Attention: Boris Bike users: rules

secretsam
secretsam Posts: 5,083
edited May 2017 in Commuting chat
Everyone knows the best way to see our capital's sights us by bicycle. This is made easier by London's hire bikes, commonly known as "Boris Bikes"*.

However, as a regular central London rider, it's clear to me that many of you don't know the basic rules of Boris Biking, which are:

1. The ability to ride a bike is entirely optional, as the ability to steer, ride in a straight line or handle the bike with any competence is irrelevant, due to rule 2, which is:

2. At all times, one hand must be off the bars, so you can consult your phone. On no account look where you're going, other road users are all psychic

3. At all times, ride two-abreast, unless in a very busy area, when three-abreast works best. Other road users love overtaking you on London's narrowest roads

4. Stop whenever suits, don't signal or anything, every one else is psychic, remember?

5. (British users only): this will be the only time you use a bike this year, so you are allowed to run all red lights, on the proviso that you spend the rest of the year complaining how "bloody cyclists" are a menace and "don't even pay road tax"**

*Fact: BoJo the Clown was nothing to do with them, they were Red Ken's idea
** Fact 2: there's no such thing as "road tax"

It's just a hill. Get over it.

Comments

  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,052
    I like Fat 2 best
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • mtb-idle
    mtb-idle Posts: 2,179
    itboffin wrote:
    I like Fat 2 best

    SecretSam needs to Fat Check his posts like.. before he posts them :lol: :twisted:
    FCN = 4
  • bigmat
    bigmat Posts: 5,134
    Hang on, you're whinging about cyclists riding two abreast? Seriously? I think you're on the wrong forum...
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 25,999
    The cycle hire project got underway in Feb 2008, and Boris was mayor from May 2008, so he had a bit to do with delivering it in 2010.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,083
    MTB-Idle wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    I like Fat 2 best

    SecretSam needs to Fat Check his posts like.. before he posts them :lol: :twisted:

    Stop being Fattist

    Have amended spelink now

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • tgotb
    tgotb Posts: 4,714
    The cycle hire project got underway in Feb 2008, and Boris was mayor from May 2008, so he had a bit to do with delivering it in 2010.
    IIRC he shortened the delivery time by a year, by buying the entire system off the shelf (from whoever implemented the Montreal system) rather than having the whole thing developed from scratch. I guess it would be accurate to say that Ken secured the commitment/funding, whereas Boris managed the delivery.
    Pannier, 120rpm.
  • hopkinb
    hopkinb Posts: 7,129
    I rode one from Guildhall to Whitechapel yesterday, and then back again after the post-work "bubble/zorb football" event. The brakes are shite and they're a bit under-geared, but better that than have my bike nicked or catch a tube.

    I didn't follow any of the rules, but I felt it a bit difficult to get used to the wide flat bars.
  • inbike
    inbike Posts: 264
    I can help with that: the correct way to rode a Boris bike is I the TT position. Elbows on bars, hands on the front basket, brakes unreachable :-D