Best / Worst Abuse whilst riding a bike

shouldbeinbed

Following on from Fossyant's run in with a car full of F**kwits.

I don't tend to get much verbal heckling, it's usually along the lines of
give us a lift,
your lights are out,
learn to ride (usually when being in their way inconsiderately turning right)
plenty of people making laughing noises when I'm on my Birdy

yaddy yaddy all water off a ducks back.

The nastiest I ever got was whilst stopping at lights, some motorist yelled at me 'I hope you die, you f**king c**t, If I see you again I'll run over your f**king skull' as he hared off. I've not a clue why, I'd come up behind him and hadn't seen him pass me at all.

The funniest was when struggling up a big hill near home absolutely shattered and going backwards in my granny gear.

a couple of kids stood on their front path yelled 'ride Forest, ride' as I inched past.

They made my day, I though it was priceless

What's the best or worst you've had?

grahamg123

"get yer' knees up" - quite often get it while out running but had it while on my bike recently too.
"i see you baby, shaking that ass" (yes, as in the Groove Armada track) - worryingly, that was the best the car full of (male) chavs could come up with.
I've also had my fair share of general 'effing and jeffing but that doesn't bother me too much. I just find the lack of mental ability of the hecklers worrying and amusing, in equal measure.

lost_in_thought

I usually get more along the lines of 'allo darlin' give us a wiggle' (yesterday) or similar.

Oh and the other day someone at the lights wound down their window to ask me if my hair was real and whether they could have my number. :roll:

I don't mind it, but it annoys me a bit when the car/van doing the shouting drives alongside me commenting on some aspect of my anatomy etc. when the road's clear ahead. Sure, it's very flattering, but please pay attention to the road and try not to kill me. Also, buggroff.

CiB

Tops was some I dished out, rather than being on the end of it. Was arguing with a daft old bint about the rights & wrongs of her nearly wiping me out ¼ of a mile back up the road and it was too obvious that she wasn't getting a single word of it into her brain, until I leaned into her car, took her fag off her and threw it away for her. Her jaw dropped. I scuttled off in the other direction, my work done.

TheBrogueadier

Worst, a full (and unopened) can of coke hurled at me from an oncoming white van, if his aim had been better I'd have been in trouble (I was doing 25+, he wasn't hanging about).

Best..I got back into cycling years ago after reaslising that I was gettin older and fatter, and I'd just been dumped quite badly so needed self confidence...

Pulled up at a set of lights after a long grueling ride and leant back to stretch a bit, all of a sudden a voice oiled its way into my ear

"Mm.. You're a rather fit young man"

It was said with a disturbing level of perversity, and a top-toe look that matched, all from a rather large lady who was taking her two (now mortified looking) teenage kids out.

I was suitibly amused and disturbed for the rest of the day.

iclestu

As a scotsman living in yorkshire i made a young lad's day with a 'On Yer Bike!' response to his 'Race you!?' challenge t'other day.

Matt the Tester

lol stu

Porgy

I had a teenage girl shout "Hey aerosmith" at me cycling through Bexleyheath in the summer. It's my long hair I suppose. 8)

DonDaddyD

Punched a van once, it pulled out on me and I ended up brakeing for dear life. :shock: I stopped just before my front tyre collided. Only thing I could do is punch and roar in rage. Driver drove off. Best thing really, had he got out.....

Chased a couple of cars that beeped and pass me by merely an inch.

Pulled up alongside at least three cars (normally the front window and in a position where its hard for them to run me down) that have nearly right/left hooked me to have it out with the driver. Me shouting and incredibly angry, them saying SMIDSY, me saying its not good enough, followed by them saying sorry.

Try to be calm these days.

Edit

Equally:

I've been waiting at the lights in the primary position to have someone behind me, shouting at me to move because I cannot pull off as fast as a car. The C*nt.

Had a little exchange with a cyclist who on the upright and beg hybrid, pulled out into my line without checking the shoulder or even indicated that he was going to do so.

Called 'numbnuts' by a bus driver for trying to go up the inside of him. To be fair he was right.

The list for both my excahnges and their excahnges could go on.

Like I said as my speed and distance have increased so has my patience and I really do try to remain calm and keep my head, to be safe.

fossyant

Well my worst was at 9.00am on a sunday, best bike, best kit.....some lads in a car were leaning fully out trying to pull me off the bike. Hardly going to kick up a fight in road shoes, with no 'soft' surfaces I could stand on, plus didn't want damage to the best bike either.

I've not had too many, last nights, the sunday morning one, some car full of lads calling my 'gay' etc, and some lads hurling abuse as I cycled up to a set of traffic lights - a pedestrian looked shocked 'charming aren't they' I said to her.

I've not had anything thrown at me though, or anything like that. Fairly lucky in 24 years of cycling. Not a bad run.

Porgy

I've been thinking about the worst - but as I ride listening to an MP3 player I often can't work out what they said.

On Dunwich Dynamo I have frequently been called a cnut while cycling out through Essex. One guy tried to punch me while passing.

Cab drivers and bus drivers - when they lose it - they lose it big time. Boy they can swear! Still nothing specific comes to mind.

de_sisti

If you want get your own back on a woman driver who has almost run you over etc, tell her
to ride a bike in order to get rid of the fat and cellulite from her hips and thighs. It is guaranteed
to make them go ballistic. :twisted:

fenboy369

Quite a few people seem to think that I pleasure myself. :shock:

Had an argument with a big lady once about my road position, she said I shouldnt be on the road as I didnt pay Road Tax. I told her I didnt pay Fat Tax either. She went mental. Hahaha, silly fat lady!

stuaff

Plenty of the usual kind of abuse here- on the IOW a few weeks back someone called me an 'ignorant bastard' when he eventually passed me (well, it was a very narrow lane we were on, I wasn't going to jump in a hedge- and his dog was barking constantly, rather intimidating as well)...
As for 'best'...well, 'Your wheels are going round'. Doh! Says way more about the person making those remarks...And a few months back I'm in a queue of traffic coming up to a junction. Peugeot passes, Chav leans out of the passenger seat and says 'pedal, mate' (well, that's what I was doing, moron...). Funnily enough, didn't have anything to say when I passed them a couple of minutes down the road......

redvee

Not on the bike but I was coming home wearing a pair of smart trousers, usually jeans when I venture out, and had some passing male car driver shout that I had a nice ass :shock:

stuaff

dupe.

fossyant

I've actually had a good one....

Out training, near a rough area...(oh no) chav car pulls along side....., passenger leans out and says 'blimey you're doing 30 mph'....big thumbs up from each of us.......

Mr_Cellophane

TheBrogueadier wrote:

Best..I got back into cycling years ago after reaslising that I was gettin older and fatter, and I'd just been dumped quite badly so needed self confidence...

Pulled up at a set of lights after a long grueling ride and leant back to stretch a bit, all of a sudden a voice oiled its way into my ear

"Mm.. You're a rather fit young man"

It was said with a disturbing level of perversity, and a top-toe look that matched, all from a rather large lady who was taking her two (now mortified looking) teenage kids out.

I was suitibly amused and disturbed for the rest of the day.

Oh Ding Dong

Oddjob62

Not had any abuse so far.

Lazarus

Worst was being hit by a can of lager thrown by a bunch of chavs hanging out of a car as the passed me

Best was

"Oi your wheels are going round and so is your wife"

again by a bunch of chavs out in a car but this time they were chavs with a good sense of humour

Porgy

Oddjob62 wrote:

Not had any abuse so far.

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

there you - some abuse - bet you don't feel so left out now eh?

Clever Pun

I had "YOU STUPID C*************************TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" shouted at me as I did a U-turn and had given him tonnes of room, he didn't like it meh

SmellTheGlove

Oddjob62 wrote:

Not had any abuse so far.

Who'd take on a man wearing that titfer...

Have had half a bottle of water poured over me from the pass. window of a van in Tottenham - it was a very hot morning and the dope in question was considerate enough to drive round the block and repeat the dose a couple of minutes later.
All very TdF - not what you'd normally expect in 'nam.

ichabod

Cycling along a busy road with an irate car trying to overtake and driving about 6 inches from my back wheel. There wasnt room so I deliberately didnt squeeze into the side of the road.

They started holding the horn down so I gave them the finger which really made them mad. After 20m when the road widened up I pulled left to let them pass. The car pulled up alongside me (we were still doing about 20) and this huge fat woman leant out of the window and started screaming abuse. The car then swerved towards me several times tring to knock me off but luckily I managed to dodge left each time and finally managed to get off the road. Didnt get their plates

CiB

Porgy wrote:

Oddjob62 wrote:

Not had any abuse so far.

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

there you - some abuse - bet you don't feel so left out now eh?

Toffee-nosed, surely? Did you catch the prog on R2 last night about the making of The Life Of Brian? All old hat, heard most of it before but still worth a run out.

0.1 bonus miles on offer for spotting the Python ref in the stats explanation.

tarquin_foxglove

The usual (but relatively infrequent) abuse plus a golf ball thrown at me from a WVM that had had to wait 1 second before overtaking.

Best was when I was flying along a road and saw a bunch of kids at a bus stop in the distance, they spotted me and lined up along the road uh-oh I thought, as I got closer they all started shouting "Allez Allez" and clapping.

It was brilliant.

Porgy

ChrisInBicester wrote:

Porgy wrote:

Oddjob62 wrote:

Not had any abuse so far.

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

there you - some abuse - bet you don't feel so left out now eh?

Toffee-nosed, surely? Did you catch the prog on R2 last night about the making of The Life Of Brian? All old hat, heard most of it before but still worth a run out.

0.1 bonus miles on offer for spotting the Python ref in the stats explanation.

yeah it's toffee nosed - that'll teach me for cutting and pasting without checking properly!
No - didn't see that - might give it a go if I get time, cheers!

and nice spanish inquisition sketch pastiche on the SCR explaniation

attica

Called a woman a "tubby little tit-witch" once after she got personal on me during an argument that she wasn't winning. Not bad considering I'd chased her 2 miles to ask her why she wanted to kill me.

ex-pat scot

I just tend to tune out of the details of the abuse, and wave cheerily at the abuser.

I've found that responding, taking the rise or otherwise rebutting gets me into much more trouble (or the next cyclist they encounter, if not me).

A cheery wave as I sail past is all that is usually required to defuse the argument. Doesn't calm the abuser down, but no retort generally could.

bradford

Somebody once shouted out at me "Oi you look like Captain Jacksparra !! " :oops:

nomdevelo

Slowing up to a red traffic light in the early hours some years ago when I was across the pond in LA, a guy in a tux or waiter/valet garb runs up asking with seeming urgency if I could give him a lift to someplace down the road. Still don’t know what his intentions were…he didn’t seem to be laughing(?) Luckily the lights changed just then and I felt safe to offer an enthusiastic “Sure, hop on!” as I sped away, accompanied by unclear shouts regarding a wall used to regulate water levels or something. Very cryptic.