Self-defence tips for commuting?

gtvlusso

Sketchley wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

The complete tossa (i.e. me) squares up, stands and fights......

Interesting. My Karate teaching taught me to Square Up, stand firm and let the other man make the decision if they want to fight or not. Should I be unable to get the hell out a situation, or for that matter if I have to intervene (see above story) I refuse to be intimidated and will always stand my ground. Certainly helps that I can handle myself if need be although I've not struck someone in anger in over 25 years and don't want to start now. Even red mist man wouldn't phase me I'd probably just sit on them and wait for police.

I just don't want to see people getting hurt :-(

rjsterry

gtvlusso wrote:

....Have no conscience at all and show no mercy (all a bit gladiator?!) - any weakness will be exploited. All the words of my boxing coach from a few years ago....

He sounds a little bit mental.

kelsen

TailWindHome wrote:

Crane kick

'No can defence'

<counters with drum technique>

I beg to differ

gtvlusso

rjsterry wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

....Have no conscience at all and show no mercy (all a bit gladiator?!) - any weakness will be exploited. All the words of my boxing coach from a few years ago....

He sounds a little bit mental.

You have to be 100% convinced in your abilities before you box - hence the bravado and comments like this. It is the only way to step in the ring, anyone who thought about the impacts of hitting someone would immediately lose.....

walkingbootweather

I'm a lover not a fighter...

One technique that can be usefully employed is to say something completely out of context in response to aggression - it confuses the cr@p out of people.

Something along the lines of:
Unhappy camper: :twisted: :twisted: "You *!$*! cyclist, I'm going to !£$%&**£ kill you" :twisted: :twisted:
Me: "Do you know how much I paid for these apples? £2.50 I tell you. £2.50 for 6 apples. I don't even like apples much. Wish I'd bought oranges now...."
Unhappy camper: :? :? "What the £*&! are you talking about?" :? "Are you mad or something? :?
Me: "The kids like apples though. Perhaps I could make a crumble?"

Trust me it works...

UndercoverElephant

As does feigning a nervous tick and shouting, "Pancakes!" repeatedly.

walkingbootweather

UndercoverElephant wrote:

As does feigning a nervous tick and shouting, "Pancakes!" repeatedly.

Unless it is a Tuesday 'cause they might want to Shove you....

UndercoverElephant

walkingbootweather wrote:

UndercoverElephant wrote:

As does feigning a nervous tick and shouting, "Pancakes!" repeatedly.

Unless it is a Tuesday 'cause they might want to Shove you....

Nah, they worry I'm going to batter them.

clarkey cat

I pretend I'm talking into a hidden mic and whisper urgently "Code Red Code Red all units to Papa Tango Fifteen"

walkingbootweather

UndercoverElephant wrote:

walkingbootweather wrote:

UndercoverElephant wrote:

As does feigning a nervous tick and shouting, "Pancakes!" repeatedly.

Unless it is a Tuesday 'cause they might want to Shove you....

Nah, they worry I'm going to batter them.

That would scare the crepe out of me...

clarkey cat

That would scare the crepe out of me...

I think I'd flip

walkingbootweather

clarkey cat wrote:

That would scare the crepe out of me...

I think I'd flip

Does that make you a T0$$er?

Beat you to it UE

UndercoverElephant

I don't care if they think I'm a tosser.

Edit: Damnit!

All you need to learn is how to give "The Crazy Eyes", and you're set.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz4KOBcqG1o

tailwindhome

You could try smugly pointing out that you have a helmet cam and that the footage will be up on youtube that very night.

That'll calm the situation.

kelsen

walkingbootweather wrote:

I'm a lover not a fighter...

Didn't work for this guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5zB5Z3dXPw

walkingbootweather

kelsen wrote:

walkingbootweather wrote:

I'm a lover not a fighter...

Didn't work for this guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5zB5Z3dXPw

Maybe I'm a better kisser?

Blacktemplar

MichaelW wrote:

If you are considering fighting, then dont make it up as you go along, get some training.
If you are wearing clipless pedal shoes, esp road style, DONT FIGHT.

That made me smile. Visions of attempting elegant mawashi-geri to head followed by "clipless incident". Brilliant

cje

I'd just ride off. I'm not into violence. Even the sight of other people fighting leaves a bad taste.

sketchley

This might work

http://youtu.be/8bYcOqgaQ-U

millimole

walkingbootweather wrote:

I'm a lover not a fighter...

One technique that can be usefully employed is to say something completely out of context in response to aggression - it confuses the cr@p out of people.

Something along the lines of:
Unhappy camper: :twisted: :twisted: "You *!$*! cyclist, I'm going to !£$%&**£ kill you" :twisted: :twisted:
Me: "Do you know how much I paid for these apples? £2.50 I tell you. £2.50 for 6 apples. I don't even like apples much. Wish I'd bought oranges now...."
Unhappy camper: :? :? "What the £*&! are you talking about?" :? "Are you mad or something? :?
Me: "The kids like apples though. Perhaps I could make a crumble?"

Trust me it works...

This is along the lines of my approach (which I don't have to use a lot since I 'discovered' the art of zen) which is to go all religious on them, thus:
Unhappy camper: :twisted: :twisted: "You *!$*! cyclist, I'm going to !£$%&**£ kill you" :twisted: :twisted:
Me "Jesus loves you" {or insert name of your preferred prophet} {It helps if you can glaze over your eyes a bit here}
Unhappy camper: :? :? "What the £*&! are you talking about?" :? "Are you mad or something? :?
Me: "Eternal life can be yours if you will only accept Jesus into your heart"
etc etc

Trust me it works.. (A previous life means that I could ramble on with this tosh for at least 30 minutes)

Aerozine50

2 x old Billiard Balls in a cloth cash type sack/bag tied off at the top and kept in a quick release pouch in my commute bag.

Clever Pun

i wore a sleeveless Assos top on the way home last night... didn't get a sniff of attitude, in fact everyone was really very nice

so in summary:
Get the guns loaded and then cover them in ink (no flowers or shit like that) show them off and you wont need a defence.

UndercoverElephant

Clever Pun wrote:

i wore a sleeveless Assos top on the way home last night... didn't get a sniff of attitude, in fact everyone was really very nice

so in summary:
Get the guns loaded and then cover them in ink (no flowers or shit like that) show them off and you wont need a defence.

Actually, a guy at work has Tattoo sleeve arm-warmers. He says that people are remarkably genial when he wears them. From a distance, they look quite effective.

tailwindhome

Clever Pun wrote:

i wore a sleeveless Assos top

I'm not sure that is acceptable, whatever the reason.



Though by all accounts, I'll be giving you a bye-ball on that one........

garnett

Clever Pun, do you think these will suffice?

Greg T

Clever Pun wrote:

i wore a sleeveless Assos top on the way home last night...

Nothing wrong with that

veronese68

Garnett wrote:

Clever Pun, do you think these will suffice?

Would they look a bit rubbish if they slip down my puny arms?

Got into an argument with a guy in a BMW a while back, next set of lights he got out and walked round to the boot of his car. I kept a close eye. Saw a claw hammer go under his T shirt. I jumped a red light, sorry. I don't stand and fight.

Clever Pun

Garnett wrote:

Clever Pun, do you think these will suffice?

UndercoverElephant wrote:

Actually, a guy at work has Tattoo sleeve arm-warmers. He says that people are remarkably genial when he wears them. From a distance, they look quite effective.

There you go... I don't have below the elbow done as it can be career limiting

It was mental hot last night the sleeveless top was brilliant
In black natch

Wore it this morning on the brompton.. sent out a few different messages I'm sure

Confusedboy

TailWindHome wrote:

You could try smugly pointing out that you have a helmet cam and that the footage will be up on youtube that very night.

That'll calm the situation.

No, it won't. Smugness will annoy your opponent even more and escalate the situation, and the helmet cam will suggest to him that he may want to try his hand at endoscopy on you. Unless you have absolutely no altenative, you should back down and remove yourself from the environment immediately.

If you really have no way out but to fight, a guy who knew a lot more than me about this sort of thing many years ago advised my to walk rapidly forward and punch the opponent in the face as hard as you can manage as soon as he is in reach-do not threaten or square up, just hit him-as if you were trying to hit the rear of his skull through his head. This will prevent your instinct to 'pull' the punch. Your fist will hurt you a lot, but you should knock your opponent down and will probably have broken his nose. While he is down, make your exit. If he doesn't go down, run, as you are now in very serious trouble and the situation is out of your control.

I have only once ever done this, in a bar not on the bike, but it worked.

I have seen nothing in this thread which changes my view that people who wear helmet cameras are actively seeking confrontations that they can post on YouTube. Such folk deserve all they get from where I'm sitting.

bails87

Confusedboy wrote:

people who wear helmet cameras are actively seeking confrontations that they can post on YouTube. Such folk deserve all they get from where I'm sitting.

Christ, how much tar do you want on that brush? :roll:

I took the "tell them it's on camera" comment as being said sarcastically in any case. I said it in a nother thread, but if the camera is recording what's happened it makes me want to do stuff 'by the book' because I know any mistakes/faults/antagonism on my part is going to be recorded in glorious technicolour. Without the helmet cam I can come on here, spin a yarn and get a load of "the driver was a muppet" comments in support.