I'm having a baby
takethehighroad
Posts: 6,811
Just found out my girlfriend's pregnant. At the age of 22 I'm about to become a father.
To say my emotions are mixed is an understatement. So I just thought I'd ask, what one piece advice can you give me?
To say my emotions are mixed is an understatement. So I just thought I'd ask, what one piece advice can you give me?
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Join the French Foreign Legion :twisted:Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
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Start saving...Find your limits...and then exceed them frequently0
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Marry her. A child should grow up in a stable family. If you know your wife will get half of everything you own, then you'll be more inclined to make it work!
P.S. Congratulations! Children are a gift from the Gods (except at 0330 hrs when they wake you up!).0 -
If you're a bit ......... surprised. Are you sure it's yours? Take the test if in doubt.
If it is then from now on you will be forever skint. But what your kid(s) will give you will be priceless.
Congratulations.Life is like a roll of toilet paper; long and useful, but always ends at the wrong moment. Anon.
Think how stupid the average person is.......
half of them are even more stupid than you first thought.0 -
Marry her. A child should grow up in a stable family.
+1http://www.strathspey.co.uk - Quality Binoculars at a Sensible Price.
Specialized Roubaix SL3 Expert 2012, Cannondale CAAD5,
Marin Mount Vision (1997), Edinburgh Country tourer, 3 cats!0 -
blame wiggle. The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.0 -
Seriously - that's about the bestest bit of news a guy can get. So long has he's been kind of expecting it.
If you havent been expecting it - you have 2 choices.
- 1 - youre totally immature (?)
-2- the condom (or whatever failed). Run. Or be a man. You've put your seed in the garden and it's growing.
If 1 or 2a you are not a proper man. So pick 2b. A real shock, but a good one. Make sure your choices are reflecting in planning from here on in, ie no kiddie B. Also consider how honest / trustworthy your partner is as a life partner.
Immediatetly though you have to now look after a kid. Wow. Congrats!0 -
MTFU
I'm 23, live on the wirral and I now have an amazing little boy who is nearly 6 months old. You wont be "skint" because you make things work...the stop start sleeping is a great treat in the end...makes you appreciate sleep
Seriously, its amazing. We are engaged now and feeling very happy together! Its not as bad as everyone makes out. Its totally the opposite.
Oh yeah...the one piece of advice...take time to think things through before acting on what comes in to your head. That goes the same with saying things before you think!
Just dont stress 0 -
Life gets harder but gets so much better.
Advice ?
Don't argue or disagree with a pregnant woman.
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The Mad Rapper wrote:Marry her.
.
-1,000,000
Children exponentially affect a relationship. A good relationship will get much, much better. A bad relationship will get much, much worse. A bad stable relationship is no place for children. If you would marry her without child, go for it. If you wouldn't well......
Everything being good? Your life is about to change. It will be different, but better.None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.0 -
Sell your bike, itll cause you untold grief if you currently ride alot.0
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daviesee wrote:The Mad Rapper wrote:Marry her.
.
-1,000,000
Children exponentially affect a relationship. A good relationship will get much, much better. A bad relationship will get much, much worse. A bad stable relationship is no place for children. If you would marry her without child, go for it. If you wouldn't well......
Everything being good? Your life is about to change. It will be different, but better.
Agree partially. Children are not glue to be used to try and stick a broken relationship together.
that said, enjoy the next 9 months as the hard work starts for us blokes at the birth of said sprog.
you will think you cannot afford it , but you will be surprised what changes and all of a sudden you realise what the important things are in life.
getting up alternatley in one night is not good as you both end up with poor sleep. do one night each or a couple each . or learn to sleep so heavily you cant hear em Veni Vidi cyclo I came I saw I cycled
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Ignore anyone who says your life is over...it's the complete opposite.
The people who harp on about not wanting kids because they'll have no time to do what they want (i.e. be selfish barstewards) haven't experienced the joy of having sprogs.
Watching my two year old skoot around on his Spesh Hotwalk is heart-warming...you'll have a thousand experiences like that.
The highlight of your day will be coming home from work, even though you know they'll have done something to p!ss you off within five minutes.
As for riding, I'm doing more now than I did before kids. Mainly because you plan things ahead so childcare isn't an issue. Your kids will become your number one hobby.
I love it so much that I have a little girl waiting to hatch.0 -
Congratulations
Yes your life is about to cahnge and no amount of people telling you this will prepare you for how much it will change.
BUT
it is for the better, my family is quite simply the best thing that has happened to me and I could not imagine life without them,0 -
Are you both keen on having it?
If not, you need to have a pretty frank discussion, where nothing is taboo and nothing be taken personally...if you can.0 -
Bollocks to all the negatives - children are a joy - i'm on my 8th and still get about 5000miles a year in on the bike - actually going to Enigma next month to get my new and last baby!!
dont be forced into a relationship just because of the baby - I'm sure he/she would be rather loved and cared for by 2 caring and friendly adults than 2 bickering parents.
ENJOY IT0 -
As above and you have to work as a team (mum will still do all the hard work) to look after the baby. Have you got good family support as that's always a help. Your priorities have to change when the baby arrives as your world revolves around him/her. Look at sites like Mumsnet/Dadsnet for advice and your parents of course who may have done a good job bringing you up. There is loads of info out there and everyone will offer you advice which you are free to use/discard as you think fit. Remember that you and your partner must talk about everything - your life will be hard enough without bickering about emptying the dishwasher, spending on Rapha etc.M.Rushton0
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Congrats.
Marry her.
Your life is going to change, everybody will be telling you but you can't possibly understand (not just you, noboday can, same was for me). The biggestestest change could possibly happen in your life.
Congrats again.0 -
Buy all the bikes and gear you will need for the next 18 years now. Then marry her.0
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Congratulations
Same thing happened to me and my little boy has just turned 3 so I bought him his first bike 2 weeks ago
The birth is horrific but the moment it/he/she pops out is simply the most incredible thing imaginable, I'll never forget the look of shock and almost anger on his little face at being forced into the world
Personally I’d say don't get married. I firmly believe that getting married because of a pregnancy is wrong. if you're going to marry wait a while and do it because you love her
oh and don't for the love of god sell your bike! You'll cherish those rides even more soon!!!0 -
Babies are pretty much useless for the first 6 months, you feed them, spend the next hour trying to get wind up, then the hour after that cleaning up puke, then they need feeding again. 24 hours a day. And no, you do not have time to do anything else.
After that though, they're great. My latest is 3 months old so halfway there!0 -
One piece of advice?
Listen to what everyone tells/warns you about dealing with a pregnant woman, and subsequently a post-pregnant woman and baby. Then be prepared to ignore it, change it, adapt it or laugh at it as you see fit! Everyone will have an opinion, some will echo yours, many won't. Don't beat yourself up if what your doing is different to what you're being told to do. As long as baby, Mum and you are happy (prefereably in that order, but not automatically) that's the most important thing. Not how many feeds it has, whether Breast or Bottle is better and all the usual cr*p that is spouted by many over-enthusiastic (but generally well meaning!) parents.
Also, don't expect an epiphany of love when the baby's born (i.e. all the stories you here of the birth itself). It took me months to bond with my son. The first six months was a nightmare for me, I accepted the reponsibility of being a parent and everything that entailed, but felt very little love. I was scared sh*tless that I'd live my life with a son I didn't feel anything for. He's now 18 months and I wouldn't change anything, but it was a scary time nonetheless. Just a bit of a warning really, kind of related to the first paragraph of this post.
Sorry, you only wanted one piece of advice, but I suppose they're related!0 -
Your life as you know it IS over!
We all live life differently, "i" think that the way you live your life will relate to the way you adapt to having children.
When i became a dad at 40(after living the life of riley from 18) my life was turned upside down and back to front, i don't doubt that you will adapt but it's hard work... it does get easier, but that "do what you want when you want" will go.
Work as a team and it'll make life a hell of alot easier, give and take and make sure that you both get me time.0 -
Pregnant woman are very grumpy.
Oh, once the baby is out forget about sleeping for a long long time.
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dont sell you bike!
if you ride then you get that child in to biking as soon as possible, then when you buy bits you can jusitfy it by saying
"its alright dear, i'll be handing the bike down to him/her in a few years"
on a serious note - Congrats dude, no matter what age you are your kids will add some much to your life!
on a not so serious note - i'd check the wiggle refund policy0 -
antlaff wrote:Bollocks to all the negatives - children are a joy - i'm on my 8th and still get about 5000miles a year in on the bike
It's easy when you have 8 of them - you just get the older ones to take care of the younger ones!
To TTHR - you seem to have mixed emotions over this and I don't (personally) blame you. I'm 40 and never wanted kids. Still don't. I even married a woman with 5 (although they were mostly grown up) and it was the worst time in my life.
If you're just worried because you're young - DON'T worry about it. You'll get by. If it's because (like me) you just don't really want kids - then make sure your G/F DOES. And then MTFU.
Do NOT get married just for the sake of it. You can still be a part of the child's life (to the same degree) without adding the extra pressure of an unwanted marriage. If you are meant to be together - then marriage will come when you're both ready - and the child won't know you tied the knot 2 years from now or before it was born.
(just to add a completely different opinion to the rest of the shiny-happy people).0 -
First of I am not surprised about the mixed emotions when I found out that my wife was pregenant I had them and we were trying for a child at the time.
Secondly congratulations
With respect to the one piece enjoy the experience they will grow up quickly.It is a life changing experience usually favourable as you can tell from the other posts.
Whether you and your girlfriend should marry is up to you and you GF. What the child will need is 2 loving happy supportive parents0 -
Congratulations and good luck! I waited until my 30's to get started, on balance I'm glad I did as I enjoyed my 20's and did loads of stuff you can't easily do with kids in tow. Your priorities will need to change. But, having my son is without question the best thing I have ever done! He's got a trial with Arsenal this morning, so he might end up being a good investment as well 0
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The Mad Rapper wrote:Marry her. A child should grow up in a stable family........
+2 or more
I met my wife 27 years ago, after 4 months she fell pregnant, 3 months later we were married and are just coming up to our 26th Wedding Anniversary next week through thick and thin we have fought our adversaries as a team, it is never easy but has been very rewarding.
If you love her and can envisage life forever with her then do the decent thing, marry her!0 -
Not quite understanding the responses saying having kids will be outright joy for the OP or indeed anyone else, everyone's situation and feelings are different.
The only thing he needs to makes sure of is he speaks his mind and doesn't let external pressures push him towards decisions he isn't happy with and committed to.0
