Deep heat in your shorts

hambones

Oh how amusing work colleagues can be!!!

I was taken aside this lunchtime by our rather fawning work receptionist with the Dora the Explorer haircut*, to be told that the Purchasing Manager had sprayed deep heat on my cycling shorts which were drying over the radiator in the toilets. Whilst I appreciated the tip off I wasn't entirely sure how he thought I wouldn't notice on account of the rather obvious smell which more than overpowered the customary smells you would expect from there.....!!!



Now then, any tips for my revenge???

* (She's confided to another colleague that she finds me rugged and charismatic!! She must need her eyes testing or else I'm in trouble at the works Christmas Party!!)

itboffin

I'd have worn them and pretend it had no effect, that'll confused them.

As for revenge, it seems that prince(ss) Edward during his short military career rarely had a cup of normal tea, lets just say he's had more cocks on his lips than a Thai internet bride.

Harsh but fair I think :roll:

shouldbeinbed

hambones wrote:

Oh how amusing work colleagues can be!!!

I was taken aside this lunchtime by our rather fawning work receptionist with the Dora the Explorer haircut*, to be told that the Purchasing Manager had sprayed deep heat on my cycling shorts which were drying over the radiator in the toilets. Whilst I appreciated the tip off I wasn't entirely sure how he thought I wouldn't notice on account of the rather obvious smell which more than overpowered the customary smells you would expect from there.....!!!



Now then, any tips for my revenge???

* (She's confided to another colleague that she finds me rugged and charismatic!! She must need her eyes testing or else I'm in trouble at the works Christmas Party!!)

submit a formal complaint to the MD about him interfering with your personal property and potentially compromising your ability to concentrate properly and therefore your safety on your journey home.

or if thats a bit too literal: (and slashng his tyres too extreme) hide his car keys and lead him on a little treasure hunt of clues and hints round the office. in the good old days they'd usually end up encased in a block of ice in the freezer compartment of the office fridge but with alarm fobs now I wouldn't try that

cjcp

Put piles cream under his desk, just where his trousers would be.

Or just leave a half-squeezed tube or pot on his desk.

greg66_tri_v2.0

Kill him.

With an axe. In the office, on a Tuesday afternoon.

He will never see that coming. Guarantee ya!

cyclopsbiker

I haven't done this, was told by someone it would make good revenge....when yr colleague goes on holiday (you have to be sure no-one will sit at the seat while they're away)....wet their seat and sprinkle on cress seeds. by the time they return their chair will be a lovely patch of "grass"

danlikesbikes

I presume he drives to work hence the hatred for cyclists?

Would suggest that you leave several things on his desk - spanner, allen key & an assortment of nuts and bolts preferably of the size that might have come from his car. If you were feeling really harsh would also leave an empty bottle of brake fluid just so he can get the hint. Then every time you are asked "you didn't, did you?" just respond "Me would I that would be like messing about with other peoples stuff" and keep on with the denials all day. I bet you'll see him run/rush out of the door so quick to check on his car.

Kieran_Burns

Report his car as stolen.

Lancslad

Sink a raw egg in his cup of tea/coffee. Put tobasco sauce in his prefered drink.

SimonAH

Wait until he is NOT looking at you and stare at him and grin hugely - as soon has he turns to look at you pull a straight face and try to look busy.

His mind will do the rest.......... :twisted:

paulus69

Potato in the exhaust pipe of his car
Rumours about seing him sniffing your shorts in the toilets!
Turn his speakers on his PC up very loud (every morning before he gets in)
If he keeps his lunch in the fridge some chillis in his lunch might help!

As rambo said "they drew first blood" or failing that be the bigger man and don't rise to it!

W1

If possible, when the vending machine is re-stocked, put his keys, wallet and phone at the back of different sections. In order to go home at night he'll need to buy a not insubstantial quantity of crisps/chocolate etc.

will3

Stick his car in the local paper at a really cheap price. Give his office phone number.

MountainMonster

You don't get Dip in England, but in America we used to use our dip spit and pour it into peoples cups of coffee. The taste and smell was hated by everyone.

Dip is chewing tobacco in case noone knew.

Another good one is take the casing off his computer and put some rotten food in there, and just let it sit. After a few weeks, the smell will be terrible and he would have no idea where it come from. I used to love that one as well, opened up eggs, poked some holes in a bag, poured the eggs in there, and popped it in. The smell was horendous.

Kieran_Burns

Do all of the below... we've had these lot played on us at one time

Go into the screen properties and on some video cards there is an option to rotate the screen. Rotate the screen 180 degrees and voila! Now they will have to turn their screen upside down to get anything done.

Next we have the classic Screen Shot. Take a screen shot of their desktop, and then set it as their background. You'll need to look up how depending on the operating system being used, but next hide their desktop icons. When they go to click on an icon, nothing will happen. This one is also easy to reverse.

Moving on, we come to Mouse and Keyboard tricks. Go to the Windows control panel and change their mouse from righted hand to left handed. It'll take a while for them to figure out. Next change their keyboard layout from "qwerty" to "dvorak". This will rearrange the keys on their keyboard and make it impossible to type properly. This one can take a while to figure out but it is very easy to fix. One of the fun things about these is that if they ask you about it you can suggest that they try a new mouse or keyboard.

Last on the Keybaord and Mouse tricks, take a piece of clear tape (a small piece of packing tape works great) and tape it to the bottom of the mouse over the light. If you press down on it, it'll practically disappear and be really hard to find. The mouse simply won't work!

I've also taped the phone down so when you pick it up the whole base comes with it, or just tape the dial lever down so when you pick it the phone keeps ringing.

greg66_tri_v2.0

When he goes on holiday, provide an anonymous tip the police that on his return he'll be carrying class A drugs internally.


Tell his boss that you suspect him of fraud. Make something up to support the allegations.

Get your missus/GF to send him anonymous texts as if from a mistress. Then tip off his wife.

There's a lot to choose from.

W1

Greg66 wrote:

When he goes on holiday, provide an anonymous tip the police that on his return he'll be carrying class A drugs internally.


Tell his boss that you suspect him of fraud. Make something up to support the allegations.

Get your missus/GF to send him anonymous texts as if from a mistress. Then tip off his wife.

There's a lot to choose from.

*mental note. Never scalp G66*

itboffin

Silly me I forgot

VEET

Do with as you will, flicked at head from a distance , applied to clothing etc. this should produce an interesting patchy bald spot effect.

:twisted:

what G66 did reveal is that he uses that tactic on himself when travelling abroad, perv

dhope

Greg66 wrote:

When he goes on holiday, provide an anonymous tip the police that on his return he'll be carrying class A drugs internally.


Tell his boss that you suspect him of fraud. Make something up to support the allegations.

Get your missus/GF to send him anonymous texts as if from a mistress. Then tip off his wife.

There's a lot to choose from.

Glad I don't take the same route as you, could imagine if by some freak set of circumstances I managed to pass you that you'd run me into a bus in retaking the scalp :shock:

notsoblue

W1 wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

When he goes on holiday, provide an anonymous tip the police that on his return he'll be carrying class A drugs internally.


Tell his boss that you suspect him of fraud. Make something up to support the allegations.

Get your missus/GF to send him anonymous texts as if from a mistress. Then tip off his wife.

There's a lot to choose from.

*mental note. Never scalp G66*

+1

BenS999

paulus69 wrote:

Rumours about seing him sniffing your shorts in the toilets!

I like this one best, as he will only be able to correct you by admitting what he was up to. Failing that go with the axe treatment as mentioned.

PS you are in debt to Dora now...be nice and the xmas party :shock:

Sewinman

hambones wrote:

Oh how amusing work colleagues can be!!!

I was taken aside this lunchtime by our rather fawning work receptionist with the Dora the Explorer haircut*, to be told that the Purchasing Manager had sprayed deep heat on my cycling shorts which were drying over the radiator in the toilets. Whilst I appreciated the tip off I wasn't entirely sure how he thought I wouldn't notice on account of the rather obvious smell which more than overpowered the customary smells you would expect from there.....!!!



Now then, any tips for my revenge???

* (She's confided to another colleague that she finds me rugged and charismatic!! She must need her eyes testing or else I'm in trouble at the works Christmas Party!!)

More importantly - what does this receptionist look like...would you?

itboffin

As it happens I have a piece of Greg66 scalp here at home, I used it as a beer mat, i'm sure if you ask him he'll explain how I came to own it :twisted:

Still having the dreams Greg ???

greg66_tri_v2.0

itboffin wrote:

As it happens I have a piece of Greg66 scalp here at home, I used it as a beer mat, i'm sure if you ask him he'll explain how I came to own it :twisted:

Still having the dreams Greg ???

Sneak attacks in the neutral zone don't count, sunshine.

When it came down to the wire, and it was gloves off, then there was a set-to that counted. That was the one that the Johnny Foreigners applauded...

Cafewanda

You lot aren't vindictive much are you?

As for the Christmas party, report back

gtvlusso

If he has a car:

WD40 the windscreen wipers.....As soon as they are used the windscreen becomes a greasy mess. Never clears! I had to call the AA to tow the care home when some git did this to me many years ago....could not see out of the windscreen at all.

If is is a diesel - steal the keys and wee in the fuel tank. Often causes hydraulic lock and f*cks the cylinder head. Particularly effective on BMW diesels - Alloy heads warp very easily.

Another good one is leaving Porn DVD's in his drawers and one in the laptop/PC drive and reporting it to IT.......nothing like a good old gross misconduct investigation....Something I am currently going through with one of my team who has been "caught" with porn.....

Jay dubbleU

Conceal a bag of prawns in the bottom draw of his desk

woodford2barbican

little bit of sellotape over the optical eye on his mouse. stops it working & hard to see

bluetack his phone to the cradle.

Gazzaputt

Sh!t in his desk.

SamWise72

Spread Canesten on his personal property, to show that he's an irritating c***

itboffin

Gazzaputt wrote:

Sh!t in his desk.

I know of a bloke who did that in a woman's handbag at a party, ah the old days