2012 Olympics......alternative events to appease the locals

TheBoyBilly

We were discussing this at work, some ideas put forward : -

Drive-by Shooting
Knife-throwing
Binge-drinking (on the Circle Line)

...but I'm sure you can all do better though

martinwitnam

Lighting of the cars at the opening ceremony. (Look how bright those alloy wheels burn!)

Teen-age pregnancies.

Ash-tray discus.

Garden fence hurdles.

Relay using a stolen candlestick as the baton.

fluff.

Team happy slapping: only GB is allowed to field a team of 11, all others are restricted to solo entries. Winner to be decided on who gets the most views on youtube.

The hanging around outside shops time trial: The teams 15 of will have an hour to see how many old people they can intimidate.

LingfieldXC

drunken boxing (winner determined by who has to drink the most before they would take on rikky hatton)

new fencing event called the dagger (choose knife - first to draw blood wins)

vauxhall astra team fit into car

for inspiration search 'balls of steel' on youtube and look in particular for 'neg's urban sports'

big european stranger rodeo being a personal favourite

ms_tree

What about The Talking Loudly On The Mobile Marathon? THe Most Boring Conversation? Usually while sitting on bus/train.

Brains

Naah mate yooo gottit awrl rong, intcha!.

The "Cycle Trial" even will be held down the Mile End Road

White Van Man (regulation ford Transit) and London Cabbies vs Couriers on Fixees with regulation 5KG Courier bag and 1kg lock

Norco_Will93

The Graffiti Time Trial, first to spray C U Next Tuesday on a eledrly persons home

OffTheBackAdam

Under-age binge drinking.
The heats sort out who can convince the bouncers to let them into the night club.
Quarters, which 16 can down the greatest number of Blue WKDs (Women's event) or Snakebite & Black (Men's)
Semis, which 8 can vomit the furthest.
Finals, who passes out and is taken to hospital for a stomach pump. Last one standing wins gold.

SmellTheGlove

Madison in chariots - are we not ancient Britons? Go Boudicca!!!

Monty Dog

Not chariots - shopping trolleys! They all have to drink 20 bottles of WKD and the most paralytic climbs in the trolley - the other two take turns to push the trolley around the course, doing change overs every lap or so. The one in the trolley attempts to stop the others by hurling empties and vomiting on the track.

pneumatic

Underground TaiKwando - the objective is to get a seat in an already full commuter train before it starts off. Points for how many people you can punch or kick in the head on your way.

Gavin Gilbert

You'll notice the booze references all come from the provinces - obviously folks who have never been to Stratford. The drug of choice in East London is more likely to be skunk than Special Brew....

I propose Bob Crow Archery :twisted: chain every Londoners favourite trade union leader to a post with a long leash and let the bowmen loose on him

Jez mon

The city boy triathlon...

Take the yacht from your docklands apartment to your place of work

Race to make a hedge fund £1 million at the expense of normal people

Leap into your supercar and race to your second home in the country.

beverick

1000m cycling whinge. The cyclist who complains the most about other road users whilst ignoring relevant and prevailing road traffic laws wins gold.

Bob

ps "I propose Bob Crow Archery chain every Londoners favourite trade union leader to a post with a long leash and let the bowmen loose on him" That should read short leash.

lfoggy

Nick a BMX and escape from the police through urban London.......

chatman

Brinks Matt Bullion Relay Race

Joy Riding down the Mall

Yacking on the most tube station floors

Bendy Bus banger racing

South End Pier Mile Race

Parkey

400m railway signal cable theft.

STEFANOS4784

Hooded jumper parachuting


Stolen wallet relay

sicrow

uncompetitive track - the rules are you can't win and all the looney lefties will clap and support the fact that everyones a winner and nobody will get left out. The banks on the track will have a max degree of banking of no more than 0.5 degress according to health and saftey rules - it will also help if you have illegally come into the country

etc etc etc

chuckcork

Would of course need to be like some olympic events e.g. beach volleyball, which have a mandatory outfit required by all participants. I suggest hoodies, the cheaper the better.

poetry - most gratuitous use of the word f*ck and derivatives
spitting and bumblegum spitting
modern pentathlon (chav version): loudest car stereo in crappest car; fastest delivered abuse; quickest stabbing (team event); 100m purse snatch relay; chosen points category - spitting or vomiting.
dog handling, with points for setting a pit bull on someone & getting it to crap on footpaths on command
Orienteering: pedestrian attempts to move quickly across a tricky route, filled with other pedestrians, bikes, road works, security incidents, bums asking for money, charity collectors (time points gained if you can punch one out), busy roads with heavy traffic and so on. Will also have some snakes and ladders features, e.g. an option of taking the tube or train with the possibility of having a signal or points failure or wildcat strike; or cycling but where every driver is out to get you. Must complete route in fastest time.

Special police only event: shooting. first shoot someone in the head 7 times (victim will be supplied by event, China has a surplus of executions this year), challenge is to cover it up with most outrageous lies that then can't be sourced back to you.

Crapaud

TheBoyBilly wrote:

We were discussing this at work, some ideas put forward : -

Drive-by Shooting
Knife-throwing
Binge-drinking (on the Circle Line)

...but I'm sure you can all do better though

I doubt that anynoe could do better than Olympic It's a Knockout. Sport, competition and hilarity!

Given that were now a lads mag culture we could get the Daily Sport to organise it and call it 'It's a Knockers-out'!

mididoctors

40m javelin relay

Stewie Griffin

People in Wembley arent allowed to train for the Spitting events. As there are signs on Wembley High Road asking people to "KEEP WEMBLEY CLEAN PLEASE DO NOT SPIT ON THE PAVEMENT". No Im not kidding.

Although Im sure they would clean up in the riding on the pavement while smoking a spliff on a squeaky cross chained (presumably) stolen MTB.