Forum home Road cycling forum Campaign

Soapbox: antidote to Jehovah's Witnesses.

ankev1ankev1 Posts: 3,686
edited December 1969 in Campaign
This is a general thankyou to all the Soapbox regulars. I've just had a couple of lady Jehovah's Witnesses around. I let them in because the blonde one was a honey and I knew that come what may I would be able to spend half an hour having lewd thoughts about her. Anyway the upshot of it all is that I was able to easily parry their every theological thrust and manage pretty effective counter strokes using ammunition, much of which I have picked up in Soapbox over the past couple of years. I like to think that the two young ladies have now wandered off with their faith a bit more wobbly than when they came in and if that is the case then at least some good came out of the encounter. Thanks again.
«1

Posts

  • Simon L2Simon L2 Posts: 2,908
    ankers old mate - you are now able to move on to stage B of the Jehovah's Witness Prevention Plan. Answer the door naked.

    In all seriousness, my grandmother was preyed on by this lot, and they took a goodly amount of cash of her.
  • It's not often I get the same ones more than once. If they try quoting scripture at me, I will just quote another verse back contradicting them. It's quite fun sometimes.

    http://lifeonthetube.blogspot.com/
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    stage C: naked and playing metal
    stage D: naked and playing metal and pi55ed

    [;)]
  • Dave GcpDave Gcp Posts: 731
    stage E: naked and playing metal and pi55ed with an erection.

    Dave G
    Dave G
  • FnaarFnaar Posts: 1,985
    Stage F: all the previous, plus pulling your pudding! Where will it all end? [:0]

    <b><font color="blue"><font face="Comic Sans MS">No, Dougal, that baby elephant is far away!</font id="Comic Sans MS"></font id="blue"></b> [:D]
  • BuggiBuggi Posts: 674
    my sister was cleaning the bedroom when doorbell rang so hung out the bedroom window to inquire who was at the door. conversation went like this:

    "Who's there?"

    "Jehovah's witness."

    "Can you come back later, i'm with a client."

    [:D][:D][:D]

    _____________________________________________

    To infinity... and beyond!
    my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia
    _____________________________________________

    To infinity... and beyond!
    my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia
  • ankev1ankev1 Posts: 3,686
    It would have been great if life were occasionally a bit like a porn film and I had got to shag them. Just imagine, you could dine out on that one for years!

    Er ... not that I've ever seen a porn film of course but a Welsh lawyer did describe one on here once.
  • RavenbaitRavenbait Posts: 13,064
    I had them at my door this morning too. I answered half-naked. They seemed shocked. They left a couple of magazines - one of which has a 'thrilling' article about pencils - and buggered off.

    Not half as shocked as I was. I'm on their black list. They're not supposed to call on me. Better let JW HQ have my new address [}:)].

    Sam

    <font size="1"><font color="teal">The cross product of Tank Girl and Ellen Ripley:</font id="teal">

    http://ravenfamily.org
    <font color="purple">"<u>You</u> might remember that 'annoyed' is my natural state!"</font id="purple">

    http://gentlemencyclists.org/clubhouse
    <font color="purple">"Ya'd think we could just attract ants, like normal people."</font id="purple"></font id="size1">

    http://ravenfamily.org
    "You might remember that 'annoyed' is my natural state!"
    http://gentlemencyclists.org
    "Ya'd think we could just attracts ants, like normal people."
  • ankev1ankev1 Posts: 3,686
    Come on Ravenbait, you can't leave it at that. There's got to be a story about how you got on their black list. I think we should be told.
  • RavenbaitRavenbait Posts: 13,064
    Oh that's easy. I converted one of them. She <i>was</i> a dedicated Witness, from a family of Witnesses, and is now a fully emancipated reflexologist. I'm considered a high risk for converting their followers to something other than Witnessing.

    Sam

    <font size="1"><font color="teal">The cross product of Tank Girl and Ellen Ripley:</font id="teal">

    http://ravenfamily.org
    <font color="purple">"<u>You</u> might remember that 'annoyed' is my natural state!"</font id="purple">

    http://gentlemencyclists.org/clubhouse
    <font color="purple">"Ya'd think we could just attract ants, like normal people."</font id="purple"></font id="size1">

    http://ravenfamily.org
    "You might remember that 'annoyed' is my natural state!"
    http://gentlemencyclists.org
    "Ya'd think we could just attracts ants, like normal people."
  • ankev1ankev1 Posts: 3,686
    Good work!

    (Un)fortunately I haven't got anything at all that I could convert one of them to even if I wanted. I don't suppose that listening to a Rory Gallagher album while drinking a bottle of decent wine has got the legs to become a world religion. I don't even think it's got any rules.
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by ankev1</i>

    Good work!

    (Un)fortunately I haven't got anything at all that I could convert one of them to even if I wanted. I don't suppose that listening to a Rory Gallagher album while drinking a bottle of decent wine has got the legs to become a world religion. I don't even think it's got any rules.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    no, but it is spooky! I was doing that last night [:0]
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Buggi</i>

    my sister was cleaning the bedroom when doorbell rang so hung out the bedroom window to inquire who was at the door. conversation went like this:

    "Who's there?"

    "Jehovah's witness."

    "Can you come back later, i'm with a client."

    [:D][:D][:D]

    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Or,

    "The client wants to do some things I'm not comfortable with. Can you come on up please?"
  • simoncpsimoncp Posts: 3,260
    All these JW solutions seem a bit long winded to me. I just say 'no thanks' and shut the door. This is a general purpose answer that works for representatives of energy companies, Mormons and double glazing sellers.
  • jay_clockjay_clock Posts: 2,706
    I had a sales call on the phone "We are not selling, but if you had œ5000 to spend on your house would you have a conservatory or new windows?"...."Neither, my boyfriend and I are saving up for a bondage dungeon....would you like to come and try it?"

    He coughed nervously then hung up!

    my trip round Corsica: http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/corsica
  • Simon L2Simon L2 Posts: 2,908
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by simoncp</i>

    All these JW solutions seem a bit long winded to me. I just say 'no thanks' and shut the door. This is a general purpose answer that works for representatives of energy companies, Mormons and double glazing sellers.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">
    Is there no beginning to his talents!
  • grayo59grayo59 Posts: 722
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Ravenbait</i>

    Oh that's easy. I converted one of them. She <i>was</i> a dedicated Witness, from a family of Witnesses, and is now a fully emancipated reflexologist. I'm considered a high risk for converting their followers to something other than Witnessing.

    Sam

    <font size="1"><font color="teal">The cross product of Tank Girl and Ellen Ripley:</font id="teal">

    http://ravenfamily.org
    <font color="purple">"<u>You</u> might remember that 'annoyed' is my natural state!"</font id="purple">

    http://gentlemencyclists.org/clubhouse
    <font color="purple">"Ya'd think we could just attract ants, like normal people."</font id="purple"></font id="size1">
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    What did you convert her to? Faithwise I mean - or did you just convince her the JW faith was wrong?

    __________________
    ......heading for the box, but not too soon I hope!
    __________________
    ......heading for the box, but not too soon I hope!
  • redcogsredcogs Posts: 3,232
    Ankev', you would be better and more enjoyably employed spending your snatched half hours with your East German 'thinking man's crumpet', who, i think you said, understood that the potential of the real world was of greater import than mythering about the next.

    <font size="1">please look up to the stars.. </font id="size1"><font size="6"><font color="red">***</font id="red"></font id="size6">
    <font size="1">please look up to the stars.. </font id="size1"><font size="6"><font color="red">***</font id="red"></font id="size6">
  • mjonesmjones Posts: 1,915
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by grayo59</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Ravenbait</i>

    Oh that's easy. I converted one of them. She <i>was</i> a dedicated Witness, from a family of Witnesses, and is now a fully emancipated reflexologist. I'm considered a high risk for converting their followers to something other than Witnessing.

    Sam


    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    What did you convert her to? Faithwise I mean - or did you just convince her the JW faith was wrong?


    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">
    Sadly it appears to be reflexology- one set of mumbo-jumbo for another! [V]
  • Mr CelineMr Celine Posts: 170
    Ask them how many JWs are going to heaven. (144,000 apparently). Then ask them their current world membership and an estimate of the total number of JWs there has ever been. Point out that the odds of getting to heaven seem unfavourable compared to other religions and you'd have a better chance of winning the lottery and having a good time in this life.



    <i>What is grey and comes in pints?</i>
  • nortones2nortones2 Posts: 208
    I just say "Sorry, I can't speak to you, I'm Catholic". JW entourage wander off, saddened by the financial loss. The ring of truth pays off - but old history, past tense. I haven't forgiven the swine for compulsory attendance at church x3 per Sunday. Can't understand Blair wanting to join except the prospect of the Tridentine Mass. You can just ignore the Latin, rather than being irritated by English faux piety.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by ankev1</i>

    I've just had a couple of lady Jehovah's Witnesses <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Braggart - I could only manage one.[:I]
  • gandalfcpgandalfcp Posts: 220
    I must be old fashioned. I've had numerous visits from JWs over the years but I've never felt the need to be rude to them or try and humiliate them, either in person or on an internet forum.
  • Joe SaccoJoe Sacco Posts: 4,907
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by gandalf</i>

    I must be old fashioned. I've had numerous visits from JWs over the years but I've never felt the need to be rude to them or try and humiliate them, either in person or on an internet forum.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Nor have I. If I have the time to waste then I usually get into a debate until they walk off!
    Saying that, they are coming to your door uninivted and trying to ram their point of view across so you sort of have a right to be a bit rude don't you?
  • Simon L2Simon L2 Posts: 2,908
    when I'm accosted by the Nation of Islam I go all Jewish on them (not difficult). Their reaction, which is one of polite horror, is picture postcard stuff.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Simon L2</i>

    when I'm accosted by the Nation of Islam I go all Jewish on them (not difficult). Their reaction, which is one of polite horror, is picture postcard stuff.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">


    And what happens if you're confronted by some ultra Orthodox Jewish group bent on recruitment? [:p]
  • Simon L2Simon L2 Posts: 2,908
    they don't recruit. They reproduce.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Simon L2</i>

    they don't recruit. They reproduce.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    I thought that was the Catholics?
    [:D]

    Wheelies ARE cool.
    Wheelies ARE cool.

    Zaskar X
  • speshcpspeshcp Posts: 3,746
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by MattBlackBigBoysBMX</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Simon L2</i>

    they don't recruit. They reproduce.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    I thought that was the Catholics?
    [:D]

    Wheelies ARE cool.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">Them as well. [;)]

    I would imagine that "If you can't convert them, outbreed them" is a fairly standard fallback strategy for when "If you can't convert them, kill them" isn't quite the done thing... [}:)]

    <hr noshade size="1"><font size="1">"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." (Albert Einstein)
    </font id="size1">
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." (Albert Einstein)
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Simon L2</i>

    they don't recruit. They reproduce.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Good one Simon [:D]
Sign In or Register to comment.