Funniest heckly?

Clarebunny

I was just wondering what the funniest heckle was that people on here have experienced whilst cycling?

I think my favourite was this:

Picture the scene- I'm in an urban area in Slough overtaking a line of traffic on my lovely brompton. There's a bunch of chavvy kids walking alongside the road and one of them shouts:
"Get yourself a motherf*cking CAR, man!!!"



Quality. Not only am I over taking the pedestrians, but the traffic too.....


:-)

Anyone got any good ones?

gtvlusso

A few years ago - beautiful summers day, sun shining, no helmet on - my glorious long flowing hair on full display:

Some chavvy git shout's "It's Farrah f*cking Fawcett".....I am belittled and have no comebach - quite clever reference for a chav.

cee

few months back...taxi driver said..."this lane is for buses taxi and cycles only!"

I managed to get out...does this look like a spacehopper?

I was really pleased with myself for the rest of the day, because I never get the good comebacks at the time.

R_T_A

After good advice on this forum for how to stop sweat getting in the eyes, I put my brightly coloured Buff under my helmet.

Cycling home on a country road, pleased that I could still see, I went past two kids on BMXs. After going past them, they shouted "ROCK ON DUDE!". :oops:

Oh well, at least I saw who said it...

pastryboy

'Your back wheel's following your front one mate' as I passed a pedestrian.

cjcp

cee wrote:

I managed to get out...does this look like a spacehopper?

redvee

"You're riding my bike" or "you're back wheel's going round" are the usual high intelect shouts I faced in the past.

rally200

Inspired by my night vision jacket and blinking LEDs a car full of girls chanting "aceeed" and doing the old "big fish, little fish, cardboard box" - it made me laugh (even if they were laughing at me rather than with me)

stuaff

"Your wheels are going round" are as good as I've had. Well, duh. That, and sniggering by fat drunk people........

Harrid

I did pedal for scotland last year, and at one part I was riding close by a couple on a tandem, guy at the front

one guy goes past and says 'hey mate, she ain't doing any work!;

which I thought was funny...

... until I heard it repeated twice more over 5 minutes by other passing riders

Decided I would never bother with a tandem in Glasgow after that

Levi_501

I usually hear hut hut or 12 24 hut hut !

What amazes me the most, is the fact they think they are the first person to ever say it !

Headhuunter

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told to "buy a car"..... Not very original.

Mike400

The only one Ive had is a bit lame. Was cycling home late, roads were clear. Bunch of chavs in a megane came up behind me, then drove alongside with the windows down, making wanker signs, and chanting:

"wanker.....wanker.......wanker on a bike......wanker....."

They got bored and sped off. Bizzare.

Agent57

"My grandad calls you speedy!"

Not much of a heckle, to be fair.

Kieran_Burns

Harrid wrote:

I did pedal for scotland last year, and at one part I was riding close by a couple on a tandem, guy at the front

one guy goes past and says 'hey mate, she ain't doing any work!;

which I thought was funny...

... until I heard it repeated twice more over 5 minutes by other passing riders

Decided I would never bother with a tandem in Glasgow after that

Now you see, I would've said "hey mate, she's fallen off"

pomtarr

From an irate taxi driver who pulled level with me and wound down his passenger window all while hurtling down a particularly steep hill:

"Get off the road, you don't even pay road tax!"

:shock:

Needless to say, I go off straight away and walked the bike home on the pavement...... :roll:

gb2gw

This isn't really a heckle, and in fact its my hubby's rather naughty retort to a shout of abuse but it made me laugh.

His commute involves travel on roads with no cycle lanes and very heavy traffic and he has an almost daily run in, it seems, with people cutting him up or shouting abuse.
Anyway, this one day he'd had a particularly bad time of it and his temper was just about at its limit. So when a rather rotund woman in a car cut him up several times in slow moving traffic (he'd overtake her, then she'd overtake him) she seemed to get annoyed at this and as she overtook him again she yelled out the window 'I don't know why you're bothering you tw@t' so when he (inevitably) caught her up again, he shouted back 'maybe you should get up off your arse and try it, you fat cow'.

Snigger.

attica

My fave heckle is one from a standup gig by one Eric Douglas.

Someone was heckling him really persistently, in the end he stopped his routine and said

"You can't do this, I'm Kirk Douglas' son"
Immediately someone in the audience leapt to their feet shouting
"I'm Kirk Douglas' son"
followed in quick succesion by vast swathes of the audience all shouting the same

(Think "I'm Spartacus")

Poor chap, don't think his stand up career lasted much longer than that.

woodyonthebeach

Chavs seems to be the common denominator here. Chav shouts as I go past "I know where you live" Come back from me "Did your mum tell you where" Silence...

Good bless the inferior mind of the Chav

OrbitRider

Two best ones I've had were:

A few years ago, when I had a beard (which was getting a few distinguished highlights), I was cycling through a housing estate when a couple of kids shouted out "Oi! bin Laden!" Beard disappeared shortly afterwards....

One July, I was on the homeward commute, wearing a bright yellow jersey, when a (different) couple of kids shouted "Allez, Allez, Maillot Jaune!" Quite impressed by that one.

lardboy

Non bike, but I love this put down:

Heckler: Why are you so fat?
Comedian: Because every time I f*ck your mom, she gives me a biscuit.

woodyonthebeach

Heckle. Cricketers are the best.

http://www.ellisnz.com/2006/01/10-best- ... backs.html

prawny

I had the old 'Oi mate your supposed to be in france' during the TDF. I took it that they were so impressed mith my speed that they were encouraging me to go pro, obviously

benno68

Headhuunter wrote:

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told to "buy a car"..... Not very original.

Reply - "but that would turn me into one of you c*****" - or a milder word if he looked hard!

Mike400

gb2gw wrote:

This isn't really a heckle, and in fact its my hubby's rather naughty retort to a shout of abuse but it made me laugh.

His commute involves travel on roads with no cycle lanes and very heavy traffic and he has an almost daily run in, it seems, with people cutting him up or shouting abuse.
Anyway, this one day he'd had a particularly bad time of it and his temper was just about at its limit. So when a rather rotund woman in a car cut him up several times in slow moving traffic (he'd overtake her, then she'd overtake him) she seemed to get annoyed at this and as she overtook him again she yelled out the window 'I don't know why you're bothering you tw@t' so when he (inevitably) caught her up again, he shouted back 'maybe you should get up off your ars* and try it, you fat cow'.

Snigger.

A guy in work done something similar, IIRC his words were "maybe if you got a bike you wouldnt be such a fat, ugly, bitch"

Apparently, she burst into tears......is it wrong I find that funny?

mac10

I pulled up to a set of lights and noticed a bumper 'bounce' very close to my back wheel, I turned to see a bald, fat, bearded, people carrier driving idiot shouting and gesticulating in an aggressive manner (I wonder what I did). I found it quite amusing (the car was bouncing around with all the movement inside) so I took my earphones out to see what he was saying. Naturally I requested that he 'go away', the best insult/ invite for a fight he could come up with was " come on muscles" I placed my finger over my lips to instruct that he be silenced, he didn't, and while I could of thanked him for the muscle comment I decided to take his wing mirror instead. Thank god for big thighs, cycle paths and traffic congestion. :twisted:

Oh I’ve also had "don’t worry its only flat at the bottom" when I was pushing my bike home with a puncture once. I usually have my earphones in so I don’t get to hear the comments, but I suppose every few months you get some moron with a face like a baboons ar$e hanging out of a beat up escort van yelling something - its a shame I cant hear them, one day I imagine one might have something vaguely intelligent or amusing to say :?

fossyant

Myself and another commuter were giving is serious beans coming out of Manchester (both on slicked MTB's) - pulling a steady 26-28 mph....... some guy shouts..."Olympics" as we tear past.....

thegibdog

The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

Headhuunter

thegibdog wrote:

The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

Perhaps they were all gay and hoped you were too?

thegibdog

Headhuunter wrote:

thegibdog wrote:

The best I've had is a shout of "Oi! Sexy!" from a young (male) chav who must have realised he sounded a bit homosexual to his mates so followed it up with "Yer Lycra!". I imagine his mates were calling him gay for the next few weeks.

Perhaps they were all gay and hoped you were too?

Perhaps. Or perhaps they thought I was female and liked bearded ladies as it gives them something to hang on to. I should have stopped to find out really.

soy_sauce

were locking my bike and a female chav said "sexy legs" to me... my reply was "cheers".