The Hoff

i_used_2b_fukpigonabike
i_used_2b_fukpigonabike Posts: 4,761
edited June 2007 in The Crudcatcher
Got this in mail in work this morning, very funny, thought I'd share

A FEW THINGS THAT YOU DIDNT KNOW ABOUT David Hasselhoff..................

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live.

When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.

When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't
get wet. The water gets David instead.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of
World Records it notes that all world records are held by David
Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest
anyone has ever come to matching him.

David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses
to put up with lactose's *hit.

David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying
glass. At night.

You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet
consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small
children.

David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in
between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat
itself out of fear.

If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar,
a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would
sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David
replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to
show the seriousness of his response.

On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.

When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it
in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away
as an inferno erupts behind him.

David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the
entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.

David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

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Patriot - USB Molly - WTP Phoenix

<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Cerberus</i>

I blocked my toilet up the other day.

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Patriot - USB Molly - WTP Phoenix

<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by Cerberus</i>

I blocked my toilet up the other day.

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">

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