Badum tsh

One Man And His Bike

Can't be arsed typing out a long joke, not enough coffee in the system yet, however, inspired humour and good music, I turn to Bill...

MattC59

DIESELDOG wrote:

MattC59 wrote:

DIESELDOG wrote:

^^^ Correct, needed cheering up this morning. Looking at a dead bike is quite depressing.

*sigh*

Love n hugs

DD

Dead ???

Very dead. The Addict is no more. Stacked by the ex last night, top tube snapped, broken collar bone.

Most components look salvagable, I've not given the wheels a proper look at yet, forks look fine, shifters shagged.

*sigh*

Still, it has it's upside, he can't drive so I've nicked his car. :twisted:

Love n hugs

DD

ooooh.......... very dead !!!!
How did he snap the top tube ?
I'd suggest that you keep the car until he replaces the bike !!! :twisted:

DIESELDOG

@MattC59, not really sure how it happened, fast training ride, (he does TT's), *think* the chain jumped and simply kicked him off. Sworks helmet did it's job.

The top tub has broken on top, a bit of duct tape and it should be fine for him to ride it again :twisted:

He won't be replacing it just yet, he has a speedster, moda, kona and there's always the roubaix he gave me!

Love n hugs

DD

Smokin Joe

guy meets a woman in a bar and buys her a drink. During the time they were talking he keeps looking at his watch.

She asks; why

He says; “it’s a new dating watch it’s giving me information about you that it’s picking up from your aroma”

She asks; “what does it say?”

He says; “that you don’t have any knickers on”

She says “It’s wrong”

He says; “No, It’s just an hour fast”

Stewie Griffin

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did...........

crumbschief

A small boy was lost in a big supermarket.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I’ve lost my grandad"

The policeman asked, "What’s he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

DIESELDOG

Dear Japan,

Bit of a bastard when something sneaks up on you without any warning eh?

Love all the lads from Pearl Harbour.

Clank

I got caught masturbating as a child and my Dad, very angrily, said 'save that till you're older'.

Well, pops, I'm older now and I've got a jerry can full in the garage. What do I do with it?

jibi

The Mother Superior calls all the nuns to a meeting.
She tells them that there is a case of syphilis in the nunnery.

One of the old nuns says

" Oh great, I am soooooo fed up with Blue Nun"

Clank

I walked in from work to see my Grandma sucking my Grandads manhood.

'That's gross!' Thinks I. 'It should have been cremated with the rest of him'

verylonglegs

:shock:

Smokin Joe

A nine year old girl runs in to her mum from the garden where she is with her friends.

"Mummy, can girls my age have babies?"

"No, of course not darling, it's too young"

The girl runs back into the garden and her mother hears her shout, "Hey gang, it's ok, we can play that game again"

Anonymous

Radioactive particles from Japan found in Glasgow. I feel sorry for the Scots. Giant rats. Epidemic of disease. Mutated kids. And now this.

-spider-

NapoleonD wrote:

Radioactive particles from Japan found in Glasgow. I feel sorry for the Scots. Giant rats. Epidemic of disease. Mutated kids. And now this.

They're just waiting on all the cleaners going back to Swindon.

AndyF16

I'm off to a benefit gig tonight for people who have trouble reaching orgasm....

Don't worry if you can't come

Smokin Joe

I was out hunting last week and the bloke behind me let his rifle off by accident, the bullet passed between my legs and just nicked my bollox.

If I hadn't been thinking of the wife's sister at the time I'd have been in real trouble.

Stewie Griffin

My wife was trying on her summer clothes ready for the nice weather. She had just managed to squeeze into an old summer dress when she asked giggling "Do you think maybe I should diet?"

I replied "It doesn't matter what colour it is you'll still look like a fat cow.

Smokin Joe

A bloke bursting for the loo uses ladies in posh hotel. He sits down & notices 4 buttons:
1. WW
2. WA
3. PP
4. ATR
Curious, he presses WW & is gently sprayed with warm water, then WA & a blast of warm air dries him. PP & a powder puff which left him smelling fresh. Feeling pampered he presses ATR.
He wakes up in hospital & asks the nurse "what the !!!! happened?" She says "ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover, your penis is under your pillow!"

Blacktemplar

(Royalties/apologies to whomever it was that posted this elsewhere in here last week......)

I saw a guy get chucked off the bus yesterday for wanking into The Beano.... seems he misunderstood the concept of Comic Relief.

I don't know what all the fuss is about in Japan - if I'd had that many Aftershocks I wouldn't be able to find my house either. And I know I'd be pretty pleased if someone left a boat in my driveway. And I've been trying to persuade my Japanese girlfriend to get into fishnets for years...

I'd also heard Ellen McArthur is pretty pissed her round the world record has been beaten.... by a guy on a dinner table from Japan.

Finally.... what's the definition of "gross"?





"When yer granny kisses you goodnight and slips the tongue in......