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Post A Bernard Manning Joke Here....

Spawn of CabbieSpawn of Cabbie Posts: 382
edited December 1969 in Campaign
...About white, working class Mancunians.
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  • SmeggersSmeggers Posts: 1,019
    His whole career can be summarised as follows...

    "****ing black mother-in-laws"

    Genius.

    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
  • rothbookrothbook Posts: 943
    A jew, a Pakistani and an African walk into a pub and hear Bernard Manning's dead and go hahahahahahahahahahahaha!



    Example 1a: Bernard Manning (1995)

    A charity dinner was held in 1995 near Manchester to raise funds for the police. One entertainer invited was Bernard Manning (then 65, pictured left), one of the standup comedians who do the rounds of working men's clubs in Northern England and notorious for his anti-ethnic jokes.

    The dinner was attended by some 300 policemen - all white except for one black officer. Targeting this single Blackman, Bernard launched into a string of racist jibes. His audience (yes, the police audience) all whooped with delight and cheered him on. Here's a sample of the jibes reported in News of the World (April 1995):



    "Where is he? How are you, baby? Having a night out with nice people? Isn't this better than swinging from the trees? - You're black, I'm white. Do you think colour makes a difference? You bet your bollocks it does!"

    "They actually think they're English because they are born here. That means if a dog's born in a stable, it is horse."

    "They used to be happy people in the cotton fields, singing their bollocks off day and night. A fella used to go around with a whip. 'Oh, massa, give us another crack of dat whip. I love dat whip'."

    "A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job. The boss tells him: 'It's people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggers and a rabbit.' The docker asks: 'Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?' He got the job."



    The occasion raised œ28,000 for police charities. Said former Liverpool Council leader (Derek Hutton), a dinner guest: "The fact it was a police dinner makes it all the more disgusting. The black guy could do little about it. He had this embarrassed grin on his face. But the police officers loved it. They were standing on the chairs clapping and cheering.Just think, next morning some of them would be patrolling the Moss Side area (which has a large black population)." Labour MP Terry Rooney said he would ask the Home Secretary to investigate, adding that "these men are defenders of the public. it shows that racist attitudes are still prevalent in the force."

    Characteristically, the victim's own reaction was not reported. Instead the offender offered to speak for the victim and reconstruct his experience. Said Manning: "That (black) constable enjoyed every minute of it. It certainly wasn't in bad taste."



    Example 1b: Bernard Manning (1995)

    Later that year (1995), the same Manning made two black waitresses the butt of racist jokes before 500 men at a Round Table dinner at the Pennine Hotel, Derby in the north of England. One of the women, Freda Burton, 24, said that their ordeal started when she bent down to pick a cup she had dropped. Manning quipped (Sun, Sept 1995): "Very nice. That's how I like my black pudding."

    In a complaint to an industrial tribunal, she alleged that Manning went on to make a series of jokes about sex acts and used words like 'wog, censored , sambo'.

    He said of her hair braids: "Lend us one. I need some shoe laces for my boots."

    The other waitress, Sonia Rhule, 31, said that the audience were stamping their feet and banging the tables for more. "To me," she said, "it was like a National Front meeting."

    Said a solicitor for the Commission for Racial Equality: "They were exposed to the racist venom of a comedian without anyone intervening. The employers should have acted."

    A vile, vile man.
  • spirespire Posts: 4,077
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by rothbook</i>

    A vile, vile man.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    I agree; without reservation.
  • Somewhat to my irritation, I find myself in total agreement with rothbook. It is the element of attacking vulnerable individuals over their race in public that makes it so dreadful.
  • rothbookrothbook Posts: 943
    "That's how I like black pudding" isn't even funny and makes no sense.

    I'd like to think I'd have the courage if I had been there to tell Manning to shut his fat racist gob.
  • SmeggersSmeggers Posts: 1,019
    Oh well, one relic down - only a Jim Davidson to go.

    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
  • The reason I phrased the topic as I did was in response to the "He took the mick out of everyone" argument.

    I'm not one of these people who thinks there are certain areas are untouchable for comedy. This includes race. However, I like jokes that are either clever wordplay or based on truth.

    Talking about black people swinging from trees is neither.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by rothbook</i>

    "That's how I like black pudding" isn't even funny and makes no sense.

    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    It's a reference to a rather obscure sexual practice, but would have been understood by an audience of Round Tablers. [;)]
  • ankev1ankev1 Posts: 3,686
    I think all good comics have to let the butt of their jokes think they are laughing with them as opposed to at them. In other words a comic has to like people. Bernard Manning always struck me as having little kindness in him. That of course is based on the little I know of his public persona, which judging by Rothbook's quotes is a lot worse than I knew. He may have been as nice as pie in private, which is sort of irrelevant as the damage was done in public.
  • Channel 4 sent him on tour to India where, predictably, he didn't go down very well.
    I've seen comedians die on stage and the good ones (normally testing out new material) are able to make a joke out of the fact it's not going very well.
    He blamed the microphone and stormed off.
  • JadedJaded Posts: 6,663
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Smeggers</i>

    Oh well, one relic down - only a Jim Davidson to go.

    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    For my money there's another unfunny person who used to make racist and anti-semitic jokes. I saw him at a dinner in the early 80s. Crude and embarrasing.

    Currently he has some domestic issues with what happened in his swimming pool.

    --
    <font size="1">[Warning] This post may contain a baby elephant or traces of one</font id="size1">
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Jaded</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Smeggers</i>

    Oh well, one relic down - only a Jim Davidson to go.

    <font size="1">Hickory Dickory Dock,
    A baby elephant ran up the clock,
    The clock is being repaired</font id="size1">
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    For my money there's another unfunny person who used to make racist and anti-semitic jokes. I saw him at a dinner in the early 80s. Crude and embarrasing.

    Currently he has some domestic issues with what happened in his swimming pool.

    --
    <font size="1">[Warning] This post may contain a baby elephant or traces of one</font id="size1">
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Did he also make homophobic jokes? [;)]
  • Let's not forget Chubby Brown who is probably 1000 times more racist than Bernard Manning was.

    http://lifeonthetube.blogspot.com/
  • "One young kiddy on cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fookin disgrace"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5Oob6jJdRs

    Manning at 1:30mns.
  • jonpcpjonpcp Posts: 2,028
    Yes,he has posted some of his stuff himself on YouTube under TheBernardManning. You do feel degraded watching him, but then at least it helps you forget he is a Mancunian - imagine if it was Little and Large instead.

    I suppose there must be people warped enough to find his jokes therapeutic or something, given his success.

    <font size="1">Scenic commute!</font id="size1">
    <font size="1">Scenic commute!</font id="size1">
  • Mr CelineMr Celine Posts: 170
    What's black and doesn't work?
    >
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    Bernard Manning's kidneys.













    <i>What is grey and comes in pints?</i>
  • Joe SaccoJoe Sacco Posts: 4,907
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by jonp</i>

    Yes,he has posted some of his stuff himself on YouTube under TheBernardManning. You do feel degraded watching him, but then at least it helps you forget he is a Mancunian - imagine if it was Little and Large instead.

    I suppose there must be people warped enough to find his jokes therapeutic or something, given his success.

    <font size="1">Scenic commute!</font id="size1">

    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    I think you'll find there are just a large number of people who are actually racist at heart, sadly.
  • bigjimbigjim Posts: 780
    OK lets all play the PC card. Those who live in glass houses and all that. If any of you had been to his club you would find that he did not discriminate aaginst anyone. Took the mick out of everyone whatever race, creed, colour,religion. Tell you what, we won't mention the enormous amount of money he raised for local charity's neither eh. I knew his mother before she died. A lovely gentle lady who was proud of her son amd the good he did in the local deprived community. I'm not a bif fan but I am realistic. He was an old school comedian with a big heart who made a lot of people laugh.

    Jim

    Nothing to prove.
  • slowgrindslowgrind Posts: 163
    Two retired white working class women went on a trip to Blackpool. Both got deck chairs, and sat watching the donkeys trot up and down the beech. A second later a streaker dashed by with his clothes rolled up under his arm, and passed not two feet in front of where the ladys were sitting! One had a stroke but the other couldn`t reach!
    Just a quickie to stir up the old memories. Oh and I forgot to mention that they were Mancunians. Right on.

    Tips and a "g" string make my living.
    Tips and a "g" string make my living.
  • slowgrindslowgrind Posts: 163
    Two retired white working class women went on a trip to Blackpool. Both got deck chairs, and sat watching the donkeys trot up and down the beech. A second later a streaker dashed by with his clothes rolled up under his arm, and passed not two feet in front of where the ladys were sitting! One had a stroke but the other couldn`t reach!
    Just a quickie to stir up the old memories. Oh and I forgot to mention that they were Mancunians. Right on.

    Tips and a "g" string make my living.
    Tips and a "g" string make my living.
  • vernonlevyvernonlevy Posts: 969
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Mr Celine</i>

    What's black and doesn't work?
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    >
    >
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    Bernard Manning's kidneys.

    <i>What is grey and comes in pints?</i>
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    No less offensive than a Bernard Manning Joke.
  • PizzamanPizzaman Posts: 703
    I saw some examples on TV of Manning doing his act, and yes, it was racist, sexist, partly embarrassing but also in places extremely funny because of the sharpness of mother -in-law/nagging wife gags. Sort of like a fat Bob Monkhouse, but sweatier, and he did say 'fook' a lot.

    Having said that, at least Manning didn't try to pretend that he was anything other than he was. Jim Davidson hacks me off on a far greater scale because he is nastier, less funny, and patently thinks that he can get away with selling himself as a panto entertainer or a 'Bless the Troops' merchant when it suits him. Yet when interviewed, and his true views leak out, it does make you shudder.
    Dave
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    Those who like Manning should all go back and live in the scum hovels where they were born with their Northern dole-scrounging scum parents, illiterate junkies that they are, bleeding the country dry with their whining pitiful northern attitudes, blaming everyone else for problems of their own making due to their fagging, alcoholic sitting on their fat censored lifestyles. Sterilisation would be too good for them - there, that is not quite as bad as Manning but bordering on the kind of vicious hatred he would have liked. I am sure his fans would approve.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    Those who like Manning should all go back and live in the scum hovels where they were born with their Northern dole-scrounging scum parents, illiterate junkies that they are, bleeding the country dry with their whining pitiful northern attitudes, blaming everyone else for problems of their own making due to their fagging, alcoholic sitting on their fat censored lifestyles. Sterilisation would be too good for them - there, that is not quite as bad as Manning but bordering on the kind of vicious hatred he would have liked. I am sure his fans would approve.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    How far north are we going?
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    Those who like Manning should all go back and live in the scum hovels where they were born with their Northern dole-scrounging scum parents, illiterate junkies that they are, bleeding the country dry with their whining pitiful northern attitudes, blaming everyone else for problems of their own making due to their fagging, alcoholic sitting on their fat censored lifestyles. Sterilisation would be too good for them - there, that is not quite as bad as Manning but bordering on the kind of vicious hatred he would have liked. I am sure his fans would approve.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    How far north are we going?
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    who cares - they know who they are [;)]
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    Those who like Manning should all go back and live in the scum hovels where they were born with their Northern dole-scrounging scum parents, illiterate junkies that they are, bleeding the country dry with their whining pitiful northern attitudes, blaming everyone else for problems of their own making due to their fagging, alcoholic sitting on their fat censored lifestyles. Sterilisation would be too good for them - there, that is not quite as bad as Manning but bordering on the kind of vicious hatred he would have liked. I am sure his fans would approve.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    How far north are we going?
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    who cares - they know who they are [;)]
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    I know, but surely there are at least a few Scots who aren't like that?
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    I know, but surely there are at least a few Scots who aren't like that?
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    They are all the same these Northerners - North England, North Scotland, North African, the lot of them! Send them home.
  • <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    I know, but surely there are at least a few Scots who aren't like that?
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    They are all the same these Northerners - North England, North Scotland, North African, the lot of them! Send them home.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Hang on! Not all the Scots are in Westminster - there're still lots of them up north.
  • NoodleyNoodley Posts: 1,725
    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Noodley</i>

    <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Patrick Stevens</i>

    I know, but surely there are at least a few Scots who aren't like that?
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    They are all the same these Northerners - North England, North Scotland, North African, the lot of them! Send them home.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    Hang on! Not all the Scots are in Westminster - there're still lots of them up north.
    <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

    "up north?!" don't speak to me about people from up north, they are scum, dole scroungers, junkies, alkies, inbred parasites. have I done that already? Oh never mind, I am sure it was hilarious the first time round and it's all in good jest as I am taking the p*** out of ALL northerners, so it's okay. And I would buy the dole cheat scum a pint if I met them, and have a laugh about how their children are all in care.
  • Pints of Buckies all round.
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