Sportive types

Alain Quay

1. Mr Rapha
Pink jacket, white 3/4 length leggings, matching accessories (aka bicycle).
70 miles ijnto the ride and covered in muck, being Monsieur Style counts
for nothing and everyone wants to pass him.

2. Mr Liquigas
His role is to sit in front of you whilst you battle up a gradient,
with 'Liquigas' plastered across his backside, and you struggling not
to think of incontinence and its implications

3. Mr Lampre
There is one at every sportive. That pink and blue top- aargh!!

4. The Royston Varsey RC lime green jersey & shorts combo
Don't riders realise that 6-9 hours of consuming nothing but power bars,
gels and ISOs can induce serious nausea?

5. Mr Fear of starving
Carries a camelback, 12 energy bars, 10 gels, a packed lunch,
picnic rug and money for cafe

6. Mr Wheelsucker
Saying 'hi' or 'thanks' to his domestique (you) would be a sign of great
weakness.

7. Mr 'I've-done-the-Etape-de-Tour
This petit yellow sachel on my back? Oh, it's nothing. Then
leave it at home!

8. Mr Phlegmy
Ring your bell when approaching and use a wide arc when overtaking.

9. Miss/Ms/Mrs Sportive
The sight of her overtaking you and recognition that she is better than you
will reawaken sexism that had been lying dormant at the back of your brain for decades. Your pursuit will end in failure and further humiliation.

10. Mr Oh it was nothing
His job is to stand around the finish area and talk to his
admiring entourage in a loud voice, while all around him
are cyclists who look like they've just survived three years at
guantanamo bay.

Others?

9jan11

Others?

People who think they're funny by posting toss like this.

danowat

How about.....

Mr "£5K Pinarello and Audi / BMW", dressing in full replica kit puffing along at 12mph.....

9jan11

Mr "£5K Pinarello and Audi / BMW", dressing in full replica kit puffing along at 12mph.....

That's their prerogative, it's their dream not yours.

danowat

FFS lighten up

Alain Quay

9Jan11: you're home early from the Traffic Warden job.

Buckled_Rims

Alain Quay wrote:

9Jan11: you're home early from primary school. Sorry to hear you don't like Mr Men stories either.

Corrected and expanded that for you

9jan11

So Mr Alain Quay which type are you?

9jan11

Corrected and expanded that for you

No need I think he's pretty sure of his own opinion

dulldave

I thought it was funny, lighten up guys.

I'm Mr Clubkit.
Wears full garish clubkit. He likes it, but everyone else thinks it's bogging. Expects the group he's in to work with military precision. Can't let anyone use the term 'race' without correcting them.

markos1963

Mr Sensible
Is found on the course riding at high speed in unbranded quality clothing aboard a 10yo rat bike making everyone look pedestrian. Look closely and you'll see he hasn't an entry number on 'cos he was far to sensible to pay the extortionate entrance cost.

bompington

markos1963 wrote:

Mr Sensible
Is found on the course riding at high speed in unbranded quality clothing aboard a 10yo rat bike making everyone look pedestrian. Look closely and you'll see he hasn't an entry number on 'cos he was far to sensible to pay the extortionate entrance cost.

That's me! Apart from the not paying bit. Oh, and the high speed bit :oops:

nickwill

'Mr Creosote' busting out of top of the range XXL Castelli kit whilst about to unclip from his Cervelo mid zig zag on the first hill of the day!

Barteos

Alain Quay wrote:

5. Mr Fear of starving
Carries a camelback, 12 energy bars, 10 gels, a packed lunch,
picnic rug and money for cafe

It's me, it's me!
I usually carry everything in a front wicker basket for better access

dulldave

Nickwill wrote:

'Mr Creosote' busting out of top of the range XXL Castelli kit whilst about to unclip from his Cervelo mid zig zag on the first hill of the day!

good name

Alain Quay

Me?

Mr There to Make up the Numbers

Missmash of clothes, another boring Trek,
better suited to a club run on flat terrain, passed by hundreds and
grateful to finish.

Cleat Eastwood

Gandalf

Beardy old man on panniered bike and no matter how often you overtake him he always ends up ahead of you.....but you never see him pass.

Brian B

Mr Average,

Thats me as I have been cycling for a few years now and have a few decent bikes and clothes but they have been put to good use and like me have done a few miles.

Average speeds and results but getting better each year and only care about my time.

Brian B

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

Gandalf

Beardy old man on panniered bike and no matter how often you overtake him he always ends up ahead of you.....but you never see him pass.

See Gandalf below on the 1st Part of the 2008 Mega Challenge. Look for him from 20.45 onwards.

http://www.cyclosport.org/video.aspx

wicked

Brian B wrote:

Mr Average,

Thats me as I have been cycling for a few years now and have a few decent bikes and clothes but they have been put to good use and like me have done a few miles.

Average speeds and results but getting better each year and only care about my time.

Think you have summed up (well) most of us there Brian.

nickwill

wicked wrote:

Brian B wrote:

Mr Average,

Thats me as I have been cycling for a few years now and have a few decent bikes and clothes but they have been put to good use and like me have done a few miles.

Average speeds and results but getting better each year and only care about my time.

Think you have summed up (well) most of us there Brian.

Sounds like me as well!
Hope to catch up with you on ' Le Terrier' Brian!

9jan11

Mr James Richardson

Awesome rider, in his 40's. Gets the fastest time in any sportive he enters; even when pros ride he finishes in the same time as them. If you've ridden a sportive in the South West, he has passed you wearing Fred Baker Kit.

Alain Quay

9jan11 wrote:

Mr James Richardson

Awesome rider, in his 40's. Gets the fastest time in any sportive he enters; even when pros ride he finishes in the same time as them. If you've ridden a sportive in the South West, he has passed you wearing Fred Baker Kit.

You slag off the thread, Mr Grumpy, then decide to join in. :roll:

3leggeddog

Mr Cheapskate

Aldi Clothing, Ribble or similar bike, various bits of bodge that work.

That'll be me then

Buckled_Rims

3leggeddog wrote:

Mr Cheapskate

Aldi Clothing, Ribble or similar bike, various bits of bodge that work.

That'll be me then

Arh, so you've seen me on a sportive then

bompington

3leggeddog wrote:

Mr Cheapskate

Aldi Clothing, Ribble or similar bike, various bits of bodge that work.

That'll be me then

You're not a real cheapskate if your bike costs over £500, in fact if you got it from a retailer at all.

Teddy Westside

Mr First-timer

Uses his (or her) first sportive as an excuse to buy a bike worth 3 times his old roadie but still remembers to follow the spirit of the event by stopping to help a rider needing assistance even though dozens had passed him by. :x Finishes about an hour later than he could have due to hitting the wall after that Good Samaritan moment. But wants to do it all again!

That'd be me then.

desweller

I'm Mr Greased Marble

Goes like stink down hills due to, er, onboard anti-bonk carb reserve, passing everyone in sight as he does so.

Appears to be trackstanding on the following ascent, he's going that slowly.

redrobbo

Mr/Mrs/Ms Whyamihere

Not a real sportive rider at all as prefers disorganised unpredictable rides in which getting lost is all part of the experience. Know they will make it. Somewhere. Eventually.

Entered just to see what it was all about. Might return, might not.

pedylan

Mr/Ms/Miss Totally Deluded

Has all the latest gear, read all the publications and thinks they've trained like a well drilled machine. The bike has more pedigree and ability in any one of it's expensive components than they have in their entire body.

They achieve (in reality) a very moderate time even for an only averagely fit cyclist.

However. They have a whale of a time and feel like a million dollars at the finish.

Just don't shatter the illusion.

bianchimoon

Mr/Mrs green eyed monster, notices only those with better bike/gear/kit than himself, knows he's younger/fitter than mssrs totally deluded but can't comprehend why shops are allowed to sell better kit to mr totally deluded than to mr green eyed monster, doesn't quiet understand economics, working hard and being successful means mr totally deluded can buy and ride what he likes , read what publications he wants to and pay to enter any event he wants and live his own personal dream. Mr Totally Deluded does have a purpose in life though, it means Mr Green Eyed Monster usually gets to finish a little bit higher up the timing sheets