Your Biggest Dumb @ss moment

redvee

Years ago I was out with a friend on his Grifter XL and he decided to ride round the rim of an old railway turntable pit. He mijudged the line and fell into the pit but had a soft landing of sorts onto a bramble bush. I tried not to laugh...........

cougie

Never had probs with clipless pedals.

I did have a lucky escape when on one ride, I noticed that my bar end plug on the left hand drop had worked its way half out.

Gave it a big whack and was somehow surprised when the bars jolted me off about three feet to the right ! Close call.

Crapaud

Non cycle related dumb-ass moment...

Many moons ago, I used to work in a darkroom with a graphic-arts camera. It was about the size of a chest of drawers. On the focal plane, where the film to be imaged was placed, there was a sheet of glass. This glass had to be kept spotlessly clean as dust or fingerprints could ruin the image.

To help clean the glass, the manufacturers had thoughfully provided a pair of suckers to help remove the glass for cleaning. The suckers were about 3" diameter, with a handle around 4" long with a bobble on the end. They're a bit like a sink plunger.

Bored one day, I discovered that I could stick them to my forehead. Initially I stuck one in the middle and went around the work doing a Dalek impersonation - "Exterminate!", "You! Will! Obeeeey!" etc. Next, I stuck one on either side of my forehead, like antenna, and did the "Take me to your leader" thing. All very amusing.

Later, when I got home, I found that I had 3 large, perfectly round, bruises on my forehead and I had to wear a knitted bobble-hat for the next week and a half while they faded away - made me look a little strange in the middle of summer (even in Glasgow).



I think I'm the only person with 2 posts on this thread - do I win anything?

nolf

Not yet,
but I forsee a darwin award...

bagpusscp

Time for you all to pull up a sandbag

During the early 1980's I was serving as an RAF Policeman. At one of my postings, I along with a number of fellow Policemen was chosen to parade for an Air Officer Commanding Station Inspection.
During one of the practice sessions,we were parading in front of a VIP departure building.{Now I would like you all to picture this scene in your minds.}
A group of 12 Policemen out on a very busy Airfield .Helicopters going back and forth,large jets taking off. It was as I recall very windy as well .
Left ,Right Left ,Right...etc ....Well I never heard the Command HALT! from the Warrant Officer taking the parade . I carried on for about maybe 6/8 paces.On looking to my right{I was one of the front markers} Oh $hi£ :shock: :shock: followed by a quick about turn . :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: {The words Bagshaw what the £cuk are you doing ringing ,in my now wide open ears}Rejoined Squad.The best of this story is the Late Sir Harry Secombe was watching all this.I heard tell he howled with laughter.







Postscript .I Still made the Parade on the big day.

mm1

Crapaud wrote:

Non cycle related dumb-ass moment...

Many moons ago, I used to work in a darkroom with a graphic-arts camera. It was about the size of a chest of drawers. On the focal plane, where the film to be imaged was placed, there was a sheet of glass. This glass had to be kept spotlessly clean as dust or fingerprints could ruin the image.

To help clean the glass, the manufacturers had thoughfully provided a pair of suckers to help remove the glass for cleaning. The suckers were about 3" diameter, with a handle around 4" long with a bobble on the end. They're a bit like a sink plunger.

Bored one day, I discovered that I could stick them to my forehead. Initially I stuck one in the middle and went around the work doing a Dalek impersonation - "Exterminate!", "You! Will! Obeeeey!" etc. Next, I stuck one on either side of my forehead, like antenna, and did the "Take me to your leader" thing. All very amusing.

Later, when I got home, I found that I had 3 large, perfectly round, bruises on my forehead and I had to wear a knitted bobble-hat for the next week and a half while they faded away - made me look a little strange in the middle of summer (even in Glasgow).



I think I'm the only person with 2 posts on this thread - do I win anything?

Similar non cycling story (not me) about a fast-streamer in the civil service, who was bored while waiting in the ministerial car and started playing with the cigarette lighter - he ended up with a fantastic circular brand on the end of his nose. Now a senior civiul servant - scary!

redvee

Got a couple of similar marks on the dash etc of the vans in work, must be a tribal thing for bored people to do

stevechambers34

motorcycle related really, pulled up outside a mates on my ageing and rather heavy Honda 750/4, went to put the sidestand down...thought it WAS down...went to get off and it rolled forward and pinned me to the floor as it definately wasn't down ! luckily no one saw it happen but I did feel a right t*t.

mtb.boy

Riding along a country road. Saw a couple of low-flying military jets. Wondered if they were the new Eurofighter. Looked up at them for a second. Felt a bump. Looked forwards, my brain said "yes you are on the grass verge". Before having time to swerve back on the the road or brake I was over the bars and lying on the grass verge next to the hedgerow.

Shadowduck

Getting ready to ride home from work for first time on shiny new bike in full view of the entire shift...

1. Proudly attach pannier to bike.
2. Don helmet.
3. Don thick gore-tex gloves (this happened in February).
4. Remove thick gore-tex gloves.
5. Switch lights on.
6. Don thick gore-tex gloves.
7. Remove thick gore-tex gloves.
8. Do jacket up.
9. Don thick gore-tex gloves.
10. Attempt to turn bike round to face correct direction.
11. Remove thick gore-tex gloves.
12. Unlock bike from railing.
13. Don thick gore-tex gloves.
14. Turn bike round to face correct direction.
15. Catch rear mudguard reflector on railing and snap it off.
16. Remove thick gore-tex gloves.
17. Shove reflector in pannier.
18. Don thick gore-tex gloves.
19. Ride away, trying (and failing) to clip into stupid single sided SPDs.
20. Hope no-one can hear the sobbing.

OldSeagul

ShadowDuck, I laughed so much I went dizzy. Well done.

My first day cycling to work on my brand new mountain bike about 20 years ago. Rode along the road to the entrance of the factory. Intending to do a bunnyhop over the kerb (which I didn't actually know how to do), I stopped pedalling and pulled the bars up; the front wheel hit the top of the kerb, my stomach hit the bars and I fell over sideways in front of the entire workforce waiting to clock in. Got a huge cheer and a round of applause.