Choice insults

Eat My Dust · May 2007

How about "the last time you got of a bike, she was lying beside you"

SNAPS

Tetedelacourse · May 2007

An ex-colleague of mine repeated the phrase "yer brand new" in reply to any statement directed at him in anger. Becomes more effective as the conversation goes on and tempers spiral. Once you get to the point where "brand new" can be replaced by a simple "BN", the day is won.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey little thing let me light ya candle cos a momma I'm sure hard to hannana, yesaran

BlackandBlue · May 2007

I've just read this topic back to front and it has been most illuminating. But I must say I laughed out loud when I read 515mm's line about the smelly meat. Hilarious!

Mostly, if I'm shouted at, I just cup my ear and say "come again" - you look a real prat constantly repeating an insult.

BentMikey · May 2007

Yeah, the smelly meat is quality! I think your cup the ear and come again suggestion is probably the best karma alternative.

My bikes
My skates

If I had a baby elephant, I'd teach it to skate.

Eat My Dust · May 2007

You could always try the really annoying game we used to play with teachers when I was at school!

"get off the f*c*ing road"

"pardon"

"get off the f*c*ing road"

"pardon"

"get off the f*c*ing road"

"three roads?, I though there was only one"

SNAPS

tiny_pens · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Kevin Roch

Male passenger in car passes me leaning out of car window making obscene gestures calling me w**ker and telling me to get off and milk it, etc. Bit further on they are stuck in traffic. I cycle up the outside. Very nice looking young lady driving. I knock on window and when she winds it down I say "excuse me Miss, could you please keep your animal under control?" The animal in the passenger seat goes balistic and gets out. I cycle off at max speed with him in persuit on foot. Soon lose him.

Kevin R
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Would have been funnier if you'd slowed down so that he could catch up and then shot him with a taser..
[:D]

Tiny Pens

roger645 · May 2007

One I have used before in a similar situation is say to the bloke, "you should keep that dog on a lead"

Current Steed: 98 Marin Rocky Ridge. Schwalbe Marathon slicks. Or. 02 Marin Tiburon

graeme_s-2 · May 2007

On the way home today, Renault Clio pulls slowly alongside me even though there's stacks of room for him to pass at a normal speed. When alongside I glance across and see that the passenger window is down. The driver points across and says "you know there's a cycleway there?" I look straight at him, smile and say "yes". He humph's and starts to pull away, I shout after him "why don't you get on a bike and use it?". I begin to catch him at the next set of lights and he RLJs to get away from me [:D].

Oh, the 'cycleway' in question was Warrington Cycle Campaign's Cycle Facility of the month for April 2006. It's on the Kenilworth Road in Coventry.

chewa · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Tourist Tony

I had one yesterday morning when, trying to cross a slip road, a Merc deliberately sped up and switched lanes to prevent me crossing. I think he saw my lips move.....stopped car, reversed back on the one-way road, got out and shouted at me:
"Did you call me a ****er you fat c**t?"
"Yes I did, but now I can see you're also a four-eyed slapheaded c*cksucker!"

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

That is sensational!

My new one is "How small does your penis have to be before you need to drive a car like that"

plus je vois les hommes, plus j'admire les chiens

Buggi · May 2007

i'm gonna get one of those alarms that's about 150 decibals, you know the personal attack type things, were you pull the lead out and it let's out a high pitched shriek and won't stop until you put it back in. then next time someone gives me some grief i'm gonna pull the lead and lob it in their window.

_____________________________________________

To infinity... and beyond!
my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia

Bloke on a bikecp · May 2007

Driver whitters on about "Road Tax" (sic)
Lob 50p in through his window and say, "There's your refund for today, now **** off"

And one I used a couple of years ago. Female passenger is giving me nasty verbal. I catch up again and her window is still open. I lean down and speak across her to the driver (who I assume is her husband) "You have my deapest sympathy, mate"

--
Basil W Brush

Unknown · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Graeme_S

Oh, the 'cycleway' in question was Warrington Cycle Campaign's Cycle Facility of the month for April 2006. It's on the Kenilworth Road in Coventry.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

i actually admit to using that one, but only going with traffic, pulling through the lights and pulling onto it, theres a slight incline and on a 32-16 mountain bike i'm a little tired by that point, do it to have a rest before joining traffic to allow me to turn.

best insult comes from my friends favorite film "10 things i hate about you"

"remove head from sphincter and then drive"

thereisnospooncp · May 2007

How about feculent maggot??

http://lifeonthetube.blogspot.com/

515mm · May 2007

BlackandBlue, your riposte is exquisite. Making the miscreant repeat his insult until he appears ridiculous. Using his own rage against himself. Very Zen. Very cool.

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.....

515mm · May 2007

Purely in the interest of empirical experimentation[;)] can anyone help Buggi source the aural handgrenade in question? I have an idea and an interest in psychology......

1)Will Buggi carry out his plan?(bravura)

2)What will be the effect on:
a)the volunteer subject*?
b)the observing populace?

3)Will Buggi report his findings to the forum?(braggadocio)

*Volunteer? Well, you understand.

Oh, can anyone lend us a helmetcam?

"For a thing to exist, first it must be observed" - Isosceles(Invented the triangle.)

mr_hippo · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by 515mm

BlackandBlue, your riposte is exquisite. Making the miscreant repeat his insult until he appears ridiculous. Using his own rage against himself. Very Zen. Very cool.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

In similar vein, stay cool and just repeat the last two or three words of what the motorist said -

Motorist "Why don't you use the cycleway?"
Cyclist "The cycleway"
Motorist "It's there, why don't you use it?"
Cyclist "You use it"
Motorist "I'm in a car, you ferking winker"
Cyclist "Ferking winker"

Can also be used on wives, numpties at work and other pillocks!

http://bangkokhippo.blogspot.com/

Ex-XXL weigh-in 26/27 May: Update published: Monday 28 May

Rhythm Thief · May 2007

My favourite one was:
"Did you call me a ****er?"
"Yes. Are you trying to tell me I was wrong?"

Or:
"Did you call me a ****er?"
"No idea, who the fuck are you?"

Both can either deflate or enrage, so it's as well to have an escape route planned.

________________________
I'm the national treasure, and I hate noise.
My fixie
My two main modes of transport

Cunobelin · May 2007

I have a colleague who suggested looking in a vaguely confused way as if you don't quite understand and then tapping his ear and replying with a series of (totally made up) hand symbols as if you are deaf. Then shrug shoulders, he claims it leaves them really confused.

He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.
(Unattributed Trad.)

simeonnation · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Rhythm Thief

"Did you call me a ****er?"
"No idea, who the fuck are you?"

________________________
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

[:D] Excellent.

I always find water pistols work a treat. Before he's even got his insult out he's got thin stream of water (or what ever) pi55ing down his face/on his burberry shirt (making it look like dribble) - even better if he's a scally wearing light coloured shell suit/tracksuit bottoms, a strategic shot and he's all of a sudden pi55ed himself. From then on any insult he throws at you is meaningless.

graeme_s-2 · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Random Vince

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Graeme_S

Oh, the 'cycleway' in question was Warrington Cycle Campaign's Cycle Facility of the month for April 2006. It's on the Kenilworth Road in Coventry.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

i actually admit to using that one, but only going with traffic, pulling through the lights and pulling onto it, theres a slight incline and on a 32-16 mountain bike i'm a little tired by that point, do it to have a rest before joining traffic to allow me to turn.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Do you turn right onto Coat of Arms Bridge road then? Where they're relaying the gas pipes at the moment?

If so I make the same turn every day on the way home, although I don't bother with the cycle path in either direction. Too many pedestrians, bus stops, wheelie bins and driveways for my liking.

Sheddy · May 2007

were you a special needs Amoeba ?

Rock Hard · May 2007

515mm - No wonder cyclists get a bad name if you talk to drivers (and passengers) like that. I'm sure it was an accident. Use the cycle path - thats what its there for.[:o)]

windyphil · May 2007

I suppose Rock Hard drives a car mostly. The cycle path is for people who can't cycle - pedestrians, drug dealers on stolen MTB's etc...and people who drop glass everywhere.

If only the legs were as good as the bike....

515mm · May 2007

Okay Rock Hard.

Two things occur to me. Either:

1) You enjoy playing Devil's advocate and winding people up. Try riding a bike, it's a far more constructive use of one's time.

2) You failed to understand my point of view. I was within an inch of being knocked off my bike at speeds approaching 20mph. Falling off hurts and could be fatal. The bike path the woman in question was referring to is blocked due to building works. It's also totally unfit for purpose. Mixing fast bikes, slow bikes, joggers and dogwalkers on a path less than three metres wide which for a hundred metres runs adjacent to a flight of stone steps DOWN to a beach, is not safe. I choose to not use it.

When someone screams abuse at me I shall respond in the manner which seems most appropiate to me within the boundaries of the law, thankyou. If that includes commenting on an individual's personal hygiene, rather than screaming obscenities back, so be it.

Toodle-Pip!

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.....

nortones2 · May 2007

Rock Hard, who must be a councillor, should be made to use theses useless paths for eternity. Unlike roads, these paths never get anywhere. They stop, start and are obstructed randomly. If cyclists HAD to use them, they would be unable to escape the surly bonds of the local painting contractors.

Rock Hard · May 2007

I do use cycle paths - I have no problem with them. I know Carmarthenshire (home of 515mm) has some lovely well maintained routes and very scenic too as I have cycled many of them myself. Not once did I come across a drug dealer, or someone dropping glass and if there were pedestrians they were very courteous - but then I was in Wales!

515mm · May 2007

Hi RockHard, good to know you use your bike ocasionally. You are quite correct, Carmarthenshire has some real crackers - I live near three absolute belters - unfortunately, they don't take me to my place of work.[V]

I have to use a 60mph bypass to reach one that does. This A-road leads to the same point as the purpose-built bike path that runs alongside it, so why don't I use the facility provided for me?

Hmm... Where to start?
The path is not metalled, it has a compacted clay and fine gravel surface (filthy in the wet and totally unsuitable for road tyres in any conditions.) It has only two entry points near me - which are two and two and a half miles in the opposite direction to my direction of travel respectively.

This path takes a huge loop away from the most direct route(the bypass) and would add a further three very slow, miles to my 14 mile commute, which would then take much longer because I would have to run off-road tyres which are much slower than road ones. Also, these give much less grip on tarmac - making my journey more hazardous. It does, however, follow the coast with views of North Gower and runs through an award-winning wildfowl sanctuary.

It's a great leisure facility that's about as much use to commuters as tits on a bull.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to use a route that kept me away from motorised traffic - in fact about half of my commute is either via a forest cyclepath (Clyne Valley Woods[8D]) or on a coastal cycle path. I have no choice but to use the road on which I had the altercation because the bike path surface becomes extremely bad at this point and appears to revert to pavement with no indication of where cyclists are to go. (to Hell one assumes.) There are no path markings to keep pedestrians and cyclists apart which makes me and pedestrians feel like I'm cycling on the pavement. (Just got to love a dose of guilt first thing in the morning!)
The path also has many sign posts and stone planters on it, it was not designed for cycles. It then runs alonside the two metre drop I mentioned in my previous post and where it would exit near the bus/bike lane I use it's blocked due to building works.[xx(]

Oh, then I have abuse screamed at me for riding on the road and having the nerve to ask a car driver for a bit more consideration.

Is it any wonder the guys that post on this forum are somewhat politicised? I wish my girlfriend was as supportive as the posters here.

Thanks again guys, by the way.

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.....

shmo · May 2007

The cycle path in question is not a proper cycle path, more of a pavement that happens to run along a national cycle route. There is indeed much pedestrian traffic and dog walkers especially when the weather is nice as it doubles as the main seaside promenade and as said there are no dividing lines for much of its length not that these are particularly effective at dividing pedestrian and cycle traffic. Smashed glass and sand drifts are common hazards not to mention the odd puddle of puke after a weekend

It's a decent path for a leisurely Sunday afternoon ride but would be extremely inefficient to commute along. That said Oystermouth road is always horrendously busy and I wouldn't enjoy cycling along it but it'd be a lot faster than the cycle path.

515mm · May 2007

I only use the promenade cyclepath from Black Pill to where the Fishermn and Firkin used to be. (No idea what that area is called - I'm a Turk see!)

Oystermouth Rd is much faster than the path even when there are no piles of sand, puke or monster puddles. I only usually have four or five idiots driving too close to contend with.

Funny that I have no problems when there are three of us riding in together on a Saturday. But then, one of my friends is about 6'4!

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.....

Buggi · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by 515mm

Purely in the interest of empirical experimentation[;)] can anyone help Buggi source the aural handgrenade in question? I have an idea and an interest in psychology......

1)Will Buggi carry out his plan?(bravura)

2)What will be the effect on:
a)the volunteer subject*?
b)the observing populace?

3)Will Buggi report his findings to the forum?(braggadocio)

*Volunteer? Well, you understand.

Oh, can anyone lend us a helmetcam?

"For a thing to exist, first it must be observed" - Isosceles(Invented the triangle.)
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

i've got one! i'm gonna strap it to my bike and lob my "handgrenade" into that Aston Martin when i see it.... although i must admit the idea of a water pistol much amuses me too!

ps.. buggi is a "she" not a "he" (at least, i was last time i looked!) [:I]

_____________________________________________

To infinity... and beyond!
my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia

Choice insults

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