"Stand in boiling water ..........."

Cannock Chase · May 2007

Remember the man who went to hospital with scalded feet because the instructions on the food packaging said "Stand in boiling water for five minutes".

Well it may not be true but sounds funny anyway.

The instructions with my latest camera include "When taking pictures make sure your footing is stable and there is no danger of colliding with another person or ball etc".

Now many a ball has collided with me, but I've yet to collide with a ball.

This reminded me of a warning I once saw on a pair of PVC kitchen gloves, "Only to be worn on the hands". The mind boggles.

Anyone else got some good Nanny State instructions?

I'm not getting old...I'm just getting more stupid...

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Cannock Chase

Anyone else got some good Nanny State instructions?

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

How about "Use by" dates on bags of sand?

Bonus · May 2007

I used to have a list of these. I'll see if I can find it.
Included "Do not Iron clothes whilst on the body" and "May contain nuts" on a packet of nuts.

Flying_Monkey · May 2007

Surely, 'private companies trying ridiculously hard to avoid lawsuits', rather than 'nanny state'?

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety

Bonus · May 2007

here's some:

************

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR
APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

7. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

17. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

Canrider · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">How about "Use by" dates on bags of sand?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You have got to be kidding me. [:O]

Edit: linked to the list just posted.

"We will never win until the oil runs out or they invent hover cars - but then they may land on us." -- lardarse rider

Melvil · May 2007

Was it not 'Wonko the Sane' (in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy) who said he decided to do what he did after finding out that Toothpicks now came with instructions?

Instructions don't work with men, anyway. I can't remember the last time I read the instructions for anything. I just open up and fiddle about (erm, ooh err).

******************************************************************************
See Baby Elephants and more at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/47331519@N00/

mr_hippo · May 2007

Seen at a Cambodian hotel swimming pool - No 5hitting in the pool

http://bangkokhippo.blogspot.com/

Ex-XXL weigh-in 26/27 May: Update published: Monday 28 May

thereisnospooncp · May 2007

There was an American one with a garden slide. On the box was a picture of two children playing with said slide. On the bottom of the box "Children not included"

http://lifeonthetube.blogspot.com/

Fab Foodie · May 2007

Just bought a new comb in Tesco. On the back of the packet (why does a comb need to be in a packet?)it says amongst other guff...

Styling tips:
Professionals recommend that wet hair is combed from roots to the tip.

Well I never, I thought there were loads of other ways to comb wet hair...

The pessimists of this world are rarely disappointed....
Fab's TCR1

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by thereisnospoon

There was an American one with a garden slide. On the box was a picture of two children playing with said slide. On the bottom of the box "Children not included"

http://lifeonthetube.blogspot.com/
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Could they be purchased separately?

Cunobelin · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">
Could they be purchased separately?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Sooooooo out of fashion.

Only African children are acceptable - ask Madonna and Angeline Jolie.

He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.
(Unattributed Trad.)

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Canrider

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">How about "Use by" dates on bags of sand?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You have got to be kidding me. [:O]
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I read it in the Sunday Telegraph, so it must be true. [;)] I think it's because of a European regulation affecting consumer products. So, if builder's sand is sold in B & Q it is treated in the same way as tins of paint that don't last for ever.

gbyers · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Patrick Stevens

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Canrider

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">How about "Use by" dates on bags of sand?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You have got to be kidding me. [:O]
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I read it in the Sunday Telegraph, so it must be true. [;)] I think it's because of a European regulation affecting consumer products. So, if builder's sand is sold in B & Q it is treated in the same way as tins of paint that don't last for ever.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I can't vouch for the sand but I have several bags of portland cement (awaiting a dry bank holiday) and they have a use by date.

________________________________________________________________________________
Anyone expecting to see a witty and imaginitive signature here obviously hasn't seen my username.

Canrider · May 2007

That I can understand, as there's at least the possibility that moisture and air could get in and set the cement in the bag.

I suppose the sand sitting in the bag might eventually grind itself down into a finer silt-like powder...

"We will never win until the oil runs out or they invent hover cars - but then they may land on us." -- lardarse rider

Unknown · May 2007

not without any movement and about 10 Ma, yes i'd agree with you..........

--

Insert stupid, possibly baby elephant realated, comment here......

nortones2 · May 2007

It all depends on what the sand is composed from: if quartz, almost certainly, then its pretty resistant to anything other than attrition. Hence the rather nice photos here: http://www.fettes.com/Orkney/Westray%20 ... sition.htm

Buggi · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Bonus

I used to have a list of these. I'll see if I can find it.
Included "Do not Iron clothes whilst on the body" and "May contain nuts" on a packet of nuts.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

this is not as stupid as it sounds. my boyfriend ironed his clothes while they were on his body (to try and remove the lumpy bit caused by a coat hanger) [:I] needless to say he made a nice scar on his neck. [B)]

did he learn? nope. 3 weeks later he did the same thing again and now he has a matching scar on his arm [B)]

one has to wonder!

_____________________________________________

To infinity... and beyond!
my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia

Unknown · May 2007

We bought some bags of ICE from the off-licence that had 'Use By" dates on them. About six months in the future, IIRC.

Cheers,

Tim

http://vizarch.blogspot.com

Tourist Tony · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by mr_hippo

Seen at a Cambodian hotel swimming pool - No 5hitting in the pool

http://bangkokhippo.blogspot.com/

Ex-XXL weigh-in 26/27 May: Update published: Monday 28 May
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You joke.....
I was thinking of taking a dip in a pool in a Kent sports centre, until I saw the sign at the cash desk asking clients to stop leaving stools in the water.....

If I had a stalker, I would hug it and kiss it and call it George...or Dick

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Tourist Tony

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by mr_hippo

Seen at a Cambodian hotel swimming pool - No 5hitting in the pool

http://bangkokhippo.blogspot.com/

Ex-XXL weigh-in 26/27 May: Update published: Monday 28 May
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You joke.....
I was thinking of taking a dip in a pool in a Kent sports centre, until I saw the sign at the cash desk asking clients to stop leaving stools in the water.....

If I had a stalker, I would hug it and kiss it and call it George...or Dick
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Were nets issued?

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Bonus

"May contain nuts" on a packet of nuts.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Surely we should be able to sue them over this if buying a packet of nuts and they claim the packet may contain nuts !!!

Without opening the packet first how can you tell if it really contains nuts !!![:D][:D]

R P Rodgers

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_ ... _Simpsons/

"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants"
"Methinks it is a weasel"

Fnaar · May 2007

Plaster (as in wot u put on the walls) has a use by date...I asked Terry the plasterer, and he said aftr a while it doesn't "go off" (=set, harden) properly. So there!

I used to work as a cleaner. One of the floor polish products told me to "keep away from other cleaners". Loneliest f*kcin job I ever had [:D]

More tea, vicar? [:D]

Fab Foodie · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Fnaar

I used to work as a cleaner. One of the floor polish products told me to "keep away from other cleaners". Loneliest f*kcin job I ever had [:D]

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Fnaar, you monkey, I've just gobbed a mouthful of Cote du Rhone all over the keyboard...

Highlight of the day so far[:D]

The pessimists of this world are rarely disappointed....
Fab's TCR1

Fnaar · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Fab Foodie

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Fnaar

I used to work as a cleaner. One of the floor polish products told me to "keep away from other cleaners". Loneliest f*kcin job I ever had [:D]

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Fnaar, you monkey, I've just gobbed a mouthful of Cote du Rhone all over the keyboard...

Highlight of the day so far[:D]
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
Happy to oblige!

More tea, vicar? [:D]

LangerDan · May 2007

Who was it said when queried about why someone was walking a little gingerly - "A tragic misunderstanding when brushing his teeth. You know that instruction on the toothpaste that says "If dispenser fails to operate, push up inside bottom""

"Hincapie's Disco pants are the best,
They go from his arse to his chest,
They're better than 'Sandro Ballans.
Hincapie's Disco pants"

thedoctor · May 2007

'Innocent' smoothies advise you to shake the carton before removing the lid, rather than afterwards. And Guinness ads in Ireland advise you to drink responsibly. Where's the fun in that?

OK - I'll just have one more baby elephant...

Archcp · May 2007

Slightly OT, but I love 'serving suggestions' - you know, those words are always printed on a packet which has a picture of the food inside. I saw one once, picture of a gateau - on a plate, with a slice being lifted out on a cake slice. It had never occured to me that you would serve a round cake any other way. Eat from the box with chopsticks perhaps?

Mind you, when I worked in Iceland (which is where I noticed most of these 'suggestions', we once sold tins of tuna with a label that had an artistic drawing of a school of fish, swimming. And guess what? The words 'serving suggestion'. So, they suggest you buy the tuna, get hold of some fish skin and heads, bung them together, put a Frankenstein type lightning bolt through to reanimate and then release into the sea....

And I once noticed a multipack of biscuits, with a photo of a biscuit on the cellophane surround, and the biscuit in the picture was about 5 inches in diameter and the words "Biscuit not shown actual size". As you'd be able to work out from the diameter of the individual packets, I have thought...

If I had a baby elephant, it could help me clean the car. If I had a car.

Cab · May 2007

Once saw on bottled water the warning "May be diuretic". Or, drinking water means you'll eventually go for a leek.

Free baby elephants for every citizen
Vote Arch for Prime Minister

Mosschops2 · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by TimDanaher

We bought some bags of ICE from the off-licence that had 'Use By" dates on them. About six months in the future, IIRC.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

But then so does bottled water - some of which has allegedly been filtering through some mountain or other for the past thousand years....

Have you ever tried pressing Alt+F4 ??

Archcp · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by TimDanaher

We bought some bags of ICE from the off-licence that had 'Use By" dates on them. About six months in the future, IIRC.

Cheers,

Tim

http://vizarch.blogspot.com
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I would have thought it would be "Use by: Before it melts..."

If I had a baby elephant, it could help me clean the car. If I had a car.

"Stand in boiling water ..........."

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