pandas, well that's alright then

sungod

the western world is going titsup, we're facing a decade or two of declining living standards (unless you happen to be rich), and the guilty have got away scot free

but because a visitor-starved zoo is renting a couple of pandas in the hope of bolstering numbers, the bbc (and i assume other news services) think the arrival of a pair of bamboo chomping evolutionary dead ends is headline news worthy of hours of coverage today

if i were in charge, it'd be up against the wall, bop bop bop, pandas too

redvee

I heard their arrival on Bear Force One at the airport caused pandamoneum

Cleat Eastwood

sungod wrote:

evolutionary dead end

That describes my schlong.

RichN95.

I've printed out this thread and shown it to the relevant parties.

Cleat Eastwood

RichN95 wrote:

I've printed out this thread and shown it to the relevant parties.

And thats the panda looking at a pic of my schlong---standard reaction i'm afraid.

nunowoolmez

Maybe this was the moment the poor bears found out where their new home would be!

GiantMike

sungod wrote:

the western world is going titsup, we're facing a decade or two of declining living standards (unless you happen to be rich), and the guilty have got away scot free

if i were in charge, it'd be up against the wall, bop bop bop, pandas too

I don't think the Pandas are responsible for the current economic crisis. I think you should leave them alone.

Redhog14

GiantMike wrote:

sungod wrote:

the western world is going titsup, we're facing a decade or two of declining living standards (unless you happen to be rich), and the guilty have got away scot free

if i were in charge, it'd be up against the wall, bop bop bop, pandas too

I don't think the Pandas are responsible for the current economic crisis. I think you should leave them alone.

Yeah! like I mean they come over here complaning about their declining habitat due to human infestation, the general pollution of the world's natural resources and the commercial exploitation of their species I mean who do these Pandas think they are?

Rigga

i like pandas

desweller

Apparently <unclealbert> during the war </unclealbert>, Winston Churchill sent for a duck-billed platypus to be shipped from Australia in order to raise morale.

Rigga

DesWeller wrote:

Apparently <unclealbert> during the war </unclealbert>, Winston Churchill sent for a duck-billed platypus to be shipped from Australia in order to raise morale.

Why the hell not

cougie

All of the news is so mind blastingly depressing at the moment, winter is coming, the weathers crap, and the xmas party has been cancelled.

I for one welcome our Panda Overlords, and look forward to watching them eat bamboo 24/7.

We need something to cheer ourselves up.

<goes off to google for Fenton again>

t.m.h.n.e.t

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."


I'll uh,retrieve ones coat

GiantMike

Rigga wrote:

i like pandas

Oooh, yeah. Roast Panda with all the trimmings.

Or sweet and sour Panda with special fried noodles.

cornerblock

sungod wrote:

a pair of bamboo chomping evolutionary dead ends

Although Scotland does now have more pandas than Tory MPs!

One Man And His Bike

GiantMike wrote:

Rigga wrote:

i like pandas

Oooh, yeah. Roast Panda with all the trimmings.

Or sweet and sour Panda with special fried noodles.

It's Scotland, they will be battered and deep fried before they have a chance to get laid and breed. Let alone become Chinese style food.

You have to love the optimism of the zoo, already the merchandising is flowing, I mean who DOES NOT want Panda rock?????

Any creature that restricts it's diet to something that low in nutrients and struggles to get laid deserves to be hunted down and shot and become wall mounted objects for a pub wall as they are taking up room on the planet for something with the will to live. :roll:

RichN95.

Cornerblock wrote:

sungod wrote:

a pair of bamboo chomping evolutionary dead ends

Although Scotland does now have more pandas than Tory MPs!

That's a shame. The Tory MPs could have taught them a thing or two about shagging.

DIESELDOG

One Man And His Bike wrote:

GiantMike wrote:

Rigga wrote:

i like pandas

Oooh, yeah. Roast Panda with all the trimmings.

Or sweet and sour Panda with special fried noodles.

It's Scotland, they will be battered and deep fried before they have a chance to get laid and breed. Let alone become Chinese style food.

You have to love the optimism of the zoo, already the merchandising is flowing, I mean who DOES NOT want Panda rock?????

Any creature that restricts it's diet to something that low in nutrients and struggles to get laid deserves to be hunted down and shot and become wall mounted objects for a pub wall as they are taking up room on the planet for something with the will to live. :roll:

Sounds like a fair few blokes I know...

Love n hugs

DD

Alinshearah

They could have saved money on the Pandas by just punching a Polar Bear in the face.

mjclements

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

GiantMike

mjclements wrote:

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

Chapeau sir. Nicely done.

mjclements

GiantMike wrote:

mjclements wrote:

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

Chapeau sir. Nicely done.

Thanks Giant Mike thought I was the only englishman who wished they would look after themselves, (not the pandas).

Alinshearah

mjclements wrote:

GiantMike wrote:

mjclements wrote:

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

Chapeau sir. Nicely done.

Thanks Giant Mike thought I was the only englishman who wished they would look after themselves, (not the pandas).

don't panda to their whims

DIESELDOG

Alinshearah wrote:

mjclements wrote:

GiantMike wrote:

mjclements wrote:

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

Chapeau sir. Nicely done.

Thanks Giant Mike thought I was the only englishman who wished they would look after themselves, (not the pandas).

don't panda to their whims

Nor whim their pandas.

Love n hugs

DD

thegreatdivide

mjclements wrote:

I suppose that as it is a scottish zoo us english tax payers will be paying the £700k a year rent to the chinese as well as the £70k per annum food bill. Seems that the austerity package only applies south of the border. Roll on devolution and being a bricklayer would willingly help reinstate the wall.

Read the Daily Mail much?

disquieting_museeuws

RZSS / Edinburgh Zoo will be paying for the pandas. Their estimated break-even visitor figure is 665,000, whereas the pandas should bring (in the worst case scenario) 1 million visitors .

redvee

T.M.H.N.E.T wrote:

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."


I'll uh,retrieve ones coat

I've heard another joke with the same punchline involving a lady from the oldest profession.

t.m.h.n.e.t

redvee wrote:

T.M.H.N.E.T wrote:

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."


I'll uh,retrieve ones coat

I've heard another joke with the same punchline involving a lady from the oldest profession.

And the koala with the prostitute?

DavidBelcher

RichN95 wrote:

Cornerblock wrote:

sungod wrote:

a pair of bamboo chomping evolutionary dead ends

Although Scotland does now have more pandas than Tory MPs!

That's a shame. The Tory MPs could have taught them a thing or two about shagging.

....and of course claiming expenses for all that bamboo!

David

DavidBelcher

One Man And His Bike wrote:

Any creature that restricts it's diet to something that low in nutrients and struggles to get laid deserves to be hunted down and shot and become wall mounted objects for a pub wall as they are taking up room on the planet for something with the will to live. :roll:

I feel victimised by that statement....oh no, hang on, my diet is actually OK.

David

DavidBelcher

Alinshearah wrote:

They could have saved money on the Pandas by just punching a Polar Bear in the face.

Vicious things, polar bears. I wouldn't fancy punching one in the face! Plus you might make it lose its balance and fall off its giant mint [1]....

David

[1] Apparently I found out from t'internet the other week that there's actually a real life glacier named the Fox Glacier (in NZ I think). Wonder what it tastes like?