I want others to commute but not my Girlfriend, help?

DonDaddyD

jedster wrote:

DDD,

This may sound a bit unsympathetic but I feel pretty strongly about this situation.

As a teenager I went backpacking in the hills and rock-cliimbed with friends. In my early 20s I did some Alpine mountaineering. Also did a bunch of travelling on my own. I got into a few scrapes and got out of them. It was very rewarding, great experience and taught me a lot. My parents clearly worried about me at times (and patched me up on some occasions) but they never tried to stop me.

I think the urge to prevent your loved ones from taking risks - even ones where the risk/reward ratio is very attractive (like cycle commuting)- is totally understandable but must be resisted. IMO although it can be presented positively as a sign of love it is ultimately a selfish sentiment (putting your risk of loss above their opportunity for growth and fulfilment).

My kids are 4 and 6. I will have to wrestle with all this as they get older and want to get into their own scrapes but I will try damn hard to teach them how to manage risk and then let them get on with it. Knowing that I can't guarantee that they will always be safe.

You need to live with your worries on this. Not pander to them.

J

I agree with you 100% and these somewhat new feelings I have of worry make me realise how very young I still am.

I would never and could never stop my girlfriend or a love one do something they wanted to do if what they are doing isn't inhernetly detrimental too their life or the lives of others. It goes against my principles to limit a person.

What I am feeling, the worry, I've never had to feel before. I suppose its the same worry and dread my Mum felt when I went off into the Wide World. I'm just sounding out those feelings as I want to support my girlfriend but wonder if my worry will subconciously limit the amount of support I give, which is ultimately selfish.

Kieran_Burns

DDD - in these cases, the answer is always the same: tell her.

Just say - I worry about you commuting but will do nothing to stop to you, just please be careful.

My wife worried about me at first and always insisted I text her to let her know I arrived safely (at work and at home) but supported my decision and never made me feel like I shouldn't.

prawny

My wife said she'd leave me if I got a motorbike! I might email her this thread :twisted:

discurio

DonDaddyD wrote:

Agent57 wrote:

Wow this must be what love is.... :oops:

dont worry dude. that soon passes

Roastie

Greg66 wrote:

Y'know what? I think that's the path to disaster.

Cycling was one of the things the missus and I had in common before we got together, but it was leisure and road riding rather than commuting. Before we got married, we were out riding together she was hit by a passing lorry - even tho' she emerged mostly unscathed, it scared me witless to see her tumbling off the road.

After we moved here and both started riding everywhere, we used to fight almost every time we rode anywhere together, but thankfully that is subsiding. I still think that she is a danger to herself but, stubborn as she is, she does try and is improving. As long as I don't mention the words " read" and "Cyclecraft" in the same sentence we remain on speaking terms while out on two wheels.

I consider myself a fairly safe cyclist (which I guess is a redundant statement as all of us probably do) - but sometimes I do have to remind myself that I had to start somewhere and it must have been quite stressful the first time my parents let me head off on my own on my bike aged 10 (I found out later that the followed me stealthily to make sure I would be OK).

She'll be OK. Just make sure she knows never to go up the inside of anything large.

No no

My wife cycled to work while she was pregnant, up to the point at about 7.5 months gone when her knees started to bounce of her substantial bump. For me, this is about trust and risk. I trust her ability and good sense to ride safely, defensively and anticipate the worst. I try to understand the risk she's really taking and not to be overly influenced by very limited information. Here's an example of views based on limited info: my sister got mugged in Clapham North by a junkie. Our Mum is convinced by this one incident that Clapham North is as dangerous as downtown Mogadishu on a Friday night. This is an irrational view. Be objective – buy her a bicycle.

biondino

I was riding behind a cement truck this morning which had a recorded message playing along with the indicator - "Warning - turning left" or similar. Seemed like a good idea.

No no

Some also have side sensors, alerting the driver to cyclists etc on their left hand side. Great idea.