How to stay calm?

bails87

I called someone a c*nt on the way home tonight :oops:

They cut across my lane on a RAB....fine, I was zen, got out of the way and let it go. but she shouted something at me as she went past.

Then she stopped in traffic 50 yards ahead, as I went past she told me to 'know where my white lines are'. I said it was her who was crossing the lines. "No it fooking wasn't,"

Right, because in 2 and a half tonnes of jaguar, with suspiciously dark tints on the windows you've got better visibility than I have on a bike :roll: I've just looked at the vid and her car was slap bang across the middle of two lanes!

I should have just sat behind her in the traffic rather than going past. :oops:

MaxwellBygraves

CiB wrote:

HamishD wrote:

Even so, let it lie. There's no reasoning with idiots so don't try . . .

Can't really agree with that. If someone spouts a genuinely held view but is just plain wrong, there's nothing wrong in pointing out the opposing but correct opinion. Whether that leads to a slanging match in the street is another matter, but assuming that everyone is a numpty who can't learn something new isn't the best way forward.

I agree, but I don't think on a busy road in the middle of rush hour is the time or the place. IMO of course.

bunter

I lost it just last week with a passenger who had sprayed his drink over me as their car passed me. He did this because I had earlier tapped the car window when their car veered into a cycle lane (I wanted to make the driver aware of my existence before they ran me off the road). As both driver and passenger seemed unaware of the cycle lane they must have thought I was undertaking and/or trying to damage their car. I caught up with him at the lights and started ranting and swearing incoherently at him. He seemed up for a fight and I wasn't (although I was tempted). He sprayed his sticky drink in my face again and they drove off as the lights changed.

I came out of this feeling angry, stressed and sticky. I wish I had just left them to it. I achieved nothing and wasn't even able to make my point clearly. I am glad I didn't hit the guy (although I think he richly deserved it). I am going to try to keep this in mind in future.

greg66_tri_v2.0

gilmour84 wrote:

This was straight after riding away from a set of traffic lights. I was at the front of the queue at the red light, and always maintian the centre of the lane for about 100 yards after the junction to clear the poor road surface. So there is no point in pulling in and indicating to move back out.

Unless you're accelerating like Chris Hoy on steroids, that's going to p!ss drivers off. And I have some sympathy with them.

joelsim

There's no point, even if you are in the right.

Most drivers are decent human beings, the odd one is a tosser. Let them be a tosser, it's them who have to live with being one. It's usually because they are lacking in brain cells, rest assured they will always struggle in life especially when the local cat can out-argue them without resorting to swearing, threatening behaviour.

As someone else mentioned above, I too, often see much worse behaviour from cyclists which I find very sad. Last week an idiot nearly knocked me off shooting past me as I swerved to avoid an obstacle in front, made all the worse by the fact that he had just shot a zebra and made several peds pull up to avoid the twat.

jonny_trousers

Greg66 wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

This was straight after riding away from a set of traffic lights. I was at the front of the queue at the red light, and always maintian the centre of the lane for about 100 yards after the junction to clear the poor road surface. So there is no point in pulling in and indicating to move back out.

Unless you're accelerating like Chris Hoy on steroids, that's going to p!ss drivers off. And I have some sympathy with them.

I would be inclined to agree with this: 100 yards is a long distance to be blocking motorists from passing you. Poor road surface is annoying, but winding up people who are already frustrated may not be the best idea.

Regarding the broader point, I have to say I am not good at staying quiet when a motorist takes risks with my safety, or has a go at me for no good reason, but given what I have read at places like this, I would never touch their car unless I absolutely had to. For some reason that seems to be what pushes a lot of nutters over the edge.

Anyway, wankers, the lot of 'em!

shouldbeinbed

Calm is a state of mind, you invariably choose whether to stay calm or not.

Call em a c**t under your breath if it helps & go back to the happy place you have to find when it rains like mad or you're doing miles into a block headwind or you're onto your 3rd puncture of the week . If you do feel the need for them to get a talking to, better to get their number plate & present yourself at the police station calm, polite & cincernrd for other people's road safety, or if a liveried vehicle contact their place of work. Probably won't happen but more likely to have an effect coming from someone else once they're calm again than being yelled at by the person that has wound them up (rightly or wrongly)

CrackFox

bails87 wrote:

the next person might be a mentalist with a knife

Always worth bearing ^this^ in mind I think.

Best case scenario - driver is reasonable. He apologies and you feel vindicated, but you've still lost time and miss your 9am stand-up. Not much of a win. Likely scenario - you vent your spleen. Driver gets angry. You get angry. Both parties are late and remain p*ssed off for the rest of the morning. Not really a win. Worst case scenario - driver is a knuckle-dragging gutter monkey. He stabs you repeatedly with a homemade knife and you gasp out your last breaths pondering the sudden, brutal pointlessness of your imminent demise. Not a win by any stretch.

The best course of action is to avoid confrontation and keep going. Stay calm by picturing something soothing, like lambs in a meadow or Gandhi pushing Yoda on a swing.

jonny_trousers

CrackFox wrote:

bails87 wrote:

the next person might be a mentalist with a knife

Always worth bearing ^this^ in mind I think.

Best case scenario - driver is reasonable. He apologies and you feel vindicated, but you've still lost time and miss your 9am stand-up. Not much of a win. Likely scenario - you vent your spleen. Driver gets angry. You get angry. Both parties are late and remain p*ssed off for the rest of the morning. Not really a win. Worst case scenario - driver is a knuckle-dragging gutter monkey. He stabs you repeatedly with a homemade knife and you gasp out your last breaths pondering the sudden, brutal pointlessness of your imminent demise. Not a win by any stretch.

The best course of action is to avoid confrontation and keep going. Stay calm by picturing something soothing, like lambs in a meadow or Gandhi pushing Yoda on a swing.

There is another scenario I have encountered a couple of times: driver gets called out on driving/behaving like an arse, driver - who is not really a psycho with a knife, but an ordinary idiot who finds himself far too tense and impatient simply because he drives a car - subsequently goes away seething that a cyclist correctly pointed out the error of his ways, cyclist gets a great burst of adrenaline from the encounter and has a fantastic time burning it off over the rest of his journey, driver moves another day nearer to that heart attack waiting to happen.

I am being a bit of a dick, I know, and I do agree with all the Zen wisdom stated above - and try to adhere to it too - but sometimes not only is it hard to hold your tongue, but quite exciting not to.

Kieran_Burns

Just to add... you DO get people who make mistakes and then admit it:

http://youtu.be/HRBQq1jQlNU?hd=1

(without being prompted)

gilmour84

Greg66 wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

This was straight after riding away from a set of traffic lights. I was at the front of the queue at the red light, and always maintian the centre of the lane for about 100 yards after the junction to clear the poor road surface. So there is no point in pulling in and indicating to move back out.

Unless you're accelerating like Chris Hoy on steroids, that's going to p!ss drivers off. And I have some sympathy with them.

The way I cycle at this section of the road is the safest way to pass the bad surface without getting hit. I am a safe and 99% of the time a considerate cyclist. And if you ever wanted to come and cycle my commute then you could see this (and no doubt have an opinion on my cycling style). As for my original post I was not asking for a critique on my riding style and road positioning, I was asking for methods that people use to stay calm when they are such situations.

greg66_tri_v2.0

gilmour84 wrote:

As for my original post I was not asking for a critique on my riding style and road positioning, I was asking for methods that people use to stay calm when they are such situations.

I understand that. But one way to address your question is to look at ways to avoid situations that lead to confrontation.

I simply don't believe that you need to ride in the middle of a lane continually for 100 yards to avoid potholes. If this were true, the cars behind you would be avoiding your lane as well, and you wouldn't be an obstruction.

gilmour84

Again you are mentioning the riding style. This is the only time I have had a problem on this stretch of road. I have cycled this route for 3 years, and taken the same position everyday.

There is railings along the side of the pavement, meaning I can't go round the otherside of them, and the 2 parts of the road that are a problem are akwardly positioned. They are enough to buckle a bike wheel, as my friend found out, but small enough for a car wheel to be fine.

But that is one incident. and the actual incident is irrelevant. I have a temper when confronted by drivers, and lose my rag. I was just wondering what advice people had for staying calm.

memsley89

You could always report the potholes to your local council?

Or am I living on cloud nine :P

kieranb

well, seeing as we don't actually know the surface of the road she is talking about, assuming she is telling the truth and it is covered with potholes, she is right to avoid them, and if that means cycling in the middle of the lane for a bit then so be it. Any reasonable driver would see the potholes and understand why she was in the middle of the lane.

gilmour84

kieranb wrote:

well, seeing as we don't actually know the surface of the road she is talking about, assuming she is telling the truth and it is covered with potholes, she is right to avoid them, and if that means cycling in the middle of the lane for a bit then so be it. Any reasonable driver would see the potholes and understand why she was in the middle of the lane.

(he)

clarkey cat

if you're getting angry and stressed riding to work maybe you should take public transport.

rick_chasey

clarkey cat wrote:

if you're getting angry and stressed riding to work maybe you should take public transport.

Given the amount of rage I see on the roomy district line carriages when it's still quite quiet, I doubt that's such a great idea...

gilmour84

Rick Chasey wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

if you're getting angry and stressed riding to work maybe you should take public transport.

Given the amount of rage I see on the roomy district line carriages when it's still quite quiet, I doubt that's such a great idea...

I get the district line out of town, so its even more roomy than heading into town and its still terrible. But nothing beats the feeling of the 49/50 good commutes I have, and getting to work and feeling awake, rather than in an artificial coffee induced state.

sketchley

Rick Chasey wrote:

Sketchley wrote:

This is bad advice.

But try pushing a few of their buttons to get them more wound up. There is something quite calming about watching the other person loose it when you are in control. Just don't let it go too far and always have an exit plan.

This is really bad advice.

It is.

I did this to a chap.

I'll explain:



Out of nowhere this guy started giving me seemingly random abuse. In response, I said a few things to wind him up more.

He then tried to run me over. He failed, so he got out of the car, knocked me off onto the floor and started kicking me.

The guy who pulled him off me refused to be a witness.

The police called the rage man in for questioning, but with only my word against his, they had to drop it.

Yes that's why it's bad advice. The point was simply that it can be quite calming to push someones buttons and watch them explode.

SimonAH

There is an alternative school of thought worth considering.
Car big and powerful, bicycle small and fragile, driver acting aggressively because he's identifying with his vehicle as the contestant in the p1ssing contest?

I've had a lot of shouty drivers get the hell out of dodge when I've reared right back at them. Perhaps in one or two cases it was a behaviour modifier too?

clarkey cat

Why bother?

Just enjoy your ride and forget about everyone else.

NGale

I'm afraid I am one of those who shouts (never swear though) I let them know I'm angry and then just get on with it. Jake on the other hand has a look which could kill when a driver gets on his bad side, nothing needs to be said. :shock:

rick_chasey

gilmour84 wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

if you're getting angry and stressed riding to work maybe you should take public transport.

Given the amount of rage I see on the roomy district line carriages when it's still quite quiet, I doubt that's such a great idea...

I get the district line out of town, so its even more roomy than heading into town and its still terrible. But nothing beats the feeling of the 49/50 good commutes I have, and getting to work and feeling awake, rather than in an artificial coffee induced state.

Is it really that bad?

It's a 10 minute walk, then sit down for 30mins and drift off to whatever music or podcast i'm listening to, then to wake up with a 5 minute walk the other end.

(I realise this isn't the best place to be saying I like using PT)

izthewiz

At the other end of the scale, I recently had someone toot me as they started to overtake. I gave them the usual reflexive one-fingered wave, only to realise a moment later that it was my mum! I blamed it on a bad day when I saw her next, and she laughed about it, but I felt a bit of a Terry all the same. :oops:

gilmour84

Rick Chasey wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

clarkey cat wrote:

if you're getting angry and stressed riding to work maybe you should take public transport.

Given the amount of rage I see on the roomy district line carriages when it's still quite quiet, I doubt that's such a great idea...

I get the district line out of town, so its even more roomy than heading into town and its still terrible. But nothing beats the feeling of the 49/50 good commutes I have, and getting to work and feeling awake, rather than in an artificial coffee induced state.

Is it really that bad?

It's a 10 minute walk, then sit down for 30mins and drift off to whatever music or podcast i'm listening to, then to wake up with a 5 minute walk the other end.

(I realise this isn't the best place to be saying I like using PT)

I have to change at Ealing broadway, and then get on another train, so I don't get long enough to sit down and relax or read a book before I am getting up and changing to another train. I used to have an hour onone train, and that was fine as I had time to enjoy it, and got on early enough to get a seat.

rick_chasey

That's it really.

Changes ruin any PT experience.

UndercoverElephant

Greg66 wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

As for my original post I was not asking for a critique on my riding style and road positioning, I was asking for methods that people use to stay calm when they are such situations.

I understand that. But one way to address your question is to look at ways to avoid situations that lead to confrontation.

I simply don't believe that you need to ride in the middle of a lane continually for 100 yards to avoid potholes. If this were true, the cars behind you would be avoiding your lane as well, and you wouldn't be an obstruction.

I think Mr. 66 has a point here, the best way to keep calm is to avoid the confrontation in the first place. The fact that you're getting so riled when he dares to say that your riding may be the cause of the confrontation probably means that you're generally not a calm type of chap.

There can be many reasons for this, according to this site, you're probably having marriage difficulties and were spoiled as a child.

gilmour84

UndercoverElephant wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

As for my original post I was not asking for a critique on my riding style and road positioning, I was asking for methods that people use to stay calm when they are such situations.

I understand that. But one way to address your question is to look at ways to avoid situations that lead to confrontation.

I simply don't believe that you need to ride in the middle of a lane continually for 100 yards to avoid potholes. If this were true, the cars behind you would be avoiding your lane as well, and you wouldn't be an obstruction.

I think Mr. 66 has a point here, the best way to keep calm is to avoid the confrontation in the first place. The fact that you're getting so riled when he dares to say that your riding may be the cause of the confrontation probably means that you're generally not a calm type of chap.

There can be many reasons for this, according to this site, you're probably having marriage difficulties and were spoiled as a child.

All I can do is laugh. I have never read a comment that was looking for confrontation as much as this one. Surely you can't be serious?

Leave the scraps out and the trolls come to feed.

estampida

The conflict with other road users is fragmented

I am 6ft 4 or so and 13 stone, and described as athletic

even the idots that would norrmally take on a cyclist, just sit there in the car and try to avoid conflict why is this??

if I was 5ft 5 and 9 stobne would they defend themselves more? I think they would

all the road users that get the aggro out of the bottle when there is a differnce of opinion have performed a risk assessment on the outcome before they start the confontation (win / loose)

some shoot straight from the hip because they are normally aggressive and it is there coaping statagy, this is my common dealing with motorists