Chamois cream, explain?

13

Comments

  • Headhuunter
    Headhuunter Posts: 6,494
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Sewinman wrote:
    One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?
    .... :shock:

    Even I'm stunned.

    Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

    (I'm pressing my belly button....)

    Mine shrinks when I go running too.... Shrivels right away...
    Do not write below this line. Office use only.
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    Oh dear God.

    Way TMI!
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Sewinman wrote:
    One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?
    .... :shock:

    Even I'm stunned.

    Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

    (I'm pressing my belly button....)

    That's prefectly normal, it's know as the tesco frozen prawn in my local club :shock:

    try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

    Sewinman - I think you've major problems fella, I hear what you're saying about walnuts, but pressing you belly button :shock: exactly how hard are you prodding it to make that happen :shock:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    What the feck is a tolberone slot.

    Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.

    You are "relaxed" - honest.

    I should warn you that I am holding a toblerone bar.

    I approach you, holding the toblerone bar in front of me in a horizontal "attacking" position.

    The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

    This is your Toblerone slot. If you need the Jumbo bars they sell in stacks in Duty free shops or the original bars you can get at the garage - is a purely personal matter.
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    Greg T wrote:
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    What the feck is a tolberone slot.

    Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.


    I approach you in a horizontal "attacking" position.

    I'd rather not thanks! :shock:
  • Sewinman
    Sewinman Posts: 2,131
    Rich158 wrote:
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Sewinman wrote:
    One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?
    .... :shock:

    Even I'm stunned.

    Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

    (I'm pressing my belly button....)

    That's prefectly normal, it's know as the tesco frozen prawn in my local club :shock:

    try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

    Sewinman - I think you've major problems fella, I hear what you're saying about walnuts, but pressing you belly button :shock: exactly how hard are you prodding it to make that happen :shock:

    Not hard..when my ex found out she would do it all the time when i was on the sofa for a laugh. I thought it was the same for all blokes.
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    Greg T wrote:
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    What the feck is a tolberone slot.

    Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.


    I approach you in a horizontal "attacking" position.

    I'd rather not thanks! :shock:

    I think you took editorial liberties with your Quoting there old boy.......
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Greg T wrote:
    The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

    Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...
    try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

    I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • Greg T
    Greg T Posts: 3,266
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...

    These views are in no way representative of BikeRadar, Thompson Publishing or the Internet Service Provider hosting these services.

    If that is your technique then you obviously haven't been concentrating enough on her needs.

    Her needs to get blind stinking drunk when emotionally vulnerable just after breaking up with her boyfriend and thinking you were her "friend".

    Schoolboy error.
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Greg T wrote:
    The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

    Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...
    try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

    I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:

    That's easy, try finding the bugger at the roadside and getting him out of the shorts in time :shock: It's even worse if you're wearing bibs.
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • m0scs
    m0scs Posts: 196
    Funniest thread I've read in a long time.

    Not sure any self respecting chap should be sharing how small his equipment might shrink to. :shock:

    I got a bit concerned before a charity / sportive in Essex when I went for a pee before the start to see a queue of racing types lined up outside the toilet lube pot in hand!
    Thought it was just an Essex thing!

    Personally, if I thought I would have to ride for more than 2 hours, I'd drive!

    ...
    Specialised Epic MTB on slicks.
    SPD clipless pedals: FCN 7
  • snellgrove
    snellgrove Posts: 171
    I've only ever used the cream once. I got a free sample of the Assos stuff with my last pair of shorts.

    I had a 50 mile ride last Sunday and I decided I'd try it. Not sure whether it was my new shorts, or the cream or both but wonderful!! After my ride, I went home... and then decided to go back out on my bike. My bum wasn't even the slightest bit sore, felt like I could have done many more hours (Despite my legs telling me otherwise!)

    Definitely recommend it.

    oh and I wasn't expecting it to be so minty!!! :lol:
  • m0scs
    m0scs Posts: 196
    snellgrove wrote:
    I've only ever used the cream once
    oh and I wasn't expecting it to be so minty!!! :lol:

    mmm tasty.
    Specialised Epic MTB on slicks.
    SPD clipless pedals: FCN 7
  • Cafewanda
    Cafewanda Posts: 2,788
    I was thinking of which bit to visit to harvest the leathery bits. I wonder if a long knife or short will do? :twisted:

    Would I get enough to make a new saddle? 8)

    I have a male friend who cycles everywhere. No leathery bits on him, now that I recall. Quite soft, actually................. :wink:
  • Cafewanda
    Cafewanda Posts: 2,788
    Rich158 wrote:
    Cafewanda wrote:
    :D:D:D

    You guys have the most interesting discussions sometimes.......... :D:D:D

    you REALLY need to step away from this conversation :shock: It'll be which one is higher and what side do you dress next.... :wink:

    Not forgetting which is larger :wink:

    I think it's a highly informative thread, after all these are questions you can't ask your new club mates. Isn't the anonymity of the internet a wonderful thing :lol::lol:

    what, I'm going to meet you all at RP next weekend :shock: :oops: :oops:

    Oh bugger :?

    +1

    I am soo looking forward to meeting you all next week :D:D. This has got to be the funniest thread on here for a while, as far as I'm concerned.

    Although I'm a little concerned at the level of interest I'm displaying. I don't think I'll look at a Toblerone in quite the same light again :shock:
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Bassjunkieuk
    Bassjunkieuk Posts: 4,232
    We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off

    :shock: Seriously. I bet you where also force feed Cornflakes......
    Who's the daddy?
    Twitter, Videos & Blog
    Player of THE GAME
    Giant SCR 3.0 - FCN 5
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off

    :shock: Seriously. I bet you where also force feed Cornflakes......

    Nope. Porridge


    but laced with Golden Syrup so it wasn't so bad.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Bassjunkieuk
    Bassjunkieuk Posts: 4,232
    Nought wrong with porridge, good source of slow release energy :-) I've had it before my recent big rides and even set a PB after having it one morning for one of my London bound rides, it just felt like I had so much more in the tank :-D
    Who's the daddy?
    Twitter, Videos & Blog
    Player of THE GAME
    Giant SCR 3.0 - FCN 5
  • CiB
    CiB Posts: 6,098
    Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

    Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.
  • Bassjunkieuk
    Bassjunkieuk Posts: 4,232
    Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

    Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

    Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........
    Who's the daddy?
    Twitter, Videos & Blog
    Player of THE GAME
    Giant SCR 3.0 - FCN 5
  • iclestu
    iclestu Posts: 503
    Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

    Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

    Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........

    Or suggest putting some nuts in thier bowl of porridge :shock:
    FCN 7: Dawes Galaxy Ultra 2012 - sofa-like comfort to eat up the miles

    Reserve: 2010 Boardman CX Pro
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

    Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

    Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........

    Or that they do!
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • iain_j
    iain_j Posts: 1,941
    I'm seriously glad I didn't read this thread in work today. I may have been sectioned.

    But it was all going so well untill....
    m0scs wrote:
    Personally, if I thought I would have to ride for more than 2 hours, I'd drive!

    Heretic!
  • Christophe3967
    Christophe3967 Posts: 1,200
    Rich158 wrote:
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    Greg T wrote:
    The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

    Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...
    try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

    I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:

    That's easy, try finding the bugger at the roadside and getting him out of the shorts in time :shock: It's even worse if you're wearing bibs.

    A masterclass from FC this afternoon after he had a flat . Simply handed bike to mechanic, whipped out the old boy and by the time the wheel had been replaced he was tucked up and ready to roll. Live on TV 8) Sadly this seemed to displease the P Fairy for she paid him a further visit only 15 minutes later. Moral - don't take the pi$$ out of the PF. He's Swiss - should have offered her his Toblerone....
  • skyd0g
    skyd0g Posts: 2,540
    There's a P Fairy???
    I don't remember her from my school days...
    Is she in any way related to Stig of the dump? :?
    Cycling weakly
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    Cafewanda wrote:
    I was thinking of which bit to visit to harvest the leathery bits. I wonder if a long knife or short will do? :twisted:

    Would I get enough to make a new saddle? 8)

    I have a male friend who cycles everywhere. No leathery bits on him, now that I recall. Quite soft, actually................. :wink:

    You'd have to be careful, you don't want a saddle that gets smaller the colder it gets :shock: :wink:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

    Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.
    Bianchi. There are no alternatives only compromises!
    I RIDE A KONA CADABRA -would you like to come and have a play with my magic link?
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

    Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.


    Right, does anyone know of a good gay sex site we can post this on? I think someone got the wrong forum :shock:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • Rich158
    Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

    Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.

    I must have a dodgy conection somewhere, it doesn't make anything tingle :cry:

    The cream's just for chaffing, it won't help with arse ache. Lets be honest anything over a couple of hours on the old site bones is going to make them ache a bit
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2