OT: dating

andy83

Ok so recently split up from a 5 year relationship and just wondered what peoples views on online dating are?

yes I know it may sound sad and im not looking into it myself right now, may do in the future but just curious on peoples opinions!

Is it a waste of time or can things be a success?

I work funny hours at work so not your typical 9-5 and also all my friends are with someone so tend to go out as couples etc so not the easiest to meet people. also im initially a little shy which never helps

Any good or bad stories

Valy

Just my general perception on "online dating".

There may be a bit of a stigma attached to it, but if you look around, you may find some people of interest, of course reading a profile and looking at pictures is not the same as finding someone face to face for the first time, but on the other hand, there are more people on dating sites that are looking to date compared to maybe a supermarket etc. :roll: :P

pianoleo

Both of my housemates have had mid-term success with online dating - one with match.com and one with Guardian Soulmates. I have a history of stumbling into long-term relationships and have been single for nearly 18 months, following seven years of near-uninterrupted coupledom, but if I were bored/lonely/thinking about dating, I don't think online dating would be at the bottom of my todo list. Suck it and see, as they say...

EKE_38BPM

I don't think there is a stigma with online dating any more.

I've met two women online. One saw my facebook profile and got in touch. I wasn't looking for a partner at the time but thought, "What the hell". I went out with her for a while but moved on.

The second one was from a dating site. We went out for a year before parting.

Dating sites are a target rich environment. You're both there for the same thing, to meet people, so there is less time wasting.
Going on lots of dates can be fun, but can also be expensive!

paulus69

I agree with eke, with online dating you are talking about a very target rich enviroment. I'm happily married (surely an oxymoron in itself), but if i were to be looking I would give online dating a bash.

As a friend once said to me "fill your boots"

greg66_tri_v2.0

pianoleo wrote:

Guardian Soulmates

About which I have heard some great stories...

dhope

Any stigma is pretty much gone I think, a number of friends have tried it with varying degrees of success (engaged being the best so far).
Housemate met his OH on MySingleFriend, couple of friends used Guardian Soulmates

Alphabet

mate of mine is married with two kids - met his wife on match.com

PBo

my personal thoughts - based on zilch experience - is that it has to be potentially more productive than just seeing someone in a bar. I mean, lets face it, there's lots of people out there who are physically attractive, but are not relationship material - and dating the conventional way is probably led too much by looks.

I don't have any stats to back this up, but feel sure i heared that most common way of couples getting together is through work or friends. This suggests to me that people met in an environment where the "phwoar" factor was less prevalent, and personalities came to the fore. I guess that by trying to match interests on online dating sites, you are also taking this route.

as for stigma, the fact that you came on here and asked for yourself, rather than saying "a mate of mine is interested in online dating" suggests that the stigma is much less.

Still, probably need to spin it right in the wedding speeches

edit: just read this back and realised the naivety of my premise that people in bars eyeing each other up are dating conventionally, looking for long term relationships... :oops:

lost_in_thought

Greg66 wrote:

pianoleo wrote:

Guardian Soulmates

About which I have some great stories...

FTFY.

I've nothing against it, but find it a bit odd sometimes when it's unsolicited. For example, I'm getting repeated PMs from a person called thespanishadam at the moment.

Give it a go, you might meet someone great. It's fun inventing stories of how you met to appease disapproving relatives.

UndercoverElephant

I think the stigma's only really evident if you're using sites like bestthatibrides.com, even then, we live in a globalised world these days...

gtvlusso

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

wgwarburton

Hi,
You could join a couple of clubs, related to your interests (cycling springs to mind :-) ). You might well meet someone there, and you'd have something in common...

Cheers,
W.

DonDaddyD

andy83 wrote:

Ok so recently split up from a 5 year relationship and just wondered what peoples views on online dating are?

yes I know it may sound sad and im not looking into it myself right now, may do in the future but just curious on peoples opinions!

Is it a waste of time or can things be a success?

I work funny hours at work so not your typical 9-5 and also all my friends are with someone so tend to go out as couples etc so not the easiest to meet people. also im initially a little shy which never helps

Any good or bad stories

DDD on Internet dating

(This may be a big one so apologies)

I'm not a fan. I'm old school, face to face communication in a club, bar, library, bus stop etc. Armed with pen, paper/mobile phone and the deal maker phrase such as,

"Can I have your number, maybe take you out, get to know you better?"

This I believe is for two key reasons:

a) As a teenager I was often pressured into chatting up girls. Turns out I liked the adrenaline rush and the butterflies in the stomach bought on by the initial approach. I also enjoyed the outcome. If it was a 'no', I'd laugh about it. If it was a yes I'd revel in the stentch of glory.

b) I think it is a sad state of affairs that people in this society either don't have the time, won't make the time or are simpy too defensive/lack the confidence to allow them to meet new people or consider the prospect of being 'chatted' up/chatting up someone in a social setting. (This isn't the case for everyone).

That said I think the way society has developed, the changing scope of how we work and time committments etc. Coupled with the sheer range of the Internet allowing us to engage with people worldwide. The emerging trend is to Internet date.

Success isn't guaranteed and if it you're not don't let that knock your confidence i.e. 'Can't even get a girl off the net, shame!'. The stigma has gone. I do think that you should make yourself avaialble socially and broaden your horizons, join a club. While you may 'Internet date' you should keep an open mind to the prospect of just meeting someone by chance during any number of social 'things'. Especially as 'Tis the season'.

---

On a personal note, I probably would never Internet date.

Why? I like the thrill and uncertainty of meeting someone by chance in the real World.

AND

The Internet is morish and is designed to continually up-the-ante/expose you to things you just normally wouldn't consider (ever just been to one website without considering another?). Human curiousity being what it is, I'd probably start with dating on Match.com and end up in a Channel 4 documentary on swinging, swapping and god knows what...

DonDaddyD

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

lost_in_thought

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

dhope

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

Because of your love of 1920s dance?
DDD seems to start a row fairly often though.

gtvlusso

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

Rowing clubs are giant shag fests! And as a former "laydees" coach......Anyway, many a marriage has been down to meeting at a rowing club.....many a divorce has also been due to the rowing club....

At least with rowing clubs the people involved are usually young attractive and healthy.....that cannot be said for my stereotyped view on swingers clubs!

DonDaddyD

gtvlusso wrote:

Rowing clubs are giant shag fests! And as a former "laydees" coach......

Location. No not for me.

I'm saying location plays a big factor. When comparing like for like be it job, social activity, club etc I've long since believed that people living outside London get up to more naughty than people living in London.

So its entirely possible that said shagfest never happened with LiT's (I assume London based) rowing club...

The same logic is probably true of Internet dating success rate... be it getting laid or finding love. And I see that the OP is from Brum, so he should have no problems there!

Going back to the first point, I'm not sure why people living outside London are more likely to get up to more naugty? It could be time, ideology, different set of taboos, social/moral compass etc. More to do in London less time to do it perhaps?

All I know is that I was glad I went to a University in the Midlands!

lardboy

I met my fiance on Dating Direct a couple of years ago. I tried MySingleFriend (expensive and not so good), Friends Reunited Dating (cheaper and pretty good, depending on your age) and Match (meh), with varying levels of success.

I couldn't give a toss about stigma. We were both looking for someone, and used all the tools at our disposal. I'm glad we did.

I've got her into commuting by bike as well. How's that for getting the thread back on topic?

Pufftmw

I was on match.com for just under 18 months and I met some lovely ladies. I also met a couple of nutters but thats life.

I'm now living with an absolutely beautiful, gorgeous, sexy and wonderful woman who is just everything that I would wish for in a partner and am happier than I've ever been I'm slowly getting her into cycling too In her case, I was the first person she responded to after joining match, so there's no formula or time process that can say what happens/when.

I was always open about dating online. In my opinion, its better than walking into a bar/club and wandering up to a pretty lady as you don't know whether or not that person is with someone or just not looking or that doesn't sound like Tracey Soloman or indeed available & interested. Always best to stack the odds a bit more in your favour I think.

I tried speed dating in a singles club that a friend was setting up. That was really bizzare. In theory there is a room of men/women who are all interested in finding a partner but you have 3 mins to talk to someone before moving on. Then, if there was someone nice you wanted to talk to again, you had to try and get back to them and wait for an opportunity to move someone else on then watch whilst other blokes circled around, like sharks, looking for an opening. I went to about 7 or 8 of those - good fun but no love!

I had the micky taken out of me at work about online dating though I didn't care and they have now stopped and are really happy for me now that I have met my girlfriend. Perhaps I'm lucky but it has really worked for me and I had some fun along the way. Give it a go as it definitely works and life is too short to be wondering too much about what other people say about how you met your life partner.

andy83

Thanks a lot for all your replies

as for stigma, the fact that you came on here and asked for yourself, rather than saying "a mate of mine is interested in online dating" suggests that the stigma is much less

Give it a go, you might meet someone great. It's fun inventing stories of how you met to appease disapproving relatives.

To be honest I aint that fussed about the stigma, people see me as a geek and the fact im on an internet forum so much wouldnt surprise people I was considering it

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Your having a laugh arent you?

Oh here he is lol

b) I think it is a sad state of affairs that people in this society either don't have the time, won't make the time or are simpy too defensive/lack the confidence to allow them to meet new people or consider the prospect of being 'chatted' up/chatting up someone in a social setting. (This isn't the case for everyone)

I appreciate everyone is different. the confidence thing could easily be contributed to the persons personality and also to the life experiences, ie bullied at school etc so low self esteem

The same logic is probably true of Internet dating success rate... be it getting laid or finding love. And I see that the OP is from Brum, so he should have no problems there!

And your trying to say the girls are easy lol

I couldn't give a toss about stigma. We were both looking for someone, and used all the tools at our disposal. I'm glad we did

thats how i feel, at least your picking someone you may be remotely interested in

I was always open about dating online. In my opinion, its better than walking into a bar/club and wandering up to a pretty lady as you don't know whether or not that person is with someone or just not looking or that doesn't sound like Tracey Soloman or indeed available & interested. Always best to stack the odds a bit more in your favour I think.

good shout

I spose me coming on here asking there is not a big stigma, and i must be considering lol

MonkeyMonster

Had a brief foray into guardian solemates and mysinglefriend.

Both quite heavily in your favour as msf has A LOT of women on it let alone gs.

Good luck. I found my gf through friends but hey ho. Really handily lives up the road from morpeth so nice and easy from social night

squired

The problem with online dating can be that people pay too much attention to specific details that they may not be so worried about in real life if they met the guy in person. I know girls, for example, who were on dating websites with a checklist that he had to match before they would consider responding.

Having said that, I remember one female friend telling me she went on something like Dating Direct and got over a hundred messages in the first few days. In fact that can be the real problem - guys just send messages (often the same message) to hundreds of women in the hope that one responds. Women then rarely send out their own messages as they get so many guys contact them. Another friend was on eharmony. She was telling me how she hadn't met any decent guys in the year she'd been on there. I asked how many guys she'd contacted and her response was that she waited for them to contact her. I guess in a sense you could argue that it somewhat mirrors real-life.

DonDaddyD

andy83 wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Your having a laugh arent you?

<< Points to the fact that he is in a long term relationship, who is in love and loved.

Dinner on the table every night, except Friday when I cooks, fry up made for me on Sundays should I want it. Lunch made for me for work, with homemade breakfast bars. >>

I must have done or am doing something right... :P

People do often forget the above.

Oh here he is lol

b) I think it is a sad state of affairs that people in this society either don't have the time, won't make the time or are simpy too defensive/lack the confidence to allow them to meet new people or consider the prospect of being 'chatted' up/chatting up someone in a social setting. (This isn't the case for everyone)

I appreciate everyone is different. the confidence thing could easily be contributed to the persons personality and also to the life experiences, ie bullied at school etc so low self esteem

True everyone is different. I lack confidence in some things (I know such a concept does exist DDD lacking confidence). But if you aren't confident approaching people in say a social setting I never understood how those very same people could feel confident about meeting a total stranger they met from the net.

This place is the first time I met people from the net. I was a little nervous but meh. People are people.

OP wrote:

The same logic is probably true of Internet dating success rate... be it getting laid or finding love. And I see that the OP is from Brum, so he should have no problems there!

And your trying to say the girls are easy lol

Yes. (Well not really yes, but...... the survey says.... )

Different view on sex and sexual partners I find. And less to do - make sure she lives in the rural part, house with a massive field/farm on one side of it. Car journey to the village that sort of this. Less to do = boredom = YAY Time!

Ever been at home, no money, friends all out and nothing on TV.... yep.

Sewinman

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

LiT - googling the spanishadam gives a lot of random results! He has a Punto.

I have done Match.com and Guardian Soulmates. The former has a lot of chavs on it and the latter is full of worthy vegan-types who have photos of their time at a kibbutz on their profile - why do people include landscape photos or the classic - pics of them in full scuba diving gear! I don't care where you have been on hols, or that you dive, I just wanna check out your face and make sure you are not massively fat! I also am now sick of reading 'socialising with my massive and hugely important group of friends, or alternatively - a night in with a nice bottle of wine, DVD on the sofa" :roll:

I find it hard work generally - you have to spend hours searching through profiles and then sometimes you email and get no reply etc. I will probably have another go sometime - last years tactic was to crash into girls on my bike

gtvlusso

Sewinman wrote:

LiT - googling the spanishadam gives a lot of random results! He has a Punto.

He's a keeper!

gtvlusso

Thought I would help out here:

http://thedailymashdates.co.uk/

Anyone who reads the daily mash is worth dating......

DonDaddyD

Sewinman wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

LiT - googling the spanishadam gives a lot of random results! He has a Punto.

I have done Match.com and Guardian Soulmates. The former has a lot of chavs on it and the latter is full of worthy vegan-types who have photos of their time at a kibbutz on their profile - why do people include landscape photos or the classic - pics of them in full scuba diving gear! I don't care where you have been on hols, or that you dive, I just wanna check out your face and make sure you are not massively fat! I also am now sick of reading 'socialising with my massive and hugely important group of friends, or alternatively - a night in with a nice bottle of wine, DVD on the sofa" :roll:

I find it hard work generally - you have to spend hours searching through profiles and then sometimes you email and get no reply etc. I will probably have another go sometime - last years tactic was to crash into girls on my bike

I thought you and ___ hooked up?

If you did, shoulda been a keeper.

you have to spend hours searching through profiles and then sometimes you email and get no reply etc. I will probably have another go sometime - last years tactic was to crash into girls on my bike

This is the part that I wouldn't like. Feels impersonal, mechanical....

Sewinman

DDD - no...nearly, but not quite.

UndercoverElephant

Sewinman wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I would say, get some lessons from DDD.....

Or join a rowing club/triathlon club....amazing what happens on tour!

LiT joined a rowing club... just saying is all.....

Err... I joined a rowing club because I wanted to learn to row.

Now, if I'd joined a swingers' club...

LiT - googling the spanishadam gives a lot of random results! He has a Punto.

I have done Match.com and Guardian Soulmates. The former has a lot of chavs on it and the latter is full of worthy vegan-types who have photos of their time at a kibbutz on their profile - why do people include landscape photos or the classic - pics of them in full scuba diving gear! I don't care where you have been on hols, or that you dive, I just wanna check out your face and make sure you are not massively fat! I also am now sick of reading 'socialising with my massive and hugely important group of friends, or alternatively - a night in with a nice bottle of wine, DVD on the sofa" :roll:

I find it hard work generally - you have to spend hours searching through profiles and then sometimes you email and get no reply etc. I will probably have another go sometime - last years tactic was to crash into girls on my bike

I think we have an ID:

http://www.bikeradar.com/commuting/foru ... tart=22649