women - they dont understand!

rhext

Nah, that's simply not fair: the bear has a bear claw already so add the cat-o-nine tails and he's simply better armed than the tiger.

I think we should give the tiger a lightsabre, then it would give the bear a run for its money.

MattC59

rhext wrote:

Nah, that's simply not fair: the bear has a bear claw already so add the cat-o-nine tails and he's simply better armed than the tiger.

I think we should give the tiger a lightsabre, then it would give the bear a run for its money.

Now that's just silly

cee

to solve all uncertainty in these siuations....

like to consult the interchoobs.

http://isthewiferight.com/

its safe for work and everything!

Homer J

If a woman asks you that she's probably just fu_ked your best mate

Zachariah

My Google-fu is too weak to re-find it, but I read recently that one of the things the gold-rush miners did while they were out in the wild west was to spend their new money on outlandish things. One such crazy wheeze was pitting a bear against a lion. The bear won easily, due to its vastly superior front-leg (I was tempted to say 'upper-body' for a minute) strength, while the lion's muscle-power is geared towards the killer neck bite, which is very difficult to deliver on a Grizzly.

Zachariah

http://nevada-outback-gems.com/gold_rush_tales/california_gold_rush-tale66.htm

Le Commentateur

Homer J wrote:

If a woman asks you that she's probably just fu_ked your best mate

Or considering it, depending on the answer you are about to give. :twisted:

brin

Felt so Good wrote:

no, not the offside rule, or LBW....

I was asked , "do you love me"

"YES" I replied,

"how much?"

"even more than cycling dear ", I said

SLAP!

Then as the sun is shining, and there is just an oh- so gentle breeze, you had just conquered that climb that you thought could never be achieved, the road ahead is vehicle free and you are on a slight decline, pedalling at a steady cadence but still managing 30+mph
you grin and admit to yourself ' you feckin liar! '

ceeque

my ex missus once said to me: "Do you love me"? ... to which the instant "yes"! came out ... only to be followed with ... " but you`re not IN love with me are you?" .... I stammered at that one and that was the end of that marriage .... I`ve since learned the correct response.....

mattshrops

His and Hers diaries.
Hers:
SATURDAY
hes been acting strange and withdrawn today. i was wondering what was wrong was it me, have i upset him? Has he got another woman? Eventually i managed to get close to him and we made love and fell asleep in each others arms.

His:
SATURDAY
Wolves lost again f--king gutted, got a sh-g though :

Anonymous

Ed byrne has a very funny routine when your wife/girlfriend asks "what are you thinking ?"

cornerblock

mattshrops wrote:

His and Hers diaries.
Hers:
SATURDAY
hes been acting strange and withdrawn today. i was wondering what was wrong was it me, have i upset him? Has he got another woman? Eventually i managed to get close to him and we made love and fell asleep in each others arms.

His:
SATURDAY
Wolves lost again f--king gutted, got a sh-g though :

Gets a shag most weekends then. Every cloud eh?

mattshrops

ooh that hurt

pneumatic

So, basically, we are talking W M D here:

Women's Man Deflaters:

1. (How much) Do you love me?

2. What are you thinking?

3. Do you like these shoes or these ones better?

4. (Shortly after putting down somebody else's baby) I've been thinking ....

and to finish you off: 5. "We need to talk."

These weapons are most incisively deployed either during televised sport, just as the man is thinking about going to the pub or, most cunningly of all, in the middle of the night.

Men! we need answers! I think we've covered 1. What about the rest?

Stoo48

When asked, I just say I told you once.

Nothings changed.

If anything changes she would be the first to know.

Frank the tank

In reply to the thread title, it's bang on.

Women-They don't understand! (FACT)

simonaspinall

In men's defence, the male brain is actually programmed (science, innit) to switch off and/or have a lower activity rate and women's brains speed up at the point of this sort of questioning/relationshippy stuff being asked

Nature is against us

pneumatic

simonaspinall wrote:

In men's defence, the male brain is actually programmed (science, innit) to switch off and/or have a lower activity rate and women's brains speed up at the point of this sort of questioning/relationshippy stuff being asked

Nature is against us

This must be why men prefer to bond by doing stuff together than through talking. In fact, male conversation is really just a sequence of postures, boasts and hard facts.

I bet a male-only club run is conducted mostly in silence and essential monosyllables, whereas a women-only group ride would be as chatty as a flock of migrating geese!

simonaspinall

pneumatic wrote:

simonaspinall wrote:

In men's defence, the male brain is actually programmed (science, innit) to switch off and/or have a lower activity rate and women's brains speed up at the point of this sort of questioning/relationshippy stuff being asked

Nature is against us

This must be why men prefer to bond by doing stuff together than through talking. In fact, male conversation is really just a sequence of postures, boasts and hard facts.

I bet a male-only club run is conducted mostly in silence and essential monosyllables, whereas a women-only group ride would be as chatty as a flock of migrating geese!

Depends on what heart to heart emotional wishy washy conversations they are having in between eating crayons

cyclingmev

my bikes are always there for me....men on the other hand...PAH!!!!!!!

Bunneh

Plus bikes don't get tired after you ride them too long...

Bunnyman 5.5

Cornerblock wrote:

mattshrops wrote:

His and Hers diaries.
Hers:
SATURDAY
hes been acting strange and withdrawn today. i was wondering what was wrong was it me, have i upset him? Has he got another woman? Eventually i managed to get close to him and we made love and fell asleep in each others arms.

His:
SATURDAY
Wolves lost again f--king gutted, got a sh-g though :

Gets a shag most weekends then. Every cloud eh?

Bit different this weekend then :P

cornerblock

Probably too drunk to shag anyway, after celebrating a great result. Hope the woman understands!

TuckerUK

seanoconn wrote:

Bought my wife a nice bunch of flowers today. I dont often buy flowers and thought it would be a nice gesture.

She said, ok, what are those for? what have you done?

Teach me for making an effort!

I bought mine a nice bunch of flowers last week. She promptly stripped and laid on the bed stark nekkid, legs akimbo.

"What's this for?" I asked

"The flowers" she said

To which I replied "Don't we have a vase then?"

Flasheart

Warwickshire Whizzer wrote:

philthy3 wrote:

Q How much do you love me?
A Enough to know that I don't want a lifetime of maintenance, CSA, court costs, scrounging divorce solicitors and advocates, being forced to live in abject poverty in a one bedroom flat if I'm lucky by having to give the majority of my pay packet to a lot of people who on the whole don't deserve it, running the mill of having to hang out in pubs and bars or silly other places women frequent to find someone else who isn't egotistical enough to ask the same question.

Ouch

Yeah, welcome to my world :evil:

Aggieboy

The World's shortest fairytale.......................

Once upon a time a bloke asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No", and the bloke lived happily ever after and had sex with all her pals and rode bikes and went fishing and played footballand drank beer and ate curry and left the toilet seat up and farted and had a wank whenever he wanted. The End.

DIESELDOG

Aggieboy wrote:

The World's shortest fairytale.......................

Once upon a time a bloke asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No", and the bloke lived happily ever after and had sex with all her pals and rode bikes and went fishing and played footballand drank beer and ate curry and left the toilet seat up and farted and had a wank whenever he wanted. The End.

oooh, you soppy old romantic you...

DD

Graculus

Aaah, but at least women ask for help when they don't understand something!



Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

....................................................................................................


Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.

Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

mingmong

chuckcork wrote:

spen666 wrote:

Female: "Do you love Me?"

Male: "I F*ck you,don't I?"

Wasn't that almost the line from the movie "Oliver Twist", during which the man, Bill, ends up strangling his girl Nancy?

Nah...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQhaR2EU ... ata_player

Le Commentateur

Graculus wrote:

Aaah, but at least women ask for help when they don't understand something!



Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

....................................................................................................


Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.

Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

There's a workaround solution but you'll need to unzip and install the new Boyfriend 2.0, though it's likely a reformat and upgrade to the newest version of Husband will eventually be necessary – could be expensive.