Riding for new(ish) dad , finding time? Does it get easier?

david37

nickice said:

I feel like a lot of people haven't actually read the OP's post!

It's the internet Nick! plus his final questions were does it get easier and how do other cope which i think has been answered (with glee in some places)

he's doomed. All life changes, he's no longer relevant to a large part of his former life.

All thats left is mental anguish and a slow decline to middle aged along with inevitable disappointments probably divorce and early redundancy. If he's lucky he'll get a girlfriend whose younger but no so young she has more kids. thats like the second finishing wave in a tsunami or the second shock wave of a nucleur bomb.

he may join a club and feel like he could have been a contender but the reality is DADBOD time, depression and alcoholism.

Since he asked for our advice, here is mine. live on your own!



#kidsandtimeruineverything

abishek_l

OP - that looks like a pretty packed daily schedule, so I'm not surprised you're not finding the time. Would you be able to change and sit down for your work and go out for a ride when the opportunity presents itself?

My LO is at home now but I find that I can get ready for a ride and then when it's a little quiet for work, I'll nip out for an hour while it's lunchtime for her. The mother takes care of that and I look after her brekkie and evening meal. I'm fortunate that I can do my work without having to be ever present in front of a screen so not sure how that'll work out for you but I thought I'd nonetheless share my experience.

Ben6899

OP,

I've had another look at your daily schedule and I think you need to take advantage of WFH and try to work more flexibly, if allowed.

2pm-5pm needs to include a ride and then you can make up that 60/90mins between 7pm and 8pm when the little one is in bed*.

There's absolutely no need for anyone to be working the classic 9-5, if they're job can be done from home. Some dinosaur colleagues/bosses might have to get used to it, but it's a change that has happened and is happening.

*if you're savvy about this, work won't even know!

rick_chasey

Yeah the 30 min blast out and back lunchtime ride does help if you’re WFH.

shirley_basso

In year one I managed 500km
Year 2 nearer 2000.

As has been said, you need to make time. Work with your partner to get time off childcare.
She can take him on the morning walk on sat, and you on Sun

When baby naps in the day that can give you an hour or two.

I have #2 on the way and terrified #1 will drop his nap at exactly the same time meaning it's gonna be tagalong time

#farked

brian.paneurope7I7wolqz

For me it gets worse as you basically become a chauffeur at weekends for them until they hit seventeenish. Remember, if you have another one the clock starts ticking from the beginning. It's why so many chaingangs have a mix of young people prekids and older gits like me and my wife.

MattFalle

david37 said:

nickice said:

I feel like a lot of people haven't actually read the OP's post!

It's the internet Nick! plus his final questions were does it get easier and how do other cope which i think has been answered (with glee in some places)

he's doomed. All life changes, he's no longer relevant to a large part of his former life.

All thats left is mental anguish and a slow decline to middle aged along with inevitable disappointments probably divorce and early redundancy. If he's lucky he'll get a girlfriend whose younger but no so young she has more kids. thats like the second finishing wave in a tsunami or the second shock wave of a nucleur bomb.

he may join a club and feel like he could have been a contender but the reality is DADBOD time, depression and alcoholism.

Since he asked for our advice, here is mine. live on your own!



#kidsandtimeruineverything

D is basically correct. You fkudec it dude. Hashed it up completely. You may have thought that children would bring you happiness, delight, respect, a self of fulfillment but they don't. You drank the Cool-Aid.

To paraphrase Gerry and the Pacemakers, you'll never ride properly again. A few snatched rides here and, a weekend once every two years in January away with a mate riding that turns out really rubbish because a) you're shattered from the child anyway b)you're massively unfit c)its January so its cold and raining.

So, you head down the club route to encounter clubbies, old men, their wives and some more clubbies.
And you have to wear awful clothes with Basingstoke Wheelers all over it and fit mudguards to your bike.

Kiss it all goodbye fella. You've thrown away any fun you once had. Even the mums at the nursery/school gate don't fancy you because you have baggage.

As D said - next option: a divorcee or single mum with a couple of kids, your one, a Ford SMax and knowing that you're paying for someone else's sprog. Even then, the novelty of a new bunk up will disappear after a year and you'll be back to Basingstoke Wheelers and clubbies, but even less so because you'll now be ferrying someone else's kids around.

Stuffed it mate, well and truly.

#kids.they'renotgreatatall

elbowloh

You guys are so cruel.





Completely correct, but so so cruel.

mpatts

I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old. Here is what I do, and suggest:

6-7am weekdays I zwift (and I used to jump on zwift during nap time)
6-9 weekends - jump on Zwift with youngest doing some DS from the sofa (ie watching and playing games on the ipad)
I also bought a tag along for the MTB, and try to get outside on that.

I honestly can't say how much Zwift saved my fitness and also help keep me engaged with cycling generally. I do venture outside when I can, but the days of 6 hour sunday morning rides are gone for the time being.

the oldest barely knows I am alive most of the time - although out of lockdown she competed so we were away most weekends - so I bought a brompton to bimble around on.

Some general tips:

1) Don't give yourself a hard time
2) Get on zwift
3) Enjoy the time with the family

Oh, and echo the other posts that say that time for both of you to do your own thing is so important. Mrs P does (for example) Yoga on a tuesday, which basically means I do everything that evening. it's good fun and v good for life in general.

mpatts

Oh and PS, being a father is hard - like others have said - look after yourself. I think I suffered from the male version of post natal depression with the first, I didn't recognise it at the time, and I was deeply unhappy for about 2 years. I still carry some guilt, I felt for the first 18 months that someone could have swapped out for another child and I wouldn't have noticed.

There is help out there if you need it, and don't be afraid to use it. I wish I'd been a bit more 'mindful' in how I was feeling rather than crushing through it.

MattFalle

Bud, see.

This is your only option - and trust me, its far far far better than anything children will ever give you.

https://en.legion-recrute.com

You can't put glitter on having/raising children much like you can't polish a potato.

Just do it - its mega.

#kids.wtafhaveidone?

elbowloh

you can polish a potato.

Here's a video of a machine for doing so. It's won a Queens Aware for Innovation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSmhHN-WP0A

MattFalle

Not when you've got a whinging sprog clinging onto your feet and the Mrs is desperate to ruin what's left of your life by having some rubbish sex to get pregnant again.

#getyourhandsoffmewoman

elbowloh

You could employ a nanny...

...or even better a swedish au pair

MattFalle

Yup. And then you'll be skint and in a house full of women giving you grief.

Mec, this is reality, not a film on Richard's laptop.

He's a middle aged, middle income father who rides a bicycle in an appalling english club wearing appalling club kit surrounded by boring people who has had the appalling sense to have a kid.

No au pair, Swedish, Spanish, French or from Mars is going to touch him.

She does, his Mrs will divorce him taking everything. Au pair will then have a skint, tired middle aged divorcee clubbie on her hands.

Not really a great catch tbh

#he'sfcuekdit.massively

elbowloh

MattFalle said:

Yup. And then you'll be skint and in a house full of women giving you grief.

Mec, this is reality, not a film on Richard's laptop.

He's a middle aged, middle income father who rides a bicycle in an appalling english club wearing appalling club kit surrounded by boring people who has had the appalling sense to have a kid.

No au pair, Swedish, Spanish, French or from Mars is going to touch him.

She does, his Mrs will divorce him taking everything. Au pair will then have a skint, tired middle aged divorcee clubbie on her hands.

Not really a great catch tbh

#he'sfcuekdit.massively

So you're saying porn films are wrong?

Ben6899

OP, I hope you're managing to filter out the advice from MF's and Elbow's posts!

(although the potato polishing is welcome added knowledge)

Pross

mpatts said:

I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old. Here is what I do, and suggest:

6-7am weekdays I zwift (and I used to jump on zwift during nap time)
6-9 weekends - jump on Zwift with youngest doing some DS from the sofa (ie watching and playing games on the ipad)
I also bought a tag along for the MTB, and try to get outside on that.

I honestly can't say how much Zwift saved my fitness and also help keep me engaged with cycling generally. I do venture outside when I can, but the days of 6 hour sunday morning rides are gone for the time being.

the oldest barely knows I am alive most of the time - although out of lockdown she competed so we were away most weekends - so I bought a brompton to bimble around on.

Some general tips:

1) Don't give yourself a hard time
2) Get on zwift
3) Enjoy the time with the family

Oh, and echo the other posts that say that time for both of you to do your own thing is so important. Mrs P does (for example) Yoga on a tuesday, which basically means I do everything that evening. it's good fun and v good for life in general.

Hang on, what's the point in having a 14 year old if you can't use them to look after the younger child while you get on with life? I had three sisters born while I was a teenager and unpaid baby sitting became a regular part of my life!

mpatts

Pross said:

mpatts said:

I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old. Here is what I do, and suggest:

6-7am weekdays I zwift (and I used to jump on zwift during nap time)
6-9 weekends - jump on Zwift with youngest doing some DS from the sofa (ie watching and playing games on the ipad)
I also bought a tag along for the MTB, and try to get outside on that.

I honestly can't say how much Zwift saved my fitness and also help keep me engaged with cycling generally. I do venture outside when I can, but the days of 6 hour sunday morning rides are gone for the time being.

the oldest barely knows I am alive most of the time - although out of lockdown she competed so we were away most weekends - so I bought a brompton to bimble around on.

Some general tips:

1) Don't give yourself a hard time
2) Get on zwift
3) Enjoy the time with the family

Oh, and echo the other posts that say that time for both of you to do your own thing is so important. Mrs P does (for example) Yoga on a tuesday, which basically means I do everything that evening. it's good fun and v good for life in general.

Hang on, what's the point in having a 14 year old if you can't use them to look after the younger child while you get on with life? I had three sisters born while I was a teenager and unpaid baby sitting became a regular part of my life!

the simple answer is:

As I type, she is currently asleep. I suspect she would lose the youngest.

MattFalle

elbowloh said:

MattFalle said:

Yup. And then you'll be skint and in a house full of women giving you grief.

Mec, this is reality, not a film on Richard's laptop.

He's a middle aged, middle income father who rides a bicycle in an appalling english club wearing appalling club kit surrounded by boring people who has had the appalling sense to have a kid.

No au pair, Swedish, Spanish, French or from Mars is going to touch him.

She does, his Mrs will divorce him taking everything. Au pair will then have a skint, tired middle aged divorcee clubbie on her hands.

Not really a great catch tbh

#he'sfcuekdit.massively

So you're saying porn films are wrong?

shocking mf knows but unfortunately yes

#shattereddreams