Chamois cream, explain?

Headhuunter

DonDaddyD wrote:

Sewinman wrote:

One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?

.... :shock:

Even I'm stunned.

Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

(I'm pressing my belly button....)

Mine shrinks when I go running too.... Shrivels right away...

il_principe

Oh dear God.

Way TMI!

Rich158

DonDaddyD wrote:

Sewinman wrote:

One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?

.... :shock:

Even I'm stunned.

Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

(I'm pressing my belly button....)

That's prefectly normal, it's know as the tesco frozen prawn in my local club :shock:

try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

Sewinman - I think you've major problems fella, I hear what you're saying about walnuts, but pressing you belly button :shock: exactly how hard are you prodding it to make that happen :shock:

Greg T

DonDaddyD wrote:

What the feck is a tolberone slot.

Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.

You are "relaxed" - honest.

I should warn you that I am holding a toblerone bar.

I approach you, holding the toblerone bar in front of me in a horizontal "attacking" position.

The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

This is your Toblerone slot. If you need the Jumbo bars they sell in stacks in Duty free shops or the original bars you can get at the garage - is a purely personal matter.

il_principe

Greg T wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

What the feck is a tolberone slot.

Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.


I approach you in a horizontal "attacking" position.

I'd rather not thanks! :shock:

Sewinman

Rich158 wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

Sewinman wrote:

One thing I have always wondered is why is the sack sometimes like a walnut, and other times loose like a bag with some marbles inside?

.... :shock:

Even I'm stunned.

Well we if we are going down that road. I don't like how cycling makes my member go small after a bike ride. It takes a few minutes for it to grow back to reasonable size... In other words I couldn't just leap off my bike and go straight into having 'relations' despite best efforts... should I be worried?

(I'm pressing my belly button....)

That's prefectly normal, it's know as the tesco frozen prawn in my local club :shock:

try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

Sewinman - I think you've major problems fella, I hear what you're saying about walnuts, but pressing you belly button :shock: exactly how hard are you prodding it to make that happen :shock:

Not hard..when my ex found out she would do it all the time when i was on the sofa for a laugh. I thought it was the same for all blokes.

Greg T

Il Principe wrote:

Greg T wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

What the feck is a tolberone slot.

Imagine standing naked, with your back to me, with your legs together.


I approach you in a horizontal "attacking" position.

I'd rather not thanks! :shock:

I think you took editorial liberties with your Quoting there old boy.......

DonDaddyD

Greg T wrote:

The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...

try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:

Greg T

DonDaddyD wrote:

Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...

These views are in no way representative of BikeRadar, Thompson Publishing or the Internet Service Provider hosting these services.

If that is your technique then you obviously haven't been concentrating enough on her needs.

Her needs to get blind stinking drunk when emotionally vulnerable just after breaking up with her boyfriend and thinking you were her "friend".

Schoolboy error.

Rich158

DonDaddyD wrote:

Greg T wrote:

The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...

try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:

That's easy, try finding the bugger at the roadside and getting him out of the shorts in time :shock: It's even worse if you're wearing bibs.

m0scs

Funniest thread I've read in a long time.

Not sure any self respecting chap should be sharing how small his equipment might shrink to. :shock:

I got a bit concerned before a charity / sportive in Essex when I went for a pee before the start to see a queue of racing types lined up outside the toilet lube pot in hand!
Thought it was just an Essex thing!

Personally, if I thought I would have to ride for more than 2 hours, I'd drive!

...

snellgrove

I've only ever used the cream once. I got a free sample of the Assos stuff with my last pair of shorts.

I had a 50 mile ride last Sunday and I decided I'd try it. Not sure whether it was my new shorts, or the cream or both but wonderful!! After my ride, I went home... and then decided to go back out on my bike. My bum wasn't even the slightest bit sore, felt like I could have done many more hours (Despite my legs telling me otherwise!)

Definitely recommend it.

oh and I wasn't expecting it to be so minty!!!

m0scs

snellgrove wrote:

I've only ever used the cream once
oh and I wasn't expecting it to be so minty!!!

mmm tasty.

Cafewanda

I was thinking of which bit to visit to harvest the leathery bits. I wonder if a long knife or short will do? :twisted:

Would I get enough to make a new saddle? 8)

I have a male friend who cycles everywhere. No leathery bits on him, now that I recall. Quite soft, actually.................

Cafewanda

Rich158 wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Cafewanda wrote:

You guys have the most interesting discussions sometimes..........

you REALLY need to step away from this conversation :shock: It'll be which one is higher and what side do you dress next....

Not forgetting which is larger

I think it's a highly informative thread, after all these are questions you can't ask your new club mates. Isn't the anonymity of the internet a wonderful thing

what, I'm going to meet you all at RP next weekend :shock: :oops: :oops:

Oh bugger :?

+1

I am soo looking forward to meeting you all next week . This has got to be the funniest thread on here for a while, as far as I'm concerned.

Although I'm a little concerned at the level of interest I'm displaying. I don't think I'll look at a Toblerone in quite the same light again :shock:

Kieran_Burns

We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off

Bassjunkieuk

Kieran_Burns wrote:

We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off

:shock: Seriously. I bet you where also force feed Cornflakes......

Kieran_Burns

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

We were always told as kids that if you pressed your belly button hard enough your willy dropped off

:shock: Seriously. I bet you where also force feed Cornflakes......

Nope. Porridge


but laced with Golden Syrup so it wasn't so bad.

Bassjunkieuk

Nought wrong with porridge, good source of slow release energy :-) I've had it before my recent big rides and even set a PB after having it one morning for one of my London bound rides, it just felt like I had so much more in the tank :-D

CiB

Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

Bassjunkieuk

ChrisInBicester wrote:

Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........

iclestu

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

ChrisInBicester wrote:

Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........

Or suggest putting some nuts in thier bowl of porridge :shock:

Kieran_Burns

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

ChrisInBicester wrote:

Porridge is the food of the gods where I come from. It looks good, tastes good and by golly it does you good. Probably.

Best is that you can chuck any sensible amount of it into a bowl, cover it with hot water out o t'kettle and then whack in the microwave for 1m30s; pour a bit of milk & sugar on it and by the time you've done the morning routine it's ready tp pour down your throat. No energy or time wasted in eating it, just tip it down. Stands me in good stead for 30+ miles easily. Love it.

Now we just have to hop a new person doesn't just jump in and read your post thinking porridge is the new chamois cream........

Or that they do!

iain_j

I'm seriously glad I didn't read this thread in work today. I may have been sectioned.

But it was all going so well untill....

m0scs wrote:

Personally, if I thought I would have to ride for more than 2 hours, I'd drive!

Heretic!

Christophe3967

Rich158 wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

Greg T wrote:

The toblerone bar is then inserted into the V shape created by the tops of your inner thighs and perry-knee-um.

Oh the bit where you poke and prod a women when you want to play 'heave ho' but she's having none of it and turns her back to you...

try finding it on a cold January morning when you're desperate for a leak :shock: :shock:

I tend to sit down... even then its touch and go that I don't get it through the gap between the seat and the bowl... :shock:

That's easy, try finding the bugger at the roadside and getting him out of the shorts in time :shock: It's even worse if you're wearing bibs.

A masterclass from FC this afternoon after he had a flat . Simply handed bike to mechanic, whipped out the old boy and by the time the wheel had been replaced he was tucked up and ready to roll. Live on TV 8) Sadly this seemed to displease the P Fairy for she paid him a further visit only 15 minutes later. Moral - don't take the pi$$ out of the PF. He's Swiss - should have offered her his Toblerone....

skyd0g

There's a P Fairy???
I don't remember her from my school days...
Is she in any way related to Stig of the dump? :?

Rich158

Cafewanda wrote:

I was thinking of which bit to visit to harvest the leathery bits. I wonder if a long knife or short will do? :twisted:

Would I get enough to make a new saddle? 8)

I have a male friend who cycles everywhere. No leathery bits on him, now that I recall. Quite soft, actually.................

You'd have to be careful, you don't want a saddle that gets smaller the colder it gets :shock:

fungus_the_muffin_man

No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.

Kieran_Burns

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.

Right, does anyone know of a good gay sex site we can post this on? I think someone got the wrong forum :shock:

Rich158

Fungus The Muffin Man wrote:

No no no no no if you press your belly button. It makes your bum tingle not the old fella ........ :oops:

Let me get this straight will the cream help with my achybum after a long ride or is it just for a bit of the old chaffing/ringsting type syndrome.

I must have a dodgy conection somewhere, it doesn't make anything tingle

The cream's just for chaffing, it won't help with arse ache. Lets be honest anything over a couple of hours on the old site bones is going to make them ache a bit