Your Biggest Dumb @ss moment

UncleFred

Yesterday, demonstrating how to ride a drop off to a bunch of school kids who have just joined the Mountain Bike Club, for some bizarre reason I grabbed a big handful of front brake after clearing the drop off and went over the bars - Result one broken rib and a rather larger egg on my face.

What's your biggest Dumb @ss moment??

macp

just a few minutes ago as I pulled up outside work on my new steed and promptly fell into the bushes because I couldnt get my foot out of the toeclip :oops:

La cucaracha

Stopped to get something out my pocket on a 1 in 4 climb. When I started I was going so slowly and in such a low gear that by the time I got the second cleat in I'd lost all momentum and had a classic slow-motion sideways tumble into a ditch. :oops:

It could've been worse though - had it happened just a moment later my fall would've been witnessed by a a bunch of MTBers on their way back from the trails.

gumball3000

Last Sunday. 15 miles into a 103 mile ride.

Took a very easy left hander, slid out on a greasy patch of road and took out my training partner. I was fine, he was grazed and battered.

Still feel like a right berk!

nasahapley

On one of my very first rides on my very first road bike at the end of last summer there was a ford pretty close to the start of my planned route. It looked innocuous enough, only a couple of inches of water and about five feet across. I wouldn't have given it a moments thought on my mtb, so I didn't give it a moments thought on the road bike. Went down like a ton of bricks right in the middle, got very wet, and the obligatory bunch of kids was on hand to witness the whole thing. Luckily it was a hot day so being soaked wasn't a problem (quite refreshing actually!), but I've never felt like such a muppet in my life.

So that's one lesson learned the hard way, wonder what the next one will be?!

Crapaud

A clipless moment for me too...

On my way to the local campaigning group's easyride, I was stopped at a red light, right foot unclipped and on the road. With nothing better to do, I have a look around: light, fluffy clouds drift lazily across a bright blue sky (looks like it'll be a nice day), the Kelvingrove museum renovation seems to be coming along nicely, etc.

Then I notice what appears to be a leggy, Mediterranean beauty coming along the pavement towards me, but I only get a glimpse of her before a lamppost in the foreground obscures my view. So I lean slightly to the left to get a better view. Sure enough, she's a stunner! Long legs in tight jeans, ample, hourglass figure, beautiful face topped with long wavey auburn hair - lovely, but something's wrong. It took me a few seconds to realise that I'd moved my centre of gravity a bit too far, and with the sloooowest of slow topples, right arm and leg flailing, I hit the deck.

As I lay on the road, trying to unclip my other foot to get up, I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. It's the Mediterranean beauty looking down at me writhing on the ground, with an amused smirk. It's only at this point that I notice her aged mother, who's obviously seen the whole thing, absolutely pissing herself.

Not my finest hour. But, hey.....phoar!!!

vermooten

Saying a big farewell to everyone in the b&b near Bourg last July after the Marmotte, and then walking into a broom closet instead of the stairwell. A true Clouseau moment.

redvee

Another clipless moment, my first time on clipless. Rode all of 1/4 mile clipped in and came to a set of lights and done the graceful fall to the side thing. Another time, can't remember if this was a clipped-in moment but I came to a halt in a potholed layby but didn't have quite enough momentum to get over the lip of one pothole so went to the side again but this time landed in a 2"deep pothole full of water, not too bad but did manage to imbibe a mouthful of said water the the fateful consequences the following day :oops:

rossbarney2003

I'm still quite stupid when it comes to bikes (even though I ride my road bike enough) and I recently I had a problem with a flat tyre. I took it into the local bike shop since I was having a little trouble changing the tube, and I think the assistant wanted to test my stupidity by saying "Y'know it's only the bottom of the tyre that's actually flat, if you turn it round it will be fine", to which I replied, "Oooh so I won't have to change the tyre then?"

Cheeso, what was I thinking???? :roll:

DavidBelcher

UncleFred wrote:

Yesterday, demonstrating how to ride a drop off to a bunch of school kids who have just joined the Mountain Bike Club, for some bizarre reason I grabbed a big handful of front brake after clearing the drop off and went over the bars - Result one broken rib and a rather larger egg on my face.

What's your biggest Dumb @ss moment??

This is an easy one for me; as an undergrad, rebuilding a bike in a hurry and fitting the square-taper cranks at 90 degrees to each other instead of 180. Didn't realise the error until I'd actually taken it away to University from home on the train and tried to ride back to my digs from Sheffield station. Ended up having to push the thing back (about 3-4 miles and nearly all uphill). :oops:

David

dlrogers

On the way to summer training for the local rugby club I got stung on the neck by a bee. I managed to stop and unclip from my pedals, where I then removed the bee from my rugby shirt. As I clipped back in with my right foot I pushed down too hard, lost my balance and fell off, outside a busy pub at a busy junction. Needless to say I was very embarrassed and felt like a complete t*t !!! :oops:

hammerite

My biggest dumbass moment on a bike (there have been many more otherwise!) was while out on my mtb with a leading some mates a good few years ago. I was came up to a high kerb that I had bumped up many times before, but I misjudged it.

Front wheel didn't bump up the kerb at all, I went flying forward and whacked my manly bits on the stem of my bike :shock: . The lads behind couldn't react quickly enough and came into the back of me causing a mini pile up :oops:

Lucky Luke

When I was little I had a mileometer - wow ! Not a computer but a little thing that went next to the front hub and the numbers changed . I can remember the best bit was when the numbers changed to 1111.1 miles or 2222.2 miles or similar or when the mileometer changed from 999.9 miles to 1000.0 miles or suchlike . Well it was on one such occasion I was that intent on watching the numbers change I rode straight into the back of my dad's neighbours parked car - with an audience of course .

lateralus

Having locked my bike to a bike rack, front wheel off, I reassembled it and set off. Came to a set of lights at a pedestrian crossing about 50 yards down the road. When they went red, I grabbed a big handful of nothing as I realised I'd forgotten to do up the quick release on the front brake caliper. Managed to avoid a ped with a desperate swerve, then came gently to a halt using the ineffectual rear brake and turned that little lever to restore normal service :oops: .

Clever Pun

years ago when I was a nipper

cycling home from a kitchen helper job and I started to head down a nice hill and my seat didn't feel quite straight so I turned around and started to feck with it leaving one hand on the handlebars, needless to say I caught the pavement at speed and was flung into the bushes... nothing hurt just my pride and grass stained trousers

when I was even younger I was out looking for my little bro and turning my head this way and that something caught my eye to my left I stared at it while drifting to the right, I hit a parked car and chipped a tooth scrapping it up the windscreen

feel

Had a dumb@ss 18 miles this morning on my tourer - got back home and discovered that my back brake was stuck on - had been wondering why my progress seemed a little slow, kept thinking it must be windier than it seems :oops:

mm1

Most of my stupid falls have been without witnesses (touch wood); but there is a clipless story that concerns a well known UK pro (cyclocross and road rider) whose team were using the initial iteration of Campag clipless pedals (very shiny, but size and weight of a brick). First ride out, our hero failed to unclip at lights and toppled over on the pavement, when he realised he was trapped...he had to ask a passing shopper to release him!

huggy

rode with back brake stuck on for 25 miles and forgot to unclip when stopping at a junction

redvee

Remember years ago I rode onto the wet pavement to look at the train timetable. Done a quick scan and saw I missed the train so had to ride in the rain. Turned bike around and stood on pedals ready to ride off but the water took effect and spun 180° and fell off in front of an OAP who said, quite rightly, 'You shouldn't be on the pavement sonny'

when I was a little kid on my first bike, fixed, solid tyres, front brake only. I was going downhill too fast for my liking so I pulled the front brake on hard.....................Que tears from me and panic from Mum.

Mark Alexander

I had a new flat bar racer and the brakes had been tweaked. I rode upto a busy junction on North Rd in Cardiff. I put the brakes on and went strait over the bars. I was pulling up next to another cyclist. :oops:

MattBlackBigBoysBMX

Worst clipless moment was hammering down a huge flight of stairs, quick slide onto a balcony past my classroom, around the corner through an art class, then down the corridor into my tech lesson.
That was really cool, and my class mates would have given me much respect if it wasn't for me stopping next to my desk, failing to unclip and failing over into a huge vice.

I still bare a scar and a lump on my hip from that one. :oops:

Alex_Simmons/RST

Roof rack. Bike on top. Garage with auto door opener.

you get the idea :oops:

geoff_ss

You don't need clipless pedals to fall off in an embarrassing way.

I had toeclips and loose straps when I pulled up outside the Parakeet in Bakewell. I waited until I stopped before trying to pull my foot out but I hadn't allowed for my tatty overshoes catching in the toeclip and toppled gracefully onto the pavement at the feet of surprised pedestrians.

Geoff

dialforclown

It was the mobile crane that I missed seeing when leaving my house one day.

The usual ride started by going across the grass at the front of the house, from right to left. So looking over my right shoulder to see if nothing was coming I failed to see the mobile crane parked outside the house. One bent set of forks.

Then there was the head on crash when out friends messing about round the lake in Chandlers Ford which left me stuck underneath my bike and had to be released by the friend I hit.

Or practicing riding no handed round corners and failing to see the mini.

e999sam

I was riding the individual pursuit at the national track champ’s in the early eighties. I had just been called to the start and was riding across the centre of the track, I was looking down at my pedal trying to flip it round to get my foot in when I rode straight into the PA system. There was just me and one other rider with several hundred spectators and other riders having a good laugh as I lay in a heap.

craigwend

many many years ago...

popped to the dentist forgot my lock, to catch nasty biike thieves undid my front quick release....

got dental work done ...

road all the way home...

pulled my front wheel up on slope to drive,

wheel popped out perfectly rolled down drive

whlist i hit the ground with my forks, my numb jaw on stem, lucky to have any teeth left

NervexProf

Picture this:

Aged 12 - just finished fettling a roadster, Raleigh as I recall, Sturmey Archer 3 speed (AW) saw my girl friend leaving the house, stood on the pedals to accelerate, before waving...and then.......


kerrunch....gear slips under full power drive, nads strike the top tube with force, wobble, left, right, left, fall off. Eyes rolling, indescribable pain...hopping around in the road like a whirling dervish...girl friend's mother rushes out to see what is wrong....I am breathless, pain racked...and could only remount the bike...and wobble off...all dignity GONE !

bonk man

Possibly getting a lift to hospital in Tracy Moseley's dads Landrover after breaking my collar bone doing a massive jump of a heap of earth we had just dug out on a steep slope with a JCB. To make sure it was safe a few of us did some some leaps over it...I did the big no brakes and full attack mode.... 12 feet up realised I was never going to land it, abandoned the bike and smashed bits of my body on the rock hard ground.. that jump didn't get used for the race..

On the hills years ago did a end over end possibly 3 times ... in front of a group of school kids, their teacher said "now children , that is why you should always wear a helmet"

My ex girlfriend riding a 3 speed granny bike with defective 2nd gear landed heavily on the Brooks saddle......... her exact words were " ow, my f*$£(!? clitoris " sunny day ... middle of the estate...... she doesn't ride bikes any more..

tagmnbagm

Falling head first into a canal!

I had just fitted a new set of spd pedals, and was testing them on a gentle ride to Kingsbury water park via the canal. My phone went off, as I made to answer, I dropped it due to wearing full fingered gloves, (Autumn time and a little chilly). I stopped the bike in order to retrieve the mobile, and couldn't unclip, soft grass verge one side, manky canal the other, yep I went head first into the canal with the bike following! I fully submerged, but quickly recovered, throwing the bike out, and swiftly followed.
First thing I did when I was back on dry land? Yeah, looked to see if anyone had seen me!
Made the mistake of telling someone at work, went round the site like wildfire.
I don't use spd's anymore..... :oops: :oops: :oops: :shock:

Spamjavelin

I'm fairly new to the whole MTB scene and took the general advice to start with a hardtail and then go from there. I'm 6'2" so went for a large frame. A mate, who works in a bike shop built it up for me.
I went a bit crazy with the finishing kit, not showing off here, I just deceided if I got the best components then there's no blaming the bike!! Lol

So with new steed ready and having not ridden a bike for donkeys years, we head off to Dalby Forest Red Run.

Yes, before you say it, I know now that was a VERY BAD PLAN for my FIRST RIDE off road, my first ride in years but fortune favours the completly bleedin stupid.
Things didn't get off to a good start while exiting the car park, I fell off the bike on small hump surrounding the parking area (Top car park by the skills area, watch them there evil :shock:) I remember hearing a little voice behind me saying 'This doesn't look like its going to be a helicopter ride free day'
Things went from bad to far worse, if there was a section that I could launch myself from the bike, get stuck, panic brake or otherwise cause damage to me or the forestry commisions finest, it happened.

I have since carried on with this MTB lark and although my skills haven't progressed much further, I do always come back with a huge grin and recently, less and less blood loss. According to 'reliable sources chicks dig scars anyway' ?? :roll:

My finest and most recent dumb ass moment was while going round the black route at Thetford forest (my local'ish trail centre, I live in Cambs) I've roped my next door neighbour into this MTB midlife crisis of mine, we were flying through the final section 'The beast' great fun by the way, there's one bit where you go through a small bomb hole that kinks off to the left as you come out the other side.

As you exit said bomb hole, there's a pine tree just to the right of the trail, if you carry enough speed you can go over a root to the right of this tree and look very cool and in control.
The main trail goes very close to the left of the offending pine, on this particular occasion, I tried to go to the right of the tree, misjudged the speed (read; not nearly enough) stopped dead in front of the tree and slowly fell sideways to my left, ending upside down with the bike still between my knees, just facing the wrong way up, hands still gripping the bars, covered in shite, in a fit of giggles, my riding buddy ahead of my crying with laughter.

If nothing else I aim to entertain!!

Now a warning to all that venture to Thetford, Chicksands, Sherwood forest, this year I'm building an ebay bargain, freerid rig, Norco 04 shore frame, heavy duty rims, etc.
If previous efforts are anything to go by, anyone visiting the above places needs to stay far away from the idiot in the black kit on the silver bike, for their own safety!!! :oops: :shock:

Happy riding Mart

Ieuanllan

Years ago, during the one and only cross country race I entered:

Approach a wheel sized ditch which I have to cross, consider getting off and carrying the bike as I normally would have at the time (being a bit rubbish).
Watch everyone in front of me manual or bunnyhop it with ease, opt for the manual.
Pull up too soon, drop the front wheel straight into the ditch. Bike stops, I fly off, just catching my nuts on the steerer on the way past, eat a load of dirt in front of about 2 dozen spectators.
Tried the 'didn't hurt, meant for that to happen' look as I sheepishly picked up my bike and rode away gingerly.