Oh, FFS!
greg66_tri_v2.0
Posts: 7,172
This may cheer some of you up.
66 major's birthday is coming up. I found on ebay a figurine that she really wants. Won the auction, yah me. Arrived today.
Out card box heavily taped. Cut through that.
Inner padding of newspapers, plastic bags and two pillowcases [sic]. Work through that.
Remove the original box containing the item. Open it. There are two polystyrene halves taped together. Figurine in inside.
I wonder about opening it to check the condition. Wonder, wonder, wonder. Yes, I will.
Carefully cut the tape and open the poly halves. There's the figurine, carefully padded with additional bits of foam. There are a couple of bits that are separately laid out. I pick them up and have a look. Perfect condition. Bullseye.
Put the bits back in one half of the polystyrene. Close the other half gently. Just as they are coming together - SNAP!
I've broken the fcuking fcuker. Fcuk fcuk fcuk.
Several attempts later to mend it with compund araldite, superglue, and a sharp knife to clean the crap off, and it's still fcuked. It's that polystone stuff that is brittle and porous. And fcuking impossible to mend. And I have a sh!tload of work to do today, and did not have time to waste fcuking around with superglue for an hour.
So I've got another one on order. Brilliant. The cost of an expensive present just doubled because I have the manual skills of Homer Simpson.
And the best bit?
On her birthday 66 major will open it, love it, and within a week it will be broken.
Cnuting hell. I hate my life.
66 major's birthday is coming up. I found on ebay a figurine that she really wants. Won the auction, yah me. Arrived today.
Out card box heavily taped. Cut through that.
Inner padding of newspapers, plastic bags and two pillowcases [sic]. Work through that.
Remove the original box containing the item. Open it. There are two polystyrene halves taped together. Figurine in inside.
I wonder about opening it to check the condition. Wonder, wonder, wonder. Yes, I will.
Carefully cut the tape and open the poly halves. There's the figurine, carefully padded with additional bits of foam. There are a couple of bits that are separately laid out. I pick them up and have a look. Perfect condition. Bullseye.
Put the bits back in one half of the polystyrene. Close the other half gently. Just as they are coming together - SNAP!
I've broken the fcuking fcuker. Fcuk fcuk fcuk.
Several attempts later to mend it with compund araldite, superglue, and a sharp knife to clean the crap off, and it's still fcuked. It's that polystone stuff that is brittle and porous. And fcuking impossible to mend. And I have a sh!tload of work to do today, and did not have time to waste fcuking around with superglue for an hour.
So I've got another one on order. Brilliant. The cost of an expensive present just doubled because I have the manual skills of Homer Simpson.
And the best bit?
On her birthday 66 major will open it, love it, and within a week it will be broken.
Cnuting hell. I hate my life.
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Comments
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Are they worth more in pairs?0
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simples. Give it to her and then after 4-5 days box it up and put it on Ebay and replace with the now fixed one.
will she know?
do you have the balls?
keep us updated."Do not follow where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path, and Leave a Trail."
Parktools :?:SheldonBrown0 -
nicklouse wrote:simples. Give it to her and then after 4-5 days box it up and put it on Ebay and replace with the now fixed one.
will she know?
do you have the balls?
keep us updated.
I think she will spot that a winged animal with one good wing and a stump is not as the designer intended.
It is unfixable.
Ebay? "Welcome. You are bidding on a broken figurine. I can tell you for certain that it cannot be fixed, because I have tried. A lot. Naturally you will get all the bits and individually they are in "as new" condition...
PS Don't forget to check out my other auctions - which are filled with lots of other irreparably broken sh!te."
Yeah. Maybe I can make a tidy profit on the postage.0 -
nicklouse wrote:simples. Give it to her and then after 4-5 days box it up and put it on Ebay and replace with the now fixed one.
will she know?
do you have the balls?
keep us updated.
Even simpler - hide the broken one.
Gift the fixed one.
Wait for 3 days and replace fixed one with broken one.
Blame wife. Act REALLY upset. Make her pay for replacement
Replace with fixed one.
I am a genius. 8)Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
2011 Trek Madone 4.5
2012 Felt F65X
Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter0 -
Brilliant. Except for one small detail.Kieran_Burns wrote:Make her pay for replacement
"Her" money is my money.
Back to genius school for you, laddie.0 -
Break other wing off- hey presto - rare "lizard" figurine!Location: ciderspace0
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Simple - clean off your repair mess and re-attach with superglue. Wrap very carefully and when she unwraps it, the wing will fall off and it will be her fault!Faster than a tent.......0
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Buy yourself some bike stuff to cheer yourself up. 8)'Hello to Jason Isaacs'0
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If you want to effect a repair then I would suggest the following;
Assuming that the figurine is a hard shell around a foam core then the problem is that you are attaching foam to foam which is as weak as, well the top micron of foam. Pretty weak.
First take a scalpel blade and hollow out a decent section of the foam from inside of either side of the break, cleaning right up to the inside surface of the shell.
Second devise a pin that will embed into the foam either side of the break, this will add further rigidity.
Thirdly fill both cavities flush with araldite (or even better, car body filler if you have some). Offer up the two halves. The pin will hold them in place (a snip from a wire coathanger perhaps?), wipe off any excess adhesive or filler and allow to dry unmolested. Now you are using the filler as a structural member and it is sticking to the hard shell and not the crappy foam filler.
Should be way stronger than the original.FCN 5 belt driven fixie for city bits
CAADX 105 beastie for bumpy bits
Litespeed L3 for Strava bits
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.0 -
You know who I'd blame for this?“New York has the haircuts, London has the trousers, but Belfast has the reason!0
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Greg66 wrote:Brilliant. Except for one small detail.Kieran_Burns wrote:Make her pay for replacement
"Her" money is my money.
Pah, scrounger. Tell her to get a job!0 -
TailWindHome wrote:You know who I'd blame for this?
Speedking!0 -
I am delighted to have a companion in misfortune . . . .
So this morning I arrive at work to see a flashing message sign on the "new" IP phones . .
I enter the nine digit and three squirrel noise string of key strokes to access the message . .
"Your PIN has expired, please enter a new PIN"
fecking hell - it's a fecking phone why in the name of all hell would I need a PIn that requires updating on a fecking desk phone... Livid. Now I only have one PIN as four digits about all I'm good for so i am royally pissed off that I'm going to have two, one of which is going to fecking well change every 30 days.
FECKING HELL
anyway . .
I enter the 16 key stroke code to get to the PIN number change sequence and type in
1234
feck em - if it's going to change every month I need some system to help me along.
"That PIN is invalid"
feck - they must have set a non sequential rule - feckers....
Right then
9876
"That PIN is invalid"
Argh - forwards and backwards non sequential rule
ARGHHH
Then
"Enter your ID number"
What ID number? feckers
I put in my staff ID
"Enter your PIN number"
My "old" pin number? one of teh two new ones you don't like? Put in the the old one . .
"That PIN is invalid"
FECKING HELL
So I phone the unhelpful desk.
I enter an easy to remember nineteen question / response rage invoking Automatic cock about robot string to get to a human....
"What's the problem"
"My Phone is a complete fecking cockbadger and my PIN's up it's arse and I'm not changing the bastard every tea time!!"
"OK Sir, you need a PIN reset"
"ARgggghhhhh I need a drink - fecker - go on then yeah reset my pricking PIN" by this time the veneer of civilisation is very thin . . .
"Certainly Sir"
"I need to ask you a couple of security questions - what is your date of Birth"
"And what was the Date you joined the firm"
The date I joined the firm
"Are you kidding me?"
"No Sir"
"I don't know when I joined the firm - it was 5 years ago"
"Sorry Sir I cannot proceed until you answer the question"
"I can't answer teh question - I don't know the answer . . ask me another - one about sport maybe?"
"We don't have any others - can you call HR and get them to tell you and then call me back and i can proceed"
"For my fecking voicemail?"
"yes Sir"
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHFixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
SimonAH wrote:If you want to effect a repair then I would suggest the following;
Assuming that the figurine is a hard shell around a foam core then the problem is that you are attaching foam to foam which is as weak as, well the top micron of foam. Pretty weak.
First take a scalpel blade and hollow out a decent section of the foam from inside of either side of the break, cleaning right up to the inside surface of the shell.
Second devise a pin that will embed into the foam either side of the break, this will add further rigidity.
Thirdly fill both cavities flush with araldite (or even better, car body filler if you have some). Offer up the two halves. The pin will hold them in place (a snip from a wire coathanger perhaps?), wipe off any excess adhesive or filler and allow to dry unmolested. Now you are using the filler as a structural member and it is sticking to the hard shell and not the crappy foam filler.
Should be way stronger than the original.
Thought about something similar. The broken area would take one piece of paper clip wire. It's small. And gettinng both holes lined up is...unlikely.
I'm wondering whether I will feel better if I take a hammer to it.0 -
It's a figurine - it sounds awful. Divine intervention is telling you to go buy a decent gift.
(This may not be helpful advice.)0 -
#Schadenfreudeisnotasin0
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Hammertime!FCN 5 belt driven fixie for city bits
CAADX 105 beastie for bumpy bits
Litespeed L3 for Strava bits
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.0 -
Monkeypump wrote:It's a figurine - it sounds awful. Divine intervention is telling you to go buy a decent gift.
(This may not be helpful advice.)
Mrs 66 is of the view that one should never make a gift of something that one would not want oneself.
I of of the view that my opinion of the merits of something I am to give to someone else is irrelevant; if they like it, that is enough.
Whilst your observation may be fair in some circumstances, in my world it's irrelevant.0 -
get her absolutely pissed, pass the badly repaired item to her, induce a nudge and watch it fall and hence blame her ladyship for said unfortunate breakage...
sods law being your fix would be stronger and it'd snap the other but hey ho.Le Cannon [98 Cannondale M400] [FCN: 8]
The Mad Monkey [2013 Hoy 003] [FCN: 4]0 -
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clarkey cat wrote:I don't like the word 'figurine'. It sounds evil.
I can't even work out how a fig would pass it.0 -
Greg, just tell her!
She loves you, she'll understand!Greg T wrote:fecking cockbadger
That sir is the funniest posts I've read, ever.Food Chain number = 4
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game0 -
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It's going to be so funny when you finally get logged on and find out that the voicemail is a courtesy message telling you that your PIN is about to expire!Greg T wrote:I am delighted to have a companion in misfortune . . . .
So this morning I arrive at work to see a flashing message sign on the "new" IP phones . .
I enter the nine digit and three squirrel noise string of key strokes to access the message . .
"Your PIN has expired, please enter a new PIN"
fecking hell - it's a fecking phone why in the name of all hell would I need a PIn that requires updating on a fecking desk phone... Livid. Now I only have one PIN as four digits about all I'm good for so i am royally pissed off that I'm going to have two, one of which is going to fecking well change every 30 days.
FECKING HELL
anyway . .
I enter the 16 key stroke code to get to the PIN number change sequence and type in
1234
feck em - if it's going to change every month I need some system to help me along.
"That PIN is invalid"
feck - they must have set a non sequential rule - feckers....
Right then
9876
"That PIN is invalid"
Argh - forwards and backwards non sequential rule
ARGHHH
Then
"Enter your ID number"
What ID number? feckers
I put in my staff ID
"Enter your PIN number"
My "old" pin number? one of teh two new ones you don't like? Put in the the old one . .
"That PIN is invalid"
FECKING HELL
So I phone the unhelpful desk.
I enter an easy to remember nineteen question / response rage invoking Automatic cock about robot string to get to a human....
"What's the problem"
"My Phone is a complete fecking cockbadger and my PIN's up it's ars* and I'm not changing the bastard every tea time!!"
"OK Sir, you need a PIN reset"
"ARgggghhhhh I need a drink - fecker - go on then yeah reset my pricking PIN" by this time the veneer of civilisation is very thin . . .
"Certainly Sir"
"I need to ask you a couple of security questions - what is your date of Birth"
"And what was the Date you joined the firm"
The date I joined the firm
"Are you kidding me?"
"No Sir"
"I don't know when I joined the firm - it was 5 years ago"
"Sorry Sir I cannot proceed until you answer the question"
"I can't answer teh question - I don't know the answer . . ask me another - one about sport maybe?"
"We don't have any others - can you call HR and get them to tell you and then call me back and i can proceed"
"For my fecking voicemail?"
"yes Sir"
ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH0 -
Greg T wrote:"We don't have any others - can you call HR and get them to tell you and then call me back and i can proceed"
"For my fecking voicemail?"
"yes Sir"
Please please please phone them back and say that HR looked up the date but you weren't at your desk when they called back so they left a message.0 -
FCN 2-4.
"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."0 -
I don't get IT 'procedures' such as this.
Nor do I get figurines.
You should have just got her a new helmet.0
