Lustful secret
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I bought a new bike.
First thing I did when I got it home was to put it carefully into the marital bed and tuck it in.
When Mrs Pneumatic got home from the hairdressers, she was so shocked, she couldn't speak.
This gave me the time and space to explain to her that most men of my age suffer a mid-life crisis and that this very often involves their wives coming home to something much more fleshy than a Specialized Roubaix Expert lying in their bed. I then encouraged her to praise me for my marital fidelity and for my desire to get fit and muscular just for her.
Did it work?
Well, when she recovered her motor skills and the power of speech, she took out her mobile phone and carefully photographed the scene, muttering "Evidence!"
Of what, she has never said, but I assume it must be evidence of my good sense, loyalty and maturity.0