OT - Depression

Corporate Camper

I know it's way off topic, and possibly a bit of an odd post... but I've been reading these forums for a while and you seem to be a knowledgeable and friendly bunch.

I'm wondering in any of you have had any experience of depression.

My marriage (of about 11 years) ended last year and even now I'm not really coping very well. There isn't anything particularly dramatic going on, I just only seem to be functioning in a sort of vague and sporadic manner. I go to work, but there can be whole days where I can't seem to concentrate enough to actually make any progress at all. If any work related dramas occur I seem to be able to get myself in to gear and solve them, but anything routine or everyday tends to get left and I have a bit of a worrying backlog of stuff I can't quite bring myself to address.

At home I have slipped behind on paying bills, I just can't seem to concentrate enough to get the paperwork out and make the necessary arrangements. If something becomes urgent (a debt collector calls, or something gets cut off) then I seem to be able to get my head straight and sort it.

Most of my days seem to be spent in some sort of acute "mind fog" I just can't get myself going. If you met me you probably wouldn't know anything is wrong; I smile, I'm friendly and I like a laugh... I just can't seem to "do" anything.

I don't even get out on my bike these days; I come home from work and sleep a bit, watch a bit of telly and look at a laptop screen... and then go to bed

Is this what depression feels like? Or, could it be that I've just become very lazy?

I dare say that if I could force myself to get some exercise then I might feel better, but I'm struggling to convey exactly how hard it is for me to make myself do anything at the moment.

Can anyone help?

jonny_trousers

Sounds like depression to me. Go see your doctor and insist that he/she takes the matter seriously. The fact that you recognise you may have a problem is an excellent first step. You're probably right, also, that exercise would help you, but you really should seek professional advice too.

Good luck!

EKE_38BPM

I had a traumatic break up and for years I went through what you are currently going through. I wish I had recognised it and sought help because it dragged on for years.

Getting back on the bike helped a lot, but going for professional help would probably been better and got me back on my feet years earlier, if I had recognised that I had a problem. I felt that, as I was functioning I must be OK, but that ain't the case.

MarcBC

I am not sure i can help but I suffer from (self diagnosed) depression and two friends of mine do too. They take prescription tablets to help them.

One thing each of us has found is that getting out on the bike makes a fantastic difference to attitude, physical as well as mental health.

It is hard to motivate when in these moments but try putting all the cycling clothes and bike out ready the night before. When you get up it is easier to get out on the bike not having to go through the getting ready rigmarole.

Also try finding a local chum to get out with. That too males a world of difference.

Whatever you do, do not fall behind in bills etc, it will just make yourself feel worse and more depressed.

Also perhaps set some easier targets to start off with so that you start to have some victories. If you give yourself too difficult a target and not achieve that, it too will bring you back down.

Good luck.

richrock

Sounds exactly what I used to go through quite a lot - ie. 20-odd years. Did see the doc eventually, tried a couple of medications, one helped a lot. Obviously if you go that route YMMV, but also keep in mind that medication is only part of it. Admitting that you may be depressed is a big step, and you can use seeing the doc as a positive step forwards. Your circumstances are different to mine, and seem to be the result of something quite traumatic - it would help to get this out of your system. We don't always realise what 'baggage' we carry around, even though we can carry on almost as normal.

Do make sure the bills are paid - this is an easy one for a depressive to ignore, and use it to feed the depression further. If possible, opt for direct debits, it's being paid and you're not really having to deal with it as well. Takes the pressure off and relieves the stress of waiting for the collectors - again, I've been there!!

I got myself commuting on the bike, and for some reason felt much more self-balanced. I've been off the drugs for 4 months now, and only had one episode. I simply set one goal that I would ride to work every day as much as I could physically. Tracking the rides gave me a boost as I could see how far I've come.

Do let us know how you get on - good luck!

sketchley

Corporate Camper, I've had several friends and a couple of close relation go through this. A common theme with all of them was not wanting bother their doctor or to just try and get over it. All of them benefited from getting help, so my advice would be to not hesitate in getting professional help. Start with your GP. This doesn't necessarily mean anti-depressants as there are other treatments too but please make the appointment and go it really is the best place to start.

gtvlusso

Corporate Camper wrote:

I know it's way off topic, and possibly a bit of an odd post... but I've been reading these forums for a while and you seem to be a knowledgeable and friendly bunch.

I'm wondering in any of you have had any experience of depression.

My marriage (of about 11 years) ended last year and even now I'm not really coping very well. There isn't anything particularly dramatic going on, I just only seem to be functioning in a sort of vague and sporadic manner. I go to work, but there can be whole days where I can't seem to concentrate enough to actually make any progress at all. If any work related dramas occur I seem to be able to get myself in to gear and solve them, but anything routine or everyday tends to get left and I have a bit of a worrying backlog of stuff I can't quite bring myself to address.

At home I have slipped behind on paying bills, I just can't seem to concentrate enough to get the paperwork out and make the necessary arrangements. If something becomes urgent (a debt collector calls, or something gets cut off) then I seem to be able to get my head straight and sort it.

Most of my days seem to be spent in some sort of acute "mind fog" I just can't get myself going. If you met me you probably wouldn't know anything is wrong; I smile, I'm friendly and I like a laugh... I just can't seem to "do" anything.

I don't even get out on my bike these days; I come home from work and sleep a bit, watch a bit of telly and look at a laptop screen... and then go to bed

Is this what depression feels like? Or, could it be that I've just become very lazy?

I dare say that if I could force myself to get some exercise then I might feel better, but I'm struggling to convey exactly how hard it is for me to make myself do anything at the moment.

Can anyone help?

[personal]
I went through pretty much the same around 12 years ago.
I was spending my life working abroad, day and night. Living out of a suitcase from country to country - did not see allot of my friends for 3 years or so. E.g. I would be in Mexico working for 1 month, then get told that I could go home straight after the work was finished, then I would get the call as I was about to leave asking me to get flights and head to Italy - it really was utter sh1te. Anyway, as a consequence of my being away, my relationship with a girl broke down.
When I eventually got home - My folks had moved house, my girl had moved on and my frineds had moved my stuff from the rental house into storage! Anyway, I got the call a day later asking me to go to NYC. Normally, I would have just gone, but something inside said "no way".
I was tired, annoyed and bored with work, annoyed with home life and basically mentally worn out. I asked for voluntary redundancy from the job - they refused at first, but after I was off work for 10 weeks, signed off with stress and depression; they relented and gave me a years salary. The company was restructuring anway, I was luckily in a safe position, but sometimes you got to do whats best for you.

Spent a year travelling and living by the beach......

Mental illness will always have a stigma attached and you may feel that there is nothing you can do or say - It takes allot out of you to break free, sometimes it takes a massive change in environment of circumstance.
I changed both my environment and my circumstance - one thing is for sure, I will never work myself that hard again....ever!
[/personal]

Corporate Camper

Thanks for all your comments, I felt a bit odd making that post but it's great to get some input from "strangers".

I think, if I'm honest, I've been like this for quite some time to a certain degree but things have got a lot worse since my marriage ended. A lot of my problems have been caused (or more likely made worse) by the break-up as we've remained quite close friends, which is good in a way but also very hard to deal with when new partners are involved etc. I think I'm struggling with wanting to let go, let alone being able to let go.

I know I've got a problem, and I really do want to fix it. I don't think I'm quite ready to make an appointment with a doctor though... I know I probably should but I just can't shake the feeling that there are proper ill people about and maybe I'm just "down in the dumps" and need to pull myself together.

I think what I'll do is give it two weeks and see if I can have any impact on it myself (I'm not expecting to resolve it, maybe just an improvement) and if I can't then I'll make that call. In this two weeks I'll try to do one positive thing, and one exercise thing each day. Today I'm planning to sort out all the paperwork on my desk...

Thanks again!

secretsam

There is no doubt in my mind that you're suffering from depression, and as a sufferer myself I would advise the following:
1) See your GP, now - write down how you feel if needs be, that's what I did. (S)he should do an assessment of you using some standard scales, and go from there. Let it all out!
2) Get out on your bike - I've been told by MH professionals that one thing that people who are depressed do is give up on the things they love
3) Tell people - a problem shared and all that. If they can't deal with it then they need to grow up. You're just ill, nothing more
4) Realise that you are not alone and there are people who can help - being depressed can make you feel isolated, cut off from the world, like no-one else knows or understands. The opposite is true.

Feel free to PM me

londonlivvy

Well first of all well done for acknowledging that things aren't great. It takes bravery.

I have seen friends struggle with depression for years and the main things they've said that helped are

1) get outside every day. Even if it's just a ten minute walk. Some exercise and fresh air really do help. If you can build up to cycling, brilliant, but try to just set yourself small challenges at this point.

2) stay in contact with friends. Call them / see them. Even if it's just for an hour. Even if it's for half an hour for lunch if you can't find the mojo to go out in the evening.

3) seeing the doctor and getting further help - either medication or counselling.

4) helping others. It might sound daft, but just helping a neighbour by mowing her lawn, or helping an old lady across the road, or helping a child learn how to read, makes you feel worthwhile and realise that you can contribute to life and there is a point to it all.

Another friend said St John's Wort had been a v.helpful herbal remedy. I'm no doctor but might be worth a try?

BigLee1

I agree, well done in facing the facts rather than living in denial. I also got divorced last year, right out of the blue! I had no idea she was gonna bin me! I haven`t spoken to her for months and the only contact I have is via txt to organise picking up my daughter. I really wouldn`t like to be "close friends" with her, its a bit like "look what you had sucker" just imho. why not make a complete break and try some dating sites, great fun! I agree also about the excercise, it saved me from getting on the anti depressants altho some people need them as well.
You deffo need some professional help, as has been said mental health problems don't have the stigma they used to so just as for help, theres loads out there!!

I really do wish you the best of luck, I know what its like

Lee

woodford2barbican

Get over to LFGSS - and check out the Private sub forum - you will have to be a memeber for this. There is a very long thread on this topic.

EKE_38BPM

Corporate Camper wrote:

A lot of my problems have been caused (or more likely made worse) by the break-up as we've remained quite close friends, which is good in a way but also very hard to deal with...snip

I am definitely not saying break off the friendship, but seeing your ex can be hard on you.
In my situation the relationship ending was neither of our faults and I used to see my ex sporadically to keep the friendship alive.

I eventually came to see it like suffering a bereavement but the person isn't dead and I could see them when I wanted. It was hard but got better when I limited contact.
Limited, not severed.

Good luck, normal balance can be resumed.

Small Fish

Yes, it does sound very much like depression but the only way to be sure is to speak with your doctor. The fact you recognise that you shouldn't be feeling like you are is a major step in the right direction.
My best mate went through a totally traumatic split with his wife - because his wife fancied a change he's lost his kids, house, part of his business, pension... he cried for about 6 months - and had an accident at work that could have been fatal because he was distracted.

My wife, who has battled depression all her adult life made him go to the doctors and he was put on a low dose of citalopram. I won't pretend it was a quick fix - but after 6 months on medication he is coping pretty well - he is talking about the future with a smile, looking to buy his own place, going out socially - even met a nice girlfriend.
So get to the doctor, and put all your bills onto direct debits!

walkingbootweather

Corporate camper

Glad you feel able to share. Whilst intuitively I tend to agree with many of the views expressed above I do feel you would be advised to consult an expert rather than a bunch of well-meaning, but probably un-qualified cyclists.

I suspect that the symptoms you describe are rather more common than many of us realise, and feel that society does not take mental illness as seriously as it should.

My advice (from another well-meaning, un-qualified sometime cyclist) is for you to seek help now, and that your GP should be your first port of call.

If/when you make a commitment to more exercise which may include getting on your bike more, there are many here ready willing and able to provide help and encouragement.

Genuinely hope you are able to tackle this and get back to your old self.

dugliss

Set yourself up a bills account which you use for your direct debits for all your bills, work out how much monthly will go out and then have a standing order for that amount, or just a little bit more just in case, going from your current account to your bills account every payday. That is a massive pressure off knowing that you won`t fall behind with any bills.
As for the depression, definitely go and have a chat with your doctor and see what they can do to help although do understand that they can only help you if you`re prepared to help yourself, there is no magic pill that will make this go away. Gradually phase out your friendship with your ex and do try to get out on your bike or go running as it will make you feel better about yourself. You will have ups and downs still as that`s just a normal part of life even for the most cheery folk amongst us.
Good luck and don`t be embarrased about it, we`ve pretty much all been there to a certain extent and there`s no shame in asking for help

Specialized Needs

Corporate Camper wrote:

Thanks for all your comments, I felt a bit odd making that post but it's great to get some input from "strangers".

I think, if I'm honest, I've been like this for quite some time to a certain degree but things have got a lot worse since my marriage ended. A lot of my problems have been caused (or more likely made worse) by the break-up as we've remained quite close friends, which is good in a way but also very hard to deal with when new partners are involved etc. I think I'm struggling with wanting to let go, let alone being able to let go.

I know I've got a problem, and I really do want to fix it. I don't think I'm quite ready to make an appointment with a doctor though... I know I probably should but I just can't shake the feeling that there are proper ill people about and maybe I'm just "down in the dumps" and need to pull myself together.

I think what I'll do is give it two weeks and see if I can have any impact on it myself (I'm not expecting to resolve it, maybe just an improvement) and if I can't then I'll make that call. In this two weeks I'll try to do one positive thing, and one exercise thing each day. Today I'm planning to sort out all the paperwork on my desk...

Thanks again!

Respect for being this open - and well done for reflecting on your position. Recognising some of what you describe may encourage others to consider their own circumstances (although that clearly doesn't help you directly).

I'm not sure if or where you work, but you may find that your workplace has some sort of Employee Assistance Programme, which may give you access to some professional advice?

walkingbootweather

Your employer may be able to offer some assistance but here are some links that may help

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/depression

http://www.middlesbrough.gov.uk/public/Health%20&%20social%20care/Mental%20Health%20Audio/New%20audio/Depression%20-%20Male.mp3

motdoc

Sounds like you are getting a bit depressed. This is a real problem especially when it comes to not pating bills and the such as it becomes a self-reinforcing issue.

You should see your GP.
You should visit http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome this is a free CBT site run by an australian uni. It is excellent, hour long sessions once a week, the worst that will happen is you get bored and don't stick with it, but lots of peole find it very helpful.
Exercise is good.
Alcohol/drugs. In this context drugs are bad, alcohol is bad. It is a strong depressant, if you are drinking more than three nights a week more than 2 pints of beer I'd strongly consider cutting down.
Finally the drugs DO work. Depression is real, your brain is part of your body, to me depression is just as real as pneumonia. If you and your GP decide to give tablets a whirl the ones on offer these days are generally very safe, but often cause a few nausea while bedding in. People often start to feel better after 1-2 weeks.
This is not unusual, you are not "mad", more people have depression than you would guess. Your GP won't judge you and certainly will be happy to help.

Good luck.

nobunaga

I went through a similar experience a few years ago and I sought counselling straight away ( at the time I did not know it was depression and thought it was something caused by my eating disorder, which I have battled for my entire life).
I was too proud to seek help from family or friends during this time and it was easier to open up to a stranger( in this case my counsellor) to talk about emotions and also to admit that I had a problem and wanted help.

I am in a much better place now and I am weaning off the counselling and tomorrow is my last session.

I hope you find the right remedy (doctor/medication/counsellor) to overcome your depression but opening up is the first step forward. Good luck.

Corporate Camper

Thanks again all. I've been quite moved reading all these replies, you really are a great bunch.

The message was pretty overwhelming, so I've made an appointment with my GP for Friday. I think deep down I knew I needed to do this, your replies have made me feel a bit less like a freak so I've been able to make that step.

Thank you.

bearfraser

Good luck and i hope you feel better soon !!!!!

Confusedboy

I am a fellow sufferer, and you sound like a classic case. I would endorse the advice about seeing your GP now; do not wait or put it off any longer. You are by no means alone; 20% of the population suffer from a mental illness and depression is by far the most common one. Just as well; nobody wants 1 in 5 of us to be psychopaths.....

The bad news is that you are not lazy or in a rut; this is a real illness that stops you living your life properly and you need to do something about it.

The good news is that you are starting to deal with the issue, and that there are effective medications, and support in the form of self-help and of support workers, which will help you to improve your life.

More good news is that there are effective coping strategies which reduce the suffering. Any physical excersise is good, as it promotes your brain's production of Melanin, the feel good hormone, but you may on bad days experience some difficulty with achieving escape velocity and be trapped in your house/flat. Don't think of this as another failure; do some cleaning or washing up, or put some clothes in the washing machine. These may sound like insignificant and normal chores, but if you are in that state they are a positive achievement in a situation where it is important to have achieveable goals.

A good way of persuading yourself to go out regularly is to only buy sufficient food for today, meaning that you have to go out again tomorrow for more. An added benefit of this system is that you can decide what you want and have it rather than relying on what is in the freezer; you will enjoy your food more. And your food will be fresh and more nutritious. Freezer food can be kept for black dog days when you actually can't get out. I also go to a Thursday Curry Night at the local pub once a week as a sort of treat to look forward to.

Bills on Direct Debit so you don't have to worry about them, but it is very tempting to ignore (I'll deal with it when I'm in a better mood) your mail. Try as hard as you can to not do this, and train a friend or support worker to look for mail you have stashed in hidey holes (we all do this, and it's a really bad idea), and open them with you. Dealing with it, taking care of business, is another goal achieved when it is done, and you will worry about it otherwise.

I don't mean to sound patronising or to state the obvious, but if you are reading this when you are in a relatively good mood, it is difficult to envisage yourself and how you react to things when you are feeling really low. There will be days when it is a major victory to just get out of bed and make a cup of tea. When it's like this, you won't want to answer the door, phone, or have contact with the rest of the world at all. My experience is that there is little you are able to do about this at the time, but that it does not last for ever and things do improve after a while. A pet may be invaluable at these times, as they will usually respond sympathetically and non-judgementally, and keep you company.

I find it helpful to have some regular activities 2 or 3 nights a week, as not only does this combat the isolation, but gives some structure to your life outside work. I had to give up work eventually, but if you can cope with it as you sound as though you are, it is the best possible displacement activity, and they pay you for it!

And if anyone ever tells you that there is nothing wrong with you, pull yourself together, man; you have my express consent and permission to D lock them. This is one situation where, unfortunately, M-ing TFU won't cut it. If your GP prescribes meds, keep taking them and don't make the mistake I did of assuming that if they make you feel better you can stop taking them. Guess what happens if you do.

Contact me via BR if you want to discuss things. I've been depressed for 20 years now and I'm getting quite good at it.....

unixnerd

Things WILL get better. I've had boughts of depression over the years and thought things would never improve, but they do. It's good to talk things over with a mental health professional, if the national health waiting list is too long in your area I'd think about a private referral from your doctor as it can be money well spent. Personally I've avoided medication and I'm glad I did but I know some people who it's helped a great deal.

Cycling is a great way to improve your mood, perhaps joining a local cycling club would be a good idea. Set yourself a target for later in the year and train for it perhaps.

Remember one thing above all, it's nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

Flyingbogey

I'll show your post to my GP. She'll be in around 7.

shouldbeinbed

Corporate Camper wrote:

Thanks for all your comments, I felt a bit odd making that post but it's great to get some input from "strangers".

I think, if I'm honest, I've been like this for quite some time to a certain degree but things have got a lot worse since my marriage ended. A lot of my problems have been caused (or more likely made worse) by the break-up as we've remained quite close friends, which is good in a way but also very hard to deal with when new partners are involved etc. I think I'm struggling with wanting to let go, let alone being able to let go.

I know I've got a problem, and I really do want to fix it. I don't think I'm quite ready to make an appointment with a doctor though... I know I probably should but I just can't shake the feeling that there are proper ill people about and maybe I'm just "down in the dumps" and need to pull myself together.

I think what I'll do is give it two weeks and see if I can have any impact on it myself (I'm not expecting to resolve it, maybe just an improvement) and if I can't then I'll make that call. In this two weeks I'll try to do one positive thing, and one exercise thing each day. Today I'm planning to sort out all the paperwork on my desk...

Thanks again!

IGNORE YOUR NAGGING DOUBTS, THEY ARE PART OF YOUR ILLNESS. YOU ARE PROPERLY ILL GO TO YOUR DOCTOR NOW

I've been there and am still sorting out the financial mess, depression & a lack of interest in opening letters or worrying about overdrafts & spending limits got me into.

Exercise is good but you may need a kick start on the way to recovery by medical intervention either Anti Deps, which will take the peaks off and help bring your brain chemistry back into kilter (if you want a proper illness to hang it on, you are being piisoned with noradrenaline for one) aided by endorphin stimulating exercise. But also accept councelling - if you work for a bigger organisation your HR/occy health should be able to help with that. Imagine your life is a piece of string, currently its knotted up and you need someone to help you figure out straightening it again.

None of it is a sign of weakness nor is it malingering. Others will help you help yourself a lot quicker, but it's got to come from you first.

jamesco

Confusedboy wrote:

And if anyone ever tells you that there is nothing wrong with you, pull yourself together, man; you have my express consent and permission to D lock them. This is one situation where, unfortunately, M-ing TFU won't cut it.

Indeed. John Kirwan (absolute rugby legend) has fronted a campaign to bring awareness of treatment and support for depression, and few would tell him to man up.

welkman

I have suffered from this for most of my life post 15yrs old. When I first went to the doctor as a youngster they were quite dissmisive of my problem and the doctor did not seem to take me seriously. I moved about a year ago and got a new, female, GP who has shown me just how good a GP can be. She has been in a similar situation to myself and seems to listen to you rather than trying to get you out of the door asap. I was taking a low dose of citalopram (10mg) for about eight months and it really helped. I have stopped taking the drugs for the last couple of months and have noticably gone downhill so I would stay stick to them.

One thing you dont mention is if you are drinking ? I find that my moods can be strongly linked to the amount of booze I consume. I also notice that I tend to drink way too much when I am not on the meds. It's getting to a point now that I am thinking I am just going to have to give up drinking completely. I managed to abstain for the whole of january and in reflection I dont think I was ever happier or more healthy.

So my two pieces of advice would be; find a good doctor and, if you are drinking, cut back a bit or stop and see if this helps.

W

jedster

Corporate Camper,

I think everyone will read your post through their own experiences - we may read to much into what you are saying because of that.

Frankly I don't know whether you are depressed or not. I have close family who have suffered badly from depression. I have felt very similar to what you describe from time to time. On one occasion I did see my GP and was referred to a specialist. He concluded that I was unhappy and suffering from "existential angst" (sort of "what's it all for?", lacking a bit of purpose and direction) not really depressed. I think the key distinction was that I was rationally unhappy given stuff that was going on. Afterall, what is depression but being more unhappy than is truely rational given your situation?

A number of things you said really chimed with me - the lack of initiative and the overwhelming tendancy to provarocate at work, difficulty in getting out to exercise even though you know it will make you feel better. But also the fact that you can rise to a crisis and you are quite self-aware about what you are feeling.

I'd echo the suggestions other have made:
1. fix some routine of exercise - it is really important
2. make sure you stay in contact with friends/family
I'd also really advise that you find one person (friend or family but NOT your ex) who you can explain how you are feeling to. They can then keep an eye on you and give you an external view or a prod.
At work, I'd try to put some forcing devices in place. You might find that if you have booked time to tlk to your boss or a colleague about a piece of work it provokes a "mini-crisis" which gets tou moving. You'll feel better for that too.

I'd try some of this befre you go to a GP but I would put a hard date in the diary by which you will defiitely go if you are not feeling better.

A final thing. I think you should stop treating your ex as a friend. Now. Friends and lovers are different. Of course you can have good, positive relationships with exs but not before you have properly moved on with your life. I've made this mistake in the past, seeing to much of exs really makes it difficult to get your new life together.
Good luck,
J

Corporate Camper

I'm still blown away by all your support. I'm 6', 18.5st with a shaved head and a big tattoo... but I had to run to my car a couple of times today for a bit of a sob after reading some of the posts. I am fragile, more so than normal at the moment.

welkman wrote:

One thing you dont mention is if you are drinking ?

I'm trying to be careful with it. I do like to drink a bottle of red wine, and I generally feel good after I do, so I try to limit it (pretty successfully) to one night per week. I don't keep alcohol in the house.

graham.

Well. I can't really add much to what's been said, exept, yes I've been there as well.
Two pages of posts and not one I can dissagree with.
Being able to say openly that there are "issues to be addressed" is, for sure, the biggest and best move.
If you enjoy cycling, then I'm sure it can be a tonic, as you can (well I can.) mentaly relax, and this gives your mind a bit of space and time to untangle itself.
It sounds as though alcohol is'nt a factor in this which can only be a good thing.
I think the most significant time of my "episode" was when I decided that I was thoroughly sick of being unhappy all the time and that I was going to do something about it. I get the impression that that's where your at now.
If it helps , and I'm sure it will, come back and tell us how your getting on.
Reading through the posts, I can definately hear a collective sigh of relief that "It's not just me then!"
All the best to you and big repect to everyone thats posted for being so open.
Graham.