What's your biggest brown pants moment?

bluechair84

Simple premise: what's happened to you whilst riding that truely scared your nuts into hiding in the cave around the corner?

Mine:
Before a charity race many may years ago, I rode the entire circuit for preperation. It was a 'boyscouts' run that goes up Holme Moss near Holmfirth. As we came to a reservoir, we found the dam had been closed off to vehicles and had massive barracades at either end making it impossible for any vehicle to cross from either end. Come race day I arrived at the first of these barracades and continued past with the rest of the competitors. We were hauling ass down the steep hill into a blind corner confident that we were alone. Coming the other way however were four motorbikers hauling ass up the hill - despite the barracade on the far side. I was bang in the middle of the narrow road and froze, each of the bikers responded with lightening reactions and managed to shimmy around me with screaming brakes and tyres. Turning round, one of the four didn't quite make it and was on full endo having missed me by milimeters with the front wheel snaking away beneath him uncontroably. He came to rest in a verge and was fine. Turned out the council had removed the barrier on the far side of the dam and left the other in place. After nearly taking four Ducatis to the face and being the cause of one guy to come off, I was massively shaken and tottered the rest of the race unable to get my confidence back... No one was injured, but my arse has been squeaky ever since.

cat_with_no_tail

I've had a few sphincter puckering moments, it's all part of the game. There are 2 that stand out though.

1st one was on a local grassy coast trail. Touched the brakes and the bike just went from under me. Slid on the wet grass for what felt like miles and stopped about 5m short of the cliff. Have never ridden that trail since.

2nd one was in Oct. Was riding on my own, middle of nowhere on open moorland. It was blowing a gale and plssing with rain, was on my way home. Had a fairly insignificant off and heard a "crunch". I knew I'd farked it up, but what I didn't know at the time was I'd broken my leg in 2 places and mangled my knee. It was pretty scary being stuck up there, cold, wet, fading light, broken leg etc.
Managed to mtfu and make my way down to the road, but scary scary thoughts run through your head in situations like that.

Once I'm able, I'll still be going out on my own though

pilch

Snowboarding a few years ago, decided I liked the look of a coulloir off the side of one of the runs. I was a hike job, I could see a few tracks where people had dropped in so I thought it should be ok.

As I got nearer, the line I was walking narrowed to the point where it was just a foot or so wide, the higher I climbed the steeper the drop off became. As I looked over the edge I could see nice virgin powder, interspersed with the odd rocky outcrop but easily do-able.

The path started to get really tricky now, broken in places and deep and lumpy, I could go off now... but that section just a bit further looked so enticing....

That was my downfall, a moments lapse and I lost my footing, and then before I know it i'm sliding on my arse.

At first its fast, but not too scary, then my foot must have caught on something as i'm now ragdolling down this slope, I can hear my board bouncing around somewhere and as I spin I keep catching sight of lumps of rock. I'm trying not to panic, thinking try and stay loose - easier said than done.

I bounced around a bit, it always seems like ages, time goes into this stretched out thing I guess when you are sh1tting yourself.

Eventually everything gradually started to subside, mercifully I had recently bought a helmet, never worn one before in 10 years or so of snowboarding, in the mayhem couldn't tell you if I hit my head on the rocks or not, but I wouldn't want to relive the experience without one.

Luckily I had escaped with no injuries, just a bit sore and embarrassed - there was a chairlift immediately above where I fell, my performance was met with several cheers and 'helpful' comments.

I found that it was sometime later that I finally stopped shaking....

1mancity2

Around 18months ago going home from work on the hardtail, wet, going dark, hill, cars parked all on one side,

came round a blind corner at 28mph (computer confirmed this) van stopped in the road no way round it,

brakes on drifted back end round did a 360 on the road and slid under the van,

got up with a cut to my calf, dusted myself off and carried on (on the pavement).

Pufftmw

(Don't do this at home, not clever, not wise and downright dangerous & stupid)

Picked up my 750cc m/bike after an engine rebuild, came onto a main road which was clear ahead of me for as far as I could see and traffic on the other side was stationary. Decided (foolishly) to give it the beans, to see how the engine was, ticked up a couple of gears then about 100m ahead I saw a taxi the other side of a traffic island start to do a u-turn. My buttocks clenched tight at this point and I hit the brakes hard... Its all going well, good rubber on shell-grip is slowing me down nicely, I start to take a breath and steer the bike towards the inside of the road to make sure that I have space to go round the taxi - mistake! Front wheel goes over a white line in the road, locks up, hits the shell-grip again and cartwheels at about 50mph :shock: I fly over the handle bars, roll, slide along the ground, aim my body at the gutter and 200+kg of bike slides past my head in a cloud of sparks and slams into the side of the taxi...

Broken thumb

1mancity2

Pufftmw wrote:

Broken thumb

Engine ok?

Markmjh

I remember coming down a fire road a good few years ago in the chilterns somewhere and nearly losing it.
Was flying down a nice wide(quite steep) fire road doing about 30ish, there had been really strong winds during the week so it was littered with various size branches. Most were fine and could be ignored and the larger ones wern't too much of a worry as they were all hoppable! Except i din't hop quite high enough and clipped one with my back wheel, this through my rear wheel way up high and i was stuck on the front wheel at about 30mph rapidly sucking the entire world up through my arse!!! As is happened i managed to get my back tyre onto the floor but it slip out sideways and down i went skidding my way down a wet fire road on my arse. Only came away with a large bruise from arse cheek to mid thigh, but i was propper papping it with my arse in the air for what seemed like forever(probably no more than a couple of seconds in reality lol) when i hit that branch!!!

Pufftmw

LOL - yes!

Bodywork was trashed though & forks twisted. Rebuilt it by the time I was out of plaster

Chalky76

Had a few motorbike ones when i was a nipper, but worst mtb one was Morzine two years ago. Trying to use a big bermy corner to full effect, i came out of the corner and instead of taking the easy run, hit the jump thinking it was like all the others we'd passed (as in a double where if you didn't make it the worst would be a jarred landing). It wasn't. For some reason this one was a sheer drop and half way across the gap when i realised i hadn't carried enough speed to clear it, i sort of dished the bike and scrambled to safety. Few scrapes here and there, but i was badly shaken. Mates had to clamber down about 20 foot to get the bike back. Just glad i didn't join it. Another reminder to check what's on the trail ahead!

delcol

when i was a teenager my mate and i were heading to the localish skatepark on our bmx's i was riding in the road up a slight hill, a bus had stopped at the bus spot to pick up passengers. I went to pass the bus and was stood up pedaling hard to get past it(was in the middle of road an inch off the white line) as i pushed down on the crank my chain snapped,,
the cranks spun my feet flew off the pedals i hit the side of the bus with a big thud so everyone looked round i then flew over the bars with the bike following me, i rolled across the road into on coming traffic, lucky for me the car coming the other way had time to swerve and avoid me.. he even asked if i was ok. lucky for me i was,, i had knee pads and elbow pads and gloves so got away with a few bruises. my undies though had a permo stain of brown.
my mate got a stitch from laughing to hard and the cunts on the bus were laughing to..

i then had a 5 mile roll home chainless...

miss notax

Last year riding in the Purbecks... Riding up a narrow path, with a massive vertical drop / cliff to the right. There were posts on the grass at the edge of the path. I don't like heights so purposely 'ignore' them, and for some reason I took the right hand side of the path (so nearer the edge but within the posts). I wobbled, dabbed wth my right foot which went lower, and wobbled about on my bike - grabbed the post which I then realised were not embedded in the ground but just sat on top. I was wobbling about on the cliff edge, holding a post that was wobbling about :shock: I screamed, Notax saw what was happening, and grabbed me to the left and on to the path :?

It's put me right off riding next to edges with big drops the other side!

Failing that, any phone call that starts with Notax saying 'I'm basically ok, but....' :?

DCR00

Mine was when i was commuting to and from work last year

90% of the commute was the Trans Pennine Trailm, but the last 10% was a combination of cycle paths and back roads (deliberately avoiding main roads in rush hour). I was crossing the main road that comes into Warrington from the M6 just after 6pm. This is a very busy road being one of the arterial roads into Warrington, so you wait for a gap in the traffic and then stamp on the pedals to get across quickly.

Ive set off from my side of the road, but as ive got 2/3 of the way across the back wheel has locked up and nearly thrown me over the bars (my balls took most of the impact on the stem head). The bike stopped dead in the road as rush hour traffic is coming towards me. I managed to scramble to the pavement in time, but if i had waited any longer in setting off, i prob would have been hit by a car.

Seems that my Hope skewer had come loose on the way home and the rear wheel came out of the drop-outs as i stood up to stamp on the pedals. I will never use Hope skewers again.

When i had my Megane Sport i had a few moments. The worst was overtaking when there was a junction on the other side of the road. As im coming to pass the car im overtaking, a car appeared at the junction. Luckily they spotted me and stopped. If they hadnt, it would have been carnage. Very stupid and not something i make a habit of.

cat_with_no_tail

miss notax wrote:

Failing that, any phone call that starts with Notax saying 'I'm basically ok, but....' :?

lmfao!

That is exactly what I said to the wife on my way to the hospital.

miss notax

Cat With No Tail wrote:

miss notax wrote:

Failing that, any phone call that starts with Notax saying 'I'm basically ok, but....' :?

lmfao!

That is exactly what I said to the wife on my way to the hospital.

Yup, i've been on the receiving end of this more times than I case to remember!!

tom_howard

When I bought these...

.blitz

Almost too many to mention on motorbikes but there are a few standout moments:

* overtaking a dawdling French-registered 2CV at over 100mph on a deserted narrow road in NW Scotland I was momentarily distracted by a submarine surfacing in the adjacent loch, completely misjudged the next corner, panic braked and slid along the deserted narrow road for as long as you do at 100mph before coming to a halt. The 2CV duly came up, picked its way around the bits of bike and rider and carried on.

* was all set up to overtake a lorry when it decided to turn right across my path. The side of the lorry got so close I involuntarily put my left hand up to protect myself and hit the side of the lorry so hard it broke my scaphoid.

* once owned a bike that had a terrible characteristic of standing up when braking in corners. I found this out the hard way when I went into a corner, caressed the front brake lever (as you do) and the bike promptly stood up and shot across the road. Predictably there was a car coming the other way which I missed by riding across the road into some undergrowth.

* followed a car that was making good progress along some A-roads that I knew well. Unfortunately the car wasn't making good enough progress for me so I comitted to a very fast overtake as we approached the driveway to a house on the right. Predictably the car indicated to turn right into the driveway just at the point of no return. I remember seeing the front wheels turn and thinking 'this is it' but at the (very) last moment the driver must've seen me and stopped. Phew.

* Overtaking again, this time a queue of several vehicles headed by a lorry. The road straightened out and I had a good look to see if there was anything coming the other way. As luck would have it, there was a slow lorry coming the other way so I though 'easy peasy loads of room' and cracked the throttle open. The R1 doesn't hang about in these situations and I grinned to myself as the world teleported backwards and within a couple of seconds I was level with the lorry, accelerating hard. Unfortunately at this precise moment the rider of another R1 coming the other way decided to do exactly the same overtake. We were both on the wrong side of the road and our closing speed must've been close to 200mph. I remember thinking if the other rider stays cool we'll make it. I aimed for my side of the road and the other rider aimed for his. We passed within mm and there was a noise like thunder F-TOOMMMM! as two R1s ripped the air in opposite directions.

And relax

rudderboy

riding home from uni many years ago...
crossing a duel carriageway at a roundabout junction. Dashed out in front of a HGV who was still a distance away- until my chain snapped half way across, causing me to lose balance and fly over the handlebars into the middle of the road.
Lasting memory of me scrabbling on hands and knees towards the gutter, grabbing the wheel of my bike and dragging it after me (got to save the most important stuff), just as the locked-up wheels of the artic screeched past...

I think the HGV driver pooped himself too.

bluechair84

All great, but obviously the ones on mountain bikes are the most relevant here
I think .blitz has about put me off owning a motorbike... They stand up when you brake?? Or is that just the shoot ones?

VWsurfbum

My life seems full of them???

A MTB one.
Doing the Camel hump at Danbury, which basically is a vertical drop in then a massive hump and then a big long drop the other side. The good guys use the jump before hand and land on the hum on the down slop. I was on a midweek sesh with a couple of pals, one on his first time out, and i was on my then new HT. Hitting the drop in at my usual full suss speed i ventured in, i didnt go for the jump, just a fast hop over the hump, but the bike (which didnt compress and lose all its speed) projected me out the top of the hump at a massive velocity and it felt like i was in the air for hours.
I landed it (sketchly) and made it to the other side but i was shaking and to this day when ever i do that run its in my head, and i end up holding back.

I wont start on the motorbike ones, or car ones, or Skatboarding ones, or well whatever my life has consisted of

MountainMonster

miss notax wrote:

Cat With No Tail wrote:

miss notax wrote:

Failing that, any phone call that starts with Notax saying 'I'm basically ok, but....' :?

lmfao!

That is exactly what I said to the wife on my way to the hospital.

Yup, i've been on the receiving end of this more times than I case to remember!!

I bet you have, you minx you.

milko9000

I've never had any severe ones on the bike - the closest is when I've spent too long looking at a steep 'n bouncy descent instead of just getting on with it. Even when I had my biggest wipeout it was all happening too fast to start actually worrying about it. Just a quick "uhoh" and then it was all the bouncing and sliding with the bike tangled up in my legs until I stopped. Never had the time slowing down thing happen on the trails.

campbellrae1

Have had a few moments in my time,

On the MTB the worst was when I was racing in Greece, riding along an easy bit of the lap and hit a rock at 45' to the trail and the front wheel washed out. Next thing I know I'm lying on the ground with the race doctor standing over me! Managed to break my wrist, teeth and 4 ribs as well as loosing a sh"t load of skin. The worst moment was realising my teeth were done in, had just had braces for the last 2 years taken off a month before hand, nothing like good timing! Greek A&E wasn't exactly a pleasant experience either, thnk god for private health care covered under the travel insurance and a quick transfer! lol.

On the road bike was descending from the top of Glen Shee into Braemar, coming round one of the corners(on my side) to find some muppet driving up the hill taking the 'racing line', hit the brakes and the rear slid out landing me on the road. While sliding to the side his front wheels must have missed me by a couple of feet, but it felt like a whole lot less than that when I had no real control over my direction!

Briggo

Shortly after when I proposed and realised what I had done.

Schoolboy error.

mak3m

nothing quite as dramatic as above

riding home after a good 30mile plus greenway/bridleway ride. On quite country road 1/2 mile from house high hedges on either side, right turn in road. head nowhere near tarmac mode took the racing line and appeared far side of bend bang in front of car coming opposite way. had to ditch into hedge landed flat on my arse in verge. needed a quick fag before completing the last bit home :P

TheNorthernTrain

Nothing quite as dramatic as others but 2 that stand out for me, are flying down some welsh mountain side, I get to a twisty bit of the trail, pull the brakes only to discover that most of the fluid has leaked out and there is barely enough pressure to get the pads to even touch the discs lightly, thankfully I managed to grab a tree that saved me and my bike a plummet down a mountain side.

The other was at Dalby, using cable brakes, one snapped, I panicked and forgot to turn into the corner, straight up over the berm I went while screaming for my mummy, thankfully i landed in a nice soft bush and not some sharp rocks.

There have been countless times where I have done stupid things that have left me shaking for a few minutes but that might be just cos i'm a massive wimp!

ilovedirt

There aren't too many for me, as most of the time, it's over and done with too fast for me to really brick myself, obviously there's the standard front wheel washing out thing though, that's happened quite a lot.

The one that really sticks out in my mind isn't particularly dramatic, but still made my shit myself. Riding Penmachno a couple of months ago (i always seem to have a bad day there), I was riding one of the last descents back down to the car park, and if you know penmachno, you'll know that a lot of sections are quite flat singletrack traverses, and I couldn't remember which this section was, so I had my seat up. Nasty wet day, blowing a PROPER gale, on the exposed hillside with a nice steep drop to my left, and I miscalculated a little drop slightly and couldn't get over the back properly thanks to the seat, ended up doing a nice long nose manual over a section of trail that looked REALLY painful to land on. Thankfully I managed to pull it back, but I did need to change my shorts after!

stubs

As I lay in the middle of the road having bounced off the windscreen of a red light jumping, mobile phone using, try to drive away from an accident scumbag, I couldnt move my legs thought I had bust my neck. Luckily all I had done was squash a nerve and the feeling and movement came back quickly.

My commuter bike was a bit more terminal all that wasnt bent or scratched was the back wheel.

.blitz

bluechair84 wrote:

They stand up when you brake?? Or is that just the shoot ones?

Short wheelbase + steep head angle + braking in a corner = aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

stubs

.blitz wrote:

bluechair84 wrote:

They stand up when you brake?? Or is that just the shoot ones?

Short wheelbase + steep head angle + braking in a corner = aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

Followed by Nee Naa Nee Naa Nee Naa with flashing blue lights

Pufftmw

.blitz wrote:

bluechair84 wrote:

They stand up when you brake?? Or is that just the shoot ones?

Short wheelbase + steep head angle + braking in a corner = aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

Heavy old bikes like GS550s/1000s, Kwackers etc all did it but you learned to counter steer or die

rhialto

As I picked up some ferocious speed on a bit of down-sloping singletrack that I had ridden many times before, I was distracted by some bit of gear that I had recently upgraded. Several seconds too late I realized that I had to thread a small gap created where the trail wound its way between two trees. I desperately tried to negotiate the gap and I almost made it - almost. My hip and shoulder slammed into the tree on the right and sent me careening off the trail, kind of like a billiard ball changing path after banking. I tried to control my considerable speed and keep the bike tracking straight but I must have locked the wheels and was ejected. As I ploughed a body-sized furrow through the dirt on the side of the trail, I wondered why it was taking so long to come to a rest. When I finally stopped moving I limped over to my bike, which was surprisingly undamaged. I decided to cut my mtb outing short. Before I left I took a look at the scene: my furrow passed between a large rock and another tree and the tree that I had body-checked had lost a large piece of bark. I hope I didn't kill it.

The stupid thing is that having ridden that trail many times, I knew that gap was coming. My hip still aches during bad weather.