Stupid things you've said and done

Crapaud

It's come to my attention that there's far too much talk about cycling, and not enough hilarity in Cake Stop!

A post about a bizzare conversation with a blind man's sighted helper, after nearly running them down in the middle of the road, reminded me of a couple of incidents where I've opened my gob without my brain being in gear:

The train to work arrived late in Central station. Dodging and weaving through the rush-hour crowd, I ran into a guide dog. "Sorry!" I apologised to the dog, "I didn't see you there." It was only then that I spotted the day-glo harness and the man with the oversized dark glasses and white stick. Embarrassed, and hoping that the blind guy thought that I was talking to him, I scuttled off at high speed. :oops:

More recently, I was out on the local campaigning group's monthly tootle about when we stopped for lunch. There's always someone who's forgotten to bring a chain of some kind, so, waving my Kryptonite cable thingy about I casually and loudly enquired, "Does anyone need locked up?". It was the silence and bemused looks that tipped me off that I'd said something stupid.

No matter how sensible or intelligent we are, we all say and do stupid things from time to time. What's your story?

redddraggon

Crapaud wrote:

The train to work arrived late in Central station. Dodging and weaving through the rush-hour crowd, I ran into a guide dog. "Sorry!" I apologised to the dog, "I didn't see you there." It was only then that I spotted the day-glo harness and the man with the oversized dark glasses and white stick. Embarrassed, and hoping that the blind guy thought that I was talking to him, I scuttled off at high speed. :oops:

I often talk to dogs, you normally get a more sensible conversation than with their owner.

jellybellywmb

I was once in a lovely little church in a Leicestershire village and a woman sidled up to me, without a thought I said " I DO"

How stupid was that!!!

Apart from that I once asked to Policeman at Birmingham station what time the 10:30 train to Aston left??
We were going to the football and they threatened to arrest me for taking the mick.

Richie G

I remember being introduced to a bunch of my sister's uni mates. I announced that i "was Sue's sister!" It was only after about 10 minutes of people looking at me strangely that somebody told me what i'd said - i hadn't even realised i said it! :oops:

cchapman

dissapointingresponses so far, none of thethings that keep us awake at night wondering how our life would have changed if we hadn't been so stupid that half centuryago andshut thedoor on something that would have given us the chance of a happy decent life instead of one of misery.

In my case it was ignoring the advice of people who advised me not to marry into a family showing mental illness.

.

SunWuKong

A lad I went to school with was chatting to a motorcycle police man on a really hot day and without thinking said " you must be sweating like a pig in those leathers?"

SmellTheGlove

In an odd way I wish I could take credit for the following:

A certain manager at our place (in the electrical /electronic eqpt industry) was discussing reorganisation of our engineering crew.

He suggested that one specialist group should be named Custom Rack And Panel Systems.

The implications didn't take long to dawn on his audience.

ColinJ

redddraggon wrote:

Crapaud wrote:

The train to work arrived late in Central station. Dodging and weaving through the rush-hour crowd, I ran into a guide dog. "Sorry!" I apologised to the dog, "I didn't see you there." It was only then that I spotted the day-glo harness and the man with the oversized dark glasses and white stick. Embarrassed, and hoping that the blind guy thought that I was talking to him, I scuttled off at high speed. :oops:

I often talk to dogs, you normally get a more sensible conversation than with their owner.

I was on holiday in Penzance recently and when walking to the shops I saw a little old blind lady out with her guide dog. She obviously knew where she wanted to go but the dog wouldn't have it and just sat down on the edge of the pavement. He knew something that she didn't which was that there was an illegally parked car just in front of her. I didn't want to interfere, so I watched while she had a one-way conversation with her dog. She called him a 'silly sausage' and told him not to be so stubborn. He just sat patiently. She was getting a bit confused at that point so I went over and led her round the obstruction.

Crapaud

jellybellywmb wrote:

IApart from that I once asked to Policeman at Birmingham station what time the 10:30 train to Aston left??
We were going to the football and they threatened to arrest me for taking the mick.

I asked a Gendarme, in Charles de Gaul airport, in my best french, "Ou est satellite five?" He stared at me for a moment then pointed at the 'Satellite Cinq' sign above my head.

robmanic1

In the pub last night, post bike ride, whilst watching the Austria game on TV, one of the guys "if they don't win this they're going home!"

Stewie Griffin

I have said "a bit" to a girlfriend who asked me "does my bum look big in this, I was young and nieve . I told my Dad to eff off once :oops: , I was young and stupid .

I said "go on but be careful" to a friend who wanted to try out a road bike as he only rides full suspension MTB's on, NW Londons roads. 8 seconds later "Dont ride it off the effing kerb", which he did just about stop himself from doing. 2 mins after that I said “hold the back wheel off the floor while I uncross my effing chain now". I can remember this quite clearly, as it was yesterday evening. Im angry at myself more than him though.

popette

you know those fake pints of guiness that they have on bars sometimes? (they do exist, don't they?) well, I went up to one once and thinking how real it looked I put my finger in it and drew a smiley face before looking across to see the pints bemused owner.

I p!ssed myself in my car :oops: after holding it in for about an hour

I went up to a girl in the pub and started quizzing her on how I knew her - what school, what uni, where do you live etc etc until she revealed she was a coronation street actress to which I just howled with laughter (was a bit p!ssed)

oh, lot and lots of embarrassing things. Thank god, I can't remember them all.

How I met MR P, now that's an embarassing story..........

Richard_D

Heard in a debate whilst I was still at uni.
Some people have misconceptions about abortion

robmanic1

"I'm definitely not going for a pint after the ride tonight"

"I know, I'll cancel Sunday's ride and spend the day with you, being as though it's father's day"

"Of course I'd much rather go out for a quiet, romanitic meal with you than have a night out with the boys"

"Hey, is Big Brother on yet?"

"You never see enough Graham Norton on telly these days do you"

portuguese mike

On the highclere sportive on Sunday i was riding along chatting with someone for a few miles thinking 'he looks & sounds familar' then it suddenly dawned on me 'are you Steve Punt?' to which he replied 'Hugh Dennis'. Oh how i cringed :oops: He did carry on chatting though which was good of him.

Also, once, i was paying for a couple of pints and the barmaid asked me if i would like to have my change in 5 pound coins 'oh i didn't know you could get those' i said (i though she meant a five pound coin)

and my personal favorite. i went to the changing rooms at a cloths shop carrying a few items. the assistant asked me how many, i said 'just me'. My wife almost cracked her ribs she laughed so hard.

DavidBelcher

portuguese mike wrote:

On the highclere sportive on Sunday i was riding along chatting with someone for a few miles thinking 'he looks & sounds familar' then it suddenly dawned on me 'are you Steve Punt?' to which he replied 'Hugh Dennis'. Oh how i cringed :oops: He did carry on chatting though which was good of him.

At least you picked the correct double-act from The Mary Whitehouse Experience - he may have been considerably more miffed if you'd mistaken him for Newman or Baddiel.

David

DavidBelcher

Robmanic1 wrote:

"I'm definitely not going for a pint after the ride tonight"

Following on from which, "I won't be gone long" or "just the one for me, mate, I'll be off shortly" are other ill-judged pub gambits.

David

robklancs

my wife is a nurse and was looking after a man with a glass eye. It was on a side table, he asked if he could have it so she picked it up
and dropped it on the floor. After a few seconds of trying to find it she asked him
"can you see it"?
She didnt even realise untill she got home.

robmanic1

robklancs wrote:

my wife is a nurse and was looking after a man with a glass eye. It was on a side table, he asked if he could have it so she picked it up
and dropped it on the floor. After a few seconds of trying to find it she asked him
"can you see it"?
She didnt even realise untill she got home.

Was he rolling his eye at her? :roll:

or

Keeping his eye out for her?

or

Casting his eye over her?

Did he have a roving eye, or an eye for the ladies??

Is that my taxi??? :oops:

Crapaud

popette wrote:

...oh, lot and lots of embarrassing things. Thank god, I can't remember them all. ...

I bet they're all coming back now though! Reading through this thread's bringing back all sorts.

Buying a round in an unfamiliar pub, I'd ordered the drinks and, feeling a bit peckish, I ordered a bag of crisps. "What kind of crisps?", asked the barmaid. What kind? What sort of stupid question's that, I thought. Is this a wind-up or something? "Potato!" I replied indignantly, not realising that she meant 'what flavour'. Stupider still, she went off to search for some, asking the other staff if they had any potato flavour crisps.

robmanic1

Similar lines to the above, in a restaurant with some work colleagues ordering steak, one of the guys asked for mustard, when the waitress asked "what kind" he replied..........


"Colemans?"

Steveen

I once took some German colleagues out for dinner in Stockport, and then commented how difficult it had been to find the place we were having the meal as Stockport had never been the same since it was bombed in the war.

Fair play, one of them replied that it wasn't as bad as Dresden.

DavidBelcher

Steveen wrote:

I once took some German colleagues out for dinner in Stockport, and then commented how difficult it had been to find the place we were having the meal as Stockport had never been the same since it was bombed in the war.

Fair play, one of them replied that it wasn't as bad as Dresden.

You are Basil Fawlty, and I claim my £5!

David

Harry B

I was at a company do once and whilst standing the bar I asked a colleague who the "bird in the red dress with the big tits was" You can guess who's wife it was can't you :shock: :oops: He took it surprisingly well, I bet he was secretly quite proud

Harry B

I was in the pub after another company event (there's at theme starting to appear here). It was happy hour and we'd had a few. For some reason which I still can't remember I told one of the office girls that I thought she was quite accractive in the workplace but if I saw her in a night club I'd probably no give her a seconds thought :shock: :oops: Strangely enough she didn't see the funny side despite by trying to tell her that I was demonstrating how different people can appear in different contexts. I stopped digging once she walked out

APIII

One of my best mates has a long history of doing utterly stupid things, despite being extremely intelligent with a high powered job. The following is one of my favourites, but there are many more.

He booked a holiday for himself and his girlfriend to Thailand to do the fairly standard tour of a few days in Bangkok, a bit of trekking up north and then a week in a beach resort. Everything was all arranged, flights, hotels, tours, etc. The first two stages went well, no problems. It was only when they landed at the airport for the last leg that things started to unravel. They were supposed to be met by the hotel driver, but there was no one there when they arrived. They waited a while and then phoned the hotel to find out where the hell he was. They assured them that the driver had been despatched, and would be there very shortly. They waited and waited. Further phone calls to the hotel were met with assurances that the driver had left to pick them up. Eventually, my mate checked his travel documents and noticed the address for the hotel was in Tratt. He looked up and saw the sign for the airport...Trang. He had flown about 1000km in the wrong direction :oops: The penny had dropped, they were stuck in some crappy town in the middle of nowhere, there were no more flights out until the next day, and his girlfriend makes all the travel arrangements nowadays.
In hindsight, he says he did think it was a little strange they were the only tourists on the plane...

sazzledazzle

Many years ago during my time on the company graduate program I was trying to show my keenness by volunteering for a few extra tasks and roles. The reason eludes me now and I have no idea what I was trying to say but for some reason I announced to the entire floor (open plan of course) that I was going to be 'The Office Slapper'.

:oops:

I think 100 people must have heard me and I never lived it down, the nick name still follows me even now 8 years later!

Denny69

Got up in the middle of the night, after a heavy drinking session with my Dad and brother before Christmas, only to pee in my sisters top drawer (she was only 12 at the time!!). When confronted about it I swore blind that I flushed the toilet!!!! :oops:

Result:

2x p****d off parents
1x Traumatized sister (after seeing brothers everything!!)
1x very confused me wondering WTF was going on!!!

:oops: :oops:

redvee

Back a few years ago we were chatting at work over a cup of tea, as you do, about wht we got up to in the school holidays. One girl who lived on the coast said we used to go down to the beach and get crabs......................... :oops:

Another one during the summer was when the ice cream van came round. One of the girls in the office got up from her desk, bounced across the office, she was a big girl, and asked 'Joan, do you want a 69?' I think/hope she meant a 99.

Denny69

Harry B wrote:

I was at a company do once and whilst standing the bar I asked a colleague who the "bird in the red dress with the big tits was" You can guess who's wife it was can't you :shock: :oops: He took it surprisingly well, I bet he was secretly quite proud

Class....had a similar incident my self except I was stone cold sober (unusually) and it was the bosses daughter!!!! :oops:

cougie

One of the girls in the office rang up her hairdressers and asked if the could fit her in for a 'blow j**' - instead of a blow dry....