Bull Shoot Bingo

CyclingBantam

After having to suffer hearing a conversation behind me with two colleagues seemingly trying to outdo each other in 'speaking like a tool' I have been pondering what the most irritating 'management speak' there is out there?

What is the worst you have heard?

My favourites are:
I don't have the Bandwith to do that... eh?
Singing from the same hymn sheet,
I hear what you are saying but... (I.e. I haven't listened to a word you have said and will only consider my way...)

rick_chasey

A guy I know (broker) regularly says he's going to "go long" when he's buying a round.

"S'arlight, it's my turn to go long on the beers".

It doesn't even make any sense!

One Man And His Bike

CyclingBantam wrote:

I don't have the Bandwith to do that... eh?

That's a valid argument for geeks, so piss off. :P

For the best of this stuff, you HAVE to watch Drop the dead donkey, Gus was always dropping that stuff in with hysterical results.

JD_76

Rick Chasey wrote:

A guy I know (broker) regularly says he's going to "go long" when he's buying a round.

"S'arlight, it's my turn to go long on the beers".

It doesn't even make any sense!

Makes perfect sense to me, (I work in Futures mind you).

To go long in a position means your increasing your position.

Beer = Contract
Bar = Exchange
Longer = More beer please.

Going shorter will be when you need to take a pi55

verylonglegs

‘At the end of the day…’ that particular one gets on my nerves.
‘Well, going forward..’ A completely redundant expression to me for unless the person saying it has a time machine convenient to hand then they have no other option but to go forward!
What really bugs me though is what seems the current curse of those who can’t but help to start a response to a question of any sort with..’Basically..’. I actually think I’ve moaned about it before on here but it continues to get worse, even reporters on radio/tv are often guilty of this along with their guest analysts/academics. I found myself counting how many times some of our staff say it in a conversation and it was laughable.

morstar

Ooohh,

This used to get played lost in my old workplace which was a US based global company.

Ideation was always my favourite. A morph of ideas and creation.

Particularly when pronounced in a really whiney US accent, use of this word could bring a grown man to tears.

StanwaySteve62

Deep dive
Pitch
Proposition
Escalate

desweller

The use of 'action' as a verb.

As in, 'He was actioned to fix that machine'.

Where I work we have also created our own, completely new, verb: 'To Concess'. Concessions are conceded, you monkeys, they're not 'concessed', whatever that means.

It's a good thing I don't own a gun.

One Man And His Bike

verylonglegs wrote:

‘At the end of the day…’

I use that one as much as Cav uses "You know" in an interview.

Actually, maybe I use it more... :oops:

At the end of the day though, it's just who I am. 8)

afx237vi

"Guesstimate"

*shudder*

CyclingBantam

Not quite 'business speak' but when someone says "Obviously" about something that isn't obvious.

One Man And His Bike

afx237vi wrote:

"Guesstimate"

*shudder*

Or the military version...

S.W.A.G, as in "Not sure how far the next VCP is, shall we S.W.A.G it and just TAB That way??"

Scientific Wild Arsed Guess.

amun1000

Here's a couple

Gatemasters!
Ballpark

Chip \'oyler

"I like that idea but can we park it for a while"

Crapaud

"Dripping roast"

As in something that's not quite finalised.

My last boss used it a lot along with other corporate bollox. The first time was when he gave me a job with instructions that it was a freebie for a potential new customer that he was hopeing to reel in (he didn't). When he told me the customer's name, I corrected him that it was a 'dripping c0ck'. As he left through the door I commented, "Run that up your feckin' flagpole." under my breath.

We never did get along.

oscar-j

I used to work with someone who called himself a 'logistical co-ordinator'

no mate,you're the f@cking storeman!

rhext

I'm 'passionate about <....>'

<food> on Masterchef (it's just cooking, for f***s sake)
<whatever half-arsed piece of s**t they're plugging> on dragons apprentice.

Trust me, if you're passionate about something, the people you're presenting to can tell. And if you're not, no amount of asserting that you are will convince them!

don_don

'Leverage'

as in 'we're going to do blah to leverage our position on blah blah blah'

Oh, just f*ck off :roll:

seemunkee

My boss is always going to "circle back" to me on an issue

Was in a meeting with some consultants and they said they wanted to "socialize the problem" with us. You mean discuss?

CyclingBantam

My old boss used to tell is he wanted to give a "verbal download".

I want to punch you in the face but we can't always get what we want, can we!

shouldbeinbed

DesWeller wrote:

The use of 'action' as a verb.

As in, 'He was actioned to fix that machine'.

This plus 27 billion. Utterly twatful

StanwaySteve62

don_don wrote:

'Leverage'

as in 'we're going to do blah to leverage our position on blah blah blah'

Oh, just f*ck off :roll:

Hate that word , also keep hearing the use of "traction" , re getting a product or an idea moving forward.
In fact "moving forward" annoys me as well

Wheelspinner

I once sat in a presentation from a (VERY) expensive consultant who was trying to sell our company his services.

He promised solemnly that they would come out to do a Change Readiness Assessment Program on us. He even had the PowerPoint slide to back it up.

We died laughing, mostly at the acronym but also the look on his face when he realised what he'd just said.

Priceless.

simon2names

God bless the public service, a veritable smorgasbord of useless managment twaddle, we used to play w*nk word bingo in certain meetings with some senior managers.

Some examples 'put on my radar', 'secret source' - as in what's our winning formula (i think, never did get that one, could be secret sauce i guess), other's include working in silos - something about working in isolation and not communicating with colleagues.

Worryingly as i'm working my way up the greasey pole i'm finding myself using more and more disturbingly making more up. Will try and remember some, there are some absolute gems floating around.

rolf_f

Nothing makes me want to throttle people more at the moment than their use of 'back in the day'. Arrrrrghhh, I'd rather listen to fingernails scraping across a blackboard.

bompington

Anyone who verbs a noun, or even worse an adjective, can negative my mental equilibrium situation pretty fast

rhext

bompington wrote:

Anyone who verbs a noun, or even worse an adjective, can negative my mental equilibrium situation pretty fast

You need to chillax!

Aggieboy

Not management speak but - why do people think it's trendy to say "Can I get....." when ordering something. You'll get something you didn't want to get in a minute!!!!! :evil:

sheffsimon

bompington wrote:

Anyone who verbs a noun, or even worse an adjective, can negative my mental equilibrium situation pretty fast

Not sure, but haven't you just done that here?? Isn't "verb" a noun, or some kind of noun??

pb21

Aggieboy wrote:

Not management speak but - why do people think it's trendy to say "Can I get....." when ordering something. You'll get something you didn't want to get in a minute!!!!! :evil:

:twisted:

bompington

SheffSimon wrote:

bompington wrote:

Anyone who verbs a noun, or even worse an adjective, can negative my mental equilibrium situation pretty fast

Not sure, but haven't you just done that here?? Isn't "verb" a noun, or some kind of noun??

You awarenessed that very well, but you didn't realise that I was just humourising.