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You know you're a cyclist when...

iain_jiain_j Posts: 1,941
edited April 2009 in Commuting chat
You own more tights than a children's theater performing Peter Pan.

Your wallet is clear, made of plastic and sports the designer label Ziplok.

When styling professionals ask what product gets your hair to do that, you answer, "Helmet."

You yell into crowds exiting ballgames, shopping centers and concerts to "hold their line."

You don't care that your biker's tan is so jarring that parents grab up their children when you enter the public pool.

You wanted to name your children Serrotta and Shimano, but compromised on the more traditional Trek and Breezer.

You know every traffic light sequence in the tri-county area for stop-free pedaling.

Either it's a Brooks saddle or I will stand and pedal the whole way, thank you.

You believe there's a holy grail code of gear ratios to achieve effort free pedaling.

You swear Da Vinci's lost notebook contains said holy grail combination code with detailed drawings... but the automotive wing of the Vatican has been keeping it from the world these many years.

You've considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals.

You've misplaced an hour of your life cursing, sweating and twisting a wrench, unaware that one of the pedals threads the opposite way.

Due to the plethora of horns, computers, gadgets and lights, there's no room left on your handlebars... for your hands.

When approaching a rider from behind, you've thought, "I will attack until your lungs cease to function properly, you collapse in the gutter and call out for your grandma's quilted afghan." Then offered a respectful nod as you blurred by.

It's a close call as to who owns more merino, you or the sheep.

You lift your butt off the car seat as you go over potholes, railroad tracks and speed bumps.

You've contemplated grabbing seat posts, nudging longtime friends into ditches and macing their eyes with energy drinks to top the hill first.

You can't pull a ninja anymore because the click of your shoes always gives you away.

You've used your water bottle as drink holder, portable shower, squirt gun, doggy deterent and digging implement... on the same ride.

You've washed off that chain ring grease "tattoo" on your calf so often that you went ahead and got a real one there.

Like war vets carrying shrapnel under their skin, your souveniurs are pebbles and gravel housed around your elbows and knees.

Only you know your afternoon commute is actually a second by second reenactment of Le Mond's come from behind victory of 1985.

You think you may have contracted a rare blood disorder... no, it's just that you've turned into a late afternoon headwind.
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Posts

  • :lol:

    Very good..........

    There's a facebook group for this to:

    http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/grou ... 4348400989

    I'll duly pinch their ideas for those who haven't got a FB account yet tho:

    1. You shave your legs more often than your face

    2. You suddenly realize that little bump in the car is a monster hill

    3. you tell a friend you just rode 50 miles and they can't even to begin to comprehend what you just said

    4. you can't ride a bike without clipless pedals

    5. for the month of july you do nothing else but watch your favorite TV show while on the trainer

    6. You can pick out riders in the peleton as well as Phil and Paul

    7. Your non cyclist female friends hate you because you eat whatever the heck you want but are still skinnier than they are

    8. You have the worst "farmer's" tan of all time

    9. The "Disco Boys" aren't a dance group and "RR" doesn't mean railroad crossing

    10. unclipping is the worst thing in the world.

    11. Shin guards become key factors, not for soccer, but for protection against uni pedals and mtn bike trails... aka mother nature

    12. you salivate over fixies or poop your pants over custom Waterford frames

    13. people at the gym laugh at you when you bench the bar, but suddenly stop when you leg press more than anyone in the room

    14. your local bike shop is your hangout spot of choice

    15. you spend more on a bicycle tire than a car tire

    16. you have at least one, but probably a censored load of scars from crashing or being taken out by someone (i.e. ROADRASH)

    17. you work at a bike shop or dream of working at one

    18. half of your wordrobe is synthetic cycling gear: jerseys, bibs, socks, jackets, rain slicks, gloves... etc.

    19. you use chamois cream more than a chef uses milk cream in his desserts

    20. you are able to replicate climbing workouts without actually having any change in elevation in your area

    21. you buy parts but install them (correctly) yourself to save money

    22. you know what a crown race is

    23. you know that bladed spoke wheels are a pain in the butt to true because the spokes twist with the spoke wrench if you don't have the correct tool to keep them in place

    24. you can ride faster than the cars in city traffic

    25. You have attacked all your friends at one time or another, but they don't mind. They just wait for a moment of weakness to attack you back.
    Who's the daddy?
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  • edhornbyedhornby Posts: 1,780
    26. You aren't racing, honest, we're just going out for a quick spin
    "I get paid to make other people suffer on my wheel, how good is that"
    --Jens Voight
  • iain_jiain_j Posts: 1,941
    You check in on your bikes at night like a parents checks their sleeping kids.

    You can identify all the noises in Kraftwerk's "Tour de France".

    Your food is as synthetic as your clothing.

    Having not just one, but a pair of STI's holds no shame (unless you're Italian).

    You would spend your entire Saturday getting your two-wheeled pride and joy sparkling clean, getting every tiny spot of muck out of every hard-to-reach nook, knowing full well by tomorrow lunchtime it'll be filthy again.

    Words like nipple, rim, lube and tool have no saucy connotations, nor does wearing lycra.
  • NGaleNGale Posts: 1,866
    I think you also need to censored something else to that list....

    You have an FCN rating :wink:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    15. you spend more on a bicycle tire than a car tire

    You spend more on a bicycle than a car...


    Like the facts! :lol:
  • Rich158Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    You watch Monty Halls Great Escape, and all you can think about is what a great area for cycling it would be

    Watching Monty driving arround the west coast through mountain passes all I could think about was how much I'd like to attack some of the climbs :shock: The thought of spending the rest of my life cycling through such jaw droppingly beautiful scenery was almost too much
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • steve-msteve-m Posts: 106
    When checking out the opposite sex, you are interested in their thighs only to see the potential for long cycles at the weekend (I noticed myself doing that this w/e)
    Fixed, commute: Langster 08, FCN6
    Road : Aravis (byercycles) Shimano 105 triple
    Hybrid: Trek 7.2 FX, unused / unloved
  • iain_jiain_j Posts: 1,941
    When checking out the opposite sex on a bike, you pay more attention to the bike.
  • Big WibBig Wib Posts: 363
    Kept forgetting to post this from a related FB site:

    Top Reasons to Date a Cyclist:

    That bulge isn't just the chamois.

    Balls of steel.

    We can go for hours and hours even when it hurts.

    We know how to take it easy.

    We know not to go real hard right from the begining.

    Smoother legs than you.

    Skin tight lycra is real easy to take off.

    Can you say perfectly sculpted legs?

    Better power-to-weight ratio than a small car.

    We don't need booths to get our amazing tan...lines.

    Perfect censored .

    Diamond cut calves.

    Incredible thigh definition.

    Who else can perform for over 5 hours a day for 20 consecutive days?

    When it gets hard, we find a rhythm and pound away.

    We go hard and push until it gets even harder.

    Some days we feel the need to attack, explore, and adventure.

    We know that everything needs to be properly lubricated before it can be used to its full potential.

    Even when we're about to explode, we can always hang on a little bit longer.

    We always have water bottles and snacks laying around for those those times when it gets real long.
  • iain_jiain_j Posts: 1,941
    :lol::lol::lol:

    When checking out the opposite sex on a bike, you rate them lower if they ride on the pavement/ RLJ/ no lights/ etc.
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    iain_j wrote:
    :lol::lol::lol:

    When checking out the opposite sex on a bike, you rate them lower if they ride on the pavement/ RLJ/ no lights/ etc.

    Oooohhhh I was doing so well until that one! :lol:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • snookssnooks Posts: 1,521
    A few more....

    You check out bikes more that the opposite sex

    You get caught checking out bikes, and the GF believes you

    You have more than one bike

    Your bike is the single most expensive thing in the house

    You go on cycling forums

    The saddle you get with the bike gets changed before you've used it

    You see people in the office in a whole new light when you know they commute by bike

    You buy components by weight rather than price

    You're on first name terms with your LBS
    FCN:5, 8 & 9
    If I'm not riding I'm shooting http://grahamsnook.com
    THE Game
    Watch out for HGVs
  • jimmypippajimmypippa Posts: 1,712
    bluesacs wrote:

    The other stories were pretty wierd too...
  • BhimaBhima Posts: 2,145
    All of the following, I HAVE DONE! :oops:

    You know you're a cyclist when:

    1) You grab your tyres to check the pressure every time you walk past your bike in the hallway.

    2) You take a cycling water bottle to bed with you and have some kind of isotonic drink in it.

    3) You've considered drilling holes in your wall beside your bed, so you can screw a bottle-cage to the wall for easy access during the night. :lol:

    4) When you eat lunch, you make a note of the carbs involved and schedule your eating properly so that you'll have enough glycogen stores for the commute home.

    5) You see someone on a mountain bike with a wobbly wheel and you really feel the urge to stop them so you can true it and have an excuse to get your tools out.

    6) You "tuck in" while walking on a windy day in order to get more "aero" and even draft other walkers. :lol: (It works!!! :D)

    7) You see someone in a wheelchair and wonder how much easier their life would be if they got a carbon-fibre lightweight one.

    8) You climb up steps both one-at-a-time and then two-at-a-time in order to vary your "cadence" and work different muscle groups.

    9) You can immediately tell when you see someone on the wrong-size bike.

    10) You walk up to a girl you've never met before and ask how wind-proof here tights are.

    11) You offer to pump up your mate's car tyres just so you can work on your track-pump skills.

    12) You know the location of potholes on certain roads so well that, when you use the roads in a car, you are constantly warning the driver about where the next one is. You then give them updates about the road surface as you go along, warning them when you know "that" smooth part is about to end.

    13) When you see other bikes locked up, you analyse the lock strategy of each one, find the flaws, evaluate them and devise a much more effective way of how you would have done it, if it were your bike.

    14) After re-oiling your chain, you look around the house for other things which need oil, such as door hinges.

    15) You go on your bike to the shops - 30 seconds away - and insist on taking your pump, spare innertube, helmet AND a waterbottle if it's hot. :shock:

    16) You take a secret stash of bananas and flapjacks everywhere you go "just in case".
  • hisokahisoka Posts: 575
    snooks wrote:
    A few more....

    You check out bikes more that the opposite sex

    You get caught checking out bikes, and the GF believes you

    You have more than one bike

    Your bike is the single most expensive thing in the house

    You go on cycling forums

    The saddle you get with the bike gets changed before you've used it

    You see people in the office in a whole new light when you know they commute by bike

    You buy components by weight rather than price

    You're on first name terms with your LBS

    I hadn't thought about that, and then started to look how much things cost in the house and went "yeap, the bike wins it, easily with the accessories too" :lol
    "This area left purposefully blank"
    Sign hung on my head everyday till noon.

    FCN: 11 (apparently)
  • il_principeil_principe Posts: 9,146
    hisoka wrote:
    snooks wrote:
    A few more....

    You check out bikes more that the opposite sex

    You get caught checking out bikes, and the GF believes you

    You have more than one bike

    Your bike is the single most expensive thing in the house

    You go on cycling forums

    The saddle you get with the bike gets changed before you've used it

    You see people in the office in a whole new light when you know they commute by bike

    You buy components by weight rather than price

    You're on first name terms with your LBS

    I hadn't thought about that, and then started to look how much things cost in the house and went "yeap, the bike wins it, easily with the accessories too" :lol


    :lol: +1
    2015 Canyon Aeroad CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Ultimate CF SLX
    2020 Canyon Inflite SL 7
    On the Strand
    Crown Stables
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    hisoka wrote:
    snooks wrote:
    A few more....

    You check out bikes more that the opposite sex

    You get caught checking out bikes, and the GF believes you

    You have more than one bike

    Your bike is the single most expensive thing in the house

    You go on cycling forums

    The saddle you get with the bike gets changed before you've used it

    You see people in the office in a whole new light when you know they commute by bike

    You buy components by weight rather than price

    You're on first name terms with your LBS

    I hadn't thought about that, and then started to look how much things cost in the house and went "yeap, the bike wins it, easily with the accessories too" :lol


    :lol: +1

    Hmmmm, depends! If I'm in London, definitely, but here in Essex I have a Baritone Saxophone that will maintain that crown, even post-Viner...

    But the Viner will be the most valuable vehicle I own, worth more than both cars combined.

    :oops:
  • LazyBoycpLazyBoycp Posts: 320
    hisoka wrote:
    snooks wrote:
    A few more....

    You check out bikes more that the opposite sex

    You get caught checking out bikes, and the GF believes you

    You have more than one bike

    Your bike is the single most expensive thing in the house

    You go on cycling forums

    The saddle you get with the bike gets changed before you've used it

    You see people in the office in a whole new light when you know they commute by bike

    You buy components by weight rather than price

    You're on first name terms with your LBS

    I hadn't thought about that, and then started to look how much things cost in the house and went "yeap, the bike wins it, easily with the accessories too" :lol


    :lol: +1

    Hmmmm, depends! If I'm in London, definitely, but here in Essex I have a Baritone Saxophone that will maintain that crown, even post-Viner...

    But the Viner will be the most valuable vehicle I own, worth more than both cars combined.

    :oops:

    +1 for me, at the moment, but only cos my little brother has thieved my French Horn.
  • brushedbrushed Posts: 63
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?
    FCN 4 summer
    FCN 6 Winter

    'Strong, Light, Cheap : choose two' Keith Bontrager
  • NGaleNGale Posts: 1,866
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • brushedbrushed Posts: 63
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:

    Ouch

    Sounds painful - hope your on the mend

    When a car collided with me I managed to persuade the ambulance to carry my bike as well as me to the hospital ....just as well I had a lock as it wasnt allowed into the A+E treatment room
    FCN 4 summer
    FCN 6 Winter

    'Strong, Light, Cheap : choose two' Keith Bontrager
  • NGaleNGale Posts: 1,866
    brushed wrote:
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:

    Ouch

    Sounds painful - hope your on the mend

    When a car collided with me I managed to persuade the ambulance to carry my bike as well as me to the hospital ....just as well I had a lock as it wasnt allowed into the A+E treatment room

    bleedy hell which service allowed you to do that!?. I didn't call an ambulance for two reasons...first because I knew they would laugh at me for asking to take my bike, second embarssement because I would be speaking to a colleague when I phoned 999 (I work for them!)
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • BassjunkieukBassjunkieuk Posts: 4,232
    brushed wrote:
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:

    Ouch

    Sounds painful - hope your on the mend

    When a car collided with me I managed to persuade the ambulance to carry my bike as well as me to the hospital ....just as well I had a lock as it wasnt allowed into the A+E treatment room

    I got my bike taken in the ambulance when I needed to be whisked to hospital once! I also had my lock in the bag and the kind paramedic even chained it to a pillar in the ambulance bay for me! I'd managed to get the wife to meet me at the hopsital so thankfully we could take it with us then.
    Who's the daddy?
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    Player of THE GAME
    Giant SCR 3.0 - FCN 5
  • NGaleNGale Posts: 1,866
    brushed wrote:
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:

    Ouch

    Sounds painful - hope your on the mend

    When a car collided with me I managed to persuade the ambulance to carry my bike as well as me to the hospital ....just as well I had a lock as it wasnt allowed into the A+E treatment room

    I got my bike taken in the ambulance when I needed to be whisked to hospital once! I also had my lock in the bag and the kind paramedic even chained it to a pillar in the ambulance bay for me! I'd managed to get the wife to meet me at the hopsital so thankfully we could take it with us then.

    flipping heck not even my own colleagues would do that. more than likely they would take the pi** and then maybe think about taking the bike :lol:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • brushedbrushed Posts: 63
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    NGale wrote:
    brushed wrote:
    When you crash the first thing you think about is... is my bike OK?

    Oh yes!! that was me on monday...never mind the fact that I could have broken my hip :lol:

    Ouch

    Sounds painful - hope your on the mend

    When a car collided with me I managed to persuade the ambulance to carry my bike as well as me to the hospital ....just as well I had a lock as it wasnt allowed into the A+E treatment room

    bleedy hell which service allowed you to do that!?. I didn't call an ambulance for two reasons...first because I knew they would laugh at me for asking to take my bike, second embarssement because I would be speaking to a colleague when I phoned 999 (I work for them!)

    We are talking 12 years ago outside St Pauls Cathedral ...ambulance parked up rather than called out.....me with head wound pouring over my eye so looked bad - yes no helmet. I was very lucky to find it ... one of those angel looking out for you moments.
    Needed 7 stiches in eyebrow area.

    I'm sure rules are more strict now what with MSRA and all.
    FCN 4 summer
    FCN 6 Winter

    'Strong, Light, Cheap : choose two' Keith Bontrager
  • lost_in_thoughtlost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    To be fair, last year when I get taken out by a WVM, the ambulance took me and my bike (they offered) to the hospital, and the lovely ambulance lady locked it up outside the hospital for me and delivered me the keys.

    Awesome people.
  • hisokahisoka Posts: 575
    Another one.

    When moving home the first thing you think is "where will the bikes go" before planning your own bedroom.
    "This area left purposefully blank"
    Sign hung on my head everyday till noon.

    FCN: 11 (apparently)
  • Greg TGreg T Posts: 3,266
    hisoka wrote:
    Another one.

    When moving home the first thing you think is "where will the bikes go" before planning your own bedroom.

    When moving house you metally draw a line of maximum cycle commuting from your office and refuse to move outside it.....
    Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.

    What would Thora Hurd do?
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