"Don't tell them your name, Pike"

pedylan

ricadus wrote:

"I particularly asked for a room with a sea view".

"You can see the sea; it's over there between the land and the sky".

I'm sure this episode and this character represent a rich vein of comic exchanges.

I can only paraphrase but another bit of it went like this

Guest : i wanted a room with a view
Basil : you've got a view
Guest : well it's a very disappointing view
Basil : It's a hotel room in Torquay. What view do you expect? Sydney opera house, the serengeti with herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain?

Unsurpassable customer service.

pedylan

ricadus wrote:

"It's not good enough."

"Well, can I ask what perhaps you were expecting to see form a Torquay hotel window? The hanging gardens of Babylon, perhaps? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plains?"

Rats, you type faster than I do

The BIG GT

Blackadder IV:

"Where I was at school, education could go hang as long as a boy could hit a six, sing the school song very loud, and take a hot crumpet from behind without blubbing."

"Impossible sir. I know from long experience that my men have all the artistic talent of a cluster of colourblind hedgehogs... in a bag."

"If we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?
Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area."

A classic series....
.
.
.
.

bikerbill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNdRjnicbdU

From Bottom live on stage in Southampton. The funniest 7 minutes ever and mostly ad-libbed. Too much to quote, so just click on the link and laugh your wotsits off.

OffTheBackAdam

"My god you're ugly"
Basil Fawlty to aged nurse who's trying to tend to him.

"You were only supposed to blow the bladdy doors off"
OK, not sit com, but a classic that needs no explanation.

"....take a short holiday Baldrick.... there, did you enjoy that?"
Another Blackadder classic.

"I was just p!ssing by.."
Another 'Ello, 'ello classic. (How on earth can you translate that series into French??)

"Your mother was a hamster & your father smelt of elderberries, I waive my private parts at you, you silly English kkkknnnnniggets"

Matchstick Man

The BIG GT wrote:

Blackadder IV:A classic series.... .

Melchett Now let's talk about something more jolly,
shall we? Look, this is the amount of land we've
recaptured since yesterday.

George Oh, excellent.

Melchett Erm, what is the actual scale of this map, Darling?

Darling Erm, one-to-one, Sir.

Melchett Come again?

Darling Er, the map is actually life-size, Sir. It's superbly
detailed. Look, look, there's a little worm.

Melchett Oh, yes. So the actual amount of land retaken is?

[Darling whips out a tape measure amd measures the table.]

Darling Excuse me, Sir. Seventeen square feet, Sir.

Melchett Excellent. So you see, young Blackadder didn't die horribly
in vain after all.

ricadus

Another non-sitcom one-liner:

Mrs Merton: "So, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

ricadus

‘Oh, you're German! I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.’

dag_on_a_bike

carlstone wrote:

"My ar5e is on the line and i dont want a c0ck up"

Detective Grim 'Thin Blue Line'.

As I remember that line it went...

"Your c0ck up...my ar5e"

Garry71

Tony Hancock to Hattie Jaques:
"I thought my mother was a bad cook, but at least her gravy moved about!"

Garry

CyclingBantam

JonesyBoy wrote:

Saw tonight on Fools And Horses on UK Gold

Girl (in nightclub) - So what do you prefer Rodney Grass or Astro Turf?

Rodney - I dunno I've never smoked Astro Turf.

Classic line that one. I nearly fell off my chair the first time I heard that!

Personal Fav. of mine is Mr Partridge:

'Inner City Sumo. We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground.
Cheap. Could be done in a pub carpark. No. If you don't do it Sky will.

bagpusscp

Men Behaving badly;LA finally agress to sleep with NM . She ask him ...what romantic thougth are you having; NM replies I was wondering what colour your bush is. :shock:

gilbert_by_proxy

Homer Simpson:

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

gilbert_by_proxy

Father Ted:
"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... more drink?"

gilbert_by_proxy

Porridge:
'Fletch, what's a practising homosexual?' ... 'One that hasn't got it right yet'.

Welsh Pirate

A Simpsons favourite of mine -

Frank Grimes (talking about Homer) - 'God, he eats like a pig!'

Lenny (or Karl, can't remember which) - 'I dunno, pigs tend to chew. I think he eats more like a duck'

Mike Willcox1

Another Homer Simpson

I'm so good. Why I even gave a guy directions even though i didn't know where it was he was going.

Shavedlegs

Not a sitcom but ...Have I got news for you, during the missing word round. The caption was..

"I made Thatcher BLANK says Lawson".

Paul Merton suggested 'swallow'

Richie G

More Homer

"ok brain, you don't like me and i don't like you....."

pedylan

Pete and Dud

Dud auditions for the part ofTarzan, unfortunately he is a one legged man. During the audition he is hopping constantly and wearing the trademark coat and flat cap.

Pete tries to break it to him gently.

!In many ways you would make an ideal Tarzan.
For example your right leg is perfect, i have nothing against your right leg.
The trouble is neither do you........."