Daytime TV
Comments
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Jeremy&Kyle :- where the pro's and con's of "show tunes" are mulled over while siiting in a bath of Babysham.0
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Brogue Traders - Matt Allwright & Dom Littlewood have a go at running their own shoe shop.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
The Nun Show: Popular Primetime BBC smash hit 'The One Show' gets a Catholic make-over. Today there's another special feature on the Pope.
The Huan Show: Popular Primetime BBC smash hit 'The One Show' gets a Mexican make-over. It's often late and presenters regularly sleep during the show.
The Hun Show: Popular Primetime BBC smash hit 'The One Show' gets a German make-over. It's not very amusing but it always starts on time.
The Pun Show: Popular Primetime BBC smash hit 'The One Show' gets a BikeRadar make-over. It's not very amusing and it's not amusing either. It's a bit lame really, TBH.0 -
The Gun Show: Just like the One Show, but each day a 'celeb' is shot in the face by a stunning model dressed in a PVC catsuit.0
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These ideas all sound very good but hows about replacing all daytime tv with something which in comparison is far more entertaining.
THE TEST CARD.
Then with only having to fill eight hours of air time some really good quality tv could be made.Tail end Charlie
The above post may contain traces of sarcasm or/and bullsh*t.0 -
Animal Hospital Hotpot: Rolf Harris returns with the popular cuddly animal programme with a twist. To meet the BBC's 'every other show must include cookery' criteria, any dead animals are cooked in the celebrity kitchen by TV cookery hero James Martin. In the event that no animals die, James Martin is made into a 'fat talentless' terrine once the Hairy Bikers have 'had a go on him' and shot him in the face. May not be suitable for younger viewers.0
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Shouting Stars: Vic & Bob's latest comedy gameshow, in which celebs compete to see who has the loudest voice. Featuring Brian Blessed, Ian Paisley, John Sweeney and Barry Scott out of the Cillit Bang adverts.
Chiles Of Our Time: Professor Robert Winston explores the genetics of spud-faced West Brom supporters who inexplicably end up as prime-time TV presenters.
Long Walk On A Short Piers: in which celebrity scumbag and "journalist" Piers Morgan is first squashed by a falling piano and then trampled on by a circus stilt-walker. Let's face it, he's got it coming to him.
James May's Nan Lab: zany pop-science show in which the only member of the Top Gear trio not deserving of a punch in the face employs a team of OAPs to build various contraptions.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Mr and somebody else's Mrs: Couples-based quiz programme in which contestants answer questions on their 'bit on the side'
Read Steady Crook: Looting-based reality programme in which teams of looters battle it out with eachother and the Police so see who can gather the biggest hoard of loot. As ever there are bonus points for arson and giving idiotic interviews to gathering TV camera crews.0 -
Strictly Come Fencing: Sir Brucie invites celebs to try and sell nicked goods, counterfeit watches, etc. down at his local pub.
Ready Steady Cox: contestants compete against the clock to see if they're able to fit the word "billion" into a single sentence even more times than the well-known Lancashire physicist and ex-D:Ream keyboard player can.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Trigger Happy TV Hilarious reality TV show in which Dom Jolly engages with the public and 'celebs' in a variety of halarious situations. Sometimes he engages them with an AK-47, sometimes with a 9mm pistol.
"HELLO, I'VE JUST SHOT JAMES MARTIN IN THE FACE ON A BUS, NO, HE WAS RUBBISH".
Open All Hours: Documantary on the lives of prostitutes in a small Yorkshire town.
Cum Dancing: Pro-am Ballroom Dancing with a twist. 'Celeb' contestants have 3 minutes to bring their Eastern European dancing partners to a climax while dancing in a variety of spangly outfits. Cha Cha Chaaaaaargh!0 -
GiantMike wrote:The Gun Show: Just like the One Show, but each day a 'celeb' is shot in the face by a stunning model dressed in a PVC catsuit.
Also coming soon:
The Wan Show: Channel 4 fashion pundit Gok Wan switches to the Beeb to present their daily 30 minutes' worth of early-evening insults to the intelligence.
The Wayne Show: Astroturf-haired Man Utd striker presents the BBC's daily 30 minutes' worth of early-evening insults to the intelligence.
The Gone Show: The BBC's daily 30 minutes' worth of early-evening insults to the intelligence is finally cancelled. Hurrah.
Pro-Celebrity Golf: each week a different celeb joins the workforce on VW's Wolfsburg assembly lines to test out their car-building skills.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
The Borrowers: Documentary about cross-dressing men who take their neighbour's knickers from the washing line, wear them for a couple of hours and then replace them.0
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Noddy & Big Ears: New light-hearted sports debate programme, featuring the former Slade frontman and Gary Lineker. Warning: may contain traces of crisps.
Diagnosis Merthyr: Dick van Dyke's afternoon schedule-filling drama, remade for S4C. English subtitles available.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Menai Vice: Crockett and Tubbs return to break up a sheep trafficking and prostitution syndicate next to the short narrow section of water between Bangor and Caernarfon.0
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The Two Rennies: Round the clock close-up footage of a couple of indigestion tablets. Still more entertaining than The Only Way Is Essex, though.
Sorry, I've Got No Lead: Kids' comedy series featuring Marcus Brigstocke as the vicar of a leaky-roofed parish church plagued by metal theft.
Call My Guff: Panel game in which guests have to identify which of them has actually broken wind, rather than just making convincing noises or resorting to the use of whoopee cushions.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
the Eh? Team: Light-hearted action thriller about the antics of a group of renegade soldiers, discharged from the service for hearing impairment, forced to perform mercenary acts for clients with loud voices or clear lip movements. Signed.
the Wahey Team: Light-hearted action thriller about the antics of a group of Northern Monkeys, discharged from prison on a technicality. They don't do much. Not much they would tell you about anyway.0 -
Wiggle House On The Prairie: The fortunes of a small mail order business and its owners' constant battle against being slagged off on internet forums.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Snatch Of The Day. Lineker, Hansen & Shearaaaahhhh discuss the merits of Saturday's top and tbh some quite middling female genitalia.
Snatch Of The Day 2. The same, but on Sunday night and a wee bit less formal, with impy little imp omnipresent fellow Coiln Murray plus guests who stayed on in town for a beer & a bit of free publicity after the Sunday afternoon game.
Mastermind. A top criminal is invited to plot an unlikely heist in the glare of the cameras. Will he pull it off? No.
Close Downs. A long lens picks out close-up shots of the nicer bits of the land between Winchester and Lewes. With subtitles.0 -
DavidBelcher wrote:Wiggle House On The Prairie: The fortunes of a small mail order business and its owners' constant battle against being slagged off on internet forums.
Chapeau, sir0 -
Rash In The Attic: DIYers compare their allergies to fibreglass loft insulation.
Man About The House Of Love: Re-hashing of classic 70s sitcom incorporating 90s-themed indie soundtrack. Stars Guy Chadwick and Terry Bickers.
Tim Brooke-Taylor, Soldier, Spy: Fly on the wall documentary in which ex-Goodies member and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue panellist looks at the day-to-day workings of the MoD.
What's My Line?: Amnesiac London Underground station staff try to remember where exactly it is that they work.
Bulls**t: Darts-based quiz with Jim Bowen in which pathological liars attempt to out-fib each other in order to win a speedboat.
The Multi-Coloured Chop Shop: Noel Edmonds and Keith Chegwin try their hand at running a dodgy cut & shut used car business based in some railway arches.
Strike It Unlucky: Documentary examining how the top, middle and bottom fell out of Michael Barrymore's career.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
It'll Be Oil Right On the Night: homes of the Chairmen of oil companies are hermetically sealed with them inside and slowly filled to the brim with crude oil through a 3ft wide pipe: the Chairmen inside are periodically given material with which to block the flow of oil from drowning them. Materials given include golf balls, rags and newspapers.
It'll be Oiright On The Night: Geriatric presenter of "hilarious" Bloopers show is pinned down on the floor by a group of St Trinians school gorls then driven over by a combine harveser piloted by a farmer from Som - oooor - set
Location, Location, Location: Tony and Cherie have parts of their bodies removed - eg kidney, lungs, liver. The body parts are then buried in variouslocations around the country. Tony and Cherie are then given a set amount of time to find their body parts before they cark it. Naturally, make this easy, clues are given and so is transporation in a helicopter, which ties us neatly into the sequel, being a re-make of the 80s show "Treasure Hunt", now called: ………..
Treasure Hunt - 2012: Where Tony and Cherie, having sourced their body parts are given a series of fast cars and keys to French Chateau only 100 miles away. The catch is that they are being chased by an Apache gun ship and have to avoid the Apache's machine guns and rockets. Tragically, Tony and Cherie are missiled just as they enter the safe haven of the Chateau ina tragic boundary misunderstanding matter. Their bodies are then urinated upon by a successon of underpaid, over worked Marines tired of fighting a war the Bliars started to in an attempt cement their own legacy.0 -
Midsomer Mortars - where a serious of treasure hunt puzzles must be solved by celebrities in a small ethnically limited English village whilst avoiding being shelled by mortars.
Annticks Roadshow - Ann Widecombe goes round the country rolling about in the undergrowth to see how many ticks she can pick up and charts her progress geographically, clearly this is a seasonal programme, and about all Ann Widdecombe is worth frankly.
Blue Peter - take Peter Stringfellow, strip him and leave him at the top of the Cairngorms in January till he goes blue.0 -
Natterjack: Madcap kids' gameshow with Stu Francis. Contestants try to win a jar of toad spawn, and a biro.
The Minster Men: Charming Roger Hargreaves animation about the fortunes of York City FC. In this week's adventure, Mr. Bung receives several brown paper envelopes stuffed with cash from George Graham (whom he swears he has never met) at a Little Chef on the A64.
Jim Bowen'll Fix It: Each week Jim realises the wishes of lucky kids who've written letters to the show, provided there's a speedboat involved.
Dislocation, Dislocation, Dislocation: Phil Spencer falls off a stepladder whilst decorating and does his shoulder in.
Return To Craven Cottage: Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has a loan spell at Fulham covering for an injured Bobby Zamora.
Knight Ryder: Adventures of the former Happy Mondays/Black Grape frontman and his talking car. Or at least he's convinced the car is talking to him, as is Bez. Hmm.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Who do you think you are? Pete Townsend meets, and then berates other bands for not being as good as The Who.You're the light wiping out my batteries; You're the cream in my airport coffee's.0
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In Cloughing Memory: Roy Clarke's re-working of The Damned United as a twee, gentle Northern ITV sitcom. Starring Keith Barron as Brian Clough, Ted "Den Perry" Robbins as Don Revie, and Ronnie Corbett as Billy Bremner.
Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadworks: Michael cones off part of the Lichfield by-pass and precedes to regale the poor folks stuck in the resultant traffic jam with the usual inane wobbly-headed banter about his "man drawer", etc.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
evil_breakfast wrote:Who do you think you are? Pete Townsend meets, and then berates other bands for not being as good as The Who.
'The Young Ones'. Pete Townsend shows how he chooses photos of naked young kids for a book he's researching."There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t'would be a pity to damage yours."0 -
5-3-1: Quiz show hosted by Ted Rogers. Members of the public compete to win a handbuilt model of Dusty Bin made out of Reynolds tubing.
Pope Show: Religious re-working of the cult Channel 4 sitcom. Benedict XVI and Dr. Rowan Williams reprise the David Mitchell and Robert Webb roles.
The Black & White Mintel Show: Monochrome footage of people being subjected to dull market research surveys.
Wish You Could Hear: Judith Chalmers presents a somewhat tactless documentary on the life and works of Beethoven.
David"It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal0 -
Aggieboy wrote:evil_breakfast wrote:Who do you think you are? Pete Townsend meets, and then berates other bands for not being as good as The Who.
'The Young Ones'. Pete Townsend shows how he chooses photos of naked young kids for a book he's researching.
:twisted:You're the light wiping out my batteries; You're the cream in my airport coffee's.0 -
Wish You Were Queer - A panel of gay celebs have half an hour to 'turn' a straight contestant.
Popping Pills At One- A lunchtime show where various guests discuss and take their drug of choice, showing us how high they get.
Shooting Stars- Exactly what it says.0 -
Wanted Down Underpants - A documentary series about 'ahem' member enhancement.The older I get the faster I was0
