Do you fear death.....?

gtvlusso

A bit off topic, but here goes....

My mum is terminally ill, has been for a while. I have accepted this.

However, I have just found out that my mother in law is terminally ill and may not last the year - very aggressive form of Pancreatic cancer.

So, time to reassess life - what do you really want for you and your family?

For me, I would rather junior had her grandma's on both side, but that is not going to happen!

So, I need to think about the question - for now.

Wallace1492

Death is part of life.... its just the last bit.
Only met one of my grandparents.

Terribly sad situation though gtv.

MonkeyMonster

Sad indeed, one can hope to have had a good innings and that the end is as painless as possible for all.

I never met any of my grandparents.

sketchley

The older I get the more I am aware of my own mortality.

gtvlusso

To be honest - I do not have any grandparents either.

Just thinking about if you were given that kind of time limit to life and know that you are only going to detriorate - what would you do? Are there things you need to do before the end is imminent?

All a bit philisophical....

gbsahne001

I'm now older than my Father was by 3 years (died at 40), so I'm trying to live life to the full. Death is inevitable and fearing it does not make this fact any less so;

"Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal".

MonkeyMonster

gtvlusso wrote:

Are there things you need to do before the end is imminent?

Make sure you're happy/content with what will happen when you're no longer there in peoples lives.

both my parents aren't well at all so i've gone through this process to a degree.

First.Aspect

I think I fear certain types of death, and a lack of control over my manner of passing.

However I've observed that the older a person is, the less they fear death. Perhaps fear of death is part of youth?

SimonAH

I ran out of grandparents twenty years ago (and I had twice the normal complement too as parents divorced and remarried when I was four). Lost my Mother three years ago and my dad is a bit ropey post cancer.

My wife's family is like grains of sand on the beach.

Yes, I do feel a little bereft, but what I have left is cherished.

And yes, at 40 I am feeling very mortal. In a way it's good as it means that I take far fewer risks (and therefore have generated a lot less scar tissue over the last couple of years than normal).

A younger me once flippantly said to my (now) wife that I wouldn't make it past 40 as I'd probably end in a greasy fireball before that - now, hmm. Just as long as it's quick I guess - but I have no plans to go quietly into that dark night.

SimonAH

And now I've finished answering the question - take care my man, it's not easy but it is doable. I hope all runs as well as can.

veronese68

Sorry to hear that. Lost my Mother in Law just before she officialy became Mother in Law. That was 16 years ago. Still upsets the EPO from time to time.
I had cancer myself a few years ago. Hodgkins Disease which has a very good recovery rate. Still makes you think.
I don't really fear death for myself, more for what it would do to those around me. I have 2 kids. I fear anything happening to my kids, or anyone else close to me.
My parents are not getting any younger and I worry about them.
I do think if someone is terminally ill it's good for their suffering to stop, much as it hurts those left behind.
Once again, sorry to hear that. Hope you and your Mrs get through it and it's as painless as possible for your mothers.

gtvlusso

SimonAH wrote:

A younger me once flippantly said to my (now) wife that I wouldn't make it past 40 as I'd probably end in a greasy fireball before that - now, hmm. Just as long as it's quick I guess - but I have no plans to go quietly into that dark night.

Interesting, very interesting - I told my wife I would not make it beyond 35, I had a fear of getting stupidly drunk and trying to climb a very tall tree or doing something equally stupid and dangerous.

I guess now that I don't ride I fire breathing motorbike, my statistical survival rate has increased.......I think I need to buy another motorbike!

UndercoverElephant

I'm a follower of the Greek philosopher, Epicurus. One of his teachings was that the two greatest barriers to a man's happiness are fear of death and fear of God.

I'm a very happy person.

SimonAH

What's for dinner UE?

veronese68

I sold a running motorbike and bought a 1968 Bonneville to restore to force myself into cycling more. That was 3 years ago. The wife made me buy a running motorbike last year as she worried about me having to cycle when I wasn't feelinbg up to it.
I now have a 1200cc Triumph Daytona. It's so big, heavy and powerful I tend to be rather cautious.
The worst accident I've had on 2 wheels was coming off a minimoto and being hit by the next bloke. Broke 3 ribs and punctured a lung. That nearly killed me.

Wrath Rob

GTV, sorry to hear that. I don't fear death itself, but I do fear how its going to happen. Preferably painlessly, swiftly but with enough warning to set your affairs in order. I also fear for its effect on the ones I will leave behind, which is what insurance is for to a degree. Unfortunately money can never replace a father and husband, which is why I still worry, albeit at a low, background level as I know there's not much more I can do about it!

rick_chasey

Although I'm aware of death in an abstract sense, I've been to funerals of relatives when I was younger, and I know everyone dies, I'm not particularly self conscious or self aware of my own mortality.

Lots of people have told me that a moment occurs in your early-to-mid twenties where there is a realisation of your own mortality.

I've yet to reach that stage I think.

First.Aspect

UndercoverElephant wrote:

I'm a follower of the Greek philosopher, Epicurus. One of his teachings was that the two greatest barriers to a man's happiness are fear of death and fear of God.
i
I'm a very happy person.

Should I be following @epicurus or @epithegreek ?

mudcow007

there is two ways of looking at the "how do you live life" thing they way i see it.

1. live life to full regret nothing go parachuting, bungee jumping, be a cyclist an dont worry about death because its waiting for us all at some point so why stress thinking about it?

2. worry about anything remotely dangerous as it could reduce the days you have left on gods green earth..this includes not doing anything fun as fun = dangerous

i like to think i strike a balance between the two, to be honest

i knew my grandparents, i had my "nice" nan and Granddad and "nasty" nan an Granddad

ever thought about doing a bucket list?

gilesjuk

My mum has dementia and has declined quite a bit in the last 6 months. She is now in a care home.

It's really upsetting at times and it does make you think again about wasting your life arguing about Windows vs Mac, iPhone vs Android and all the other pointless rubbish. Some people really do need to get a life.

I try to keep my life fairly simple now so I can enjoy what little free time I get. I had already started to exercise a lot more and avoid car use as much as possible. There's so many obese and ill people in this country and the car isn't doing them any good, some would be immobile without one. It's a sad state to get yourself into.

suzyb

UndercoverElephant wrote:

I'm a follower of the Greek philosopher, Epicurus. One of his teachings was that the two greatest barriers to a man's happiness are fear of death and fear of God.

I'm a very happy person.

He's a rubbish teacher then. I don't fear either and am miserable.

No I don't fear death, It's life / living that scares me.

rjsterry

Sorry to hear your bad news GTV. All my grandparents survived into my early twenties before all dying in relatively quick succession. Both my parents are vets and they passed their very matter-of-fact approach to death on to me - the family cats dying/being put down wasn't hidden from us - but I do regret not making more of an effort to get to know them adult-adult rather than grandparent-grandchild. What has helped a lot with this is inheriting various personal bits and bobs, that have helped me to build up a more complete picture of them. I have several of one grandfather's woodworking tools, and we also found a photo album of my other grandfather's cycle tours, as well as a notebook/diary from when he was posted to what was then Palestine (which he never talked about).

Cleat Eastwood

I think the question you're really asking is do people fear loss.

I have absolutely no fear of death. Never had when I was younger and in later life I took up meditation which opened a whole perspective on what matters.

What I did found though is that people began to fear my love of life. I had a friend who's mum had terminal cancer and to a man all of her mates avoided the issue. I told them that I was taking her out for a coffee and the only topic to be discussed was her mums illness. All of her friends said it was a bad idea, but guess what, she loved it. She said it was the only time anyone had asked her about what to her was a daily routine, ie the constant thinking of her mum.

If you shy away from talking to your grand parents about what to them is now a fact of life you will be smitten with regret at their passing.

I admire you for raising this subject as too often illnesses like cancer are off topic, the thought and consequences should at all times be kept at arms length it seems. My best wishes to you and your family and heres hoping for the strength to face what ever happens. Bon courage.

UndercoverElephant

suzyb wrote:

UndercoverElephant wrote:

I'm a follower of the Greek philosopher, Epicurus. One of his teachings was that the two greatest barriers to a man's happiness are fear of death and fear of God.

I'm a very happy person.

He's a rubbish teacher then. I don't fear either and am miserable.

No I don't fear death, It's life / living that scares me.

Wasn't his only teaching, to be fair. He also says that you should just do whatever would make you happiest. Now, I don't think that many people actually spend time thinking about what makes them happy.

He took (and I take) a long-term view towards happiness which means that I spend my time with my family, making sure they're well provisioned for. I don't go for short-term rewards too much, like drugs, over-eating or screwing-around, because the side-effects of these things would make me less happy long-term.

Life is very much for living. Well, it should be, anyway.

daviesee

I don't fear death but I am not looking forward to it either.

It is not having done things that I would like to, but mostly going suddenly and not having the chance to say goodbye.

It's never to early to make up a bucket list. And do it.

veronese68

I found out something rather sad after my chemo had finished. A few people told me they'd avoided me because they didn't know what to say.
As Cleat Eastwood said, please don't be afraid to talk to people. One friend of mine did say he deliberately never told me I was looking well as I looked significantly worse than I do normally. That did always make me laugh.

Initialised

No, but I'd rather go quickly.

nich

I fear it quite a lot to be honest, for some reason over the last few years I've been thinking bout it more and more and it started to get to me.

I spent a while looking into religion and the afterlife and what not, but didn't get anywhere.

Anyway, I've managed to calm myself over the last 6 months and it's not bothering me anymore - it certainly doesn't stop me dicing with London traffic everyday

NGale

I never thought I was afraid of death, but I was proven wrong on that today after being given an unusual job offer...fire and ambulance dispatcher at Kandahar Airfield, Afghanistan!

I realise I am afraid of death, I know it will happen and that doesn't scare me, but it's the way in which it will happen that frightens me and as far as the job goes the thought of daily rocket attacks doesn't do much for my bowels let alone a fear of a nasty way to die.

But I guess what frightens people the most is not their own deaths but more the deaths of those close to them. I think it's the thought of having to live without them that scares people the most and what we would do without them, it makes us think about the unthinkable.

When I was with my ex he had to face the loss of his mother to bowel cancer, he was devastated and has never really accepted it even eight years on. His mother on the other hand was at peace with herself, she was of the conclusion that she had had a good life, seen and done much and seen her children do well for themselves and that it was her time to go. She planned her own funeral, paid for the wake and requested the priest be there for the last rites when the time came. She had everything she wanted because she accepted what was going to happen to her. Pity the ex couldn't because the relationship between me and him became so strained because of her death we eventually split and I only occasionally speak to him these days.

It's our fear of being alone as those around us pass on that gives food to our fear or death, rarely the thought of our own death.

Initialised

My brother came back from Afghanistan minus his heel bone after a run in with an IUD. It could be a lot worse, But like I said, a quick death isn't scary, better to just get it over with. Being in mortal peril and slowly realising there's no way out but mountains of pain and valleys of despair before thankfully embracing death freaks me out.

heavymental

"The true master does not seek to run away from Death. He accepts that he must die and understands there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying."

This is from Harry Potter. I know it's nothing that special but I do admire JKR for her little insights. There's plenty of wisdom to be found in her books.