Hmmmm.

majorbloodnock · June 2007

A couple are preparing to get married. As the big day approaches, they're getting more and more excited, but fate and an unfortunate incident with a gas cooker intervene; they're both killed the day before their wedding.

Standing at the pearly gates, they hesitate before going in. Their dilemma is whether or not they'll be able to carry on their plans and get married in Heaven. Therefore, they put their question to St. Peter. "It's an unusual request.", he says, "Hold on and I'll check". And with that, St. Peter disappears.

The hours turn into days, then into weeks, then into months. All this time, the two lovebirds have an opportunity to think, and a seed of doubt creeps in. They're sure they were ready for a lifetime's commitment when a lifetime meant sixty or so years, but what about an eternity?

Finally, St. Peter returns. "Yup, it's OK. I've got it sorted. You can get married in Heaven."

"Thanks a lot," they reply, "but we've been thinking; what if it doesn't work out? Will we be able to get a divorce?"

St. Peter flies into a rage. "What do you people think you're playing at? It took me three months to find a priest up here; how long do you think it's going to take me to find a lawyer too?"

Semper in excretia; sumus solum profundum variat

orangechimp · June 2007

and here's another for you:

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being
pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

My Orange

it's only unethical if you get caught.....

Unknown · June 2007

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the Juggler.

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Wrath '07

Unknown · June 2007

What do you call a dinosor with a saw bum?

A dinosawass [:D]

and
What do you get if you put 12 woment in a deep freezer?

24 blue tits [:p]

Sorry they are bad [:(]

Dunk

Me
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Satchmo245 · June 2007

Whats a $hitzu??

A Zoo with no animals in [:D]

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Of course I'm right, I'm an Engineer!
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Unknown · June 2007

lmfao like some of them even thought they are very old,[;)]

My GT

feel free to add me if you have got msn,

BIG.AL.1 · June 2007

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that,

despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a
night.

Cilla Black who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein' too forward,
I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer, let's go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a
lorra fun."

So they went back to her place. After a couple of drinks they
went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep
for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm
shleeping, hold my bawls in your left hand and ma wullie in your right hand".
Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better
sex than before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me
shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......

"I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No
problem hun".

Cilla complies with the routine. Again, the results are
absolutely mind blowing.

Once it's all over, they have a drink. Sean lights a cigarette
and Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, this 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer
Willie in the other does it really stimulate yer that much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla but the last time I shlept
with a scouser, she stole ma wallet

Hmmmm.

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