Funniest heckly?

benno68

thegibdog wrote:

Headhuunter wrote:

thegibdog wrote:

The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

Perhaps they were all gay and hoped you were too?

Perhaps. Or perhaps they thought I was female and liked bearded ladies as it gives them something to hang on to. I should have stopped to find out really.

I think that not knowing was the safer option. You definitely did the right thing by cycling on, in my humble opinion.

hoolio

I feel like I've missed out......the couple of times I've been heckled I couldn't hear what they were shouting.
The first time it happened I was really surprised at how stupid the guy looked, but I couldn't hear him because of the wind noise. It was a genuine I've never seen anyone look like such a moron I can't stop staring at them event.
The second time, I was surprised at how the guy looked just as stupid as the other time.

tebbit

Mave favourite heckles were both from women: -

Nice arse

and

Are those legs legal

Kinda made my day

Fireblade96

From the mouths of babes and sucklings.....

A couple of years ago my commute was only a couple of miles, so I was cycling to work wearing black trousers, black goretex jacket, and as a concession to visibility a genuine builder-style hi-viz vest (not very stylish, but added some degree of visibility to the rest of my outfit.....)

As I passed a mother walking her child to school, I heard the child saying loudly "Mummy, look, a bumble bee on a bike!"

Capo

First time I came down the hill from Stow-on-the-Wold towards Kingham, must have been doing 35mph or so (just about my comfort limit on the bike I had at the time), car overtook me with passenger hanging out the window grinning manically and giving the thumbs up

Can't think of anything really from London commuting days apart from one time I was cycling to work with the missus, we were going through Rotherhithe and there was a jogger coming the other way who looked vaguely familiar, despite the fact he was wearing a beanie hat.

As he went past, my missus (who still had a pretty strong Texas accent in those days) yelled "F*ck me! It's Captain Picard!"

It was meant for my benefit, but Patrick Stewart definitely heard it too.... :oops:

Flasheart

LOL @ Capo

iclestu

hoolio wrote:

I feel like I've missed out......the couple of times I've been heckled I couldn't hear what they were shouting.
The first time it happened I was really surprised at how stupid the guy looked, but I couldn't hear him because of the wind noise. It was a genuine I've never seen anyone look like such a moron I can't stop staring at them event.
The second time, I was surprised at how the guy looked just as stupid as the other time.

+1

I have had people shout something out thier window at me twice and never quite managed to hear what they said. The second time I caught up to the hecklers in question a couple of minutes later (2 young chavettes) at the next set of lights, rolled right up to the open drivers side window, leaned on the car and peered in. I looked right across the terrified driver at the 'primary heckler' and said very calmly and politely:

"I'm Very Sorry, I'm afraid I missed it. What was it you said back there?"

Needless to say, I never did find out what was said.

Bassjunkieuk

Well that was a good way to brighten up the morning!
The only heckle I can remember was a young lad (possible chav) who yelled "Your tyres flat!!!" The amusing thing was that it was dark at this point, I was just coming off one of the lesser lit roads on the particular commute and I'm sure my 700x25C tyres are quite easy to spot in these conditions :-) Anyhow just in case he wasn't actually trying to be funny and did posses night-vision I gave the tyres a check that evening and found the rear was running at about 65 PSI, so whilst not flat certainly a little down on what it should have been :-D

Clarebunny

Some great comments so far! I quite like the:
'Your back wheel's following your front one mate' and
"don’t worry its only flat at the bottom"

:-)

I've had the usual "shouting out of the car window" style one that mostly sounds like "NEEEOOOWWWW" as they rush past to be first in the next queue!

Actually I usually jump out of my skin cos I'm in the zone (or something). Beeping horns at bikes and shouting stuff should be illegal- chances are I'll fall off my bike with shock and fall under their wheels and ruin their day!


I often ride my luminous orange Brompton around the area I live in, and people *really* aren't used to it at all- specially kids. I often get sarcastic "nice bike" comments- or "cool bike", but I haven't thought of a witty reply yet!

I must admit I have also had the "why bother you idiot" style comment when overtaking traffic and have also replied somewhere along the lines of "why don't you try it you fat w@nker".... but I'm too meek and they usually don't hear.


On a totally unrelated note, I recently watched a lady being given a parking ticket for throwing her 4x4 onto the (double yellow lined) pavement opposite a school (at 2:50 or so in the afternoon) cos she wanted to slip into the shops. We'll ignore the fact that there's a perfectly good car park round the back.....

She started giving the traffic warden a bunch of abuse, and I was totall incenced (I work at the school opposite promoting cycling) and ended up going up to her and saying:
"I think you'll find that this gentleman is giving you a parking ticket because you've parked in a very dangerous place. I'm trying to cross the road and can't see traffic coming from that direction now you've parked on teh double yellow lines. In ten minutes 380 children will come pouring out of that school on foot and on bicycle and they will not be able to see properly to cross the road safely, because of how your car is parked.

Her response? "My kids don't go to that f*cking school, so why should I care?"

I think I managed a dignified "oh, well that's alright then, you misguided f*cking idiot!"


:-D

NUMPTIES!

flicksta

gb2gw wrote:

This isn't really a heckle, and in fact its my hubby's rather naughty retort to a shout of abuse but it made me laugh.

His commute involves travel on roads with no cycle lanes and very heavy traffic and he has an almost daily run in, it seems, with people cutting him up or shouting abuse.
Anyway, this one day he'd had a particularly bad time of it and his temper was just about at its limit. So when a rather rotund woman in a car cut him up several times in slow moving traffic (he'd overtake her, then she'd overtake him) she seemed to get annoyed at this and as she overtook him again she yelled out the window 'I don't know why you're bothering you tw@t' so when he (inevitably) caught her up again, he shouted back 'maybe you should get up off your ars* and try it, you fat cow'.

Snigger.

I always follow a similar line, which when the rotund driver comments on my cycling, just say 'what are you going to do fatty, eat me?