"Don't tell them your name, Pike"

2

Comments

  • ddraver
    ddraver Posts: 26,742
    You re as about as effective as a condom machine in the Vatican (red dwarf)
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • "I paid £1.00 for these pants and i've got 50p worth stuck up my a*se" Jim Royle
  • V-twin
    V-twin Posts: 49
    One from the movies (also repeated elsewhere, I think)..

    "I fell for her like a blind roofer" --- from Hotshots

    Not one to be casually uttered in a business meeting though....





    V-T

    mox senex dormit
  • Trigger fom Only Fools . . . 'They're going to called him Rodney . . . after Dave.'
    There's always one more idiot than you bargained for.
  • Saw tonight on Fools And Horses on UK Gold

    Girl (in nightclub) - So what do you prefer Rodney Grass or Astro Turf?

    Rodney - I dunno I've never smoked Astro Turf.
  • Cunobelin
    Cunobelin Posts: 11,792
    Almost anything by the Gene Genie!
    "She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot"
    "You great, soft, sissy, girlie, nancy, French, bender, Man United-supporting poof!"
    "What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil."
    <b><i>He that buys land buys many stones.
    He that buys flesh buys many bones.
    He that buys eggs buys many shells,
    But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.</b></i>
    (Unattributed Trad.)
  • Bronzie
    Bronzie Posts: 4,927
    Kenneth Williams in "Carry On Cleo" (I think):

    "Infamy, Infamy, they've all got it in-for-me"
  • From I'm sorry I'll read that again.

    Boy walks into the shower, says' Daddy what are those for ?'

    Rest of cast shout 'FOUR ????'
    I must say goodbye to the blindfold
    And pursue the ideal
    The planet becoming the hostess
    Instead of the meal
    Roy Harper - 'Burn the World'
  • pedylan
    pedylan Posts: 768
    First episode of Porridge.

    Fletcher is undergoing his medical exam.

    Medic : Any disabilities?
    Fletcher : Flat feet.
    Medic : Are you a practicing homosexual?
    Fletcher : What with these feet?
    Where the neon madmen climb
  • pedylan wrote:
    First episode of Porridge.

    Fletcher is undergoing his medical exam.

    Medic : Any disabilities?
    Fletcher : Flat feet.
    Medic : Are you a practicing homosexual?
    Fletcher : What with these feet?

    Can't remember the exact quote, but theres some visiters to the prison, and they're in Fletchers cell. After speaking to the visitors, they turn to Mackay and say:

    "He's very articulate"
    "Yes, like a truck"
    "A cyclist has nothing to lose but his chain"

    PTP Runner Up 2015
  • proto
    proto Posts: 1,483
    MRS wrote:
    meenaghman wrote:
    Fr Jack : That would be an ecumenical matter

    or Concetrate this time Dougal, these cows are small, those cows are far away.

    I love my Brick.

    I was about to post this too. brilliant.
  • not the greatest line in british sit-com but the best example of timing:

    Gareth Cheeseman (under-rated Steve Coogan character) is a BAD salesman who somehow manages to land a massive computer contract at a conference. As the MD walks off,camera focuses on GC who says "great......time for a w4nk".
    Cut to a maid walking in on the Cheesemeister in his room, trousers down, caught in flagrante (no bicycle thankfully).

    Utter class

    I seem to remember the line being "a w4nk I think" utterly brilliant and I have used it many times after a customer meeting has gone better than expected. Over the years I have never met anyone else who saw this, so they really don't get it when I make that announcement!! :P

    I also remember earlier in the sketch when he is on the phone talking about his ford Probe " yeah, she is like Sh&t of a shovel, corners like it is on rails.... blah blah....we should catch up some time have some beers shoot some pool....okay...okay,...bye mum"

    Had me in stitches.
  • I also remember earlier in the sketch when he is on the phone talking about his ford Probe " yeah, she is like Sh&t of a shovel, corners like it is on rails.... blah blah....we should catch up some time have some beers shoot some pool....okay...okay,...bye mum"

    Had me in stitches.

    Remember, you're a tiger "rooooaaaaarrrrr" :wink:
  • morrisje
    morrisje Posts: 507
    A couple from Bottom


    Eddie. What a smashing blouse you have got on

    and

    Richie: Well yes, I can see your point.
    Eddie: It's this new skirt, it racks up very easily.
  • Random Vince
    Random Vince Posts: 11,374
    big gay bear - cant remember where its from tho

    chaching, money money money bob - rex the runt

    its so cunning you could stick a stick up its bum and call it a weasel - again, cant remember
    My signature was stolen by a moose

    that will be all

    trying to get GT James banned since tuesday
  • its so cunning you could stick a stick up its bum and call it a weasel - again, cant remember

    I've got a plan so cunning, you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel
  • DaveyL
    DaveyL Posts: 5,167
    Another Blackadder, this time to Lord Flashheart: "Ask them who they'd rather meet, you or the man who cleans the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock "Poo Pong" McPlop every time."

    I think it's the way he says "Plop" that elevates it to genius level.
    Le Blaireau (1)
  • similarly, Captain George responding to Blackadder when he's on trial as the Flanders Pigeon Murderer:

    "You're about as guilty as a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo"

    It's not the words but the inflection and tone of the delivery that ranks this right up there with Gareth Cheeseman IMO
  • popette
    popette Posts: 2,089
    DaveyL wrote:
    Another Blackadder, this time to Lord Flashheart: "Ask them who they'd rather meet, you or the man who cleans the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock "Poo Pong" McPlop every time."

    I think it's the way he says "Plop" that elevates it to genius level.

    :lol::lol::lol:
  • DaveyL
    DaveyL Posts: 5,167
    OK, the name Wee Jock "Poo Pong" McPlop is also genius. As is Mad Mick McMad, "Madman of the year"...
    Le Blaireau (1)
  • |More Goons;

    "I can't get in the door won't open"

    "Turn the nob on your side"

    "I haven't got a nob on my side!"

    Or Blazing Saddles, "You are sooo talented, and they are sooo dumb"
    Neil
    Help I'm Being Oppressed
  • Cunobelin
    Cunobelin Posts: 11,792
    Ford Probe!

    Reminds me of Muriel Grey reviewing this for a TV programme with something along thelines of:

    "Come on Ford, let's not arsearound. It's a pseudo sports car for middle aged men.

    Why call it a "Probe" just say what you mean and call it a Ford Penis!"
    <b><i>He that buys land buys many stones.
    He that buys flesh buys many bones.
    He that buys eggs buys many shells,
    But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.</b></i>
    (Unattributed Trad.)
  • Cunobelin wrote:
    Ford Probe!

    Reminds me of Muriel Grey reviewing this for a TV programme with something along thelines of:

    "Come on Ford, let's not arsearound. It's a pseudo sports car for middle aged men.

    Why call it a "Probe" just say what you mean and call it a Ford Penis!"

    ....which leads us nicely on to The Fast Show, and Swiss Toni;

    http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Fast_Show

    The Series 3, Episode 1 dialogue in the list - where he compares selling cars with dreams and so forth - is a corker! :)

    David
    "It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal
  • jpembroke
    jpembroke Posts: 2,569
    "Just tell me what you did with all the soil Fletcher"

    "oh, that's easy Sir........(Fletcher accepts gift of bottle of scotch).....we dug another tunnel and put it down there"
    I'm only concerned with looking concerned
  • jpembroke
    jpembroke Posts: 2,569
    Alexie Sayle:

    "I've got 2 CSEs: one in biology and one in metalwork. So, if you want your cat welded, I'm your man!"
    I'm only concerned with looking concerned
  • andy_f
    andy_f Posts: 474
    Flasheart - "Always treat your kite, like you treat your women"
    George - "What do you mean, take her home to meet your mother?"
    Flashheart - "No, get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back"
    Blackadder - "Now i can see why the sufferergette movement wanted the vote"
    Flasheart - "Hey, any woman who wants to tie herself to my railings and suffer a jet movement, gets my vote"
    "Let your life rule your job, not your job rule your life"

    Born to ride, forced to work.
  • pedylan
    pedylan Posts: 768
    Fawlty Towers

    a difficult elderly female guest.

    Guest : what room have i been allocated.
    Basil : Room 6
    Guest : I have very particular requirements. For example the room must be airy, is it airy?
    Basil : er well, there's air in it.
    Where the neon madmen climb
  • ricadus
    ricadus Posts: 2,379
    "I particularly asked for a room with a sea view".

    "You can see the sea; it's over there between the land and the sky".
  • magibob
    magibob Posts: 203
    Not a sitcom, but as Blazing Saddles has been mentioned...

    "Gee boss, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore."


    Andy
  • ricadus
    ricadus Posts: 2,379
    "It's not good enough."

    "Well, can I ask what perhaps you were expecting to see form a Torquay hotel window? The hanging gardens of Babylon, perhaps? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plains?"