[Gravel Bike] Size 52 feel a bit small, 54 a bit big.. how do you deal with that ?

I'm 172-173cm (with apparently shortish legs for my size) and the few times I got to try a gravel bike (I'm looking to buy) I seem to have the same problem : "S" (52) seem to be a bit small, "M" (54) a bit big.
I got to try a Specialized Diverge the other day and the S/52 was feeling more right to me, but the 2 employees were insisting - looking at me riding it - I should probably look at the 54. Which I did, but i'm definitly not convinced.
I was told by one of the shop employees that going for 54 but with a different stem is probably the way to go. Would it really make a difference ? How would you approach my problem ? Is there any solution or do I just need to go for a brand that has either S or M feeling perfectly right to me ?
That would kinda suck as it's SO hard to find the kind of gravel bike i'm looking for these days due to the insanely low bikes availability.
Thanks in advance for any advice !
I got to try a Specialized Diverge the other day and the S/52 was feeling more right to me, but the 2 employees were insisting - looking at me riding it - I should probably look at the 54. Which I did, but i'm definitly not convinced.
I was told by one of the shop employees that going for 54 but with a different stem is probably the way to go. Would it really make a difference ? How would you approach my problem ? Is there any solution or do I just need to go for a brand that has either S or M feeling perfectly right to me ?
That would kinda suck as it's SO hard to find the kind of gravel bike i'm looking for these days due to the insanely low bikes availability.
Thanks in advance for any advice !
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(cube Nuroads are 53cm frames)
I'll get my coat....
Bit surprised at the bike geometry looking at https://www.bikeradar.com/news/2021-specialized-diverge/ , the 52cm only has a 430mm C-T seat tube and the 54cm a 470mm, while stack/reach is 577/374mm and 592/383mm respectively.
2020 Voodoo Marasa
2017 Cube Attain GTC Pro Disc 2016
2016 Voodoo Wazoo
If the stock stems on those bikes are relatively long then the bigger size with a slightly shorter stem might well be the way to go. I'd be asking them to swap out the stem and then have a test ride to see how it feels.
my wife is also 172cm, but she has long legs 33" with a short torso and feels stretched on my 54, but finds my Small Grail ok, and the 53cm Cube Nuroad fits perfect. Oddly, despite having longer legs, she actually rides with her saddle lower at 690mm (as I ride toe down, but she tends to drop her heel) so its very personal.
our gravel bikes have shortish stems (around 80mm) compared to our road stems at 100mm - you don't want to go too much shorter than 70mm, or much longer than 120mm, as you start to mess about with handling
Any reason why smaller frame with longer stem is better than the other way around ?
Also, my heart is melting for the 3T Exploro Pro GRX. I could only test it in "M" but it felt REALLY too long somehow, like i'm pretty much lying on the bike. It's probably a terrible idea but just to make sure it really is, blind ordering it in "S" size is a huge gamble right ? On the other hand, I don't see a world where I'd need XS, I'm not tall (173cm) but not THAT short either, I don't know...
3T Exploro is really on the top of my list compared to Specialized Diverge, is there a way for me to sort of make sure "S" size would work for me without riding it ?
(Again, probably a bad idea I know, but man, those 3T Exploro... ^^;)
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While I'm at it. I need you guys to help me understand something.
Specialized Diverge Comp :
Size 52 : 374 reach -- 577 stack
Size 54 : 383 reach -- 592 stack
3T Exploro Pro :
Size 53 : 366 reach -- 517 stack
Size 55 : 378 reach -- 546 stack
Why does the Specialized 54 feel a LOT smaller than the 3T 55 ?
a Small (53cm) Cube Nuroad is Reach 386mm / Stack 544mm, and a
SMALL Canyon Grail AL is Reach 390mm / Stack 556mm
https://cyclingtips.com/2015/03/how-does-stem-length-affect-a-bikes-steering-and-handling/
Finally went for the Diverge 54 with 70mm stem. I understand it's not ideal, but still feels better than the 52 with a 90mm stem.
I'm definitely between S and M size, what can I do...
The advice to generally go for a smaller frame with longer stem is correct for road bikes but I'm not sure it necessary holds for a gravel bike.
Look at modern mountain bikes - they're all about getting the longest frame and shortest stem possible.
Quite a few gravel bikes are now following that thinking, coming with shorter stems as standard.