I just happened upon these two communications. The first of which was translated thus:

"The transition away from siloed management toward a more service-centric management culture was never going to be easy" - Changing the way a company operates is hard...

"and even as it’s stumbled forward towards real progress, it’s taken many casualties along the way" - ...and it doesn't always work out.

"Everything from one-size-fits-all automation platforms, to all encompassing BSM initiatives, to many CMDB/CMS deployments have suffered from early-phase technology combined with poor IT governance and overinflated vendor hype." - Tthe technology used for content management systems isn't suitable in many cases - but the salesman did a great job.

"The mismatch of expectations to reality has never become more dangerous to IT than it is today with the advent of cloud computing." - People are expecting too much of this new fad called 'the cloud'...

"This is in spite of the many industry opinions to the contrary; cloud only accelerates the requirements for relevant insights into cross-domain configuration and service independencies, both within IT and across the ecosystem of IT, its partners, service providers and suppliers." - ...but some people think it's the bee's knees

bearfraser

WTF , BS
TOTES

pinno

'Well good' or it was 'well interesting' or 'mega'. It was mega brilliant, f**king retards. Like to see some of them go to Poland and get a job. Ha ha.

Hoopdriver

DesWeller wrote:

Cornerblock wrote:

Basically I can't stand the people who begin anything they say with the word 'basically'! :?

There is literally nothing worse than this.

It always impresses me (in a sick, incredulous, 'look at the size of that burning oil well' sort of way) how many people get the word 'literally' exactly wrong.

'ironically' is another spectacularly misused word