What would you do to a bike thief?

jay12

fell free to say what you would do to someone that stole your bike

delcol

get my mother in law and wife to sit on him...

fcumok

Years ago I had a bike stolen from home. The thief lived about 10 doors away and was stupid enough to be seen by my neighbour on it. Had great pleasure watching the rossers pull him out of his house by his ear.

Andy B

What I would do is unprintable & probably illegal.

matt748

2 kids nicked my Giant a few years back. When his mum saw my bike at their house, she called the police!
Police put my bike in their compound and after seeing my report of it being stolen recovered it back to me.
Then the kid's dad makes him ring me up and apologise to me over the phone. I was gobsmacked!! So in this case, I'd do nothing!

Joe_Pineapples

Well I'm sorry, maybe I'm just a tad old school, but he'd get a damn good tobering (as my old dad, god rest his soul, used to say).

It'd be a few weeks later, on the quiet, but he'd get it alright.

ride_whenever

i'd post them to iran with a note explaining why i sent them and no passport...

Hercule Q

i'll put it this way, They'll never steal again! :twisted:

MattC59

Before he lost conciousness, I'd peel his b*llocks and dip them in salt !

blu3cat

MattC59 wrote:

Before he lost conciousness, I'd peel his b*llocks and dip them in salt !

mixed with scotch bonnet chili peppers :evil:

BurtonM

Put a cheesegrater to his entire body until he has open wounds. Then make him bathe in vinegar, then petrol, then set him on fire, glue him to a bike and watch him pedal.

lfcquin

Hand him over to NapoleonD like a good little boy

geordiefreerider

I would kick him until my foot smelled of shite and he was on the floor twitching in his own urine

Mc Smiley

Concrete them into room 101 a la 1984
Whatever came out would surely do the trick

77ric

BurtonM wrote:

Put a cheesegrater to his entire body until he has open wounds. Then make him bathe in vinegar, then petrol, then set him on fire, glue him to a bike and watch him pedal.

geordiefreerider wrote:

I would kick him until my foot smelled of shite and he was on the floor twitching in his own urine

Mc Smiley wrote:

Concrete them into room 101 a la 1984
Whatever came out would surely do the trick

right i think we're all getting a little carried away here, getting to creative :roll:

needless to say what i would do involves nothing more creative than a pair of lightly rusty garden sheers. snip snip :twisted:

supertwisted

Make him ride an Apollo.

77ric

supertwisted wrote:

Make him ride an Apollo.

with no saddle and a seat post too long while nekkid?

marinman1

i'd get medievil on his ass

skyd0g

Hand him over to the police.

...although, he may just have fallen down several flights of stairs on his way.

Rau

Castrate

LoUiS1985

torch their house.......no joke

fred2003

When i was young i had my peugeot MTB, my townsend MTB and my Kawasaki KX 125 all stolen within months of eachother so took it upon myself to take whatever i wanted in return.
Not the right thing to do but at the time seemed a good idea.
From 1995 to 1997 if a bike went missing in my area straight away people came to see me.
Between those years i had around 300 bikes from my area ranging from the very bottom end of the scale apollo's (new to halfords at the time) to some nicely spec'd carrera's and a few activator 2's.
The better bikes usually sold fast on other counsil estates.
The real nice bikes i would "ring" and keep for myself they included a few orange bikes, a few bottom end treks and a proflex that had air shocks front and rear (first one i had ever seen at the time)
Worst thing ever to happen to me was a kicking from the local police in the back of a van as they were fed up running me in and getting nowhere.
Only 3 out of all bikes ever went back to there rightful owners.
As i said in a previous post i was never an angel in my youth, i was young/stupid and should have known better but thought if it can be done to me then why not. Wrong way to think but its all part of the learning curve.
To this day i think that i was let off lightly and god help anyone that tries to steal my gear now.
My prefered method of punishment is wire cutters and the soft fleshy bit of skin that seperates the nostrils. You know pulling a hair out hurts like s**t so just imagine...
P.s i have wirecutters on my person at all times for emergency situations
Neil.

jay12

i would go to B&Q and give him a tutorial of each tool on his body :twisted:

delcol

put him in lycra and make him ride a road bike.

make him eat my wifes cooking.

the ring spanner and the finger is a nasty one, :twisted: :twisted: :evil:

KnightofCydonia

oooh don't tempt me!

Since most bike thieves are thick, I'd make them appear on university challenge, fifteen to one, countdown and then the weakest link. By the time Ann Robinson was done, I don't think they'd do it again.

Thread8

make them slide down a nice long zipline made out of cheesewire by their b0ll0cks :twisted:

swampi101

stand outside their house and shout 'OI PIKEY!' till they come out. deck it, twist its arm till it screams then walk it to the police station. and a few clobbers about the head if it gives me any smart talk.

pikeys arent human in my opinion hence the its.

P-Jay

This is a problem. When I was a kid my Dad had a Caviller SRI (was brand new at the time) and it got nicked by a local scrote, then he nicked it again, and again, and again, and again. The old bill kept nicking him, he'd ether get a caution or next to no time and he'd get out and Nick our Car again.

Thives are usually fucking retards, they're like animals. If they find a good feeding groud they got back. They nicked my mates Stumpy from his garage, 4 days later they came back and nicked his Wife's Bike.

If a caught them in the act. I should call the old bill. But incredibly you can be arrested for holding onto a 'suspect' so what do you do? Let them get nicked, let out the next morning and come back for one of my other bikes or my motorbike? Or give them a good hiding? What if they come back tooled up?

I dunno what I'd do really, probably kck the shit out of them. Doubt it would be a good idea in the long run.

mr_eddy

It is my impassioned wish that all are infected with a thousand itches and all of them unreachable!

Druid \'64

P-Jay wrote:

incredibly you can be arrested for holding onto a 'suspect' so what do you do?.

What happened to "citizens arrest" then? "reasonable force" to subdue them and all that?

swampi101

Druid \'64 wrote:

P-Jay wrote:

incredibly you can be arrested for holding onto a 'suspect' so what do you do?.

What happened to "citizens arrest" then? "reasonable force" to subdue them and all that?

you arent allowed to use any physical force at all to restrain anyone you put under a citizens arrest. doing so can result in being charged for assault. but obviously if they start attacking you you can use reasonable force to protect yourself.

but saying that i dont think many things mentioned in this thread are legal