Fettle muppet of the year award! 2011

DCowling

Spent a full day and then some, rubbing down an old frame for powder coating only for them to sand / shot blast it back to the metal

ahh well at least I got to hide in the shed for a day

dweben

Think my best was when I new to fettling but quite enthausiastic!
I didn't know that pedals had the thread going one way on one pedal, and the other way on the other pedal...

So I'm trying to get a pedal off and not understanding why one came off easy and the other is testing my patience. I get my biggest adjustable spanner out and manage to tighten it up a bit more... then still not getting it, I get a length of bar out, slip it over the end of the spanner, lie on the grass and proceed to roll around the place pinning my bike down between my legs and with cosmic effort pull the bar around even more!!!! Still not getting it I look at the back of the bolt into the crank arm to find the thing was actually splitting as I kept tightening the thing up.

End up taking it to a garage who failed to use their tools to release said pedal and they ended up cutting the crank away from the pedal... needless to say the pedal threads were ruined, the crank (drive side!!!) was stuffed and I spent more money

Also done one where I overtightened my headset press and actually pushed the press through the semi-integrated cups... doh, more expense!

robz400

I get a length of bar out, slip it over the end of the spanner, lie on the grass and proceed to roll around the place pinning my bike down between my legs and with cosmic effort pull the bar around even more!!!!

This has got me crying! I can just imagine the moment of realisation!

A cases of casatropic overtightening for me, Deceided to adjust my seat height half way through a longish ride and like a complete twat sheered the bolt and rode 19 miles with the saddle on the seat post! Got me some stange looks!

I did once replace the engine in my Suzuki Bandit 400. Drove from Guildford to Nottingham to buy the replacement engine, then locked myself in the garage and set to work. After a full day, i'd grazed all my knuckles but got the engine in and wired up.

All except for one wire that I couldn't for the life of me work out. That was 4 years ago and it still hasn't started :oops:

Kieran_Burns

Okay... I've been avoiding retelling this story, 'cos it was utterly stupid, fairly spectacular and definitely public.

Not bike related, but very much fettling.

The water jets on my car (at the time: Vauxhall Cavalier) weren't working so I couldn't clean the windscreen. Very annoying as you can imagine. A mechanic friend of mine told me that this was almost certainly due to some crap settling in the bottom of the screen reservoir bottle and blocking the feed pipe.

I could either get to the bottle and remove the pipe, clean and replace - yeah right: the bottle is hidden in the front nearside wing, so this would require removing the arch lining and going at it from there.

Or... release one of the hoses where I could reach it, and blow some compressed air through. Compressed air? Yeah, he says, air pump at the local garage.

So... armed with this knowledge I pop down on a Sunday afternoon to the local Tesco petrol station ('cos it'll be quiet, see: I won't hold anyone up while I faff).

Then I:
Pop the bonnet,
Pop lid off water bottle
Unclip the hose where it disappears into the bonnet lining and press the compressed air hose against it
Press button and a satifying amount of water fountains out of the water bottle. Result!!

At this point a car pulls up behind me with a family (mother, father - driving, and two young (<10) lads in the back

I indicate I won't be long, the guys smiles and waves in acknowledgement.

Now, just to be sure I press the button again, and NO water comes out.

Oh.

Hmmm.... realign hose to ensure a good deal, and press.

Nothing.

Ummmm...

I look down into the water bottle wondering if there was any water left in there and press the button.






Almost the entire contents of the bottle leapt out, at VERY high speed straight into my stupid face, and right in full view of the family.

Without moving and with water pouring from my face I glance right to see the whole lot of them near dying with laughter.

Being me, and just to finish off the humiliation, I pressed the button again and the rest of the bottles contents shot out, finishing off the soaking.

Honestly I think the father was finding it hard to breathe at this point and the two kids had fallen from view.

I tidied up the car, wiped my face down. Gave a little bow and drove off.

Well, at least someone got some entertainment that day.

hatbeard

hatbeard wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

Surely someone on here has done the classic smashing knuckles into chain ring when trying to remove a pedal.

I've been blessed with a good run of muppetry-free fettling on the bike, but that just means it's a question of when the inevitable happens.

pedal changing 101: always put the chain on the outer ring before attempting to remove pedal will do less damage than if you hit the bare chainring itself.

davis wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

Surely someone on here has done the classic smashing knuckles into chain ring when trying to remove a pedal.

Top tip, fettle fans: Shift into the big ring before fettling - a chain's a lot less painful than the teeth.


(Thanks very much, The Bike Whisperer).

*cough* :P

UndercoverElephant

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Okay... I've been avoiding retelling this story, 'cos it was utterly stupid, fairly spectacular and definitely public...

Sir, I salute you. You have my nomination for this, and every year.

desweller

I have no bike ones but I do have a car one.

Working on my first car, when I was 18 years old, was a weekly task as it was hideously unreliable. One weekend I had it up on the axle stands in my parents' garage to do some trivial task (tightening the exhaust clamp bolts or something) when a group of relatives arrived for lunch. Having just finished the job, and being short of time, I whisked myself out from under the car, rapidly jacked the front of it off the stands, whipped the stands out and quickly dropped it back to the floor.

Too quickly....

The jack slid out from its position as the car was halfway down and neatly finished up under the radiator. Which then landed on it, punching a 2-inch hole in the bottom and emptying the cooling system in about 5 seconds. All over me and the garage floor.

DonDaddyD

rjsterry wrote:

TailWindHome wrote:

DDD good effort. 7/10

Sorry to be critical but it's for your own developement

For full marks you needed an stupid injury (+1), which drew blood (+1) and have caused damage to something else (oil on the carpet, that sort of thing) (+1)


Good effort though.


ETA I want to read the follow up post. The return visit to the overpriced LBS with your bike in bits

Surely someone on here has done the classic smashing knuckles into chain ring when trying to remove a pedal.

I've been blessed with a good run of muppetry-free fettling on the bike, but that just means it's a question of when the inevitable happens.

I've done this, struggling to get the drive side off and then the bike took a bite out of me with with the big ring teeth.... I can show you the chipped paintwork where I sparked my bike back with the spanner in retailiation. I thought it wanted to start a fight with me.

I got the bike shop man to put the pedals on Karen, just in case...

attica

OK, while we're onto teenage car fettling stories:-

When I was 18 my Dad and I replaced the brake shoes on my old MkII Escort
I helped doing simple tasks like putting Wheel nuts on, operating the jack, that sort of thing, watching and learning.

Later that day I drove to work. As the journey progressed I noticed that the back end of the car felt slightly unusual, then again it usually did, I pressed on.
Crossing the Clifton Suspension Bridge I finally admitted that something was very definitely wrong. I pootled on looking for somewhere to park, noticing the stares of pedestrians.

I turned right very gingerly at the mini roundabout when something very odd happened.
The back end of the car jumped up and to the left and everything stopped.

I got out of the car to discover the rear left wheel of the car sitting on the pedestrian island to my right next to a single wheelnut. The car was perfectly parked.

What had happened? My Dad had thought I'd tightened the wheelnuts, I thought he had.
I'd driven about 12 miles with wheelnuts done up finger tight, gradually dropping wheelnuts as I went.

After some hasty telephone advice and a days work, I drove the car home with 3 wheelnuts on each wheel.

Cost me the price of three new wheelnuts and absolutely trashed the wheel arch, I never looked underneath to see if I'd done any more damage. Sold the car a few moths later at an overall loss of £50, not bad for 6 months motoring. Oh and a valuable lesson learned!

Rushie

TailWindHome wrote:

DDD good effort. 7/10

Sorry to be critical but it's for your own developement

For full marks you needed an stupid injury (+1), which drew blood (+1) and have caused damage to something else (oil on the carpet, that sort of thing) (+1)

Good effort though.


ETA I want to read the follow up post. The return visit to the overpriced LBS with your bike in bits

Cleaning the very mucky chain on the fixie. Turning cranks with much vigour. Distracted for a moment (you know where this is going). Hand sucked into rear sprocket. Chain tension punches hole through finger nail. Blood everywhere. Finger (when can bear to look) an amalgam of flesh, degreaser and road gunk. Into (new, white) kitchen. Medical box at top of (new, white) cabinet. Don't have time to fix properly as have to collect wife and kids from airport so check some dettol on (next door thought I'd been attacked such was the scream) and wrap in cotton wool and tape. Greet W&Ks at airport, divert straight to A&E. Nail removed. I was a brave soldier. Until wife saw state of kitchen.

stevec205gti

Hmmm - wheel nuts sound familiar. In my younger days I had problems with what appeared to be a really bad vibration coming through the right road wheel. This resulted in a few days off work, some in depth diagnostics, lot's of cycling to and from the main dealer for replacement parts, a lesson from my dad on rebuilding CV joints, lots of blood loss whilst I found out how sharp the inside of CV joints can be, and a reasonable dent in my wallet. 3 days later I had a car that still had the same problem. 30 seconds spent tightening the LEFT front road wheel and it was a good as new :oops:

desweller

stevec205gti wrote:

Hmmm - wheel nuts sound familiar. In my younger days I had problems with what appeared to be a really bad vibration coming through the right road wheel. This resulted in a few days off work, some in depth diagnostics, lot's of cycling to and from the main dealer for replacement parts, a lesson from my dad on rebuilding CV joints, lots of blood loss whilst I found out how sharp the inside of CV joints can be, and a reasonable dent in my wallet. 3 days later I had a car that still had the same problem. 30 seconds spent tightening the LEFT front road wheel and it was a good as new :oops:

Well done.

The time I was changing the engine in the same car, on a Sunday evening, coming to the end of two 12-hour sessions to do the job, and putting the ratchet handle into one of the headlights - that was pretty good.

redvee

UndercoverElephant wrote:

I'm still waiting for redvee to 'fess up to this one, judging by his last post in the "What fettling you've done" thread, you me and him are in a club which is getting less exclusive by the day.

I put the whel into the forks and spun it in silence but that was with the bike dangling. I would have ridden with the wheel this week but the brakes need adjusting to suit the thinner rim.

pastryboy

My tyre kept deflating for no apparent reason. I kept pumping it back up and it was fine for a few dozen miles but would then suddenly deflate again.

I'd forgotten to put rim tape in so the tube had a nice round 'flap' where it had pushed itself through teh spoke holes :oops:

shouldbeinbed

aslight variant on rapping ones knuckles off the chainring. I had a track pump that was leaking air even when locked onto my valve so I tightened the plastic cover to the rubber grip right up with with mole grips (yes I know!)so that it held tighter onto the valve stem. It worked and no air leak as I pumped up my rear tyre, until I couldn't get it off. 10 minutes of herculean effort later I managed to remove it with such force my hand shot back and near impaled iteself on the rear sprocket. he back of my hand had dents and my knuckles were stinging and red raw for days.

only one car related: changing the rear brake pads on my old Passat proved a bit of a nightmare. I took the old pads off and pressed the pistons back in to receive the new pads, They went so far into the caliper housing and they would go no further, however hard I pushed, whatever G clamps, jacks and profane encouragement I tried until I was stuck, totally. One call to the mobile mechanic later to be informed that past a certain point Passat calipers screw the piston back in.

mroli

Me earlier.... "Hmm, these canti brakes are a bit stiff - perhaps what they need is a decent clean (done) and then a good waggling once they're back in. Still stiff though - more furious waggling - and SNAP - little pin that holds them in 1 of 3 holes snaps".

Ace.

That's on top of the putting the fork back together and forgetting the hanger and having to redo....

EKE_38BPM

On the car fettling tip:
My brother was having difficulty with one nut on a Nissan Bluebird (remember them?) so, after removing all but the final wheel nut he thought it would be a good idea to go for a spin with only 1 nut holding the wheel on in order to loosen it.
Luckily he had only gone a few tens of metres before the wheel collapsed and it all went pear-shaped.
My brother is a muppet. I think that is why he moved to Yankland, they make him seem smart.

TommyEss

Well - I've decided to replace the whole groupset on my winter bike - it's had two years hard use with only a new rear casette and chain.

I'll get a shop to do the BB, and then I'll do the rest.

Expect a number of updates as I do dumb things over the next few weeks.

EKE_38BPM

TommyEss wrote:

Well - I've decided to replace the whole groupset on my winter bike - it's had two years hard use with only a new rear casette and chain.

I'll get a shop to do the BB, and then I'll do the rest.

Expect a number of updates as I do dumb things over the next few weeks.

Thats cheating, you haven't been a muppet yet!

I wonder what the Yank for Muppet is? It should really be Muppet, but, generally, Yanks are such Muppets that they can't even be Muppets correctly!

I'm going to bed,

sketchley

Car wheelnuts, first car, flat tyre changed no problem. Driving off vibration. Told step father he checks, wheel nuts on backwards, flat side next to wheel, rounded side that centres hole on thread on outside.....

UndercoverElephant

TommyEss wrote:

Well - I've decided to replace the whole groupset on my winter bike - it's had two years hard use with only a new rear casette and chain.

I'll get a shop to do the BB, and then I'll do the rest.

Expect a number of updates as I do dumb things over the next few weeks.

Meh, bottom brackets are easy*, as long as you have the right version of the tool and not one which is so poorly made that the tensioning bolt remover doesn't even fit the sodding bolt.

*Plenty of scope for the truly talented muppet to excel themselves, though.