The War of the Wheels!

The war of the wheels, by P.D Hayes.

Once upon a time in a special land far, far away lived a cart manufacturer (let's call them brand S), who one bright and sunny morning looked in their big chest of money to find only a few rusty old coins lying at the bottom. "Alas!", cried the treasurer, and quickly reported his findings to the King. "Our money is running low Majesty, what can we do?". "Fear not", his greatness replied, "the peasants have had it good for far too long, up the prices!".

For two whole years the coffers slowly filled until one day they burst open and flooded the chamber with gold. "Majesty, we can no longer store all our gold!". "But I want MORE!" replied the King. "Consult the blacksmiths! Instruct them to add 63mm to the diameter of the wheels!". "Oh sir, why is that?", asked the perplexed treasurer. "Because we can tell the peasants that they are better in every way than the old ones and they will travel in more comfort, yet the horses will still be able to steer them around the corners".

Two more years passed, and soon the more affluent peasants were looking down at their small wheeled brothers, scoffing at their apparent bumpy ride and inability to win world cup races. Nonetheless, the scourge of society, who couldn't afford this new found leap in technology, swore the old way was best.

The news spread far and wide, even reaching overseas to a land called Europeshire. Soon the serfs were buying into this amazing concept and were quickly buying up King S's stock of exported big wheeled vehicles. This did not please the Lord of Europeshire. In fact, it enraged him, still reeling from the news that Oranges were being grown in Yorkshireland. "Lord", exclaimed the Lord's servant, "what shall we do? We can no longer sell our wagons with their smaller wheels. We cannot sell the same sized wheels as they already have them!". "Hark not!", proclaimed the Lord. "We shalt use those old french wheels in the dungeon! And tell them they are even better". "But lord", whimpered the servant, "no bugger has been bothered about that sized wheel for centuries. And besides, they are only an inch bigger". "Well", chortled the Lord, "two can play their game. Tell the masses they are actually an inch and half bigger, and fit right in the middle! And that not only will they roll just as well, but are lighter too". "Magnificent, your loud trumpeness", gasped the servant.

And thus the war of the wheels begun, and still rages today. Yet the manufacturers lived happily ever after.