Funniest heckly?

Clarebunny
Clarebunny Posts: 64
edited August 2009 in Commuting chat
I was just wondering what the funniest heckle was that people on here have experienced whilst cycling?

I think my favourite was this:

Picture the scene- I'm in an urban area in Slough overtaking a line of traffic on my lovely brompton. There's a bunch of chavvy kids walking alongside the road and one of them shouts:
"Get yourself a motherf*cking CAR, man!!!"



Quality. Not only am I over taking the pedestrians, but the traffic too.....


:-)

Anyone got any good ones?
~I like to bike~
«1

Comments

  • gtvlusso
    gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
    A few years ago - beautiful summers day, sun shining, no helmet on - my glorious long flowing hair on full display:

    Some chavvy git shout's "It's Farrah f*cking Fawcett".....I am belittled and have no comebach - quite clever reference for a chav.
  • cee
    cee Posts: 4,553
    few months back...taxi driver said..."this lane is for buses taxi and cycles only!"

    I managed to get out...does this look like a spacehopper?

    I was really pleased with myself for the rest of the day, because I never get the good comebacks at the time.
    Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle, I believe in the future of the human race.

    H.G. Wells.
  • R_T_A
    R_T_A Posts: 488
    After good advice on this forum for how to stop sweat getting in the eyes, I put my brightly coloured Buff under my helmet.

    Cycling home on a country road, pleased that I could still see, I went past two kids on BMXs. After going past them, they shouted "ROCK ON DUDE!". :oops:

    Oh well, at least I saw who said it...
    Giant Escape R1
    FCN 8
    "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
    - Terry Pratchett.
  • pastryboy
    pastryboy Posts: 1,385
    'Your back wheel's following your front one mate' as I passed a pedestrian.
  • cjcp
    cjcp Posts: 13,345
    cee wrote:
    I managed to get out...does this look like a spacehopper?

    :lol:
    FCN 2-4.

    "What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
    "It stays down, Daddy."
    "Exactly."
  • redvee
    redvee Posts: 11,922
    "You're riding my bike" or "you're back wheel's going round" are the usual high intelect shouts I faced in the past.
    I've added a signature to prove it is still possible.
  • rally200
    rally200 Posts: 646
    Inspired by my night vision jacket and blinking LEDs a car full of girls chanting "aceeed" and doing the old "big fish, little fish, cardboard box" - it made me laugh (even if they were laughing at me rather than with me)
  • stuaff
    stuaff Posts: 1,736
    "Your wheels are going round" are as good as I've had. Well, duh. That, and sniggering by fat drunk people........
    Dahon Speed Pro TT; Trek Portland
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  • Harrid
    Harrid Posts: 22
    I did pedal for scotland last year, and at one part I was riding close by a couple on a tandem, guy at the front

    one guy goes past and says 'hey mate, she ain't doing any work!;

    which I thought was funny...

    ... until I heard it repeated twice more over 5 minutes by other passing riders

    Decided I would never bother with a tandem in Glasgow after that
  • Levi_501
    Levi_501 Posts: 1,105
    I usually hear hut hut or 12 24 hut hut !

    What amazes me the most, is the fact they think they are the first person to ever say it !
  • Headhuunter
    Headhuunter Posts: 6,494
    I've lost count of the number of times I've been told to "buy a car"..... Not very original.
    Do not write below this line. Office use only.
  • Mike400
    Mike400 Posts: 226
    The only one Ive had is a bit lame. Was cycling home late, roads were clear. Bunch of chavs in a megane came up behind me, then drove alongside with the windows down, making wanker signs, and chanting:

    "wanker.....wanker.......wanker on a bike......wanker....."

    They got bored and sped off. Bizzare.
    twitter @fat_cyclist
  • Agent57
    Agent57 Posts: 2,300
    "My grandad calls you speedy!"

    Not much of a heckle, to be fair.
    MTB commuter / 531c commuter / CR1 Team 2009 / RockHopper Pro Disc / 10 mile PB: 25:52 (Jun 2014)
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Harrid wrote:
    I did pedal for scotland last year, and at one part I was riding close by a couple on a tandem, guy at the front

    one guy goes past and says 'hey mate, she ain't doing any work!;

    which I thought was funny...

    ... until I heard it repeated twice more over 5 minutes by other passing riders

    Decided I would never bother with a tandem in Glasgow after that

    Now you see, I would've said "hey mate, she's fallen off" :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • pomtarr
    pomtarr Posts: 318
    From an irate taxi driver who pulled level with me and wound down his passenger window all while hurtling down a particularly steep hill:

    "Get off the road, you don't even pay road tax!"

    :shock:

    Needless to say, I go off straight away and walked the bike home on the pavement...... :roll:
    "Difficult, difficult, lemon difficult"
  • gb2gw
    gb2gw Posts: 81
    This isn't really a heckle, and in fact its my hubby's rather naughty retort to a shout of abuse but it made me laugh.

    His commute involves travel on roads with no cycle lanes and very heavy traffic and he has an almost daily run in, it seems, with people cutting him up or shouting abuse.
    Anyway, this one day he'd had a particularly bad time of it and his temper was just about at its limit. So when a rather rotund woman in a car cut him up several times in slow moving traffic (he'd overtake her, then she'd overtake him) she seemed to get annoyed at this and as she overtook him again she yelled out the window 'I don't know why you're bothering you tw@t' so when he (inevitably) caught her up again, he shouted back 'maybe you should get up off your arse and try it, you fat cow'.

    Snigger.
  • attica
    attica Posts: 2,362
    My fave heckle is one from a standup gig by one Eric Douglas.

    Someone was heckling him really persistently, in the end he stopped his routine and said

    "You can't do this, I'm Kirk Douglas' son"
    Immediately someone in the audience leapt to their feet shouting
    "I'm Kirk Douglas' son"
    followed in quick succesion by vast swathes of the audience all shouting the same

    (Think "I'm Spartacus")

    Poor chap, don't think his stand up career lasted much longer than that.
    "Impressive break"

    "Thanks...

    ...I can taste blood"
  • Chavs seems to be the common denominator here. Chav shouts as I go past "I know where you live" Come back from me "Did your mum tell you where" Silence...

    Good bless the inferior mind of the Chav
    The doctor said I needed to start drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now
  • Two best ones I've had were:

    A few years ago, when I had a beard (which was getting a few distinguished highlights), I was cycling through a housing estate when a couple of kids shouted out "Oi! bin Laden!" Beard disappeared shortly afterwards....

    One July, I was on the homeward commute, wearing a bright yellow jersey, when a (different) couple of kids shouted "Allez, Allez, Maillot Jaune!" Quite impressed by that one.
    FCN 7 (4 weekdays)
    FCN 11 (1 weekday)

    There is an old cyclist called Leigh (not me!)
    Who's pedalling's a blur to see
    So fast is his action
    The Lorenz Contraction
    Shortens his bike to a "T"
  • lardboy
    lardboy Posts: 343
    Non bike, but I love this put down:

    Heckler: Why are you so fat?
    Comedian: Because every time I f*ck your mom, she gives me a biscuit.
    Bike/Train commuter: Brompton S2L - "Machete"
    12mile each way commuter: '11 Boardman CX with guards and rack
    For fun: '11 Wilier La Triestina
    SS: '07 Kona Smoke with yellow bits
  • The doctor said I needed to start drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now
  • prawny
    prawny Posts: 5,440
    I had the old 'Oi mate your supposed to be in france' during the TDF. I took it that they were so impressed mith my speed that they were encouraging me to go pro, obviously :wink:
    Saracen Tenet 3 - 2015 - Dead - Replaced with a Hack Frame
    Voodoo Bizango - 2014 - Dead - Hit by a car
    Vitus Sentier VRS - 2017
  • benno68
    benno68 Posts: 1,689
    I've lost count of the number of times I've been told to "buy a car"..... Not very original.

    Reply - "but that would turn me into one of you c*****" - or a milder word if he looked hard!
    _________________________________________________

    Pinarello Dogma 2 (ex Team SKY) 2012
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  • Mike400
    Mike400 Posts: 226
    gb2gw wrote:
    This isn't really a heckle, and in fact its my hubby's rather naughty retort to a shout of abuse but it made me laugh.

    His commute involves travel on roads with no cycle lanes and very heavy traffic and he has an almost daily run in, it seems, with people cutting him up or shouting abuse.
    Anyway, this one day he'd had a particularly bad time of it and his temper was just about at its limit. So when a rather rotund woman in a car cut him up several times in slow moving traffic (he'd overtake her, then she'd overtake him) she seemed to get annoyed at this and as she overtook him again she yelled out the window 'I don't know why you're bothering you tw@t' so when he (inevitably) caught her up again, he shouted back 'maybe you should get up off your ars* and try it, you fat cow'.

    Snigger.

    A guy in work done something similar, IIRC his words were "maybe if you got a bike you wouldnt be such a fat, ugly, bitch"

    Apparently, she burst into tears......is it wrong I find that funny?
    twitter @fat_cyclist
  • mac10
    mac10 Posts: 13
    I pulled up to a set of lights and noticed a bumper 'bounce' very close to my back wheel, I turned to see a bald, fat, bearded, people carrier driving idiot shouting and gesticulating in an aggressive manner (I wonder what I did). I found it quite amusing (the car was bouncing around with all the movement inside) so I took my earphones out to see what he was saying. Naturally I requested that he 'go away', the best insult/ invite for a fight he could come up with was " come on muscles" I placed my finger over my lips to instruct that he be silenced, he didn't, and while I could of thanked him for the muscle comment I decided to take his wing mirror instead. Thank god for big thighs, cycle paths and traffic congestion. :twisted:

    Oh I’ve also had "don’t worry its only flat at the bottom" when I was pushing my bike home with a puncture once. I usually have my earphones in so I don’t get to hear the comments, but I suppose every few months you get some moron with a face like a baboons ar$e hanging out of a beat up escort van yelling something - its a shame I cant hear them, one day I imagine one might have something vaguely intelligent or amusing to say :?
  • fossyant
    fossyant Posts: 2,549
    Myself and another commuter were giving is serious beans coming out of Manchester (both on slicked MTB's) - pulling a steady 26-28 mph....... some guy shouts..."Olympics" as we tear past.....
  • thegibdog
    thegibdog Posts: 2,106
    The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.
  • Headhuunter
    Headhuunter Posts: 6,494
    thegibdog wrote:
    The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

    Perhaps they were all gay and hoped you were too?
    Do not write below this line. Office use only.
  • thegibdog
    thegibdog Posts: 2,106
    thegibdog wrote:
    The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

    Perhaps they were all gay and hoped you were too?

    Perhaps. Or perhaps they thought I was female and liked bearded ladies as it gives them something to hang on to. I should have stopped to find out really.
  • soy_sauce
    soy_sauce Posts: 987
    were locking my bike and a female chav said "sexy legs" to me... my reply was "cheers". :lol:
    "It is not impossible, its just improbable"

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08