Universe to end next Wednesday.

dondare

Scientists in Switzerland have built a machine that will destroy the Universe which they intend to turn on next Wednesday.
Are they holding the World to ransom? Have we been given a week to find 100 billion Euros?
Do the mad scientists have evil henchmen with metal teeth? Do they have beautiful but deadly female assassin bodyguards?
Is the British secret service going to send an agent to Switzerland in an invisible flying submarine car to stop them? Will he have to sleep with the assassins and throw the henchmen into a pit full of piranhas in order to save the world?
Are the mad scientists really mad scientists who don’t care about the money and just want to destroy the world; or are they really very clever scientists who have already trousered the 6 billion euros that they claim that it cost to build and instead made a big steel doughnut which doesn’t actually do anything?
Is that why it’s in Switzerland, because they all have secret Swiss bank accounts?
Will we be able to watch the end of the world live on TV? Is everyone going to be watching it down at the pub because no-one thinks that they’ll be going to work the next day?
If it is on live TV will there be a 15 second delay in case someone swears and they need to bleep it out? If so, then some people will not even get to finish their drinks as the world will have ended before they see the switch being thrown.
Will the cost of building the Superconducting Supersmashbrothers Superduper Collider be wasted if it doesn’t destroy the world; or if it does?
Guess well find out next week.

Bronzie

Damn...................but looking on the bright side, you've just saved me the cost of getting my hair cut on Tuesday.

DavidBelcher

dondare wrote:

Is the British secret service going to send an agent to Switzerland in an invisible flying submarine car to stop them? Will he have to sleep with the assassins and throw the henchmen into a pit full of piranhas in order to save the world?

Possibly making some witty remark after doing so ("sorry gentlemen, I've bigger fish to fry"), then nipping down the local in his DB5 for a swift vodka martini.

David

Gavin Gilbert

£100 to Roadpeace says the LHC doesn't work :evil:

£250 to Roadpeace says the boffins conclude that there is an infinite number of angels on the head of a pin :twisted:

Anyone care to offer odds?

Slow Downcp

There’s nothing to worry about – if it goes tits up Bruce Willis will turn up in a dirty string vest and save the world using a tiddly wink, an elastic band, and a bag of conkers.

Jez mon

Maybe it'll turn out that science has got it all wrong and that the earth really was created in however many days by a benevolent, omnipotent, omniscient God. Or maybe, in the roundabout way in which most science works, this fancy new machine will answer a few questions but ask far more.

Or possibly it will answer every question ever, and the universe will be replaced by something many many times more complex.

The most likely thing is though, it will create a black hole and suck us into an eternity of nothingness.

What I want to know, is why the worlds supposedly intelligent scientists are concentrating on something so pointless, why not concentrate on solving world hunger etc.

LangerDan

I quite like the idea of what is probably the biggest machine in the world having an "On" switch, especially as it takes most of a year to get it running - they've been cooling it down to -271°C since last January.

idaviesmoore

:roll: Bugger..it's going to be nice on Wednesday as well

Bronzie

LangerDan wrote:

I quite like the idea of what is probably the biggest machine in the world having an "On" switch.

Here it is.....................

unclemalc

I bet after the computers set it off, it stops, the lights go out and a little voice says "42"...

LangerDan

Jez mon wrote:

What I want to know, is why the worlds supposedly intelligent scientists are concentrating on something so pointless, why not concentrate on solving world hunger etc.

Solving world hunger doesn't require the input of scientists - it mainly requires the redistribution of wealth and resources, something that is within the gift of far more "ordinary" mortals but would require most of us to forego our Pinarellos and plasma- screens and therefore unlikely to happen.

LangerDan

Bronzie wrote:

LangerDan wrote:

I quite like the idea of what is probably the biggest machine in the world having an "On" switch.

Here it is.....................

Have they let Fr. Dougal in charge of the supercollider again?

Jez mon

LangerDan wrote:

Jez mon wrote:

What I want to know, is why the worlds supposedly intelligent scientists are concentrating on something so pointless, why not concentrate on solving world hunger etc.

Solving world hunger doesn't require the input of scientists - it mainly requires the redistribution of wealth and resources, something that is within the gift of far more "ordinary" mortals but would require most of us to forego our Pinarellos and plasma- screens and therefore unlikely to happen.

I did say etc.

My point is, there are far more pressing problems than the origins of the universe, which brainy people could put their brainy brains to.

Stewie Griffin

Thats not enough time for me to finish watching Dogtanian & the three Muskehounds with my Nieces.

Still, at least it means that Keane and Berbatosser wont have scored any goals for their new clubs and will therefore have been a huge waste of money :twisted:

idaviesmoore

unclemalc wrote:

I bet after the computers set it off, it stops, the lights go out and a little voice says "42"...

Nah, it'll say 'The programme you are using is not responding. Would you like to report the fault to Microsoft?'

And then the scientists'll throw it through the window :roll:

Oddballcp

Windows has suffered a fatal error and needs to shut down....


or



BLUESCREEN!!!!

DavidBelcher

LangerDan wrote:

Jez mon wrote:

What I want to know, is why the worlds supposedly intelligent scientists are concentrating on something so pointless, why not concentrate on solving world hunger etc.

Solving world hunger doesn't require the input of scientists - it mainly requires the redistribution of wealth and resources, something that is within the gift of far more "ordinary" mortals but would require most of us to forego our Pinarellos and plasma- screens and therefore unlikely to happen.

Agreed - the ideas are there already, it just needs the Gordon Browns of this world to put them into practice. And maybe some of those celebs with plenty of cash to splash should part with it for a good cause rather than nagging those of us with far smaller incomes into providing all the financial clout (anyone else remember the top-drawer piece of Bono-bashing on Room 101 by Mark Steel?).

David

unclemalc

David I agree entirely. Every time I read about the blessed LHC or anything to do with the money spent/wasted on particle physics research makes me throw a fit. :twisted:
I seriously think that the people who run LHC are hoping to find the science that will let what remains of humanity to escape 'Offworld' after we've @rsed up the Earth beyond reasonable living conditions.
All the supposed 'benefits' of the work were dreamt up way before i) the true costs were realised and ii) the far more pressing problems facing us which need addressing NOW became a priority.
Trouble is, the average jo is aware of what SHOULD be going on but the t

---

ers in charge faff about for so long that nothing gets done.
The amount of money involved in LHC is simply staggering - its like trying to get your head around distances from here to a bloody star.
That and bloody flights to the planets.....
We live in times where common sense and a bit of forward thinking has been lost .
Now you've got me started... :shock:

Crapaud

Jez mon wrote:

... The most likely thing is though, it will create a black hole and suck us into an eternity of nothingness. ...

Right then, I'm taking the day off to spend it cycling in CERN's direction so that when the blackhole appears I'll set a new personal best before ceasing to exist. I just hope that all of me moves at the same speed.

smoo

If it does work, and leads to a grand theory of everything, there will probably be lots of currently unforeeable spin-offs with practical applications. Actually, it's difficult enough getting funding these days to do any science that doesn't have obvious commercial or social applications. The particle physicists seem to be the exception!

What worries me (although not very much ) is that rather than being sucked into a black hole we will just end up in an alternative universe where everything is just slightly different but no-one can remember what it was like before... One where STI levers were never invented and we are all using 11 speed downtube ones, or where Ramussen won the TdF in 2007... now that IS scary!

mikedobson

I bet it's a really good microwave though.

soy_sauce

the universe won't be end.. just earth prop get suck in and send to the other universe/dimension *sorry about the spelling mistake*.

you never know, you might end up finding another earth which rule by Apes..

DavidBelcher

idaviesmoore wrote:

unclemalc wrote:

I bet after the computers set it off, it stops, the lights go out and a little voice says "42"...

Nah, it'll say 'The programme you are using is not responding. Would you like to report the fault to Microsoft?'

And then the scientists'll throw it through the window :roll:

Either that or a white-coated paper clip pops up: "It looks like you're carrying out cutting-edge particle physics research. Would you like me to...., etc."

David

DavidBelcher

henry_ho_yin wrote:

the universe won't be end.. just earth prop get suck in and send to the other universe/dimension *sorry about the spelling mistake*.

you never know, you might end up finding another earth which rule by Apes..

A significant chunk of this Earth already is, it would seem;

http://www.bushorchimp.com/

David

unclemalc

DavidBelcher wrote:

idaviesmoore wrote:

unclemalc wrote:

I bet after the computers set it off, it stops, the lights go out and a little voice says "42"...

Nah, it'll say 'The programme you are using is not responding. Would you like to report the fault to Microsoft?'

And then the scientists'll throw it through the window :roll:

Either that or a white-coated paper clip pops up: "It looks like you're carrying out cutting-edge particle physics research. Would you like me to...., etc."

David

MIsterGoof

how can it all end on Wednesday when it's all gonna end on 2st December 2012 also :?

we need a better confused emoticon !

Jez mon

LHC has just finished downloading important security updates and needs to restart. Please save and close any currently running programs to ensure your work is not lost.

Billios

While 6 Billion pounds seems like a lot of money, its a drop in the ocean when you consider the size of the budget of say the NHS, but more importantly its far less than we spend every year in keeping armies and boats in far flung parts of the world. Britains GDP is something like 1.5 trillion pounds and the cost of cern is spread around the whole EU.

Politics and politicians who know nothing about what they are funding hold the purse strings and are primarily the reason why, for example, fusion has taken so long to get where it is. It took them almost 2 decades to decide where the next big fusion experiment was to be built. Rediculous.

On a lighter note, the tunnel where LHC is built would make the worlds fastest time trial course. The tunnels were built with cm tolerances, you really cant get a flatter course, and no cross winds either. I know students working there who used bicycles to get around the ring, this was before it was switched on of course.

LangerDan

Billios wrote:

On a lighter note, the tunnel where LHC is built would make the worlds fastest time trial course. The tunnels were built with cm tolerances, you really cant get a flatter course, and no cross winds either. I know students working there who used bicycles to get around the ring, this was before it was switched on of course.

If you rode a steel bike and managed to trigger the electomagenets in the right order, you could probably do a "25" in, ooooh, a couple of minutes.

Billios

Also...im pretty sure that LHC is run on a Mac

dondare

MIsterGoof wrote:

how can it all end on Wednesday when it's all gonna end on 2st December 2012 also :?
!

Professor Dr. Otto E. Rossler warns that the scientific community claims the success of the experiment may result in the black hole destroying the planet within 50 million years. His own calculations indicate that this time frame may in fact be closer to 50 months ... (http://www.golem.de/0802/57477-4.html, translation at http://www.lhcconcerns.com/LHCConcerns/ ... ?f=10&t=52)

Takes us nicely to 2012.