How to stay calm?

gilmour84

I try to stay calm when I have a run in with a motorist (Probably about once every 2-3 months). But usually fail misserably and end up with an arguement in the street rather than a calm / civilised discussion. Does anyone have any tips on how to stay calm?

Koncordski

Just let it go, you'll never win. Any commute where you arrive without the aid of an ambulance is a good commute.

gtvlusso

Been best part of 3 years since I had a proper altercation.

Better anticipation of muppetry? Take it out on the pedals and ride harder? I see more stupid cycling than poor driving, so I guess I sympathise with the drivers more now and let things lie - as we commuters are really no better than anyone else.

Dunno.

rick_chasey

Forget it's a human behind the wheel.

Don't ever take anything that happens on the road personally, and never engage in communication through glass.

gilmour84

The problem is the last twice the driver has initiated it.

Last night was because I was in the middle of a lane avoiding a couple of potholes, and he starts beeping his horn and his wing mirror was actually tucked under my arm. He pulled over and started telling me I was in his way and I should have been further over so he could squeeze passed.

essex-commuter

Say whatever you want to say, call them whatever you want, but do it under your breath. Tell yourself you are better than them and move on. Life is too short to waste time chasing down and shouting at a numpty.

HamishD

gilmour84 wrote:

The problem is the last twice the driver has initiated it.

Last night was because I was in the middle of a lane avoiding a couple of potholes, and he starts beeping his horn and his wing mirror was actually tucked under my arm. He pulled over and started telling me I was in his way and I should have been further over so he could squeeze passed.

Even so, let it lie. There's no reasoning with idiots so don't try . . .

CyclingBantam

HamishD wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

The problem is the last twice the driver has initiated it.

Last night was because I was in the middle of a lane avoiding a couple of potholes, and he starts beeping his horn and his wing mirror was actually tucked under my arm. He pulled over and started telling me I was in his way and I should have been further over so he could squeeze passed.

Even so, let it lie. There's no reasoning with idiots so don't try . . .

As simple advice as that it, it is really spot on.

When people behave like that they are clearly incapable (probably only because they are behind the wheel. We all know what that does to people) or thinking or reasoning.

If you get in to an argument with them, you will just get dragged down to their level.

As against the grain as it is to just say nothing, it is the best way. It also leaves the driver hopefully in just a tiny little bit of doubt as to why you didn't react and makes them think about what has happened etc.

Either that or D-lock the cnut....

kelsen

Try asking the following questions. If the answer is 'No' at any point, then perhaps the best option is just to walk away.

1) Is there a problem?
2) Do you have any control over it?
3) How can it be resolved?

bails87

kelsen wrote:

Try asking the following questions. If the answer is 'No' at any point, then perhaps the best option is just to walk away.


3) How can it be resolved?

No.

:?




I think there's a saying that sums it up: "Never try to argue with an idiot, they'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"


In the heat of the moment you get distracted. Someone cuts you up, passes way too close, they say "well maybe you should ride on the pavement", you tell them it's illegal, they say they do it all the time and have never had a problem, they say they pay road tax, or that they've passed a test, or that cyclists RLJ or that you should be in a car if you want to be on the road.....All of that is irrelevant to the bad driving, but they'll argue about it and you'll end up arguing the finer points of road building fund legislation, when all you wanted was more room between their wing mirror and your arm.

CiB

HamishD wrote:

Even so, let it lie. There's no reasoning with idiots so don't try . . .

Can't really agree with that. If someone spouts a genuinely held view but is just plain wrong, there's nothing wrong in pointing out the opposing but correct opinion. Whether that leads to a slanging match in the street is another matter, but assuming that everyone is a numpty who can't learn something new isn't the best way forward.

gilesjuk

Pick up your bike, get on the pavement and then call them names, most angry motorists are so fat and unfit that you can run away on the pavement (carrying your bike too) and they'll be too unfit to make chase

snooks

You have time to stop and argue? Think of your PB!

You can't win, it's not like after you've said you're piece they will turn around and say "You make a very valid point, I was in the wrong, I'm very sorry"

If you feel the need to comment on their skilful driving, stick to an "Woah!" or a hand wave, usually a little pi$$ take one to say hello, then ride off into the distance, costs you no time.

Think of your PB

If it turns into a chase, find an off road with speed bumps, go left, left and left again and you should be back on the street you were and they will be further back than they were waiting at traffic junctions. You'll be cycling a lot faster and even with the detour you might beat your PB!

notsoblue

bails87

snooks wrote:

, stick to an "Woah!"

I did this once when a knackered fiesta clipped my elbow. Proper angry looking chav with veins bulging on his forehead jumped out and told me that "Some people I know would rip you'r f*cking face off for that". Lovely chap.

Another guy was trying to overtake in a gap that wasn't there, to the point where my heel was clipping his bumper as I pedalled. I gave a few (polite!) hand signals and shouts to get him to move away and he wouldn't. I ended up booting the front wing of the car. I'm not proud of it but it got rid of him. He then passed wide before pulling in to discuss it with me. It ended up with both of us 'agreeing to disagree', wishing each other a good weekened and him agreeing to give the next cyclist he saw more room if I agreed to not repeat the 'crimes' I'd committed (overtaking a stationary line of traffic & not riding in the gutter :roll: ). I wouldn't want to do that again because the next person might be a mentalist with a knife, but at the time it felt like it was either get run over or deal with an angry driver on foot.

greg66_tri_v2.0

gilmour84 wrote:

The problem is the last twice the driver has initiated it.

Last night was because I was in the middle of a lane avoiding a couple of potholes, and he starts beeping his horn and his wing mirror was actually tucked under my arm. He pulled over and started telling me I was in his way and I should have been further over so he could squeeze passed.

Re-read that account. The driver starts beeping because you're in the middle of a lane.

So who initiated what?

Here's a tip: drivers don't generally mind cyclists, but they do object to feeling that they are being held up unnecessarily (just like everyone, really).

If you're riding close to the ambient speed of the traffic, spot some potholes ahead, give a hand signal, swing out into the lane and accelerate (and look like you're accelerating), 99 drivers out of 100 won't give you a hard time.

If, OTOH, you swing out suddenly and without warning, cause the driver behind to brake, and ride slowly round the potholes (and basically look like you're not making any effort to make progress), you're going to get a reaction.

I'll guess that what you did was somewhere between the two extremes. Ask yourself honestly: which one was it closer to?

Jay dubbleU

Just relax - its someone else's stress/heart attack

kieranb

There is no need for the cyclist to accelerate when passing the potholes, assuming he signals and pulls out safely, the driver behind should simply apply his brakes to slow down. If the driver reacts badly to that then it is his response that is wrong and cyclists shouldn't pander to every driver's desire or we would not be on the roads at all.

prawny

kieranb wrote:

There is no need for the cyclist to accelerate when passing the potholes, assuming he signals and pulls out safely, the driver behind should simply apply his brakes to slow down. If the driver reacts badly to that then it is his response that is wrong and cyclists shouldn't pander to every driver's desire or we would not be on the roads at all.

There's no actual need but I try to do this to minimise disruption, I also sprint for/wave cars through traffic calming islands. I don't need to do it but it's often appreciated and I cant think of a time when I've ever had an argument in the street with a motorist.

I'd rather yeild and be alive than be technically right and either dead or in a fight.

cje

Just try to let it go.

Arguing in the street is never a good look, no matter who is in the right.

Extralight

I agree with those above who suggest the best thing is just to ride away from these situations to avoid any confrontation. The thing about people who behave unreasonably, whether driver or cyclist, is that they are unreasonable - they cannot be reasoned with!. I think that in 20+ years of cycling, maybe only 2 or 3 times has a driver who's almost taken me out that I've then tried to engage in reasonable dialogue actually acknowledged or apologised. No matter how politely and calmly you try to get someone to realise what they've done, I would say that 99% of people will hear this as criticism rather than constructive advice, and respond with, at best, anger, and at worst, violence.

It's hard, and I don't always succeed in staying calm, but I almost always regret any attempt I make to communicate with another road user who I think is putting others at risk. I try to remind myself of this little mantra before I set off each time:
- acknowledge good behaviour (a wave of thanks achieves so much more than any other gesture)
- ignore the bad
- avoid the dangerous
Stay calm, and stay safe!

jonny_trousers

It's a tough one isn't it? I know the sensible course of action is to ignore, but it's hard to do so when some prat is either putting your life at risk or getting irate because you are holding up their journey by 4 seconds. Thankfully I've never encouraged a road side argument, but I have several times told an idiot what I think of him. Not wise, I know, but made me feel better at the time.

Ps. I think it's a little unfair to question the OP's riding in the example he gives. We don't know the full situation and surely we've all experienced complete tools getting wound up with us without justification.

Extralight

Just realised that the advice that me and many others have given, ie. just ride away and avoid getting into a confrontation, maybe doesn't help to answer the OP's question of how to stay calm.

So, for me, when some moron does something that puts me or someone else at risk, or abuses me for no reason other than I'm on a bike, here's what I do. Inside, I'm seething with anger, my pulse rises, and my instinct is to chase them down and have it out with them. However, what I try to do instead is to breathe deeply and slowly to regain my composure, and remind myself that it would be futile to do anything other than completely ignore what's happened. Sometimes it helps to think about what will happen to this person when they behave pyschotically to another equally unreasonable and angry pyschopath. Wishing bad karma on them can help! Eventually they'll meet their match, and someone will perhaps take them out. Let's hope in the meantime they don't hurt anyone else though.

Don't try and educate them, you'll only end up getting more agitated and upset. Ride away, and you'll keep your dignity and stay safe. The other thing I try to do is to think about the hundreds of other drivers I've come across that day who have given me space, who have given me right of way, who are decent and reasonable people. Don't let one or two t1ts spoil your enjoyment of riding or prejudice you against all motorists.

sketchley

This is bad advice.

But try pushing a few of their buttons to get them more wound up. There is something quite calming about watching the other person loose it when you are in control. Just don't let it go too far and always have an exit plan.

This is really bad advice.

Specialized Needs

I think Extralight is right: G84 already seems to appreciate that it is not a good idea to 'lose it', but s/he is asking for tips to help them keep calm.

How do I stay calm?

Personally, I allow myself a feeling of superiority. Arrogant, maybe, but at the time it allows me to almost pity the miscreant and accept the situation.

The one time I saw red, and was unable to stop myself, was when a car almost flattened my wife in front of me (turning right, across us).

Thankfully, they turned into a long straight road and accelerated away. I'm not sure what I would have improvised on the spur of the moment had they stopped or I'd caught them up. But I am sure I would have looked silly at the time, felt bad about it (whatever happened - and I probably would have come off worse :? ), and felt less 'zen' when looking back on it.

But I'm not sure I have a trick to stop such a reaction in that situation.

Extralight

Sketchley wrote:

This is bad advice.

But try pushing a few of their buttons to get them more wound up. There is something quite calming about watching the other person loose it when you are in control. Just don't let it go too far and always have an exit plan.

This is really bad advice.

I know where you're coming from! One occasion recently where I failed to follow my own advice was when I chased down some idiot on a bike (bicycle) who jumped the lights I was waiting at, who had to swerve to narrowly avoid colliding with an elderly woman on the pedestrian crossing. I just had to ask him why he was riding like a tw*t. Totally antagonistic on my part, and really foolish (he was bigger than me - most people are). I soon realised he was riding like a tw*t because he was one. What ensued was a very comical explosion of anger whilst trying to ride a bike - threats of violence spewing out, accompanied by flailing limbs and shaking fists. What I particularly enjoyed observing was the collection of spittle accumulating on his face as spat venom out at me for having the audacity to tell him what to do. After 30 seconds or so, I rode away from this chap - he was really very angry indeed, especially when I said he must be proud of his behaviour. Better than witnessing this spectacle was then being beeped by a White Van Man (sterotypical 'enemy' of the cyclist) and given the thumbs up for giving this joker a talking too. But, as you said Sketchhley, it's bad advice. There's no way of knowing who might be a genuine pschopath who decides to stab you for challenging or winding them up...

gilmour84

Greg66 wrote:

gilmour84 wrote:

The problem is the last twice the driver has initiated it.

Last night was because I was in the middle of a lane avoiding a couple of potholes, and he starts beeping his horn and his wing mirror was actually tucked under my arm. He pulled over and started telling me I was in his way and I should have been further over so he could squeeze passed.

Re-read that account. The driver starts beeping because you're in the middle of a lane.

So who initiated what?

Here's a tip: drivers don't generally mind cyclists, but they do object to feeling that they are being held up unnecessarily (just like everyone, really).

If you're riding close to the ambient speed of the traffic, spot some potholes ahead, give a hand signal, swing out into the lane and accelerate (and look like you're accelerating), 99 drivers out of 100 won't give you a hard time.

If, OTOH, you swing out suddenly and without warning, cause the driver behind to brake, and ride slowly round the potholes (and basically look like you're not making any effort to make progress), you're going to get a reaction.

I'll guess that what you did was somewhere between the two extremes. Ask yourself honestly: which one was it closer to?

This was straight after riding away from a set of traffic lights. I was at the front of the queue at the red light, and always maintian the centre of the lane for about 100 yards after the junction to clear the poor road surface. So there is no point in pulling in and indicating to move back out.

gilmour84

I think extralight has the best advice here. Thanks, I will try that and hope it works for me.

Also I was cycling with my girlfriend on this occasion, I usually only ride with her at the weekend training rides / sportives, when the traffic is usually a lot better. So I think there is an element of protection in the fact I was more agressive last night than I have ever been before in a confrontation.

rick_chasey

Sketchley wrote:

This is bad advice.

But try pushing a few of their buttons to get them more wound up. There is something quite calming about watching the other person loose it when you are in control. Just don't let it go too far and always have an exit plan.

This is really bad advice.

It is.

I did this to a chap.

I'll explain:



Out of nowhere this guy started giving me seemingly random abuse. In response, I said a few things to wind him up more.

He then tried to run me over. He failed, so he got out of the car, knocked me off onto the floor and started kicking me.

The guy who pulled him off me refused to be a witness.

The police called the rage man in for questioning, but with only my word against his, they had to drop it.

rick_chasey

Avoid all communication, beyond indicating with other vehicles.

It's dead simple. They shout at you. Ignore/avoid them. etc etc.

SmellTheGlove

If at all possible, avoid altercations.

If it comes to words, ask the innocuous question "Are you in a hurry?"
Firstly it will give you a moment to calm down - then if that motorist, having first wanted you out of their way but then stopped, proceeds to answer either yes or no, you'll at least be able to have a bloody good laugh at him/her/it.