Sportive types

pantsani

9jan11 wrote:

Mr James Richardson

Awesome rider, in his 40's. Gets the fastest time in any sportive he enters; even when pros ride he finishes in the same time as them. If you've ridden a sportive in the South West, he has passed you wearing Fred Baker Kit.

Although you came across as bit of a miserable tw@t on this thread earlier, that is very funny as I've had nightmares of memories of trying to hang on to a Fred Baker Cycles train on a few sportives in the South West. Always after a long stint of a high speed wheel sucking though. That's not out of laziness , I just couldn't make it to the front to do a stint if I tried.

I'm probably a few types, but definitely Mr Phlegmy on occasion :oops:

neilp2000

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

Gandalf

Beardy old man on panniered bike and no matter how often you overtake him he always ends up ahead of you.....but you never see him pass.

I consider myself in a younger version of this "type"..... 26" wheeled, steel tourer... with mudguards and racks. Say hello if you see me on the wiggle sportives!

dulldave

bianchimoon wrote:

Mr/Mrs green eyed monster, notices only those with better bike/gear/kit than himself, knows he's younger/fitter than mssrs totally deluded but can't comprehend why shops are allowed to sell better kit to mr totally deluded than to mr green eyed monster, doesn't quiet understand economics, working hard and being successful means mr totally deluded can buy and ride what he likes , read what publications he wants to and pay to enter any event he wants and live his own personal dream. Mr Totally Deluded does have a purpose in life though, it means Mr Green Eyed Monster usually gets to finish a little bit higher up the timing sheets

I read this and thought "Mr Totally deluded is so deluded he won't admit he'd prefer to be Mr Green Eyed Monster"

This one is more about cyclists generally than specifically sportives:

Mr Excuse
Always has an excuse for why he didn't do better. You ask him how he got on at an event and you're dealt some excuse or other rather than them just admitting that they did about as well as they were likely to. Yeah that time when it looked like a cat might have been about to cross the road may have put him off a bit but it's not the reason he got dropped in the first 5 minutes.[/b]

Mccaria

Ok,

How about :

Mr,Mrs,Ms (Not) Totally Deluded.

Are well aware that the quality of their bike is far in excess of both their current ability and any potential they may have. Recognise the stupidity of buying a saddle for £200 that is 10g lighter than the current one, whilst carrying 12/14/16%+ body fat, but buy it anyway. Fully expect to be passed by younger/fitter/more talented riders on bikes considerably cheaper than their own.

And yet get real enjoyment out of speccing up and riding their bike (wearing Assos and Rapha clothing and custom fit carbon shoes).

Of course I don't know anyone like this, but anybody passing a black C59 with full 7900 on the King of the Downs, please say hi.

petemadoc

Mr Retro Racer

There always seems to be some long silver haired guy in his late 50's/early 60's riding an old steel beast. He fly's effortlessly past all the kids on their fancy bikes with zipp wheels.

Chrissz

DesWeller wrote:

I'm Mr Greased Marble

Goes like stink down hills due to, er, 16st bodyweight and nice deep section rims, passing everyone in sight as he does so.

carries plenty of momentum part-way up the next rise, runs out of steam and then

appears to be trackstanding on the following ascent, he's going that slowly.

Ok on the flats, rocket on the descents, reasonable on drags and like a one-legged house brick up climbs = me

vs

Mr Tri Very Hard

You're spinning away nicely halfway up a 15% climb when out of the blue comes Mr Tri Very Hard (complete with tri bars, short shorts, sleeveless top, sun tan and gels strapped around his waste) cranking a huge gear and leaving you for dust.

As the gradient lessens and the lactic in his legs take over, you start to catch him, still spinning away nicely.

Passed you go, then in a bit look back and see him zig-zagging up the now 5% gradient.

Eyon

Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Bling.

Might not have the best bike or the worst bike, but everything he/she owns is colour coordinated. The frame, bar tape, cables, hubs, spokes, rims, bolts, QR's, Headset spacers, stem, seat post, saddle, cloths, shoes, gloves, helmet, glasses.

Every one thinks, and deep down they know, they look a buit of a tool, but they still believe they are the coolest kids in town. They pick coordination over performance for their bike every time.

Gazzaputt

Eyon wrote:

Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Bling.

Might not have the best bike or the worst bike, but everything he/she owns is colour coordinated. The frame, bar tape, cables, hubs, spokes, rims, bolts, QR's, Headset spacers, stem, seat post, saddle, cloths, shoes, gloves, helmet, glasses.

Every one thinks, and deep down they know, they look a buit of a tool, but they still believe they are the coolest kids in town. They pick coordination over performance for their bike every time.

Hmm.

I go the opposite and go for the uncoordinated rider who look like like their guide dog chose their outfit.

Pantani98

Mr. Full-Pro-Team-Kit

Right down to the mitts, socks and even the bandana under the helmet.

Wears the old Acqua Sapone zebra kit with pride and never, EVER covers up with a gilet or jacket, no matter how terrible the weather gets.

Why would he? It would spoil the photos taken by Sportcam (or similar).

Buys all said photos and has them displayed all over the house.

Lies to impressed 5 year old daughter that he is a Pro and that the medal he got for turning up is the winners medal.

Should know better at 42. Or so the wife tells me.

wander wheels

Mr I don't need a new pair of shorts
- shorts so thin that you can see far more than you want to

Mr Farty Pants
- Also not nice to follow

Cleat Eastwood

The Road Hoggers.

They ride 3 or 4 abreast at a 'steady' pace oblivious to those behind trying to pass as they discuss Ben in accounts and the cost of skirting boards at B&Q.

pedylan

We cyclists are a broad spectrum aren't we.

What about Mr Smooth who seems to think sportives are a great place to get laid? Example conversation heard at the EC

Him : Great course isn't it?
Her - Yes
Him - You come far to ride this one?
Her - Not too far?
Him - It's a huge turnout
Her - yes.
Him - How far have we gone?
Her 30 miles.
Him - how do you know.
Her - We've just passed a huge dayglo sign tied to a tree. (in rolling eyes tone of voice)
Him - oh

I can't say if that was the end of the Cannondale casanova as they fell out of earshot.

Brian B

saw another one for the list at the weekend. Mr Sleeveless who only wears a sleevless top and shorts no matter whatever the weather.

oscarbudgie

Mr Sportive
Hasn't got the balls to join a proper club where s/he can race, test,hillclimb, do randonees and reliability rides etc for a minimal or no fee but will be expected to try, train and perform at at a decent level. So spends £££'s to make sportive organisers rich for doing f... all and thinks he getting a good deal cos he gets a free gel and a banana.
That'll be you.

FransJacques

dulldave wrote:

I thought it was funny, lighten up guys.

I'm Mr Clubkit.
Wears full garish clubkit. He likes it, but everyone else thinks it's bogging. Expects the group he's in to work with military precision. Can't let anyone use the term 'race' without correcting them.

That's a good one. I've got a buddy who fits that - he's currently resting after a car accident so I wish him well, he'll read this for sure and get it:

He has a Bath CC top from 12 years ago when their jersey design aped the ONCE design. He still wears said 12 year old, now baggy, jersey and a pair os 80's shorts with dayglo accents. He's so fit he sits easily in chattering all day, whipping the group into millimeter perfect echelons like the Russians back in the 80s.

Top guy to have in a group.

robjhp

How about Mr Look how strong i am. He sits at the front of the bunch&gunns it at 25mph.If you try go through&do a turn,he thinks your trying to half wheel him&ups the pace even higher.Usually dies a death just before first feed stop.

MrChuck

oscarbudgie wrote:

Mr Sportive
Hasn't got the balls to join a proper club where s/he can race, test,hillclimb, do randonees and reliability rides etc for a minimal or no fee but will be expected to try, train and perform at at a decent level. So spends £££'s to make sportive organisers rich for doing f... all and thinks he getting a good deal cos he gets a free gel and a banana.
That'll be you.

And yet I'd rather ride with them than you.

Pantani98

oscarbudgie wrote:

Mr Sportive
Hasn't got the balls to join a proper club where s/he can race, test,hillclimb, do randonees and reliability rides etc for a minimal or no fee but will be expected to try, train and perform at at a decent level. So spends £££'s to make sportive organisers rich for doing f... all and thinks he getting a good deal cos he gets a free gel and a banana.
That'll be you.

Get over yourself.

nickwill

oscarbudgie wrote:

Mr Sportive
Hasn't got the balls to join a proper club where s/he can race, test,hillclimb, do randonees and reliability rides etc for a minimal or no fee but will be expected to try, train and perform at at a decent level. So spends £££'s to make sportive organisers rich for doing f... all and thinks he getting a good deal cos he gets a free gel and a banana.
That'll be you.

'Mr Patronising' who likes to sneer at people who have a different attitude to the sport than he has. Claims that cyclists should all join clubs so they can plough up and down a dual carriageway on an evening or do repeat laps on an uninteresting flat circuit all because it's called a race. Why is racing a more valid way of enjoying cycling?
The same Mr Patronising is probably a member of the clique that makes so many clubs unwelcoming to other cyclists.

Live and let live!

oscarbudgie

Mr Sportive 2
Doesn't know what a cycling club is but knows its not for him. Prefers to spend £30 to do the same activity as would cost £3 in a club or on an audax. He does get a sign post and a Clif bar though

de_sisti

oscarbudgie wrote:

Mr Sportive 2
Doesn't know what a cycling club is but knows its not for him. Prefers to spend £30 to do the same activity as would cost £3 in a club or on an audax. He does get a sign post and a Clif bar though

Mr Patronising, thinks nothing of slagging off individuals for enjoying sportives, but still rides
them himself. Doesn't appreciate that others might not know of audaxes and local cycle clubs
and that they probably have other interests away from cycling.

Barteos

Mr Insecure Bully Racer

His ego and levels of testosterone prevent him from enjoying cycling too much. He thinks about himself as competitive while others see him as insecure or anxious.
Club membership gives him a sense of superiority security and purpose and he would mean nothing without it.
He can't comprehend that people who don't belong to any club and don't race may have balls to train harder on their own and being fitter/faster than him.

andy40man

Mr Sportive
Hasn't got the balls to join a proper club where s/he can race, test,hillclimb, do randonees and reliability rides etc for a minimal or no fee but will be expected to try, train and perform at at a decent level. So spends £££'s to make sportive organisers rich for doing f... all and thinks he getting a good deal cos he gets a free gel and a banana.
That'll be you

That is well funny man.

Teddy Westside

At least most of the posters in this thread get the point. Pity one wants to antagonise. :roll:

If you like sportives, ride sportives.

If you want to join a club, join a club.

Just don't put down others for their choice, because that's what it is - their choice.

I haven't joined a club because I don't currently want that structured a use of my time in the saddle. Maybe some time I will think differently. But for now, the occasional charity sportive suits me.

Now, can we get back to having a playful fun at each other's expenses?

Brian B

Got another one. 'Mr local info' who will tell you the whole course and every bump and climb that awaits you. Even if you tell him you have done the event before that wont put him off until he has verbally cycled the whole route.

petemadoc

Don't let the thread go off topic

Ignore the troll!

petemadoc

The Winners

Lean mean power machines. You see them warming up at the start, shaking their legs around, each thigh is twice the width of a normal persons. They're riding a TT bike, they don't stop at the feed stations, you only see them once, either at the start or when they pass you. They TT head down all the way.

Gazzaputt

PeteMadoc wrote:

The Winners

Lean mean power machines. You see them warming up at the start, shaking their legs around, each thigh is twice the width of a normal persons. They're riding a TT bike, they don't stop at the feed stations, you only see them once, either at the start or when they pass you. They TT head down all the way.

:oops: I did this on my last sportive ride.

I don't ride a TT bike though does that make it better?