Recovering from a mood disorder

Unknown · April 2007

Thats the problem with ME: sometimes you hardly have the energy to get out of bed. Its a double hit, as you know that exercise would lift the depression, but your body won't let you. I need to get a proper plan together, and be patient.

<center>GT Zaskar LE
GT Ruckus
Me!
Supersonic<hr noshade size="1">Park Tools - help and instructions for all general bike fixes
Sheldon Brown - info about anything and everything</center>

Hamishwmb · April 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by mudface

i'm not being funny, but when you're depressed, the last thing you have energy for is trying to find groups and organisations to talk to etc. i hardly left my house. my own family didn't know what was going on. the GP should ensure that you're getting proper help.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I agree. I'm not actually taking issue with anything you've said. The GP probably had (or should have had) plenty of leaflets in their waiting room which could have given you the names and numbers of those groups so that you don't have to try and find them, especiallly when you don't have the energy or motivation. They should have at least given you that information.

I usually provide patients with the cards for a few local organisations if they don't already know of them, or point them to this local website: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/

I think it's an excellent site and it covers a lot of problems with good self help booklets that you can print out. I'd hope that things like this will catch on in other areas. This, for example is the link to the page on depression: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/mildmo ... ession.asp

I'd be interested to hear what others think of this site. Do you think, when you were depressed that it would be information overload or a useful resource?

--

Hamish

Hamish's bike
Hamish's photos
Hamish's favourite biking photos

Aux1 · April 2007

Hey everybody!

I had no idea that so much people would reply to my topic... I'd like to reply and say so much to each of you and talk about our mutual problems and experiences, but I wish I could do it in person over a drink or something, and not here with letters only. So, I'll just try to say some general things...

I was quite busy the last week, worked, rode my bike thru city a lot, taking care of things all day (not stressful, but tiring), and I couldn't wait for weekend and some well earned rest. So, on saturday I spent the first half of the day resting, playing the Stalker game on the PC and I really enjoyed it, it's really great, moody and fun, sucks you right in. But around 3pm, some anxiety struck... Like a stone on top of my chest, made me feel bad, restless, uneasy, ruined the fun of playing the game, Xanax didn't help so I had to stop and I went out for a furious, fast ride to try to break the attack of all those bad mood hormones... I went out with my friends in the evening, had some drinks, felt almost OK, and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, and I felt a little crappy and depressed again. I found it quite hard to get out of bed, but I forced myself. I decided to be useful and went out to clean my bike because that really had to be done. As soon as I started moving, I felt better immediately, down to quite content after I cleaned the bike and made it look and feel like new. I'm going to go for a ride now, meet with my best mate, and we're gonna sit by the lake, just enjoy the sun (which, I hear, is a real mood enhancer), watch babes on rollerblades passing by and stuff

If I started to play the game again right now, I feel the anxiety would return... Don't know why, I really like games, and I was able to enjoy one yesterday for quite a few hours, but the anxiety comes to me quite often when I play a game... but never when I ride my bike or enjoy good company. I guess there's a time for everything. And games are great but only when the weather is bad and you've got nothing else to do. And now, I've got great weather, great bike and a great friend waiting outside! [:)]

P.s. I'd like to say some smart things I thought about after starting this topic, but I'll do it later, time to go out now and enjoy. So good I can enjoy myself again... There were times when I thought I was a goner! [xx(] [8D]

Bad English - ze most spoken lengwidz in ze werld!

KTM Ultra Flite 2007

konauk · April 2007

Just been searching through this forum and having just read the responses I felt like saying something.....

I had a death in the family at christmas 2005 then 3 months later another family member died...

It has been one of the hardest and darkest times I have experienced, weeks are up and down but you have to try and stay positive...

I know it sounds really cheesey but I find riding takes my mind off it all as you need to concentrate on the trail and your riding, its just helps you forget everything for those couple of hours....

But for other areas in my life, work and relationships, its not been so easy...

Unknown · April 2007

Ditto Konauk, my 21 month old niece died on Christmas morning of unknown causes and it devastated the whole family. My brother and sister in law weren't offered any counselling at the time because their hospital trust didn't offer that kind of thing so they've had to badger their GP to put them on a waiting list so berievement counselling should be on its way any day now.

I've coped none too bad with it as it happens, and I think it's because I can take a step back and say yes, it's a tragic thing, I miss her an incredible amount, but there's nothing I can do or say to bring her back so it's useless wasting my energy on prolonged grieving. I'd rather reflect on the good times I was able to babysit for her or remember the day she learned to say my name. It's far easier to think happy thoughts when you can get into the habit of it.

<hr noshade size="1">Stuff TyMBR In my dreams

cookewmb · April 2007

Just a bit too tired to reply to this one at moment, plus i'm up early in moring to go to work. But anyday soon i'll post you my story-so far the worst time of my life.
Cookie

jackfeeder · April 2007

Hi to you all, I didn't expect to see this topic on here.
I am experiencing similar feeling etc.
My father died of bowel/liver cancer a few years ago after being ill for a while. This was followed by the deaths of my Aunt and Uncle and then my Nan - all in 6 months.
This is when I started riding and it was a release for me - getting fit and being away from all the **** that was happening.
Then my wife got pregnant and was expecting our 2nd child. I was feeling truly happy for the first time in a long time. Enjoying my riding back and for to work and on weekends - things were great.
Unfortunately she suffered a miscarrige at 10 weeks and that's when things went downhill again. I agreed to stop riding whilst we tried again. That was almost 2 years ago. Our fertility consultant advised me to stay off the bike as well. So I scaled down the frequency of my riding but the longer we tried unsucessfully to get pregnant the less I rode until nothing. The last time I was on a bike ws last July. Now I spend way too much money on mags, just reading about biking, looking at the picures - trying to get some sort of fix I suppose. My wife thinks that along with everything else I feel I probably have an addictive personality as well - I do tend to get obsessed by things that grab my interest.
This didn't help my moods - all of a sudden I had no release.
Then last August the lab where I worked was going to suffer 50% job losses. This is when things got too much for me. I had a couple of months of just total despair, taking it out on my wife and daughter, I was a nightmare to put up with.
I went for some counselling which helped in the short term but never quite kept things/feelings away for too long.
Now I am in a situation where I have kept a job but different to what I am used to, but am feeling increasingly anxious about my work - I am completely pissed off with our trying for a 2nd child and I still can't ride my f###### bike.
Work is starting a bike2work scheme soon and I am probably going to buy a decent hardtail through it (trek6500) but faced with the prospect of sticking it straight in the shed until it can get used.
I have started swimming in the mornings a few times a week which I am enjoying, getting me fit again but it's not enough to make my happy, I can't seem to find whatever it is that I need to make my happy.
It's starting to do my head in again and the prospect of another summer without the bike/release is not a good one.
I realise that things can turn around when you least expect them - in 2 months I could have another child on the way, my job may settle down and be enjoyable and I may be on a nice new bike almost every day - but I can't see it at the moment.
I don't want to go to anymore counselling as it will be the same old thing again and I am not convinced that it will do any good this time. I don't want to see a doctor because medication is the last thing that I want to do.
Guilliano what is cognitive behavioral therapy- what does it involve and how does it help.
Sorry for my ramblings but after reading the other posts I felt that I wanted to explain my present situation so if anyone has any advice then thanks.
I know that there are a lot of people out there who are worse off than me but some days it doesn't feel like it.
Oh and thanks for listening/reading the above.

Hamishwmb · April 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by jackfeeder

I don't want to go to anymore counselling as it will be the same old thing again and I am not convinced that it will do any good this time. I don't want to see a doctor because medication is the last thing that I want to do.
Guilliano what is cognitive behavioral therapy- what does it involve and how does it help.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Cognitive behavoural therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy usually given by a psychotherapist/doctor/nurse/etc who has been trained to do so. Rather than simple counselling it looks at first of all identifying the automatic thoughts that drive your feelings, and then trying to challenge these thoughts for a different, more positive outcome.

You'll probably need to see your GP for referral. I wouldn't necessarily knock medication - CBT in conjunction with medication has been shown to be more effective than either alone. If you want a taster of what it's like then look at the second link I posted, earlier on in this thread. It contains a printable self help handbook which is based around a CBT approach.

Good luck. Hope you get well.

--

Hamish

Hamish's bike
Hamish's photos
Hamish's favourite biking photos

guilliano · April 2007

There also some good self help books which explain a lot about depression, anxiety and talk you through how CBT works. It's early days but I think it will help (having a positive outlook towards it is a step towards recovery in itself). I'm also taking citalopram which has helped calm my mood swings and aid my concentration. The best advice I can offer though is simply get as much exercise as you can, swimming, running, weights, bike (if allowed). My girlfriend has been really supportive and is getting into biking herself, along with her 7 year old daughter and we all feel better for it as it's something we can all do together

http://www.flickr.com/photos/guilliano/

Kazoo · April 2007

Not pushing people away is a must (i know i'm guilty of doing that when i'm feeling low)actually having a frank conversation with your nearest and dearest will help as you all then have a better understanding of where you are coming from and can make allowancces when needed.

Wine is made to be drunk, I am drunk......

Am I wine?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kazoo1/

cookewmb · April 2007

Here's my story. Some of you may remember me from last year. On 20 jan 06 i had a nasty crash where a horse bolted onto main road, pitch black, throwing it down on a poorly lit road---I didn't see the horse as it was too dark---I hit the horse and lost control of car into oncoming traffic---doing a combined speed of 100mph (lucky i'm still here really)! I ended up in A+E for some hours and discharged home in agony no discharge advice and no help what-so-ever. About 2 weeks after this I started getting pains in wrists, then feet and constant pins and needles in both hands. Went to GP who assumed it was just ongoings of crash as did I-put on pain killers and told to come back if no improvement. Week later no improvement and went back to GP who didn't really have a clue what was wrong-so referred me to orthopaedics. Here I had bloods, mri's, xrays etc carried out-nothing major discovered just some changes to bones in left foot ? cause. Went off again with pain---no diagnosis. This went on for several months, during which I got married (best day ever), mum and Dad split up after 35 years of marriage, had to go on sick at work, became severly depressed and started seeing a psychiatric Dr---throughout all this i still had severe pain and no pain relief. Finally 7 months later after a lot of upset, mega depression and a lot of pain ---I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (which i feel was brought on by crash, but can't prove it). A diagnosis was made and medication was prescribed. After being on meds for about 5 months now and only just really coming to terms with my depression i'm finally---thank god---on the road to recovery---something which i never thought would be achieved!!!
Exercise had always been a big thing for me as i used to be in forces so enjoyed running, climbing, cycling and just being YFS. Since my crash I have not been able to do much of anything---but finally just got back in the saddle and loving every minute---I pay though the next day with my pain in wrists and feet but there ain't nobody ever coming inbetween me an my bike again. I'm lucky my hubby loves MTB-he's a star!
I can fully relate to the posts here-and i'm just glad i've found such a class forum!
Thanks a lot fellow mountain bikers and happy riding to you all.
Cookie[:D]

cookewmb · April 2007

Yes it did hurt!!!---LOTS[xx(]
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7939029@N06/467312253/

Unknown · April 2007

Tammy that's awful, good to hear you're doing alright though, it sounds like you have a good grip on it now.

<hr noshade size="1">Stuff TyMBR In my dreams

cookewmb · April 2007

Yes, it was---but i'm almost top dog now! Thanks.
Cookie

guilliano · April 2007

3rd councilling session today. Hard work, involved going back over the last year step by step, through my first panic attack, through how I felt about work via my first conversations with Kazoo. Ended up in floods of tears (still feeling tearful now) when talking about my mum dieing and other things surrounding that), failing in trying to start up my own charity last year and how I feel about myself personally and professionally. I feel like absolute crap right now, but actually feel like I've made a breakthrough. I'm being referred as a possible for berievement councilling, but will continue with CBT as well. I've been warned to expect a possible regression before things start getting better. This scares the hell out of me, but I have to keep my thoughts on the long term goal of recovery. I may go into more depth about what is going on with me in the near future, but for now I'll just let you know that I'm nowhopeful of getting to the bottom of my depression and making a full recovery rather than just "coping" with it and getting back into my life as it was.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/guilliano/

Marky Mark. · April 2007

Mate, you have my full respect and I take my hat off to you, it takes more balls to confront things than it does to bury it all away, it shows real strength of character and I know that I am not alone in saying that I'm rooting for ya and I know that you'll come through the other side of and make a full recovery.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/markymarkstuff/

I'll get some better ones soon! Photos that is, another bike will mean divorce.

Unknown · April 2007

Stick in there mate, you can see its working, not long to go now.

<center>GT Zaskar LE
GT Ruckus
Me!
MYSPACE<hr noshade size="1">Park Tools - help and instructions for all general bike fixes
Sheldon Brown - info about anything and everything</center>

jackfeeder · May 2007

Just to let you guys know that things are looking up at last, bike wise and lifewise.
Ordered a Marin Nail trail through cyclescheme and getting excited about getting back on a bike, especially this shiny new one. Going to go back for some more counselling but trying to take positive steps to keep my moods up. Having a few good days at the moment, hopefully they will continue and become more frequent.
I hope everyone else on here is feeling more positive as well.
See you on the trails soon!

guilliano · May 2007

I actually forgot this thread existed.

I've been having a bit of a downer over the last couple of weeks. Either unable to sleep or sleeping too much, no in-between. Feeling very self conscious and insecure and not been out on the bike, despite all my good plans, due to feeling panicky when I do go out. May just be that stupid irrational side of my mind cutting in again now that I am trying to find a new job, and telling me that no-one is going to employ someone who's been off sick for so long.

So far the councilling has brought a few things to light though, and at least now I know (or seem to) what has brought on the depression. However it also seems to have been going on a lot longer than the 6 months I've been off (couple of years at least, it just reached breaking point). I am trying to work through things now, and getting a new job is a big key for me to get me back into the "real world" and back in a routine. I know that it is going to be a really long slog, but now the only one that can help me is me. Some things work and make me feel better, some things just need more time, but thankfully I now know what I need to do and there is no pressure in terms of timescales, it's just one step at a time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/guilliano/

Unknown · May 2007

Stick in there guys. Depression is a hard one to nail. Talking therapies really help, and will often highlight things you didn't know existed.

For those of you with anxiety issues, speak to your GP and ask if there are any local resource centres that offer anxiety classes. We run them here in wolves and they DO help.

Mark 8-D

My tune of the week:

Tim Deluxe "Let the beats roll" (Feat Simon Franks)

CURWENATOR · May 2007

exercise is good because it increases serotonin levels (happy chemical) in the brain and endorphins which give you energy! plus fresh country air and enjoyment of a ride is only going to have a positive effect both mentally and physically!

you'll find alot of people who train and exercise religiously do it simply to counter depressive moods

Eagles sore but weasels don't get caught in jet engines....

Aux1 · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by guilliano

I actually forgot this thread existed.

I've been having a bit of a downer over the last couple of weeks. Either unable to sleep or sleeping too much, no in-between. Feeling very self conscious and insecure and not been out on the bike, despite all my good plans, due to feeling panicky when I do go out. May just be that stupid irrational side of my mind cutting in again now that I am trying to find a new job, and telling me that no-one is going to employ someone who's been off sick for so long.

So far the councilling has brought a few things to light though, and at least now I know (or seem to) what has brought on the depression. However it also seems to have been going on a lot longer than the 6 months I've been off (couple of years at least, it just reached breaking point). I am trying to work through things now, and getting a new job is a big key for me to get me back into the "real world" and back in a routine. I know that it is going to be a really long slog, but now the only one that can help me is me. Some things work and make me feel better, some things just need more time, but thankfully I now know what I need to do and there is no pressure in terms of timescales, it's just one step at a time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/guilliano/
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Heh, I felt panicky at the beginning too, like, "I'm going to lose consciousness", and "what if something happens", tried to nail that problem, thought about it and then I figured out something WILL happen sooner or later, I'll be a goner, bite the dust, get old and die whether I'm anxious and depressed or not, the moment in the panic attack when you think you'll die and it gets sooo freaking scary WILL actually happen one day and you will die. Damn, how do you cope with that? There's no ambulance that will get there in time, there will be no medicine, friends and family won't be able to help and you will die. And thinking about those things when you actually experience that fear is really different than doing it just like that in some moments and forgetting about it when the next thing occupies your attention. It's the absolute terror. I looked for consolation in religion but it looked like I couldn't really believe in those things now when it got really serious, and I lived in that state of terror for a few weeks, like an empty shell, but then suddenly, in one day, I remembered it, somehow it didn't hurt as much, that day I actually went for a walk (there was light rain, green forest, mist, fresh air and me) and felt little tiny drops of normalcy again, looked at the trees and leaves, though about if someone created all that and me too, and that day it started to make real sense again, I could believe life goes on after death and I could explain that with reason and everything, did a lot of thinking, it took months to calm the fears but the moment when I started to have faith happened in a single day and the journey to recovery started again. That's how I conquered panic and fear, there were times when I felt like the next attack is coming but I just ignored it and had none take me over since. I could prove to myself that I'm healthy and can take a lot and climb mountains, and even if something bad happens I know God makes it all good for your soul in due time if you hang on. Sorry guys for bringing in religion again, but that's the thing that made me enjoy life, work, go out with girls, ride my bike and have no fear, people saw me being like a ghost before and now they're surprised how I can make them be positive... It worked for me, with visible results, against such a dreaded and hard-to-treat condition. So I pretty much guess that proves it for me, that He exists and that life is actually designed to go on forever and always be interesting, meaningful and fruitful, and never get boring or empty, even in eternity. And yes, we'll have mountain bikes in heaven too! [:D]

So, in effect, the worst and scariest thing that ever happened to me is proving to be the biggest blessing in disguise. What if something really bad happens on the outside? God can make wonders inside the soul, I saw that on my own self, so next time I have a really hard time, it will help me to endure patiently and reap the true treasure afterwards. Sorry again for getting into that again, the last time we argued about religion it wasn't all that rosy and stuff [:D] but it works for me, that was my cure, honestly... if you can find your own cure that really works, I'll be happy for you [:)]

Back to the point, I still do have some problems, some "conversive" (my psychiatrist calls it that way) chest pains, some feelings of uneasyness, but they seem to be diminishng. They can happen when I ride alone on an unknown trail and am not quite sure where the place I wanted to go to is. I mean, anybody would feel dissatisfied but I feel uneasy and uncomfortable too, but it's just the anxiety talking... I feel better now than when I started this topic. I'm down to 2 xanaxes a day instead of 3, and I sometimes even forget to take them so that's pretty good too! The recovery goes slow, I generally notice an improvement in monthly steps, but I think I'll be 100% shiny and new after the summer vacation because that kinda speeds the good things up a bit! [:)]

Uhh, so I guess that's it. I spilled my inner self here. Wasn't that hard though! [:D]

To clip or not to clip, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind of men to suffer the dings and contusions of unclipp'd riding, or to bind thy feet against a sea of gnarly singletrack and by these contraptions, ride o'er them with ease. To clip... to slip no more, and by clipping to end the buttache and the thousand natural shocks that ryders are heir to; tis a consummation devoutly to be honed. No clip - to slip perchance to be thrashed most heinously...

KTM Ultra Flite 2007

parkpre · June 2007

Get a book called "Stop Thinking and Start Living" by Richard Carlson- it really helped me a few years back when I had major problems with stress/depression. In addition, get yourself some "VegEPA"- very high strength omega 3 fish oil pills- I've been on them for about 12 months and have felt musch better since (a lack of omega 3 does your brain no good whatsoever)- By the way you'll need to google this brand name- pretty sure its mail order only.

punkypossum · June 2007

I got really depressed earlier this year, a whole list of things such as hating my job, financial problems, relationship breakdown, etc. all got on top of me. Didn't realise how bad it was at the time till I went to the doctors for something totally different and ended up having a full blown panic attack and cryfest in the surgery. Unfortunately the doctor I saw wasn't my usual GP, she managed to make me feel rather stupid and as we were getting to the end of my allocated 10min slot, sent me away with some anti-depressants and told me she would stick me on the nhs waiting list for cbt (as I have always suffered from anxiety quite badly), but told me this could take years.

The anti-depressants did not help at all, in fact the side effects made me feel worse, so I went back to see my normal doctor who told me she was fine with me coming off them as they clearly weren't working for me. She advised me to get some physical exercise and counselling. Funnily enough I'm actually training to be a counsellor myself and the person development at college as well as through seeing clients and having my own person-centred counselling have really helped (so has jumping on the bike and just going out for a ride and let the wind blow all the black stuff out of your head).

But as for nhs counselling, like people said before there are usually free (or very cheap alternatives). The organisation I'm doing my placement with for example is run as a charity and works on a voluntary donations basis. We manage to see clients with an average waiting time of only 3 weeks which is loads shorter than the NHS and most of them pay nothing or very little (and about 60% have been referred by their GPs who realise that they would have to wait too long for nhs counselling). I think finding CBT for free is a bit harder, most of what we do is person-centred, but even then, there are usually alternatives to the nhs in most towns. Checking out leaflets at gp surgeries or ringing up community centres or even places like surestart, etc. is well worth it as a lot of them either offer it themselves or can tell you where to go.

***************
I used to be Snowhite, but I drifted...

Unknown · June 2007

Doctors can be very quick to hand out the anti depressants, but for me they have made a big big difference. Of course it has to be in conjunction with lifestyle changes, and I still need to see a counsellor and ME specialist, but they work for some. They often take a few weeks to kick in though. I find rather than just make you feel better, they help you want to get better and go out and do stuff. I had my dose increased in March, and the difference has been remarkable.

<center>GT Zaskar LE
GT Ruckus
Me!
MYSPACE<hr noshade size="1">Park Tools - help and instructions for all general bike fixes
Sheldon Brown - info about anything and everything</center>

punkypossum · June 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by supersonic

Doctors can be very quick to hand out the anti depressants, but for me they have made a big big difference. Of course it has to be in conjunction with lifestyle changes, and I still need to see a counsellor and ME specialist, but they work for some. They often take a few weeks to kick in though. I find rather than just make you feel better, they help you want to get better and go out and do stuff. I had my dose increased in March, and the difference has been remarkable.

<center>GT Zaskar LE

GT Ruckus
Me!
MYSPACE<hr noshade size="1">Park Tools - help and instructions for all general bike fixes
Sheldon Brown - info about anything and everything</center>

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Yeah, definitely. I wasn't trying to say that anti-depressants are useless, they certainly have their place and can be a life-line. I know a lot of people they work for, although it can be a bit hit and miss to find one that suits you. But personally I was better off once I had come off them and, like you said, sometimes doctors are very quick to hand them out, and often it seems to be mainly to get rid of you, when listening to their patients would probably do a lot more good.

***************
I used to be Snowhite, but I drifted...

Unknown · June 2007

They didn't work for my sister, thats for sure, tried to top herself But she's fine now! They are weird things. I was on prozac for ages, but now citalopram, and after a few weeks of funny side effects, Ive settled and am feeling pretty good. Not perfect, but there's other stuff too.

<center>GT Zaskar LE
GT Ruckus
Me!
MYSPACE<hr noshade size="1">Park Tools - help and instructions for all general bike fixes
Sheldon Brown - info about anything and everything</center>

Unknown · June 2007

You can't say anti depressants are useless, there's loads of them. There's no one wonder pill that works for everyone.

You also have to bear in mind that tablets dont all work instantly. Some might take weeks to reach optimum efficacy, and not everyone reacts well to medication. Some find the side effects may outweigh the positive effects.

Has anyone talked about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) ? Or have the GP's been quick to prescribe medication?

Mark 8-D

My tune of the week:

Calvin Harris "The girls" (Groove Armada Mix)

guilliano · June 2007

I have my last of 7 CBT sessions tomorrow and I'm finding it is helping me to regain some part of a normal lifestyle, but the problem is it hasn't been in conjunction with "normal" councilling, meaning I still haven't really got to the bottom of what made me depressed in the first place. I had a major breakdown at the start of my illness where I just ran away from everything for a week, then when I came back I just fell apart mentally and emotionally. I can't go back to my current job, but financially can't afford to just up and leave it, so this burden sort of just hangs there prolonging everything even more.

Anti-depressants are OK in that they can help you concentrate and help you get a more natural sleep pattern, but they don't cure anything and I do find doctors are very quick to hand them out as to be honest there isn't much more they can do.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/guilliano/

Kazoo · June 2007

What I find is that when you do think about things ratioanlly then you know you need to push yourself to get on your bike and to job hunt etc, the problem is maintaining that positive thought train and to put everything else to the back of your mind. You have come along way since christmas and that is something you should be proud of and recognise as a positive. The job hunting will be slow but as you say the only one who can chage things is you, set yourslef little goals through the week like the counseller advised and stick to them no matter what, you're doing so well, and the fact that you can talk to different people aboput it and get different perspectives is fab.

Wine is made to be drunk, I am drunk......

Am I wine?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kazoo1/

Recovering from a mood disorder

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