Appropriate attire

walkingbootweather

I went to the optician to ask if I needed glasses. "Oh, I should say so", said the nice young lady, "This is an Estate Agent, the Optician is next door".......

rick_chasey

MonkeyMonster wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

I'l let you know.

Within reason.

we just want to know what the doc thought of your clothes, we don't care about your health...

I know. Like I said.

PBo

I went to the doctors with a frog sat on my head. He said "what's the problem?""Can you get this off my arse?" said the frog.

t4tomo

A woman went to her doctors complaining of a bad back.
The doctor said, 'It's just old age, there's nothing I can do for you.'
The woman said, 'I want a second opinion'
The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'

greg66_tri_v2.0

itboffin wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

walkingbootweather wrote:

Most doctor's ought to be impressed by your dedication, but it might depend on what your complaint is and if the doctor is likely to have to examine it.

As an aside I was in the doctor's the other week and met a neighbour who wanted to know what was wrong with me. She was quite insistent so in the end I told her that I'd always wanted a 9" penis. Her eyes widened as she exlaimed "Really?". "Yes", says me, "so I wondered if the doc could take a couple of inches off".....

If I had that ailment, I would simply fold it into thirds.

Never very good at maths were you Greg, what you meant to say was times it by 9

5 hours 13 minutes to get there, but by God you worked out a reply in the end ITB! You're wasted round here. With quick fire repartee like that, you should definitely be on the stage.

rick_chasey

Well, I was sent home early yesterday with a migraine, so I was in civies.

notsoblue

Rick Chasey wrote:

Well, I was sent home early yesterday with a migraine, so I was in civies.

This thread failed to deliver...

Headhuunter

So what was the problem in the end? With your health rather than your attire....

walkingbootweather

Headhuunter wrote:

So what was the problem in the end? With your health rather than your attire....

I heard it was a weapon's wound to the leg.

"I was going to see the doc in my lycra ....but then I got hit by an arrow to the knee "

davis

I had to go to the doctor for a bit of back trouble. He told me I'd have to stop masturbating. "Why?" I asked... "Because I'm trying to examine you, sir".

rick_chasey

Headhuunter wrote:

So what was the problem in the end? With your health rather than your attire....

Nose-wise, some bacteria partying in my nose.

Got prescribed some cream but I've since lost the prescription. At a bit of a loss as to what to do now.

MonkeyMonster

Rick Chasey wrote:

Headhuunter wrote:

So what was the problem in the end? With your health rather than your attire....

Nose-wise, some bacteria partying in my nose.

Got prescribed some cream but I've since lost the prescription. At a bit of a loss as to what to do now.

Tell the practice and ask for another.

walkingbootweather

MonkeyMonster wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

Headhuunter wrote:

So what was the problem in the end? With your health rather than your attire....

Nose-wise, some bacteria partying in my nose.

Got prescribed some cream but I've since lost the prescription. At a bit of a loss as to what to do now.

Tell the practice and ask for another.

Yes and if they aren't helpful stage some industrial action. Whenever I have problems with my nose I always picket...

CyclingBantam

Brilliant WBW. Just brilliant.

Giraffoto

True story - I went to casualty one time on the bike, and was waiting for ages. When they finally saw me the doctor said, "sorry about the wait but we don't give high priority to people who can get here on a bike" Which, in his defence, was fair enough.

Not true story - Woman turns up at the doctor, sweating/out of breath/total mess. "What's the problem?" say the doctor
"I've got a problem with my a***hole" she replies
"What sort of a problem?"
"He wouldn't drive me here"

rick_chasey

And update ( like you care..).

Saw the doctors (resplendent in my rapha kit) this morning since there had been no improvement.

Veins in nostril are to be cauterised.

Ben6899

Rick Chasey wrote:

And update ( like you care..).

Saw the doctors (resplendent in my rapha kit) this morning since there had been no improvement.

Veins in nostril are to be cauterised.

I've had this done, Rick.

I broke my nose playing football and after everything had fixed and set, it just wouldn't settle down - the slightest knock leading to a torrent of haemoglobin.

Nothing to worry about and I honestly cannot recollect the last nosebleed I had. (~10yrs)

Blacktemplar

Woman goes to the doctor's;
"Doc, I've got these terrible bruises and cuts on my knees and elbows, and I can't get them to heal up"
"Well, how are you getting them?"
"Erm, I'd rather not say - it's a bit embarrassing"
"Look here, I'm a doctor, and I've seen every kind of strange illness and condition you can imagine"
"Well....okay" says the woman reluctantly, blushing. "It's when I'm having sex"
"Sex?" says the doc, raising an eyebrow in surprise
The woman blushes an even deeper shade "Yes..... you know...em... doggy...."
The doctor smiles "Is that all? That' s easy - just roll over on you back for a while and your knees and elbows will clear up in no time at all"
"No way!" she replies "Have you ever smelt and Alsatian's breath?"

NGale

TailWindHome wrote:

There is nothing inappropriate about turning up in lycra.

Providing of course that you don't wear trade team kits, national kit, Grand Tour jerseys or World Champion stripes.

You haven't earned the right to wear those.

Does this count on your list


If so, I fail

Greg T

Two guys are hunting in the woods, a bird flys up one of themraises his rifle and lets off a shot....

He shoots his mate, who drops to the floor.

"Oh my GOD! I've killed my mate - help!"

It just so happens that a doctor is walking along a path in the wood. He bursts into the clearing.

"I'm a doctor" he shouts "what's happened?"

"I've killed my mate - I've shot him" shouted the hunter.

"Are you sure he's dead" asks the Doctor.

BLAM

The hunter drops his smoking rifle from his shoulder, he's shot the prone body of his mate through the head....

"Yep - pretty sure he's dead - what do we do now?"

secretsam

Given the shambolic appearance of most GPs, you could turn up in a clown suit or rags and still be better dressed than the doctor.

Go in full kit, sweaty, and sit next to the haughtiest, most obviously not-ill person there and have a good perspire. See if they've got the bottle to move.

Kendal Black Drop

walkingbootweather wrote:

I went to the optician to ask if I needed glasses. "Oh, I should say so", said the nice young lady, "This is an Estate Agent, the Optician is next door".......

My Grandmother actually did visit a chartered accountant next door to the optician for an eye test...

rick_chasey

Getting it done tomorrow! Finally.

Nose bleeds are definitely less frequent than they were a couple of months ago, so a little sceptical about my need for it now, but figure I should just get it done anyway.

As an aside, I've done all the work my boss wants me to do, and he won't give me any more work since I'm off tomorrow anyway , so I'm VERY VERY BORED.

Kieran_Burns

Has anyone mentioned the fact that you'll be smelling roasted meat for the next couple of weeks?



(the above may be completely made up)

rick_chasey

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Has anyone mentioned the fact that you'll be smelling roasted meat for the next couple of weeks?



(the above may be completely made up)

You say that, I was told by my doctor I'd be smelling a smell a bit like 'burnt toast' for a couple weeks.

*shrugs* I quite like the smell of toast.

CiB

I went to the docs, with a tin of custard seeping down my head, a sponge base in one ear and jelly & cream and some undredsunthousths in the other. The doc looked at me and identified the problem straight away. "You're farkin mad you are mate. Clear orf."

Ben6899

CiB wrote:

I went to the docs, with a tin of custard seeping down my head, a sponge base in one ear and jelly & cream and some undredsunthousths in the other. The doc looked at me and identified the problem straight away. "You're farkin mad you are mate. Clear orf."

I think "fucking mad" is a slightly harsh assessment. A trifle strange maybe, but..."

rjsterry

Are we doing tag team jokes now?

Who do I pair up with?

veronese68

Knock knock

daviesee

Typical. Rick tries to have a serious thread and someone puts up a pair of knockers.